Nature of Ash, The

by Hager, Mandy

  The back door flies open and a man and woman scramble out. Jiao squeals and runs into their arms. I’m so goddamned pleased for her, tears well up unbidden. I watch her parents stroke Jiao’s hair, kiss her, embrace her …

  I have to turn away. Their happy-ever-after hurts like crap.

  But now she’s pulling me around to meet them, and they’re so thin and worn, so scrapingly, grovellingly grateful, I’m swept up with relief they’re free. Jiao’s mother shyly kisses both my cheeks and her father shakes my hand off as he stammers out thanks. They do the same to Mikey, and he beams right back. Claps his hands and does his happy dance right here in front of all the army dudes who’re standing round.

  Jiao’s come alive — she positively glows with joy. She throws her arms around my waist and lifts me off the ground. Nearly bloody drops me. Winces. ‘Shit, my ribs!’ She laughs and smacks a sloppy, happy kiss on to my cheek. ‘I’ll owe you for the rest of my life,’ she says. ‘You have no idea how much this means, no idea …’

  I don’t bother replying, just shoo her back towards her parents. I have no idea? Of all the people in this place right now, I reckon Mikey and I do the most.

  One of the army guys directs Jiao and her parents towards the helicopter, then comes back to pull me aside. ‘You’re to come with us,’ he says. ‘Will your brother be all right to return to Wellington with them?’

  I nod. ‘He should be. I’ll just go and check.’

  I chase up Mikey, who’s already in the helicopter, keen to fly. ‘I’m going to help here,’ I say. ‘Can you look after Jiao and her parents for me till I’m back?’

  The joy leaches from his face. ‘No. You come home too.’

  ‘I can’t, mate. But I should be back later tonight.’

  Jiao clicks into classic diversion mode. ‘You can help me cook a celebration feast,’ she says to him, all confidential. ‘We’ll surprise Ash.’

  He’s wavering, but his jaw’s still out. I grab my wallet and peel off one of the precious twenty-dollar bills. Hand it to Mikey. ‘Here — you choose the pudding, mate.’

  He takes the note and stuffs it in his pocket. I hope like hell Jiao gets her hands on it before he loses it. ‘Okay.’

  I hug him, holding on a few more precious seconds than I need. If things go wrong, he’s all alone.

  I hug Jiao too, as an excuse to whisper in her ear. ‘If anything happens, get hold of Lucinda. I’ve written up a will — it’s on the table by Dad’s bed.’ I quickly pull away, giving her no chance to answer back. What would be the point?

  As I watch the helicopter rise from the ground, my mood tumbles. I must be fucking mad. But the wheels are in motion now, and one of the army guys escorts me to another helicopter that will take us to the police station in Hawera, where we’ll wait until it’s time to rendezvous with Mum. It’s so bizarre — oil might have peaked decades back, yet these guys act like it’s more plentiful than water. We live in two completely different worlds.

  At Hawera police station it seems Commissioner Hargraves is heading operations. They’ve brought in all the big guns, that’s for sure. He insists I tell him where Mum and Ray will be. Dream on. If the cops flock there now, the two of them could already be on the road and spot them — then they’d run, for sure.

  ‘Come on, lad. You don’t really think she’ll wait around to speak to you?’ he says. ‘They’re far more likely to have done a bunk.’

  I’m ready with an answer. Have rolled this very question around inside my head. ‘I reckon she won’t be able to resist fronting up. She’ll either want to get me under her control or take revenge.’ How weird is it to say that about your mother? Fucking weird.

  ‘You think you’re so clever, don’t you, sonny?’ Hargraves’ tone is way more menacing now. He’s used to being in charge. ‘Well, let me make it clear that if you don’t reveal your information by six tonight we will arrest you.’ He fingers the gun at his hip.

  ‘For what?’

  ‘It doesn’t really matter. We have the power to lock you up then think that through.’ Something I read when I was sorting through Dad’s papers pops into my head: Freedom has a very thin veneer if you look too close.

  I glance up to see Jeannie in the doorway. Her lips are pressed together in a rigid line.

  ‘Smith, what are you doing here?’ Hargraves’ words sound like a feral snarl.

  ‘I came up with the dog squad,’ she says. ‘I thought I’d help keep Ashley company until it’s time.’

