Zero Defect: An autobiography of a software engineer

  #

  Spilled Beans

  Really, what was going on? I shook myself.

  “I’d like to meet you young man” He said.

  I went silent for a moment, thinking why he wanted to meet me. I thought about asking him but then dismissed it thinking it would be rude to ask him. I was still preparing my response but he sensed my silence and spoke.

  “You must be someone important to her” He said.

  I shuddered at the mere mention of it. Why did she gave my number as alternate contact?

  “Yes, sir” I replied. “Let’s meet at CCD, Aundh”

  “Do you have Barista?” He asked.

  “Yes, sir. See you at Barista, Aundh. Say at 5?”

  “I would like to meet you now” He pressed.

  “Now?” I had to take a half day leave, which I didn’t. I always thought taking a half was most stupid thing people do. By taking a half-day you ruin a full day leave.

  “I will be there in about 45 minutes” I said.

  “Sounds, good. I am looking forward to it.”

  Just when I put then phone down I forgot to ask how I would recognize the guy. I had now idea how he looked or how he kept appearance. Ishika never spoke much about him. My imagination doing the trick - I saw him as a tall man wearing a white shirt and crisp Grey suit, he was a businessman after all. He had a well maintained but grown beard.

  It took me about thirty five minutes to reach there. The Barista was located on same building as McD was and often competed for customers. At the parking I tried to see if I could find anything with a Delhi number, and there it was at a far corner, a black BMW. I looked at the emblem and smiled, give it a few days in Pune and it most definitely will be stolen.

  As I entered the cafe I assumed he would already be there, sitting in all relaxed position, perhaps one foot over the other with a coffee in one hand. I stole a quick glance over the room but couldn’t find such a person. He isn’t here, I mumbled to myself.

  “Sorry, sir. But you have to wait” said the guy with a green cap and orange shirt. I always thought these people wore a very funny dress. Their designer must be a complete idiot. He pointed me to the couch, the couch for the waiting people.

  But then came running around a second guy, he wore the same dress only that he wore his cap front side back. He noticed that I noticed his style. It must be his last day at work I assumed.

  “Sir, are you Mr. … ?” I nodded. “Sir, please come with me” “A gentleman told me to ask for you” I thought he was leading me to a table, instead he took me to the counter. He took out a slip from the drawer and gave it to me. I stared at it with amazement, what was this? Some kind of treasure hunting? Then the thought struck me, I wasn’t even sure he was Ishika’s father. Our telephonic conversation didn’t lead me to any identification of his. How did I believe him then? I felt so stupid, what if he trying to con me?

  I opened the slip and it was a simple one liner,

  Meet me at the bar upstairs

  I thought above leaving then and there, what kind of person goes to a bar in the middle of the day? But then I was equally intrigued, I wanted to meet this mystery man, I wanted to see his con, hell I wanted to be conned if he had a smart one.

  I took the flight of the stairs to reach the bar. I squinted my eyes as I entered, it was that dark. There were only a handful of people sitting around chirping. I looked around to see if I could find him, with an image that I had in my mind.

  A man stood up on his place, and shook his head. Most certainly it was him. He was wearing a dark suit, no ties and a pale blue shirt. He was tall, slender and I was relieved to see his facial features matched that of Ishika. So, he was the father indeed.

  His grip was tight, and he shook my hand with some man of confidence. I took a mental note. A smile broadened on his, he introduced himself:

  “I am Rajat”

  “Hello, sir” I said, “You wanted to meet me?”

  “I was in Mumbai for a meeting and took a little detour to see my daughter.” He took a brief pause and spoke again.

  “Thought I’d surprise her” ”Where’s she?”

  “If she’s not in office, perhaps she is at her flat”

  “No” He shook his head just a little. ”I had her address. I went to her flat, but there is no one there”

  “She didn’t answer her phone?” I asked.

  “It buzzed and buzzed. But no answer” He replied.

  “Do you want something to drink?” He asked.

  “Whatever you want to order.” I replied.

  He instructed the waiter to waiter to get an ice bucket and a small bottle of scotch.

  “I am worried about her” He said, as he filled our glasses.

  I knew there was something coming, something I wouldn’t like to know. At times I chose to live in ignorance then to be weighed down forever by the burden of truth. And perhaps this was what he thinking about doing, to unload his burden, to share with someone. Even if I didn’t want to hear the truth, I couldn’t help it, I was a victim of circumstance here.

  After his third drink he spoke much more freely.

  “Ishika” He spoke his eyes pondering, “She is a good girl” He continued, “Just a victim circumstances”

  My eyebrows raised, victim of circumstances? He was at fault, he didn’t raise her responsibly. Why didn’t he allow her to meet her mother? This is was the very epicenter of her troubles, a traumatic childhood which had continued to disturb her adult life.

  But as I learned that day, traumatic it was but for a whole different reason.

  “What happened to her?” I asked, looking for a first chance to blame him. I wanted him to say something so that I could embarrass him, it was the least I could do for her.

  “She is living in a fantasy world” “A world that she has created to alleviate her pain” “The doctor says so” He shrugged.

  What was he talking about?

