Nature of Ash, The

by Hager, Mandy

  When Mikey’s interest starts to wane, Mum waves her arms. ‘That’s it! I’m totally exhausted.’ She melts into the long dry grass.

  Bugger me if Mikey doesn’t dive down next to her, all friendly, clutching the Frisbee like it might escape. I sit down beside him, Trav and Jiao maintaining their distance as if they think they should leave us in a happy family group. Mum’s lying with her eyes shut. There’s a faint scar from the lobe of her ear up to the corner of her eye, and another in the loose folds under her chin. Like Dad’s tell-tale little marker. Z for Zorro. Not like me at all. My scars would be bloody useless for identification. Buried inside.

  ‘Do you remember how I used to take you down to Lyall Bay to fly your kite?’ Mum’s watching me now.

  ‘Don’t know. But I do still have a dragon kite.’ I’ve had that bloody thing up in my wardrobe for years. Couldn’t bear to chuck it. Never knew why.

  ‘Oh yes! I asked one of Shaun’s workmates to bring it from Shanghai for you.’ She smiles like I’ve handed her a gift — and part of me wants to snatch it back. I can’t help it: I’ve never been much good at forgiveness. Why let someone dick you over twice?

  Now Mum insists we drive with her to Hawera to sort some food. She claims there’s only room for one of us to sit up front, so I bribe Mikey with the promise of sweets once we hit town if he agrees. For Jiao, Trav and me, the back is a perfect place to speak in private.

  ‘So, what do you think of their plan?’ I try to keep my voice indifferent. Don’t want to influence what either might say.

  ‘Depends on their organisation,’ Trav says. ‘I guess they’ve done this kind of thing before.’

  ‘I s’pose. I don’t really know. Everyone refers to Muru as this hard-core underground group, but I’ve never actually seen or heard much to back that up. In fact, the only thing I do know for sure is the attack they mentioned on TV. Still, I probably miss all kinds of shit. Ray seems confident, and we know for a fact they’re well armed. Christ, that stash behind the curtain must have taken organisation to collect. What do you reckon, Jiao?’

  She shakes her head. ‘I don’t know. I just want to get Ma and Ba out alive. I have this really bad feeling about them.’

  ‘Then, crazy as it is, this looks like our only hope. So long as Ray can prove the plan stacks up, I’m in.’ Am I fucking mad? Hell yes. But I can’t just cross my fingers and hope for divine intervention — I have to try. Dad would expect me to — he was never one for stepping back when he thought he could help.

  ‘Then I’m in if you are,’ Trav says.

  ‘Forget it,’ I say. ‘Jeannie would kill me if I let you get involved.’

  ‘So? It’s not up to her.’

  ‘Anyway, we’ll need someone to look after Mikey. There’s no way he’ll stay here alone with Mum.’

  ‘Please, Travis,’ Jiao says. ‘I already feel bad enough involving Ash. You stay with Mikey.’

  ‘That’s shit. I don’t want to be—’

  ‘Let’s not argue,’ I say, sounding as staunch as possible to shut him up. ‘We need you to look after him. End of story.’

  ‘Oh great, leave me to babysit while you let a girl go into danger.’

  ‘They’re her bloody parents. I have no idea what they look like. If I didn’t have to take her to identify them, she’d be out too.’

  He sinks into a sulk, but there’s no point arguing further. At least we’ve got our roles assigned. It’s over to Ray to tell Jiao and me exactly what we have to do once the mission’s under way. Mission? Jeezus, who’s the wanker now?

  As we approach Hawera, Mum turns down a side road that skirts the actual town. We pull up at a takeaway, only to discover a sign taped to the door: ‘Closed until further notice.’ It’s the same at the next shop, and the next. We circle closer and closer to the town centre, avoiding several police patrols by quick manoeuvring on Mum’s part. The whole bloody town’s in lock-down mode. When we finally find a supermarket that’s still open, there’s nothing decent left to eat. I buy Mikey a grossly overpriced bag of pineapple lumps before we give up and get the hell out.

  We must be about halfway back to the old house when Mum pulls over to the side of the road. We watch her through the window as she climbs the fence into a paddock, pulls a hand gun from her jacket and shoots a bloody sheep. Just like that. Ka-boom. It’s over so quickly, I’m still reeling when she calls for us to help her haul the poor thing over to the truck. Mikey’s all wideeyed and freaked, refusing to leave the cab as Trav and I help load the carcass in the back. We drive the rest of the way in silence, wedged in beside the sheep, which seems to stare at us with accusation in its cloudy eyes. She hit it right in the middle of its forehead! No careful aiming. No fuss. I don’t know whether to be impressed or scared, but a chill spreads through me from the inside out.

