What the Heart Desires

by Jaime Derelle

  Every day since her arrival had been a struggle, though. Waking up at dawn, making breakfast, getting the boys dressed, carrying water from the well back to the house, gathering firewood, making candles, sewing, cooking and cleaning were tasks expected of her. She hardly had a moment to rest and was starting to feel the effects of such a demanding life. The children had become a surprising source of happiness for her, though. Not only did they give her companionship throughout the day while Luke was hard at work plowing fields and clearing plots of land, but they were a great help to her. And much to her astonishment she found herself actually missing Luke while he was at work and feeling delighted when she heard the sound of his boots on the porch.

  That evening, Luke came home with a bouquet of freshly picked flowers for Katherine. He knew she was having a hard time adjusting to how different her life was now, but he wanted her to know how much he appreciated her efforts.

  “Oh, Luke, they’re beautiful,” Katherine said, breathing in the fresh scent. It was a sweet gesture and somehow it softened the harshness of her day.

  “Just like you,” he said, leaning close.

  Katherine looked away shyly. She felt his hand touch her cheek gently and turn her face towards his. He moved to kiss her and she dodged him, spurring his advances.

  Luke pulled back immediately, embarrassed that she had rejected him. “I-I’m sorry,” he stammered, shuffling past her without meeting her eyes.

  Katherine opened her mouth to speak but closed it when he turned his back towards her. She felt bad if she offended him, but the idea of being intimate and affectionate scared her. She watched him pick Evan up and ruffle Jeremy’s head. The moment was lost and she felt like an outsider. They were the real family, and she was just playing a part. Or were those her insecurities talking? She wasn’t certain.

  Luke glanced back at her and watched as she untied her apron strings, her small hands working deftly. He wondered if she were happy here. He knew it had been hard for her and the boys to get along, and he had enjoyed letting her do the disciplining for a change. Was he asking too much of her? He couldn’t help but admire the way her glossy curls fell down her back towards her narrow waist. Either way, he was happy she was there, and he felt his budding affections growing.

  “Dinner’s ready,” she said firmly as she ladled a beef stew into four bowls at the table.

  Luke was pulled back from his silent ponderings. “Smells good!” he said heartily. He hoped that they would be able to forget his embarrassing overstep from earlier that evening. The four of them sat at the dinner table, mostly in silence.

  “Jeremy, you haven’t touched your dinner. Is everything alright?” asked Katherine.

  Jeremy shoved his bowl forward. “It’s gross. My real mom would never make us eat something like this,” he said rudely.

  Katherine’s brows furrowed. “I’m sorry that you don’t like it, but I think you need to eat something,” she said sternly.

  “I’m not hungry!” he yelled before storming off to his room and leaping into his bed.

  “Luke, don’t you think you need to say something about the way he just acted?” insisted Katherine as she looked pointedly at his face.

  “He’s just going through some adjustments, I’ll talk to him,” said Luke.

  You could cut the tension with a knife over the next few days. Luke had spoken to Jeremy, but it did nothing to change the way he treated Katherine with disrespect, and most of the time, he wasn’t around to see it. Katherine was relieved when the boys spent time at the schoolhouse during the afternoons. Evan and Jeremy were opposites in the way they were feeling about her presence. Evan seemed to be comforted while her while Jeremy seemed to grow more agitated as the days passed.

  Chapter Nine

  Today was washday, which Katherine dreaded. It took her hours to wash the dirt from everyone’s clothes and then hang them on the clothesline behind the house. She lit a fire underneath the wash basin outside and used a small portion of their soap.

  Luke had asked her to be careful rationing it as the prices were going up. She slowly piled in the dirty clothes and watched as they slipped under the water. She stirred the clothes around, loosening the dirt and letting the suds work.

  It was dark, and the kids were finally in bed by the time Luke got home that night. “Do you want me to warm up dinner?” asked Katherine.

  Luke sat down and pulled his boots off before tossing them across the room. “That would be nice. I’m starved,” he replied, smiling at her, but she could see the exhaustion on his face.

  She warmed up dinner as she watched him try to rub his own shoulders. “Are your shoulders sore?” she asked gently, moving towards him.