  “She had an accident when she was very young” “It was a summer holiday, and we were on the Agra highway. The sun was going down and I stopped to take a stretch. I was little tired from last night, a bit too tired to drive I think. He paused, to let the moment sink down. Even though he wasn’t sober, he was making an effort to carefully choose what he spoke. He was trying to hold back, fighting his own rationality. I waited for him, let him fight his own demons.

  I told her mother that I spent last night at work, but I wasn’t. I cheated on her, and look what punishment I got. I shouldn’t have driven in any case, it was my fault, I was too tired. He started mumbling, the last of his resistance was breaking down.

  “I loved them so much, I lost my family that night. All of them.”

  What really happened? I thought.

  “I stopped the car on the side, and walked out to stretch.”

  “I shouldn’t have done that” He said, shaking his head.

  “A speeding truck hit them.” “They were still in the car”

  “My young one was shouting, papa, papa from the window”

  “I looked back at her and the next moment they were gone. The truck hit the car very badly.” “The truck hit them from behind.”

  I ran after them and I screamed like a mad man. But it was over, the instant it happened. Or perhaps it was already over, the moment I cheated on my wife. Our small, happy family was past.

  “Ishika survived, though badly injured because she was sitting on front seat, beside me. And I had her wear the seat belt.” “But she was never the same again.”

  “The chirpy, happy girl became the silent one.”

  “And ain’t there nobody to blame but me”

  “Give me her number” I said. “Let me try and see where she is”

  He looked at me incredulously, he couldn’t believe I didn’t have her number. He took his blackberry and dictated me the number.

  She picked up on the first ring. “Oh” I mumbled, looking at him.

  “Hey, where are you?” I asked.

 
; “How did you get …? I am at my flat”

  “Okay, wait. I am coming to see you”

  “Yeah, I’ll wait, but try to come before three. I have to go out.” She said in most casual of way.

  The line dropped. I looked at him and said. “There you go”

  #

  Rainbow’s End - Part 2

  “What’s going on?” Jain asked.

  “I wake up and I find myself in this huge mess, I have absolutely no idea what sense to make out of it” I knew I could go on blaming the circumstances or some person for my woes, but the truth was that this was the creation of my own doing. So, it was me who has to sort it out, and get my act straight.

  .I was standing at a tobacco shop, smoking, thinking, and watching. The paanwalla was complaining about some guy who left without clearing the debts. “Four twenty eight rupees” “I swear I am not giving credits to anyone” A guy came asked for a foursquare, paanwalla pointed at the board that hung inside his small shop and said, “No credits, no credit cards, only hard cash”

  I saw Bhargavi coming toward me at a distance, and she didn’t look really happy. I could understand why she wouldn’t; I knew she would be looking for an answer, and it’s just I wish I had an answer.

  “Tell me one thing do you love me?” She gazed at me waiting for response. And she found none. I didn’t see it coming, I expected her to be mad at me, hate me with all her guts, but this? She comes to me and asks me if I have feelings for her. Who the hell she thinks she is? I wanted her to hate me, I wanted everyone to hate me and hit me until I bleed.

  “You used me.” She slapped me on face. “I trusted you with my life” I was ashamed. I knew what I had done. It was unpardonable act in even the lowest code of morality. But it made me happy that she hated me. I wanted to her to hit me again, and again, until it broke my nose, until I lose a tooth.

  But she was weak, she was emotionally drowned. She turned back and ran, her heart was broken beyond repair. And the truth was even I could not figure which side I was on in the emotional turmoil that I was going through. So much had happened in no time, I was stressed beyond doubt. I was absorbed in my thoughts when something startled me, a blaring noise, somebody blew horn very loudly. And then everything came to standstill.

  A bus was coming at her directly, the driver honked so loud that it caught the attention of even the dead, but not hers. It happened so quickly - she was hit head-on, sending her in tail-spin, she was thrown a distance.

  I ran after her, it was over. Call the ambulance. Emergency team said she was alive, but later she went into coma.

  I picked her up in my arms, she looked as beautiful as she did the very first time I saw her.

  Bhargavi was dead.

  It may seem that everything happened so quickly - she was not looking and the bus hit her, but the truth is it took a long, long time for things to come to this point. I did have a chance to change, but I didn’t. It was a conscious choice I made, I couldn’t blame the driver that hit her, or her own carelessness for the matter - it was my madness that killed her. I was blinded by my emotions of hatred, by poison of vengeance.

  I pulled her closer to my heart and whispered “I love you” “Just come back for me” I didn’t have any doubt in my mind, it was not pity it was affection, it was from my heart. I lowered myself to kiss her, my lips brushed her lightly. “I love you” I said it again. I thought that I felt her breath.

  “She’s alive, she’s alive” somebody shouted.

  Someone had brought out a stretcher, probably from the nearby hotel. I lifted her, couple of people ran to help me. We lifted her and put her on the stretcher. “How long would it take for the ambulance to reach here?“ I asked.

  “Forty five minutes they said”

  “Forty five minutes?“ I was shocked; a minute could make a difference between life and death.

  “We have an ambulance here at the Corporation, we should take her in that” Jain suggested.