  Even once we’re at the house, none of us says much as we collect firewood and Mum butchers the sheep — out the back, thank god, where we don’t have to watch. Jiao and Mikey build a fire to a steady heat while Trav and I construct a barbecue from rusty tractor parts. We chuck part of the gutted carcass on top and soon the whole place reeks of roasting lamb. I hate to say it, but it’s so bloody mouth-watering that when Ray turns up we’re all perched round the fire, eyeing the charred corpse to the accompaniment of rumbling guts.

  It’s dark by the time we’ve finished hoovering up the meat. We lounge around the fire, hands and faces greasy, bellies distended, watching the flames lap up the night. Ray lights a cigarette and Mum pulls back from the fire, as though handing him the stage.

  ‘Okay,’ he says. ‘I’ve spoken with my local contacts. They’ve been logging who goes in and out. There’s a small-goods delivery every morning at six-thirty that’s perfect — the truck’s the right size to hide inside, and there’s only a canvas flap across the back.’

  ‘You make it sound so easy. How are we supposed to get into the truck?’

  He turns to Travis. ‘We’ll need you for that.’ I’m about to argue, but Ray barrels on. ‘We’ll use the Toyota as a decoy — stage a crash so Travis can flag them down for help. While they’re distracted, you other two climb in the back. Once you’re on your way, we’ll set off a small explosion near the farm to draw the guards away.’ He glances at me. ‘As soon as you’re inside, locate her parents. Don’t muck around. Our second explosion should give you at least twenty minutes before you have to get back to the truck. If you can’t find them in that time, you’ll have to leave without them.’

  ‘Only twenty minutes? But what if they’re out milking or something?’

  ‘My sources say they should be finished the first milk by then.’ He rubs his hand over his face, stifling a yawn. ‘Look, I know it’s not risk free, but it’s the best I can come up with so quickly … and, believe me, if you don’t get them out tomorrow, it could be too late.’

  ‘Why’s that?’ Jiao’s voice is so tense it lifts an octave.

  ‘The Western Alliance have delivered an ultimatum. If the UPR don’t sign a non-aggression treaty by the day after tomorrow, the WA are going to take preventative action — and we all know what that means.’

  ‘What?’ says Trav, sheepish when Ray eyes him like he’s thick.

  ‘They’ll start bombing all the UPR’s strategic assets. The farms will definitely be on the list.’

  ‘How can they do that to civilians?’ Jiao’s shouting now. ‘What about the UN?’

  Ray snorts. ‘What about them? Those monkeys won’t do a bloody thing without permission from the WA.’

  There’s silence now, as we digest what Ray’s just said. Only Mikey is oblivious, poking at the discarded sheep’s head with a stick. But I still have questions — Ray’s plan isn’t clear yet, not by a long shot.

  ‘How, then, do we get back out of the truck with Jiao’s parents?’

  ‘Easy,’ Ray says. ‘As soon as you’re clear of the gates, get ready to jump. There’s a narrow one-way bridge just down the road from there — when they slow down to cr
oss it, that’s when you jump. Then run like hell. By that time, Travis should be waiting with the car behind the big stand of trees beyond the bridge.’ He nods at Trav. ‘Once they’re safely in the truck, you head down there to wait. We’ll be monitoring it all to coordinate the explosions — when it’s over, we all meet up back here.’

  ‘What happens to Mikey while all this is going on?’ I ask.

  ‘I’ll keep my eye on him,’ Mum says. ‘We’re friends now. He’ll be fine.’

  She’s deluding herself. He’ll throw a bloody spaz. ‘Good luck with that.’ I turn back to Ray. ‘Have you ever done anything like this before — a rescue, I mean?’

  Ray looks over at Mum and smiles. ‘Don’t you worry about that, sonny boy,’ he says. ‘This is the kind of thing that we do best.’

  ‘Yeah, but when exactly? And what?’

  His smile cools. ‘Don’t push your luck, kid. You’re either in or out, that’s all you need to know.’

  Jiao shrugs as I meet her eye. ‘It’s up to you and Travis,’ she says. ‘You know what I have to do.’

  ‘Trav?’