  ‘You’re very close to overstepping the line again.’

  ‘Yes, sir,’ she says. ‘Thank you, sir.’ Her face has turned very pale. He makes a big show of ushering her in, then leaves the room without further word. For a moment Jeannie and I do nothing except listen to his footsteps. Then she blows out a breath and grabs my arm. ‘Come on,’ she says. ‘Let’s get some air.’

  She signs us out and hauls me down the street as if we’re manic shoppers, all the time talking at me in a low, emphatic voice. ‘Okay, I want you to give them the coordinates and leave. You understand? It’s all got way too dangerous.’

  ‘Look Jeannie, I know it’s your job to—’

  ‘For god’s sake. Listen to me, Ashley, please. I’ve done more digging round. This whole business is far more convoluted than I ever could’ve guessed.’

  ‘What’s going on?’

  ‘Do you know who fired that missile at Niúni Farm?’

  ‘I thought it was Muru.’

  ‘They’d like us all to think it was some random anti-UPR attack. But here’s how it worked. Your mate Simon got a message to Jiao’s folks. Told them to wait at a precise point along the perimeter fence south of the gate. But what he didn’t know was that the WA secretly planned to fire a missile off so our army boys could charge in all gung-ho to offer help. They snatched Jiao’s parents up and hid them in a waiting ambulance …’

  ‘You’re bloody kidding me? Our government agreed to that? Just how many people are they prepared to kill?’

  ‘It turns out their strings are pulled by the WA.’

  The fact I’ve always suspected as much is not the same as having such blatant proof. ‘You’re absolutely sure?’

  ‘Lucinda and I joined the dots.’

  ‘I don’t know … I mean … what are you really saying?’

  ‘Lucinda’s tip-off was right. Bill Chandler, our esteemed PM, really is working on behalf of the WA. You know those State-siders your friend Ana talked about? We’ve got it on good authority they’re Secret Service operatives working for the WA.’

  ‘You’re certain? You think Mum knows?’

  ‘I imagine so. The clever part is that Chandler conveniently gets to blame anything he wants on Muru. He and bloody Commissioner Hargraves can look like terrorist-busting heroes when the truth is it’s all about taking pot shots at the UPR. All you did by making your demands was hand them yet another chance.’

  This can’t be true. The dirty rotten bastards. ‘Why don’t you say something? Leak it to the press?’

  ‘Because, like it or not, I need to keep my job. And it’s already hanging in the balance …’

  ‘What about Lucinda?’

  ‘She’s still collating evidence.’

  ‘Hold on. Shit. Does that mean it was the WA who wanted Dad dead?’

  ‘It certainly looks like it. Your father was an expert at his job. I’m sure they’d view him as a threat. But whatever the answer, your mother would’ve known about the plan, even if she didn’t carry it out herself. It’s even possible her visit to him was meant as some kind of warning. Who knows?’

  I have to stop walking. Support myself against a wall. I don’t know which would be worse: Mum killing Dad for money and drugs, on the orders of some bastard foreign spies, or for revenge because Dad told her to piss off. ‘Does Simon Chan know he was set up?’

  She shakes her head. ‘Absolutely not. The poor man’s going to be appalled.’

  ‘We should get back inside,’ I say. Have to focus on
the meeting with Mum or I’ll fuck that up as well. ‘I need to keep tabs on what’s going on.’

  ‘But you can’t possibly go through with this. I don’t trust what’s being planned.’

  ‘I’m in too deep now,’ I say. ‘I have to see it through.’

  ‘But you can’t afford to put yourself in danger — god knows what’s about to happen. You have Mikey to think about. Let me help you …’

  ‘How, Jeannie? Give me a new identity? Just tell me how the hell you expect me to hide with Mikey and Grandma?’

  ‘I don’t mean that. Mikey and you could come live with Travis and me. I can help support you, and I know Travis would like it too. We’re not the same as family, but give us time. Please don’t throw your life away because you think there’s no way forward. Let me help.’

  I’m gobsmacked. Frozen to the spot. ‘Why would you do that?’

