What the Heart Desires

by Jaime Derelle

  Since she couldn’t come up with a good explanation for how she’d gotten the money without setting off her mother’s razor sharp bullshit detector, she decided that it would be better to hold off before she shared the good news. With that out of her mind momentarily, Bradley quickly slipped back into her thoughts. Thinking about him got her so fucking wet. They hadn’t made any plans to see each other again after they’d left the hotel. When Bradley said goodbye and turned his back, Cara could only stand there staring at him as he walked away, slowly blending into the sidewalk traffic and before long, disappearing. It’s going to be just like in the movies, she kept whispering to herself, as she stood on 56th street in the early afternoon, pedestrians spilling past her in both directions. He was going to turn around at any minute. She was sure of that. Not a doubt in her mind.

  But each minute that passed seemed to confirm the worst. He wasn’t going to turn around and come rushing towards her, lifting her off her feet and kissing her deeply and passionately while the passing crowds of jaded New Yorkers were forced to step out of their delirious, self-obsessions for a moment and appreciate the expression of true love right before their eyes.

  Now it was clearer than ever that she hadn’t really meant anything to him. Those real feelings of tenderness that she thought were developing between them turned out to be illusory. She'd gotten swept in the moments of passion and she’d forgotten that she was being paid to perform a role –- just like she’d done when she took the stage in NYU’s world-renowned theater department. She shuddered to think what her professors would think of the acting work that she’d gotten over the last couple of years. She had no idea how she would go about explaining the adventures that had brought her to such a glorious end. She felt truly lucky. So many girls that get into the business never manage to get out. She felt blessed. She truly did.

  Bradley paced around his apartment nervously, biting his nails something that he never did except during moments of high of tension. His nerves had been jangled for the last several hours but he really had no idea why. His 72-hour Valentine’s Day date had finally come to an end earlier that morning. All of the lovemaking and passion had really worn him out but being in contact with such a young attractive woman was incredibly rejuvenating. His body ached but his spirit had been given new life. He wished that he could bottle this feeling and hold onto it forever. But that didn’t seem like it would be possible. He hadn’t said anything to Cara about meeting up in the future or meeting up simply as two lovers, instead of a call girl and a client.

  He’d already given her enough money. Now the test was to see if she would still have any interest in him after she had already acquired the financial resources to attain some level of freedom and independence in her life. As he thought about it, he couldn’t help wondering if maybe he’d made the wrong decision.

  If he stayed in his apartment alone all night, he would end up going crazy. Some fresh city air was just what he needed. Yet he wasn’t in the mood to walk around his own neighborhood. At this time of night, there was hardly anyone out and about. Walking down empty streets was not what his spirit needed. He needed to be around people, throngs of people, preferably young people. There was only one place to go in such circumstances. The Lower East Side.

  He had the car drop him off by Union Square. That was always a hot bed of activity. There would be plenty of young, tender flesh on display and that was just what Bradley wanted. The thrill of the chase got his cock beating hard in his pants. A young girl to spend time with was exactly what he needed.

  He smiled, sucked in a mouthful of the city’s night air, and prepared to walk into a bar that appeared to be pretty hip. Patrons spilled outside onto the sidewalk. Before he could take out his ID and hand it to the bouncer, he felt a hand on his arm. Who the hell had their hands on him like that? Whoever it was might need to be taught a little lesson. When he turned around, all of his masculine bravado fell to the floor in a crumpled pile just like his satin robe had fallen to the floor while he was at the Mandarin Oriental hotel with Cara.

  He nearly jumped out of his skin. Cara was standing in front of him with a big grin on her face. She was smiling with her eyes as well. Bradley could feel his body beginning to ignite with sexual desire. He rushed towards her and wrapped his arms around her. For several moments, they hugged each other in silence, squeezing tighter and tighter while people streamed by them on both sides.

  Bradley pulled his head back and stared deeply into her eyes.

  "I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you," he said.

  Those weren’t easy words for him to get out. Never in his life had he ever said something like that to a woman.

  Cara looked into his eyes searchingly. She wanted to know if what she was feeling was real. She didn’t know how she would handle her emotions if all his charm and kind words were nothing more than a ploy to get her into bed.

  “Do you really mean that?” She asked, eyes full of love and tenderness

  “It sounds a little crazy and maybe I’m remembering things wrong, Bradley said. But the first time I laid eyes on you in that hotel I couldn’t help feeling that there was some sort of connection between us.”

  Those were precisely the words that Cara wanted to hear. She wrapped her arms around his neck and savagely squeezed him to her.

  Ten minutes later they were in the back of Bradley’s hired car, wildly tearing at each other’s clothes and exchanging long and passionate French kisses.

  Suddenly Cara pulled her head away and looked out the window. Across the East River, Jersey City sparkled. Cara’s eyes opened wide with surprise.

  "Where are we going?" She asked.

  “I was hoping that we could spend the next few days at my other residence.”

  "And where’s that?" Cara asked, bursting with creativity.

  "East Hampton," Bradley said.