  He runs his fingers through his hair, leaving a greasy strip. ‘Yeah, why the hell not? You only live once.’

  ‘That’s what I’m afraid of.’ I grin to cover the fear behind my words. Everything boils down to this: how am I going to feel if Jiao’s parents end up dead because I’ve bottled out? ‘Okay, I’m in.’

  ‘Champion!’ Ray strolls over to the Toyota and returns with a full litre of bourbon. Jeezus — how does he afford that stuff when they can’t even stump up for a functioning bog? He unscrews the cap, takes a swig and passes it straight to Trav, as though he knows this is his weakness.

  ‘Ray, my man,’ he says, dead on cue. ‘I like your style.’

  He passes the bottle over to Mum, who takes a sip, then offers it to Jiao. She redirects it straight to me, a disapproving frown building between her eyes. Ray’s staring me down, so I don’t dare pike out. I swig back a shot, fighting a shudder as I swallow it, and pass the bottle back to Ray. This stuff’s never been my thing.

  Mikey holds out his hand. ‘Me too?’

  Ray goes to pass it to him. ‘No,’ I say, at exactly the same time as Jiao. ‘It’s a grown-ups’ drink, mate. It’ll make you sick.’

  ‘Come on, Nana,’ Ray says. ‘Give the poor kid a break.’

  ‘Come on, Nana,’ Mikey apes. Little shit.

  ‘I doubt one sip will hurt him,’ Mum says. ‘It’s far more likely to put him off for life.’

  ‘Exactly.’ Ray hands the bottle to Mikey before I can intercept it.

  ‘Don’t.’ I send Mikey my most evil glare.

  ‘Nana,’ he says, and quaffs a big mouthful. Chokes. Coughs and splutters. Fans his hand in front of his panting mouth like it’s on fire. Serves the little bastard right. His eyes are still watering as his face splits into one of his up-you grins. ‘I’m grown up.’

  ‘Too right, boy. Strong as an ox.’ Ray plucks the bottle back off him and downs another shot.

  ‘I’m going to sleep,’ I announce. ‘Mikey, you come with me.’

  ‘No!’ he says, and beams at Ray. ‘Stay up.’

  ‘Mikey?’ Jiao stretches out her hand to him. ‘Come on. I’ll tell you the story of The Three Genjias.’

  ‘Leave him with us,’ Mum says. ‘I’ll keep an eye on him.’

  As Mikey nestles in beside Mum and Ray, my face burns like I’ve roasted it. I could kill the little prick. ‘Goodnight then.’

  Screw Mikey. Let Mum break his stupid bloody heart. I slink away from the firelight and climb into the back of the truck.

  Jiao clambers in after me. ‘Mind if I join you?’

  ‘They shouldn’t encourage him.’

  ‘I know. But just focus on the thought that by tomorrow night we’ll be far away.’

  ‘You reckon?’ My voice comes out in a pathetic whine. ‘What do you really think about Ray’s plan?’

  ‘I’m so worried about Ma and Ba I can’t think straight.’ She shifts around uncomfortably. ‘I guess I’m prepared to go along with it, but only because there’s no obvious alternative. You’ve gotta trust, I guess.’

  ‘Here,’ I say, ‘rest your head on my arm. I promise to behave.’

  ‘Good to know you value keeping your balls intact!’

  ‘Yeah, though right now I’m much more worried about protecting our arses.’ A shiver judders through me. I can hear Ray laughing and the rise and fall of Mikey’s excited voice. ‘Shit, I’m never going to sleep.’

  ‘Me neither.’

  I rise up on my elbow, careful not to dislodge her.

  ‘Have you ever smoked weed?’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Have you?’

  ‘Once or twice. It sent me off to sleep.’

  ‘Exactly!’ I extricate my arm. ‘I have a cunning plan …’

  I raid Trav’s stash again and roll a nice fat number. We slip from the truck and tiptoe off into the darkness to smoke it in peace. We study the stars, Jiao full of fascinating facts that wash right over me, then sneak back to our so-called bed. Curl up in the blankets. Go out like a light.

  I’m woken by someone shaking my leg. It’s pitch black. Somewhere near me, Mikey’s snoring like a rutting stag.

  ‘Wake-up time,’ Mum whispers. She turns on a torch, and nearly blinds me. ‘Get Jiao and Travis up, but leave Mikey to sleep — no point disturbing him now. I’ll be here when he wakes up after you’ve gone. Meet us in the house.’