  Her face flushes crimson. ‘You’ve touched my heart, okay? I feel like I know you better than you know yourself.’ She gulps down air. ‘When Grace first disappeared, I helped with the search. I was a rookie cop. And I’d just had a miscarriage. He would’ve been near Mikey’s age. The sight of you and your father caring for that poor motherless baby always stayed with me … So when I heard about your dad’s death I volunteered to go down to Christchurch. I’d heard some of the conversations between you and your dad—’

  ‘You did fucking listen in.’

  ‘I’m sorry, okay? I don’t make the rules — worse luck. But I saw what a great kid you’d turned out to be — how much you loved Mikey … how much your dad had fought for you both. It had a profound effect. Made me realise I had to step up to help Travis too. That’s why I was sending him to my mum — to dry him out. To start having a proper relationship with him, like you had with Shaun. You see? You and Mikey are a big part of my life already.’

  I have to look away. I don’t know if this is stalker freaky or the nicest thing I’ve heard in years. Whichever one, it churns me up. Life’s so bloody random. Last week I had no mother, today I’ve got two — a loony psycho and a cop — and that’s not counting Jiao’s parents. All I really want is Dad.

  ‘Shit, Jeannie — thank you,’ I say. ‘That’s a pretty cool offer. But I have to follow this through. I have to face Mum, not sneak away like she did with us. And I need to be there to make sure no one gets trigger happy — that they’ll live up to their side of the bargain and get her help.’

  ‘You’re living in a fantasy where people act in good faith. Believe me, that’s not the case. They’ll do whatever the hell they want — and it won’t be good for you.’

  I shrug. ‘When has it ever been?’

  ‘Oh, Ashley.’ She grabs me round the shoulders and holds me tight. ‘Then just remember the offer will always remain open to you both.’

  ‘I won’t forget.’ I start to walk away. Stop. Turn back around. ‘Hey, by the way, Trav will be fine. You’re a real good mum.’

  We go back inside and wait it out, though after Jeannie’s warning I find myself suspecting everyone who walks in through the door. At six o’clock I have no choice but do as Hargraves orders and pinpoint the two hideouts on their fancy-arsed GPS mapping equipment. Can’t think about the little kids who’ll be caught up in the arrests, just hope like hell no one is killed. As soon as I’ve done the deed, the place erupts in a flurry of activity. I have no doubt their teams up there will set right off.

  Now I join the armed offenders’ squad to talk them through the location and layout of the derelict house. After a few heated exchanges (and the threat that if it turns to shit the whole thing will be leaked to the TV news) they promise to allow me time to bargain with Mum before they make their move.

  At seven-thirty on the dot we roll out through the empty streets, Jeannie and me in the front vehicle, with another six following close behind. On reaching the turnoff, they all switch off their lights and rely on night-vision gear to show the way. I tell the driver to pull off the road just as we approach the stand of macrocarpas where Jiao and I hid the car last time I was here. Shit, this is it. By the time they’ve fitted me with an earpiece, the squad have melted off into the trees and I have to run to catch them up. They won’t let Jeannie come with me — she has to wait back in the Jeep.

  We creep along the fence line till the house is in our sights. I’m so damned scared I want to puke. The truck is there, the broken windscreen pushed out but not replaced. I almost can’t believe it — didn’t think she’d come, not in my heart of hearts. It’s fucking serious now. No going back. I try to calm myself as the men around me disappear to their positions. Now I’m on my own. There’s a full moon lighting up the sky, so every detail stands out like an old black and white movie. I blow out a couple of deep breaths to ground myself. Am shaking like a fucking jelly. Okay. Okay. Stay with me, Dad. I’m doing this for you.

  I step a little closer to the house. Someone’s un-nailed the front door: it’s like the gaping entrance to a nightmare world. I tuck myself down behind the body of the truck.

  ‘Mum!’ I shout. ‘It’s me. Ashley. Are you there?’

  The night’s so quiet I can hear someone moving inside the house. I strain to see, trying to adjust my eyes. Then a shadow moves, and there she is, hovering in the doorway with her hands raised, as if to reassure me she’s not packing a gun. Yeah right. If she thinks that’s enough to prove she’s not dangerous, she’s bloody dreaming.

  Words come tumbling out now. I might never have another chance. ‘Why did you kill him, Mum? Dad always loved you. He never said a bad word about you in his life.’

  ‘You don’t understand.’ Her voice is slurred. ‘There’s no place for emotions in the struggle for democracy.’ She weaves from side to side in the doorway. She’s either pissed or stoned, or trying to make herself less of a static target.

