Please Do Feed the Cat

by Marian Babson

  ‘But …’ Cressie looked to Macho again, unwilling to believe he was deserting her.

  ‘I’ll see you in the morning,’ he said. ‘Late morning,’ he added pointedly. In a most ungentlemanly way – for him – he was the first one out of the door, leaving Freddie and Lorinda to follow behind.

  ‘Let’s have a peaceful nightcap at my place,’ Lorinda invited. ‘Although I’m afraid I don’t have any nibbles to go with it.’

  ‘Come to me,’ Freddie counter-invited. ‘I have plenty of snacks.’

  ‘Ah, but I have a cat flap!’ Lorinda played her trump card.

  ‘Roscoe!’ Macho rose to the bait. ‘He’ll be there?’

  ‘He’s been there all day,’ Lorinda said. ‘I was expecting you to follow him. Where were …’

  But Macho had dashed ahead to wait impatiently at the front door. The moment Lorinda unlocked it, he pushed past her and was the first into the hallway.

  ‘Roscoe?’ he called. ‘Roscoe, where are you?’

  Had-I and But-Known strolled out to greet everyone, giving Macho a supercilious look, and followed them into the living room, prowling hopefully while Lorinda fixed the drinks.

  ‘Where’s Roscoe?’ she asked. It was obvious they knew. They looked at her blandly and turned away, their ears flicking in the feline equivalent of a shrug.

  ‘He’s probably hiding out until he’s sure that Cressie isn’t with you,’ Freddie said. ‘And who can blame him?’

  ‘I don’t know why you have it in for her.’ Macho was defensive. ‘She’s not that bad.’

  ‘Try telling that to Roscoe,’ Freddie said.

  ‘Speaking of telling – ’ Lorinda wrenched them back to a sterner reality – ‘who’s going to tell Gemma what really happened? Gemma seems to be under the impression that Opal fell and hit her head.’

  ‘The police,’ Macho said firmly. ‘It’s their job.’

  ‘If Cressie doesn’t shoot her mouth off during the night,’ Freddie said.

  ‘That’s why we stayed until Gemma passed out,’ Macho reminded them. ‘She isn’t going to surface for a long time. Cressie may get bored keeping vigil, but she won’t get the chance to liven things up by telling tales, because Gemma is out for the count.’

  ‘Let’s just hope she stays that way,’ Freddie said. ‘She isn’t going to take it well when she learns it was another hit-and-run. She’s still upset enough about the first one.’

  ‘Accidents do happen.’ Lorinda wondered which of them she was trying to convince – perhaps herself. ‘And in the same place – or close to it. That’s why they call them accident black spots.’

  ‘Mmm-hmm …’ Freddie said. ‘And lightning can strike twice in same place. Maybe even three or four times, but – ’

  ‘I don’t know why we’re even talking about this! It’s going to be up to the police to – ’ Macho’s tetchiness disappeared as a large furry ginger head materialized from seemingly nowhere and stroked itself against his ankles.

  ‘Roscoe!’ He bent and scooped the cat out from under the chair and into his arms. ‘There you are!’

  Roscoe looked around warily before allowing himself to relax cautiously into Macho’s embrace. The enemy might not be in sight, but he still wasn’t sure that she was not nearby.

  ‘It’s all right, boy, it’s all right,’ Macho soothed. ‘She isn’t here, she won’t be back tonight. Our home is our own again – and I’ve got a nice tin of tuna hidden away for you.’ He lurched to his feet and started for the door.

  ‘Don’t you want to finish your drink first?’ Freddie suggested.

  ‘Eh?’ Macho turned towards her blindly before registering the question. ‘Oh, no, no. Perfectly all right. I have plenty at home, if I want it. In fact,’ he rubbed Roscoe’s ears, ‘we’re getting ourselves a secret little cache of goodies – just for Roscoe and me. Don’t worry about us.’ In a sudden swift movement, he was at the door – and was gone.

  ‘Well!’ Freddie was the first to recover. ‘“I got plenty of nothin’”, if you ask me.’

  ‘I didn’t.’ Lorinda looked at the closed door. ‘But let’s have another drink ourselves.’

  ‘Pity …’ Freddie accepted her refreshed glass. ‘For a moment there, back at Gemma’s, I thought the worm was turning.’

  ‘Macho’s not a worm …’ Lorinda did not sound quite convincing. ‘Not really.’