  “Yes, yes” I said. Jain and I ran inside, I had no awareness of what was happening around me, everything felt so unreal. Just a few minutes back we stood there together, and we talked, and she was so angry and she had every right to be. It didn’t matter as long as she was well, I couldn’t stand any harm done on her. It was me who killed her; much before the bus struck her, I struck her heart down.

  I took out my cell phone and dialed Amit, the bell was ringing but no answer. I left the message hoping he would see it.

  Jain ran to the reception, while I told him I will check with HR. The HR bay was nearby, they stay on the ground floor not away from the reception. I got hold of one guy who was talking to someone on his office phone,

  “Where’s the ambulance? “ I screamed. He put down the receiver and stood up from his seat.

  “Why, what happened?”

  I heard Jain shout, he was yelling, “The ambulance is at the backside parking“

  Backside parking, it was too far, I said to myself.

  “We can call up the driver” HR suggested.

  “Call him”

  “Let me find his number” He said, and sat down on his laptop looking for the contact.

  “There must be an emergency number for our DC“ I suggested.

  “Yes, I am calling” He said.

  Jain had reached me by now, “The security at the gate had already called the driver but he is missing”

  “Damn, we have to take her on our own then” I said determined. We couldn’t wait for the ambulance from the hospital to arrive neither we could wait for the driver to finish his evening nap and come back to the emergency van.

  “That would mean, we can’t give her the immediate medical attention” the HR guy suggested.

  “We know that, we have to take our chance, every minute counts” I said.

  “We will take her in my car” HR guy volunteered.

  We ran outside while the HR guy went straight to the parking, and I saw they were already putting her inside an emergency van. Amit was there standing on the pavement on the side. We shook hands, he asked me about the incident, “I will call you” I replied. There wasn’t much time.

  Ignorant had a paramedic on the campus, and he attended Bhargavi. “She’s very, very lucky” He said, “Injuries are severe, but it is not something that she can’t recover from.”

  The van ran full speed, I sat next to her all the while. An oxygen mask was fitted to her to ease her breathing. I prayed to God to get this over soon.

  #

  The doctors took her to the emergency room, I was not allowed to go in. Another doctor inquired me about the incident, he placed his hands on my soldiers and spoke, “Don’t worry she will be alright, they are accessing the extent of her injuries” A few people from her project also arrived, one of her roommates was also there. The roommate knew me, Bhargavi must have mentioned. She said, “I have called her parents. They are catching first flight to Pune”

  “Bhargavi has an elder cousin in Mumbai” I informed.

  “Yes, I called him too. He will be coming soon” I felt good that she’d be among her family soon, there were people who loved her unconditionally.

  “What are you thinking?” Jain asked, he had arrived as well. I had curled up on a bench, I didn’t know what to say or think, I didn’t have any strength to face anybody let alone her family.

  The doctors came out eventually and said they had to operate her urgently. “You need to sign this document” He said. I looked around, the roommate stood up and took the pen. “Are you a relative?” He asked. She shook her head in no. I took the pen and the form from her and said, “I am not a blood relative but I am her fiancée” Doctors shrugged his shoulders and said, “Alright, sign here”

  They took her inside in another room, a team of doctors followed in. They worked on her hours, her cousin had arrived. He thanked me for quick call, he said he appreciated to take on the responsibility and let the doctors operate. I nodded meekly, I was ashamed. “When are her parents be here?” I a
sked him. “Soon, he said. I talked to uncle an hour back. They were at airport waiting for their flight”

  We waited for hours before the doctors came out, one of them approached us. “We are sorry to inform you -” He began. “She suffered severe injuries of the head” “She operated her and she’s out of danger” “But she has gone in to coma” I was in complete shock; coma could mean a life worse than death.

  But what the doctors said next relieved me somewhat. “It is sometime expected that the patient would go in coma after an operation of the brain. She just needs some time to recover.”

  I knew what he would say next, it may take a day, a week or even a year to come back to life. I couldn’t see her like this, I didn’t have the strength to bear the sight.

  By any reason I had no right to live while she hung in between life and death. But I knew I was too coward to kill myself, and I also knew I couldn’t live with myself either. Perhaps it was the cruelest of the punishment for me, I had to carry the burden of my aggrieved conscience. I could never be at peace.

  I was confused about my emotions for Bhargavi, she indeed was someone very close to me and yet I never felt love for her but until now.

  So, what if I couldn’t kill myself, I just knew who could. And I’d leave unto Him to punish me, as He deem appropriates. I packed a backpack with absolute essential, I stuffed some cash in my wallet, I cut all of my cards into half and threw them away, I left the door open, and yeah I kept a copy of my manuscript, ending of which was yet to be written. I fit myself into a pair of jeans, a loosely fit Che Guevera tee-shirt and with a pair of flip-flops on my feet. And so I walked off… I had to no clue of where I was going to go, what I was going to do, perhaps I didn’t want to think about it, I didn’t want to be bound by directions, by my own thoughts, I just had to leave, somewhere… a memory floated in my head, the less trodden paths, the white peaks glistening bright. I was heading north, further further north, onto a journey to find myself…