Overlord Brawl: Book 1 of the Neon Octopus Ally Series

by L. A. Johnson

  "Oh, me," Froggy said, elbowing his way to the front. Froggy tapped on the microphone annoyingly before making his statement. "I just wanted to say that I'm happy to be here with all of these other fine contestants. I may not have Soda's immortality or Ray's intuition. Or whatever it is that Floyd has. I mean, he has to have something going for him or he wouldn't be here, am I right? Anyway, I don't necessarily have all those things, but I do have a knack for technology. Since there are no rules, and everybody knew that we would all be here in this square today, I prepared a little something special."

  "What is it? Is it a surprise?" Diamond Girl asked.

  "Oh yeah," Froggy answered. "Surprise." As soon as he said it, he jumped off the stage. A blast of weapons fire from somewhere on a roof hit the stage they were standing on. Ray deftly stepped aside, like he knew it was coming. Soda held up a bored tentacle. And Floyd saw everybody else move and hopped out of the way of the blasts.

  Diamond Girl leaped out of the way, apparently breaking her left high heel. She swore like a sailor into the microphone, which Soda then wrestled away from her.

  "Lame," Soda said. "These sneak attacks are getting boring and predictable, Froggy. You'll have to do better than that or you're going to end up behind Floyd." She threw the microphone back to Diamond Girl and left the stage.

  28

  Soda made her way through the crowd to a coffee shop and sat down. As much as she hated to admit it, Froggy was becoming a pain in the ass. One that might force her to change plans. Originally, she had figured that Kirian killing Floyd would make the rest of the battle a cakewalk for her. No matter, once Kirian came through with her end of the bargain, she could turn her attention to Froggy. It would just take a little bit longer than she originally thought.

  Oh yeah, and Ray. She kept forgetting about that pompous ass. What was his plan, anyway? To use his magic dice to keep dodging attacks? She had meant that as a diss, but quickly realized it might be a pretty good strategy. If he could stay out of the way and let us eliminate ourselves that would make it easy for him. She decided she was not going to let that happen. That left her with a choice. Who to attack first? Froggy or Ray?

  A waitress appeared through the crowded room and handed her a cup of coffee. At least the service here was prompt, and she liked being treated like a celebrity. Typically, one had to order first, though, an oversight on the waitress's part. Soda decided to try it first and then tell her how to fix it.

  She nodded, thanked her, and took a sip. The barista lingered, so she was there for Soda's look of surprise when the coffee was exactly the way she would have ordered it if she would have ordered. Which she didn't. She looked up at the barista anew.

  "Froggy, not Ray," the barista said and turned to walk away.

  "What did you say?" Soda asked.

  The barista returned. "The answer to your question."

  "Well how did you know that, and how did you know about the coffee?"

  "I'm a telepath," she answered.

  "Then why aren't you doing your own infomercials in a fancy robe like that Oracle, Ray. At least you're the real deal."

  "I'm not a sellout."

  "Well, there's that," Soda said. "I like you, you can expect a massive tip."

  "And also, because I have to be in the physical vicinity of the person to hear their thoughts, not long distance, the way he supposedly does it."

  "What about the police station?" Soda asked. "I'll bet they'd be happy to have you."

  "My word against theirs. It would never hold up in court. Besides, I'm in grad school for Neuroscience, so I'm good as far as career advice."

  Soda held up a tentacle. "Okay, I get it, I'll stop meddling. But I'm going to have to go with Ray first, at least to distract him, so that I can have some time to go after Froggy before he's the death of us all. I'm also good as far as advice goes."

  Soda's phone made a noise. She glanced down at it and started in surprise. It was a video call. From Ray. She tried unsuccessfully to roll her eyes and then answered it. "What is it, Ray?"

  "Start with Froggy, you tentacled hag. Leave me alone for now."

  "Why should I?"

  "I know the future, remember? And I'm telling you, your attention needs to be on Froggy."

  "You're looking out for me, is that it? And I'm supposed to believe you why? You're probably telling me the exact wrong thing to do on purpose because you're still mad at me for leading that Staar bounty hunter to your old house."