  Chapter Fourteen

  Lorinda had been vaguely surprised when the police arrived on her doorstep in the morning, but realized that some form of statement must be required from anyone who found a body. Even though she could tell them nothing; whatever had happened had happened long before she and the others had arrived on the scene. Heaven knew how long the dogs had been snuffling around the village before they came to her back door, presumably because they had often visited her with Gemma and hoped to find Gemma there.

  The police had been sympathetic, reassured her that they hadn’t really expected her to be able to tell them a great deal, and gone on to interview Freddie.

  She was not surprised when, shortly thereafter, Freddie appeared at the kitchen door, slumped into a chair at the table and reached out desperately for the cup of coffee Lorinda was prompt in serving.

  ‘That was a workout!’ Freddie said. ‘And yet it wasn’t half the grilling I’ve put some of my characters through in my books. It wasn’t a grilling at all, they were really rather sweet. So why do I feel as though I’ve just gone six rounds with Chris Eubank?’

  ‘Because it’s happening to you. We don’t expect that sort of thing to happen to us personally.’

  ‘Well, it’s happening to Macho and Cressie now.’ Freddie spoke with grim satisfaction. ‘And I’ll bet they’ll have a rougher time of it, if Cressie can’t keep a civil tongue in her head.’

  ‘I’d better make more coffee.’ Lorinda made no move towards doing so, there was plenty of time. The police had just left Freddie.

  She was unprepared for the imperious rap at the back door and amazed when Dorian rushed into the room as she opened the door.

  ‘Did you tell them?’ he demanded. ‘What have you said to them?’

  ‘Tell who what?’ Lorinda stared at him in blank amazement.

  ‘You’re referring to the police, I assume.’ Freddie, not so dumbstruck, was quicker on the uptake.

  ‘They’ve just been here, haven’t they?’ Dorian looked around anxiously, as though a constable or two might still be lurking in some corner.

  ‘Relax,’ Freddie said, ‘they’ve moved on. They’re putting Macho and Cressie through their paces now.’

  ‘Oh? Oh, that’s all right then. They don’t know anything. It was you – ’ he gave Lorinda an accusing look – ‘you, I confided in.’

  He made it sound as though they’d been exchanging their darkest secrets, sealed with an oath of blood. Lorinda mimed a baffled shrug in response to Freddie’s raised eyebrow.

  ‘We were discussing it just yesterday!’ The asperity in Dorian’s tone said that surely she couldn’t have forgotten something so vital. ‘On the telephone. When we agreed that this town wasn’t big enough for the two of them – and we didn’t want to be around for the shoot-out.’

  ‘Oh!’ Light dawned. ‘Oh, but we were just – ’

  ‘It was already too late,’ he said portentously. ‘Now they’ve had their shoot-out – and Opal lost.’

  ‘You don’t think – ’ Lorinda began.

  ‘Hang on – ’ Freddie was struggling to keep up.

  ‘You can’t imagine that Adele had anything to do with Opal’s accident! That’s – ’

  ‘If you remember,’ Dorian said nastily, ‘Adele went out while we were talking on the phone. She took the car she’d hired – and she didn’t return until well after midnight. You didn’t tell the police that, did you?’

  ‘How could I? I had no idea how long your house guest stayed out. Why should I? It was nothing to do with me. Believe me, Adèle Desparta’s whereabouts were the last thing on my mind
last night.’

  ‘Wait a minute.’ Freddie was still trying to catch up. ‘Are you telling us that you seriously suspect Adele of – ’

  ‘You never heard the way she kept ranting about Opal Duquette’s interpretation of Bess of Hardwick and her motives. All day, every day. The woman had no other subject of conversation. She was obsessed. Fit to kill. And I don’t know what she expected me to do about it. Tar and feathers and riding Opal out of town on a rail weren’t in it.’

  ‘Even so, that’s a pretty serious – ’

  ‘I have good reason.’ He cut Lorinda off short. ‘I went out and inspected her hire car this morning. There was a large dent in the front right-hand bumper!’

  ‘Do you mean to tell us – ’ Freddie stared at him unbelievingly. ‘You actually suspect your guest – your friend – of murder?’

  ‘The thought had crossed my mind,’ Dorian said with great dignity. ‘After all, she hated the woman.’