  Cara shook her head from side to side and smiled wryly. "I should have known," she said.

  "Have you enjoyed yourself in East Hampton before?" He asked.

  For a moment, Cara could feel her face turning red with embarrassment. She covered her mouth and began laughing. She couldn’t help it. This whole thing seemed so ridiculous to her.

  She raised her eyes and shook her head no. She’d been to so many upscale, fancy places in the city but none of her clients had ever brought her out here before.

  "That’s just fine baby, Daddy’s going to make sure that you feel right at home."

  She smiled lovingly, kissed him gently on the lips, and then dropped her head into his lap.

  Bonus Book - Love and Pray

  Love and Pray

  A Christian Romance Short Story

  Jaime Darelle

  Chapter 1

  There they were, two simple words that almost brought tears to her eyes. Words of gratitude she was unused to hearing.

  ‘Thanks, Kath,’ Annie said.

  With them came a smile and she was sure that went some way also. Such was all it took to prove to Kath just how cheerless her life was.

  Annie had turned up out of nowhere. Had been a dear old friend, but one she presumed lost to whatever wide world was outside. That Kath could be so moved when she smiled and said thank-you all because she had brought her a coffee, highlighted how the years had stolen all the joy from her heart, so much so she was unused to feeling touched.

  No one in the house ever thanked her for the endless chores completed. Her life was one taken for granted that she supposed no one else in Boston gave any more thought to than her father and brother did. Now that she was aware of being miserable it suddenly felt painful, and she had to resist an absurd show of emotion that would have consisted of breaking down in front of Annie when all her old friend had done was enter the house and sit down for five minutes.

  Her arrival was fortunate in that Annie’s father, Zach, was having an afternoon nap upstairs, her brother’s two children were still at school and her brother, Ryan, was out pursuing whatever it was he calle
d a living – there was no knowing what time he’d be back. As was typical of that time of day, Kath was doing household chores. Making sure there was food and dishes ready for when the children got home when a knock on the door came, and she was astonished to see her old school friend standing there.

  When they were teenagers Annie had lived around the corner. They had walked to school together, and it was the last time she could remember some happiness in her life. Adulthood robbed her of that before she even realized she was an adult. Her mother had died when she was fifteen, and her friend had moved across town. Occasionally they had seen each other after that, but she could not recall seeing her since they were 20 years old and that was six years ago.

  Having made the coffee, the challenge was to now pull off something like casual chit-chat, without humiliating herself by breaking down into some show of desperate emotion. She hadn’t expected to see Annie again and misery is always easier to handle without reminders of happiness. Kath would then have to further resist gushing with pure joy when she learned that she might be able to see more of her friend again, seeing as she had just moved back across town. Not to the characterless slum that West Roxbury was, but to Roslindale; a nicer part of Boston but only a fifteen minute walk away.

  The story of her return wasn’t all positive, but Kath was happy to hear her story – not having one to tell herself.

  ‘I’ve left Frank,’ she told Kath, ‘it just wasn’t working anymore, but the truth is I did alright out of the divorce and was able to get the mortgage on a three-bedroom house. We moved in last week; I wanted to get you some advance notice, but we were just so busy packing things in boxes and cleaning.’

  ‘You don’t need to give notice,’ Kath replied, ‘I’m not important.’

  ‘What? Of course, you are,’ exclaimed Annie. ‘You’re my oldest friend.’

  The comment had meant to be a joke. I’m not a chief executive, might have been a better way of finishing it off – and remembering to smile and make it sound like a joke – but the last few years had made Kath so unsure of the sound of her own voice that it just came across as insecure. In her private moments she never felt as if her mind was timid or unable to express itself, but whenever it came to being in company, it was like someone had closed a drawbridge on her personality. Undoubtedly she came across as pitiful, especially to an old friend who had once known an adventurous side to her, but she felt that trying to do something about it would only lead to further embarrassment. An ability to express herself had drained away at the same time as all hope in a fulfilling life.

  ‘You know what,’ Annie then said, getting to the point of her visit, ‘we should do something. I’ve been thinking about it. I’ve been shut up in the house too much myself these last few years.’

  ‘Something like what?’

  ‘Well,’ Annie went on, ‘the deal is – and here we have to rely on the punctuality of my wonderful ex so don’t get too excited – but currently, the deal is that he will take the kids away every second weekend. Lucky kids! Which means every fortnight my Saturday evenings will be open. We should get together; come spend a girly night Kath?’

  ‘Just the two of us?’

  ‘Like old times.’

  ‘Oh, I’d love to Annie. It’s great to see you,’ Kath replied, challenging herself to voice a couple of sentences at a time. ‘The only thing is, money’s a bit tight at the moment if you want to do something big. Especially with it being Christmas…’

  ‘Oh, that’s no problem, Kath,’ her friend replied, doing well to avoid any pity in her tone, ‘I didn’t mean hit the town or go to a theme park, I’m more of a quiet night in girl these days. It’d just be cool to get together; I’ll get some cheap wine in and we’ll watch some rubbish films. What do you say? Can you get away?’