  "I am, in fact, still mad about that," he replied. "And I never liked you to begin with. But there's something going on. Something bigger than the Overlord contest."

  "Doubt it," Soda said. “Just what are you smoking over there in Oracle land?" Soda asked. "The Overlord Contest is the biggest thing to happen in this galaxy since, well, since ever. Am I right?" She turned to the Barista who nodded.

  "I got a new prophecy, ok?" Ray looked desperate and it confused Soda. "It's bad, really bad, but I can't figure it out yet. If I could, I would be attacking you too."

  "What are you talking about, Ray?" Soda asked.

  "That's just it, I don't know. But I have to find out or it won't matter who is in charge. We won't be here."

  "Says you," Soda retorted.

  "Yes, says me," Ray shot back.

  Soda was getting irritated with the whole conversation. "Other than predicting that Fleek would be successful singing, what other actual, real, predictions of importance have you ever pulled off?"

  He didn't have an answer for her. He sat there with his arms crossed. If Soda looked very closely at the phone screen she could see Chipmunk the troll. "Hi, Chipmunk!"

  The barista shot her a look.

  "Chipmunk is the troll," Soda said, using a tentacle to point to a spot on the screen. "You see, if you squint over there in the top left, you can just see his leg-"

  "Fine," Ray cut in. "I'll tell you what. As a show of good will, I'll give you a heads up about something that's coming. Make very sure you're not at your hotel at exactly 5:38 tonight, ok? You got it? Because I'm not going to contact you again and if you don't listen then it's not my problem."

  "I still don't understand why you'd try to save me when we're in the middle of a contest and we're competing against each other."

  "I want the job as much as you do, maybe more. I just want a galaxy to be able to run." He glanced behind him. "Chipmunk says hi back." He hung up and her phone went back to normal.

  Soda looked up at the barista who shrugged.

  Soda had planned to finish her drink and get out of there, but the front door chimed and a person with a microphone came in and headed straight for her. Not again. "I'm busy right now. If you want an interview, then set it up with my publicist."

  "You don't have a publicist," the reporter said, sitting down in the chair opposite Soda. "Coffee, black with extra cream, please."

  The barista left to get the order.

  "The fact that I don't have a publicist is entirely not the point," Soda said. "I told you, I'm busy."

  "Who were you on the phone with just now?" the reporter asked.

  "None of your business. What did you say your name was again?"

  "I didn't say. But since you asked, I'm Meredith with the Arcturis People's Post. I just have a few questions."

  "Not interested."

  The barista came back with Meredith's coffee. Then she hovered near Soda's side, helping her glare at the nosy reporter.

  "Hey, the people have a right to know," Meredith persisted. "I'm interviewing all of the candidates for a special edition. When did you get into town and where are you staying while you're here?"

  Soda frowned.

  "I'm more of an entertainment reporter, you see, and we're ranking the luxury accommodations of the different candidates. I want to know everything. What are your favorite restaurants. Spas. Everything. But first, hotel."

  "If you must know, and if it'll get rid of you, then I'm staying at the Plaza. But like I said, I have to get on with
my work."

  "Oooh. The Plaza. That's a fancy hotel. You're going to be one of the special candidates. I could tell right away. So, what are your plans for the next couple of days? How does a top tier Overlord candidate relax?"

  The barista cut in, "This interview's over. She told you, she's busy."

  "Yeah," Soda said. "I'm busy."

  The reporter frowned. "I don't think you know who you're dealing with, here. I won't be told what to do by a jerk barista."

  As soon as the reporter got the words out of her mouth, half a dozen people materialized behind the barista, glaring down at the reporter and brandishing weapons. Soda was just as surprised as Meredith.

  Meredith stood and glared at all of them, clearly surprised. "Fine. But I'll be back. And next time I can bring my own muscle."

  Soda turned to the barista and her crew. The crew disappeared back to their seats and the barista slid into the booth opposite Soda.