  ‘But it was an accident,’ Lorinda said. ‘A dark, wet night, a skid, a – ’

  ‘And after you introduced that killer into our midst last year.’ Freddie was relentless.

  ‘That was very unfortunate, I admit. But it could have happened to anyone. And I suffered more than anyone – he nearly killed me. And he destroyed my aquarium and all my precious exotic fish. I don’t know why you’re taking that tone with me. I am more to be pitied than censured.’

  ‘A killer last year – and now you think you’ve got another killer in your house this year. Dorian – ’ Freddie shook her head – ‘you sure can pick ’em!’

  ‘Never mind that!’ Dorian snapped. ‘Just make sure neither of you breathe a word of this to the police.’

  ‘I wouldn’t dream of it,’ Lorinda assured him. ‘It’s all hearsay and supposition. They wouldn’t have a leg to stand on if they tried to make a case out of it.’

  ‘That’s right,’ Freddie said. ‘For instance, did you inspect that hire car when it arrived? That dent you’re worried about could have been there all along. Some of these hire cars get pretty hard usage.’

  ‘I am not a garage mechanic!’ Dorian said huffily. ‘Why should I go around inspecting cars?’

  ‘You did this morning.’

  ‘That’s different. This morning I had grounds for suspicion.’

  ‘Or a wild imagination. Just because you’re regretting your invitation to her that’s no excuse for wanting her marched out of your life in handcuffs.’

  ‘That’s the last thing I want!’ Dorian glared at Freddie. ‘I’ve already told you, I don’t want a whisper of this to reach the police!’

  Lorinda had stepped back from the fray. Through the window, she saw the police walking away from Macho’s at a leisurely pace. One of them said something and the other one laughed. No problems there.

  She started the fresh pot of coffee and it was just beginning to perk when the expected knock sounded at the door.

  ‘What kept you?’ Freddie raised her cup to Macho and Cressie as they entered.

  ‘Nothing.’ Macho was tight-lipped.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ Cressie did a double-take at sighting Dorian. ‘I didn’t think you socialized.’

  Dorian winced. ‘I was just passing,’ he said, ‘and I thought I’d drop in and ask if there was anything I could do.’

  ‘Aren’t you in the wrong house?’ Cressie put her finger on the flaw in this excuse. ‘All we did was discover the body. It’s Gemma who should get the sympathy’

  ‘I’m on my way there now.’ Dorian rose with dignity. ‘Poor Gemma must be quite distraught.’

  ‘I’ll bet that’s more than you can say about Adele.’ Cressie eyed him shrewdly. ‘You must have had a hard time keeping her from dancing in the street.’

  ‘What – ’ Dorian collapsed back into his chair. ‘What makes you say that?’

  ‘No more competition.’ Cressie shrugged. ‘The field is clear for her now.’

  ‘Who – ’ Dorian glared around accusingly. ‘Who told you that?’

  ‘All those two did was slag each other off every chance they got. It isn’t rocket science to know they’d love to see each other dead. And now it’s happened.’ Cressie had reached the obvious conclusion. ‘So, did she do it?’

  ‘Do what?’ Dorian was still fighting a rearguard action. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about. And, whatever it is, I hope you haven’t mentioned it to the police.’

  ‘I don’t mention anything to the police.’ Cressie’s voice was cold.

  ‘Keep it that way.’ Dorian’s tone was equally icy. He pushed himself upright and, this time, stayed that way. ‘I’ll get along to Gemma’s now and see if there’s anything I can do. Although – ’ he looked around pointedly – ‘it’s really more of a woman’s job.’

  ‘That’s a sexist remark!’ Cressie snapped.

  ‘I’m doing the traditional thing,’ Freddie assured him. ‘I have a casserole in the oven for Gemma, I’ll bring it along when it’s cooked and had time to cool down.’

  ‘I’m glad someone knows the proper thing to do.’ Dorian was almost at the door; he did not look back. ‘It makes a nice change!’ The door slammed behind him.

  ‘That snotty bastard!’ Cressie raged. ‘I don’t know why you put up with him!’

  ‘He isn’t so bad,’ Macho said.

  ‘Oh, yes, he is – and so are you!’ Cressie turned on him. ‘You and your Macho Magee!’

  Macho gave a low wordless growl that set the cats looking around to see if Roscoe had joined the group.

  ‘If you’re doing that,’ Lorinda had been considering the matter, ‘I suppose I should do something about flowers.’