  ‘I… I think so,’ Kath replied though she couldn’t recall the last time she’d had such a conversation with her family.

  ‘Great! We can be sisters again every two weeks; it will be terrific,’ Annie continued while Kath was still going over the complications in her head.

  ‘Actually,’ Annie then said as if changing her mind, ‘let’s just make that the general plan, but for this first time we can do something different… and cheap.’

  ‘How do you mean?’

  ‘Well, because it’s Christmas coming up we’ve changed the dates Frank is having the kids. Instead of the Saturday he’s taking them, Christmas Eve – two weeks today.’

  ‘Christmas Eve?’

  ‘Yeah, I know you’ll need to spend Christmas Day with your family, but why not spend Christmas Eve with me and come back in the morning? Do you remember our families always used to go church on Christmas Eve?’

  ‘Sure.’

  ‘Well, I haven’t been for years.’

  ‘Me neither.’

  ‘I was thinking, I really want to start going back again – maybe take the kids someday, but how do you fancy you and me doing it for a start? I live just down the road from St Bartholomew’s Church. Would you like to.’

  ‘Erm, yeah Annie…’

  ‘Great, let’s do it. Something to look forward to, huh!’

  Kath nodded and found she was smiling. Where did that come from?

  There were a couple of reasons why she had not been to church for years. The first and obvious one was the loss of her mother, who had always been the charismatic draw when it came to convincing the family they should go. Although another reason had been because of some unsavory tales that came out of her old church. She did not know the full story first-hand, but allegedly some jealous clique had formed and made false accusations against the priest, chasing him out of the parish because of some conflict they had over local influence.

  This was all in the past, however, so there seemed no reason not to take up her old friend on the suggestion. She would like to spend time with her very much, but deep down it just felt like it would never happen, and her smile did not last very long. Christmas Eve was a complicated day for the member of the household who did all the organizing. Almost certainly she would have to call Annie at some point and tell her she could not make it.

  What then? Would her old friend still be up for renewing the relationship, or would her family commitments stomp all over that like they had everything else?

  Whatever excitement had flooded through the front door at her friend’s unexpected visit seemed to have evaporated by the time evening came and Kath was serving her second dinner of the day. Chore after chore had numbed her wits and if the world was telling her one thing it was surely that her days would always be this way.

  Two meal preparations were always necessary because of her brother’s unpredictable appearances. She would have been tempted to let him get his own food but for her father’s insistence that he was not hungry until Ryan came home. If Zach had ever cooked a meal for himself, it must have been in circumstances so rare Kath had yet to imagine them. She was beyond caring if her brother went hungry but would not see her aging father without an evening meal, even if gratitude was an emotion he stopped showing when her mother was no longer around to tell him he should be.

  Making the children wait hours for nourishment was not in her nature either, and so she usually had to prepare one meal at 5 pm and another two or three hours later for everyone else. That day it was already 8 pm by the time he burst through the living room door, banging it against the mantelpiece on the way in as he always did when he had been drinking. Without saying a word, Kath stood up and walked to the kitchen, closing the door behind her.

  ‘There goes glum face again, dad,’ she heard him say, not caring that she overheard.

  ‘Did you say “hello” to your children before you came in for dinner?’ were the first words she said to him, once they were sat down at the kitchen table with hot food in front of them.

  ‘Sure I did,’ was the response, but she knew he had not, or else just put up his hand to salute if they looked his way as they played hockey out in the street. She did her bes
t to give the children something like a mothering figure in their lives, but as they approached their teenage years, she worried about them becoming involved in gangs and crime, knowing that she did not have the authority of a parent to really lay down the law. As their father, this was Ryan’s job, but she had no faith in him providing the guidance they would need.

  ‘Shame, if you had come straight home rather than hitting the bar you could have sat and had tea with them,’ she continued.

  ‘Oh, don’t go on about this again, Kath,’ was his tired response, ‘I’ve told you time and time again my hours are volatile, and if I need a drink at the end of it, I’ll do what I like.

  ‘One drink or seven?’

  ‘If I could afford it maybe I would have seven.’

  ‘That wouldn’t surprise me. What’s the point in ever earning more money if just to waste it?’

  ‘Are you controlling the kitty now, Kath? Do I lecture you about the housework and how to do it, huh?’

  ‘The housework I do for you?’

  ‘And the money I earn for all of us.’

  But who among us has something they call a life? Was what she wanted to shout at him, but she bit her lip and let the row peter out. They’d had this discussion many times, and he had rehearsed put-downs for every complaint she had about his behavior.

  In truth, Kath knew she was only avoiding what she really wanted to bring up; arguing about something else entirely was just a way to avoid the disappointment. Neither of them were used to her having anything like her own interests, and she just knew there would be some convenient argument against when she brought up the idea of spending Christmas Eve away. Kath was not very assertive and didn’t know how to go about it without avoiding some massive guilt trip about putting the children first.

  Eventually, it was only when they were close to finishing the food – or Ryan was at least – when she finally broke the silence again before losing him to another late night football and baseball recap on the TV.