  Soda stared at her. "I appreciate what you did just now. I just don't understand why you would help me."

  "Telepath," the barista said. "That wasn't a reporter. She works for Froggy. She isn't interested in all the candidates, she just wanted to find out where you were staying so Froggy could ambush you. At 5:38 as it turns out. Looks like Ray was telling the truth."

  "Are you kidding me?" Soda sputtered. She was angry now. Both at being deceived and by the fact that Ray was probably right. "The only thing more annoying than an actual political entertainment reporter is a fake one. The whole thing was just a lie?"

  The barista nodded.

  "Okay. And what's up with you and your crew here? You're not just a barista, are you?"

  "Nope. I own this place. And yes, it's a front for other businesses I run. In answer to your next question, then yes, I am in grad school for Neuroscience. A girl can have a hobby."

  "Who are you?" Soda asked.

  She extended a hand. "I'm Callie."

  "Soda." Hand and tentacle shook.

  "I helped you because like I said, I'm a telepath. And I know that you just want your job back. You do have a point. Things ran smoothly when you were in charge before. And I just don't get an evil vibe from you at all."

  "You take that back," Soda said, glancing around to see if anyone else was in earshot. "Or at least lower your voice."

  Callie laughed.

  Soda got up to leave. Callie raised an eyebrow. "Where are you going?"

  "To check out of the Plaza." Soda paused for a moment. "No, I don't think I will. I think I'll check into another hotel but leave myself checked in at the Plaza. Everything will look nice and normal. If I time my ambush of him to his ambush of me, then I'll get revenge and entertainment at the same time."

  29

  Soda got out of the coffee shop and texted Kirian. Is Floyd dead yet? If so, I haven't seen it on any of the news sites.

  She got a text back. No. I got sidetracked. Fleek's in prison.

  I don't care about your exes, Soda replied. You have one job here. How hard is it to kill a mousy therapist? She stretched a tentacle out into the daylight to unwind from all the sitting she did in the coffee shop. The early evening commute was starting to build and there was plenty of foot traffic around Arcturis square.

  Soda texted Kirian again. Just for the sake of asking, when are you planning on killing Floyd? Tonight, tomorrow morning?

  Bite me, was the response.

  Ok, fine. You're not the only one having a weird day. I'm checking us into the Regal, our former hotel room at the Plaza is apparently going to be attacked around 5:38, so I'm going after Froggy. That would leave only me and Ray. As weird as that sounds. Let me know when you kill Floyd. Trust me, there will be a bonus in it for you.

  Soda sent the text and then frowned. There used to be a time when she just ordered Kirian and the Celestials around. Now she was having to talk her into things and bribe her. Oh well, that's just another reason to get her old Overlord job back, so she would have more power again.

  Then a fun thought crept into her head. If she could locate Froggy by the time he tries to attack her at her hotel and Kirian kills Floyd at the same time, they could Godfather most of this thing and be done with it. That gave her a wicked sense of satisfaction. Ray would get in line after that. He'd be disappointed, sure, but he could be a reasonable guy. And beside this whole impending doom kick had him distracted. There was no way he was going to win like that. She texted Kirian back. Find Floyd. Follow him. If possible, attack at exactly 5:38.

  Fine. Kirian texted back.

  Wonderful. That done, Soda found herself in need of a tech geek to help her find Froggy. She thought about it. All his attacks were sneak attacks or long-range attacks. He must not be very powerful in person and face to face, which was where she excelled. Even so, he would have to be somewhere nearby, in range, to conduct all these attacks. A comet missile. You had to be within a mile for that sort of thing. And it wouldn't be any sort of fun at all if you weren't around to see it. She squinted up at the buildings lining the square. Oh yes, he was probably here somewhere. That's when she remembered Kirian mentioning that Fleek was in jail or something. Pity, he probably could have helped with this.

  She wandered around while she thought things through. In fact, she wandered until she found herself in the middle of Arcturis Square Park. She looked around. It was too bad she hadn't made it a point to get out here more often, it really was beautiful. There were elaborate stone picnic tables scattered around. Nobody was sitting at them at this time of the day because everybody, as usual, was in a terrible rush to get home.