  I shake the others and pass on the message, my heart going bloody crazy as we stumble around in the dark. Mum and Ray are sitting on a bed, a kerosene lantern fighting back the gloom. They’re both so amped they jiggle on the spot, eyes wide and restless.

  ‘This is it, kiddos.’ Ray’s totally wired. He hefts a cardboard box up on to one of the beds. ‘Fit-out time.’ He lifts some kind of padded sleeveless jacket out of the box and hands it to me. There is another one each for Trav and Jiao.

  ‘What are these?’

  Ray and Mum exchange the weirdest glance. He nods. She clears her throat. ‘Body armour,’ she says. ‘Just in case. You wear it under your shirt.’

  I drag my T-shirt off and slip mine on, shocked by the weight of the thing. It’s bulky and a really crap fit — but it’s reassuring to know there’ll be something between the firing squad and my freaking heart. Jiao and Travis kit up as well, though they look bloody terrified. Body armour? Jeezus. Now Ray produces three hand guns and lays them on the bed. ‘Any of you ever packed a gun before?’

  Do we look like bloody gangsters? All three of us shake our heads. ‘I’ve loaded them, so all you have to do is slip off the safety catch and fire.’ He picks one up and shows us how. ‘If you need to use it, don’t be a wuss — there’s six bullets apiece, so if you miss the first time fire again. They won’t give you a second chance. It’s either them or you.’

  He hands each of us a gun. Mine’s heavier than I expected, but I do what I’ve seen in a thousand movies and wedge it into the waistband of my jeans. The whole concept of toting a gun fair shits me, but I see Ray’s point. If it comes down to protecting Trav or Jiao, I reckon I could shoot. Maybe.

  After a few more lectures from Ray, we set off at last. Ray and Mum go first in the truck, Mikey still snoring blissfully in the back. Trav follows behind with Jiao and me in the old Toyota. There’s no one else out on the roads, thank god. We’re driving with only the park lights on and it’s still dark as hell — though I have to give Trav credit, he drives okay, except for the once or twice he takes a corner way too fast and we swerve across the centre line.

  After about twenty minutes, the truck pulls over on to the verge and we come to a stop behind them. There’s a glow in the sky ahead, which I figure is dawn, but Jiao says are floodlights from the farm. Bloody hell. It’s real. Way, way too real.

  Ray climbs out of the truck and we huddle together at the side of the road. ‘Okay. Here’s the plan. Travis, we’ll push the car into
the ditch, but carefully, so you can get it out again as soon as the others have gone.’ He points to a tangle of manuka and gorse. ‘Ashley and Jiao, you hide behind that scrub over there. Travis, you have to look like you’ve been injured.’ He takes a small tube out of his pocket and holds the nozzle up to Trav’s hairline. Squeezes thick blood-like shit on to his scalp and waits for it to trickle down his face. I’m impressed: Trav looks like he needs several stitches to the head. Then Ray squirts the stuff on to Trav’s shirt as well. Nice. Trav really looks the part. All he needs now is an Oscar-winning performance or we’re poked.

  It’s starting to grow light and Ray is keen to get away — he has to set up for the first explosion near the gates. We help manoeuvre the Toyota so it looks as if it’s crashed into the ditch, then give Ray a feeble thumbsup. We’re ready. Or nearly.

  Just before they leave, Mum pulls me aside.

  ‘I want you to know I’m sorry, son. Sometimes life takes off in a direction we can’t foresee — or control.’ She leans toward me and kisses the tip of my nose.

  I stand stiff as a board, weighted down by the bulletproof vest and the gun. Can’t bring myself to respond. I need to stay focused now, not get screwed over by a mother who blows all hot and cold. If we get out of this alive, I’ll deal with her shit then. If we get out alive.

  As Mum and Ray drive off with Mikey, we stand and watch until their truck is out of sight. We’re on our own now, good or bad.

  ‘Is everyone set?’ The whole thing’s so bloody surreal.

  ‘Group hug anyone?’ Jiao holds out her arms.

  We press our faces close together and lock our arms around each other’s backs.

  ‘Listen, guys,’ she says. ‘If it gets too dangerous I want you to promise to get the hell out — don’t worry about Ma and Ba, or me. Just save yourselves.’

  ‘No way,’ I say. ‘We’re in this together and we’ll stick to the plan. No big heroic acts. And remember, worstcase scenario, meet back at the whale.’

  ‘You both be careful,’ Trav says. ‘I hate that I’m not there to help.’