  ‘Just don’t tie them to a lamp post,’ Freddie said. ‘We don’t want any more shrines around here.’

  ‘No use saying that.’ Macho had lapsed back into gloom. ‘Some fool is bound to start one.’

  ‘I didn’t think anyone cared enough about her to bother,’ Cressie said.

  ‘That isn’t the point,’ Macho said. ‘A person has died, that’s all anyone can do to show respect.’

  ‘No – Freddie’s right.’ Cressie sounded surprised to find herself agreeing with anyone. ‘We don’t want any more shrines. The High Street will begin to look like Murder Mile!’

  ‘Stop bleating about murder!’ Freddie snapped. ‘Who said anything about murder?’

  ‘So, why do you think the police were swarming all over us?’ Cressie faced her defiantly.

  ‘They have to investigate fatal accidents – ’ Macho began.

  ‘Accident?’ Cressie challenged him. ‘The second hit-and-run in two months?’

  ‘Vehicular homicide is what they call it in the States.’ Lorinda recalled newspaper stories in one of the cities she had briefly visited.

  ‘Exactly! The first hit might have been someone else’s accident, but I’ll bet it gave Adèle the idea when she heard about it. What a way – ’ Cressie grew wistful – ‘to get rid of your rival!’

  ‘Stop that!’ Macho twitched nervously. ‘Stop insinuating that Adele – ’

  ‘It’s what Dorian thinks!’ Cressie had them there; they could not deny it. ‘Why else is he so nervous about what we might have told the police?’

  ‘Dorian has an over-active imagination,’ Lorinda placated. ‘We all have. That’s why we’re writers and not accountants or secretaries.’

  ‘That may be so.’ Cressie was going down fighting. ‘But it’s pretty bloody convenient for her to have a clear field. Bess of Hardwick is hers alone now – and she’ll pick up Opal’s readers, too.’

  ‘She probably has them already,’ Lorinda said. ‘A lot of readers would be fascinated to see how their two opposing views handled the same historical situation.’

  ‘True.’ Freddie nodded. ‘I was rather looking forward to when they got to the time when Bess and her fourth husband had to act as hosts/jailers to Mary, Queen of Scots.’

  ‘Now you’ll get the one unopposed version,’ Cressie sniffed. ‘To
o bad it wasn’t the other one who was killed. If Opal had been quicker off the mark, she could have done away with Adèle instead.’

  ‘It’s not a game!’ Lorinda suddenly felt that she had had quite enough of Cressie. ‘The woman is dead.’

  ‘That much is indisputable.’ Macho took Cressie’s arm and began urging her towards the door. He, at least, had realized that she had worn out her welcome.

  ‘I hope you didn’t say any of this to Gemma last night.’ Freddie eyed her with direst suspicion.

  ‘I couldn’t. She never woke up until morning. She might have slept even longer, but those dogs began making such a fuss they woke her. I couldn’t keep them quiet.’

  ‘Did you try taking them for a walk?’ Lorinda asked. ‘That was probably what they wanted.’

  ‘Or feeding them?’ Freddie suggested.

  ‘Walk? . . Feed?’ Cressie looked at them blankly, they might have been speaking an alien language.

  ‘Cressie doesn’t really understand the concept of food,’ Macho said bleakly.

  ‘All your pets are overfed.’ Cressie glanced scornfully at the innocent Had-I and But-Known, who were a perfectly respectable size. ‘It’s amazing that they can still waddle around.’

  ‘Better than being too weak from hunger to walk at all!’ Lorinda leapt to the defence of her cats.

  ‘You can’t think very well when you’re hungry, either,’ Macho said.

  ‘All right, all right!’ Freddie cracked under the subtle pressure. ‘Come round to me for dinner tomorrow – all of you. Just remember – I’ll be experimenting.’

  ‘Your experiments are better than – ’ A sharp thump in the middle of Macho’s back sent him reeling through the door Cressie had just opened. It slammed behind them.

  ‘That’s torn it!’ Freddie said. ‘I shouldn’t have done that.’

  ‘Oh, yes, you should,’ Lorinda said firmly. ‘Did you see how Macho’s poor face lit up at the prospect of a good meal? He probably hasn’t had one in days.’

  ‘Unless that’s where he’d gone when Cressie came looking for him,’ Freddie speculated. ‘Sneaked off to a restaurant in Marketown, where she couldn’t catch him.’