  That's when she got bumped into from behind. She whirled to see if she was under attack again or whether it was another reporter. When she turned around though, she realized that it wasn't either of those. In fact, it was exactly the last thing in the entire galaxy that she expected. "Drexyl?"

  The gorgeous, tan, blonde-haired guy in front of Soda looked just as startled as she was at the coincidence.

  "What are you doing here?" she asked him. He looked even better than when he was her, um, servant.

  Drexyl swallowed and his eyes bugged out with surprise. "Soda?" He glanced around quickly, like he was considering darting away.

  That made sense. He had been her prisoner slash confidante and helper. She had bought him by paying off his gambling debt, which had grown to the size of a small planet's G.D.P. by the way, and therefore he had been indebted to her for life.

  Until he escaped. That made him hot, clever, and resourceful in Soda's book. She had been angry about the whole thing at first, but after a while she sort of understood.

  "Don't worry, dear," she said. "I'm done with all of that. You're officially free of your debt, even if I do become Overlord again."

  He smiled and visibly relaxed. "Hey, thanks. Really?"

  She nodded.

  He smiled. "What are you up to these days?"

  "Oh, didn't you hear? Somebody killed off the Intergalactic Oversight Board, and now the contest for Overlord has turned into a no-rules, outright brawl. To the delight of the press." Soda made her way to a nearby stone picnic table and sat down. She motioned for Drexyl to join her. It just felt right to catch up in private.

  He accepted the invitation to sit and cocked an eyebrow at her. "You never liked them."

  "True," she said, shaking her head at him, "But it wasn't me who killed the board. It does help me, but I was as surprised as everybody else. You should have seen the look on Floyd's face, though, when he found out that he was going to have to fight for the position. He thought it was me too. So did Diamond Girl reporter."

  Drexyl perked up. "The one from Fleek's concert? When did you see her?"

  "Earlier today, as a matter of fact. I guess she's a political reporter now. She's just as annoying, though." She glanced down at her watch. 5:38 was quickly approaching, and she had a lot of work to do. "Oh, look at the time. It's been fun catching up, but I have other Overlord candidates to kill, starting with that Froggy guy."


  "The one from your expensive how-to-be-an-overlord Vlog classes? That Froggy?"

  "Yes, that's the one. Anyway, I found out that he's planning on ambushing me at the Plaza in a little while, and I was hoping to catch him by surprise. But I have to find him first, you see. I know he's nearby. You wouldn't happen to know a technology guy I could contact, would you?" She looked into Drexyl's blue eyes and saw a flash of indecision. "No matter," she said, moving on. "It's a big city, I'm sure I can find someone."

  "You mean you just need to identify him and track him? I did a lot of that sort of thing in Vega, so I could locate the really good surveillance techs. It made it easier to get away with stuff."

  Soda nodded. "That makes sense."

  "I still have the equipment. I think I can help. Besides, what else do I have to do? Ari sort of kicked me out of Vega, for my own good probably. I guess I'm here to help Kirian, whatever that means."

  Soda chuckled. "As fate would have it, and as odd as it sounds, Kirian and I have sort of teamed up. In fact, while I'm attacking Froggy, she'll be taking down Floyd. I think. At least I'm pretty sure that's where we left things in our last text-exchange."

  Drexyl stood up. "I'm completely free of my debt from here on out?"

  Soda held up several tentacles. "Free as a bird. In fact, the entire board will have to be replaced eventually. So, if you help me, there's a very high-paying, zero work administrative job in it for you. I could always use an ally on that board."

  "Deal," he said and shook her tentacle.

  30

  Froggy steepled his fingers and sat back in the black leather desk chair with a feeling of satisfaction. Finally, I've got you, pompous octopus. And you're the one who helped me do it.

  He looked around his lair. Rule number twenty-three of Soda's Overlord Rules was: "Get a lair and make it your own. It's hard to plot real and lasting domination if you are not in a comfortable space."