  ‘Democracy? Don’t give me that. You’re fucking hit men for the WA.’

  ‘She’s what?’ a cop splutters in my earpiece. Mum’s not the only one with voices in her head.

  ‘You should’ve stayed away,’ she snarls. ‘You had no right to—’

  ‘No right? You’re my bloody mother. You deserted us. You murdered Dad. You nearly bloody killed us too. You’re sick. Deluded. You need help.’

  ‘Don’t judge me, Ashley. You’ve no idea what I’ve been through. They put me in a—’ She stops. Shakes her head as though she’s trying to dislodge it from her neck. Hisses something I can’t hear. Starts her sideways pacing again.

  ‘Two more minutes, kid, and then we’re going in,’ my earpiece warns.

  I edge a little closer, until I’m right up by the nose of the truck. ‘Please listen. If you stop now, I can help you—’

  ‘I don’t need your help.’ Her arms are rigid by her sides now. Her body taut. ‘We’re part of something bigger and more important than any of you. You never should’ve come looking for me — you’re too much of a liability now, don’t you understand? Get out. Piss off. I never want to see or hear from you or your deformity of a brother ever again.’

  I hate her. Fucking hate her. She has no heart at all. Why the hell am I trying to protect her when she doesn’t give a damn?

  ‘One minute, kid. Last chance,’ the voice warns in my ear.

  Panic squeezes at my lungs. I force myself to gulp in air. I’m being tugged two ways: I’m disgusted by her, yet I will not be the agent of her death — as she was Dad’s. I step out from the safety of the truck. Have to make her see that there’s no other way. ‘Mum, please! Do it for Grandma. The cops have promised—’

  ‘Who? Your Sergeant Jeannie Smith? Ring one-one-one?’ She’s mocking Mikey’s voice. The poor little shit must have been forced to blab.

  ‘That’s it, Ashley. Get back. We’re going in.’ The words are urgent in my earpiece.

  ‘Don’t shoot!’ I can’t stand by and watch her die. I bloody can’t. I’ve seen enough of death to last six lifetimes. I stumble forwards, trying to put myself between Mum and the police snipers out in
the dark. ‘For god’s sake, Mum, get down!’

  Over the thundering of my pulse I’m sure I hear a safety catch release. I scan around, fucked if I know its source.

  ‘Get back! Get back!’ my earpiece screams.

  ‘Back off, you stupid boy!’ Mum spins on her heel and launches herself back through the doorway. ‘I’m sorr—’

  A flash of light erupts from the house. A deafening boom. I’m thrown backwards, everything ablaze with brilliant red and gold. Then the whole world fades to black.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  MUM AND DAD ARE PLEADING with me to wake up. They’re holding hands. Radiant and filled with love. George is here too, winking at me and joking about his car. It’s hard to concentrate, feels like my head is full of cotton wool. But I can hear Erich’s voice now too: Entropy, my friend. Nothing is sustainable for ever. Natural decay.

  I know this, can still remember what he said. ‘You can’t fight nature,’ I say.

  Why can’t I hear my voice?

  ‘Wake up, Ashley,’ Mum says, bending down to kiss me between my eyes. But when she pulls back, it’s not Mum at all but Jeannie, her face pale and grave.

  There’s something stuck over my nose and mouth. I reach up to drag it off. Feel a steady flow of cool air against my cheek. Oxygen mask. ‘Hey,’ I say. This time I hear myself above the beating of helicopter blades.

  ‘Thank god!’ Jeannie smiles so wide she could be Mikey. ‘You’re going to be okay. A hell of a headache, and a few cuts and bruises, but nothing major.’

  ‘What happened? Is Mum—’ I remember it all now.

  ‘She’s gone, Ashley. Blew herself to pieces saving you.’

  ‘Me? I don’t understand.’

  ‘There was a sniper in the house — one of Muru. Just before the explosion, Anaru, our comms guy, heard him order her out of the way. His bullet was meant for you. She threw herself into its path so the bullet would detonate a hidden device, a suicide belt. She killed the sniper too.’

  I close my eyes, trying to think past the terrible throbbing in my head to how she weaved in the doorway. I thought it was to stop us shooting her, but maybe she was trying to stop him shooting me.