  He was surprised to feel her warm hands against his neck, working his sore muscles. He closed his eyes enjoying the intimacy. He began to think back on the other night when he had tried to kiss her and wasn’t sure if she would reject him if he tried again. He could feel her breasts graze his back, and he wondered if she noticed. After a few minutes, he worked up the nerve to try to kiss her again.

  Luke placed his hands on top of her working ones and stopped them. He guided her around in front of him and pulled her into his lap. Katherine smiled back at him and he was surprised that she didn’t leap off him. He ran his fingers through her soft, curly hair and leaned in to kiss her. He felt her body melt into his as he passionately embraced her. Her lips were irresistible, and he found himself completely bewitched.

  Katherine ran her hand across Luke’s chest, marveling at the muscles underneath. It felt so good the way his hands moved around her back and waist that she succumbed to his advances completely. In just a matter of days she had gone from never wanting to kiss him to never wanting to stop. They sat there in the kitchen, kissing slowly until the candles burned down and dinner was cold again. His lips were surprisingly soft and he kissed her with such expert skill that she realized she wanted him to teach her everything he knew. She felt an ache for him that she had never experienced and before she knew it, she was straddling him, shifting her hips back and forth.

  Luke was almost overcome with desire and his kisses were becoming more fervent. Her movements pushed him to the brink, and he pulled her down against his hardness as he kissed her deeply. Her delicate hands were running through his hair, and she pressed back in response. His breath was ragged, and he wasn't sure how long they had been sitting there. Every move she made felt so good that he hoped they'd be there until morning.

  Soon, Luke realized if he didn't stop her, they might do something they weren't ready for yet. He wanted to be able to prove his love for her first. It took every shred of discipline he had in him to break away from her and adjust himself. He smiled at her and helped her get up as he led her to her room and said goodnight sweetly. Even then, he couldn't stop himself from stealing a few more kisses and wishing he could see her in her nightgown.

  Katherine slipped inside her room and slowly slid off her gown. She stood in front of the mirror and admired the way the moonlight poured in through the window and across her body. She wondered what Luke's skin would feel like against her own. She sighed deeply, feeling almost disappointed that Luke had stopped them from going further. But she realized that it meant he respected her, and she blushed thinking he may be falling in love with her the way she was with him. She climbed into bed, but this time without a nightgown. She giggled quietly at her risky move and hoped Luke might change his mind and join her. She drifted off to sleep thinking about his passionate kisses.

  Chapter Ten

  The next morning was a little awkward. Katherine avoided Luke as they began their separate days. She felt the brisk fall chill in the air as she strode across the yard towards the chicken coop. She was not in the mood to fight with the chickens so she knelt down and jammed her head and arm inside to collect the eggs without a second thought. She ignored their wild flapping and clucking this time and was surprised at how quickly they calmed down when she maintained her sensibility.
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br />   The rest of the day dragged on as normal, and by the time the sun was sitting high in the afternoon sky, she was already tired. She was happy to see the boys running down the dirt road to their house when she poked her head out the window. She could use the help finishing up chores around the house.

  “I’m telling on you!” yelled Evan as he hopped up onto the porch.

  “No you aren’t, Evan! Mind your own business!” called out Jeremy as he pushed Evan away from the door.

  They jostled back and forth, each fighting to get inside before the other. Katherine stormed outside and yelled for them to stop. Jeremy elbowed Evan down to the ground before she could break them apart.

  “What are you doing, Jeremy? You can’t push your brother like that!” Katherine scolded. Evan looked up at her and started to cry. His leg was scraped and bleeding.

  “I didn’t mean to! He kept getting in my way,” said Jeremy.

  “You stole from McCord’s General Store!” said Evan, pointing his small finger in Jeremy’s direction.

  Katherine’s attention snapped to Jeremy’s face. “Tell me you didn’t steal something!”

  Jeremy looked down at the ground and mumbled inaudibly.

  Katherine grabbed his chin. “Speak up, Jeremy! You are already in more trouble than you know,” Katherine hesitated, distracted by the smell of something burning, “What is that smell?”

  She rushed back into the house with the two boys on her tail. “Oh no!” she yelled, frozen in place. The fire from the oven had caught her newly sewn curtains on fire and it was spreading faster than she could comprehend.

  “Evan, go get father!” Jeremy yelled as he shoved him and Katherine out the front door of the cabin. Evan bolted across the field and down towards the farm his father was working at today. Jeremy moved into action grabbing buckets and running to the well to fill them.

  Katherine heard a scream from inside and Jeremy ran from the house clutching his arm. She could see that it was badly burned but she had no idea what to do. Luckily, Luke and a few other men arrived and they formed a bucket line to move the water into the house faster. Fortunately, they were able to put out the fire before it did any serious damage to the house.

  “What happened?” asked Luke, out of breath. He wiped the sweat off his brow and studied Katherine’s face.

  “I, I don’t know,” she stammered, still in shock.

  “What do you mean you don’t know? You weren’t watching? Why did you let Jeremy go back into the house by himself?” he interrogated.

  All his questions overwhelmed her and she started to cry. “It all happened so fast! I had the stove on when the boys came and they were fighting outside. It seems so petty now, but Jeremy stole from McCord’s General Store, and Evan was telling on him. I was distracted. I’m so sorry,” she cried.

  “You have to be more careful, Katherine! Jeremy is seriously burnt, and it could have been worse,” Luke said.

  He left her standing outside and she felt a cold chill run up her back. She wasn't cut out for this life, and she didn't belong here. She looked up at the house and felt disappointed in herself before she wiped the tears from her face and went back to her work. She was quiet the rest of the night, deep in thought.

  Chapter Eleven

  The next morning, when Katherine emerged from her room, Luke noticed a glow about her. She seemed happier, less sullen. He noticed how her face looked soft and sweet, not hard and pursed like it had been over the past few weeks. His anger started to melt as she watched her hug both of the boys. He was surprised to find that Jeremy was happy to see her. She chatted with them a while before turning and approaching Luke.

  “I know I haven’t been the wife I promised to be,” she said, folding her hands in front her skirts. “I want you to know that from now on I am going to do everything in my power to show you how much I care about you and your boys. All I ask is that you’re patient with me.”

  Luke admired the way her long dark eyelashes fluttered when she looked downward humbly. “Patience has never been my strong suit,” he said with a smile. “But, I’m willing to stick it out if you are,” he continued.

  “I’m more than willing,” she said, her eyes sparkling as she met his.

  “I’ll tell you what. Why don’t we all go on a walk and spend a little time together. We’ve all been working hard, and I know everyone could use a distraction around here,” Luke offered, taking her hand gently in his.

  Katherine packed a picnic basket and the four of them headed out across the meadow. They meandered along the creek behind their home. Luke pointed out plants and explained their various holistic properties or their poisonous natures. Katherine marveled at the new knowledge and she was impressed that Luke knew so much about the wildlife. She supposed that came along with living in the Wild West like this.

  The boys hopped and skipped ahead, occasionally spotting a toad or a fish in the stream and examining it closer. The trees that were sparse around their home grew denser as they made their way into the woods. Luke teased Katherine by hiding behind the trees and soon all four of them made a game of it. Hours must have passed as they laughed and playfully explored the forest. Katherine realized that she had never been so immersed in nature before. It was a revitalizing feeling.

  “Come over here!” called out Luke.

  Katherine and the boys followed his voice to an idyllic clearing in the woods. “This is perfect for a picnic!” giggled Katherine. The grass was lush and soft and the trees parted just perfectly to let the sun shine through. She was enchanted.

  They laughed as Evan insisted he was starving and patted his protruding belly. “You don’t look hungry!” said Jeremy in a silly tone.

  The boys laughed and played as Katherine and Luke lounged on a quilt and talked with one another. She was surprised by how learned he was. He was an endless well of quotes from all of her favorite books and they got lost in conversation about all the authors and poets they loved. She was completely charmed, and he was smitten. Soon, the sun hung low in the sky and they all headed back to the cabin.

  On the walk home, they strolled arm in arm and Katherine finally felt like she belonged. She realized that this was the first time she ever truly felt like she had a family, and she hoped it would last forever. She gazed up at Luke and smiled seeing how happy he looked – today had been a beautiful day.

  “I enjoyed this so much, let's make this our little spot and come back often. Don't you think the boys enjoyed it?” asked Katherine.

  “I do. I haven't seen them this happy in ages. You’ve been so wonderful with them,” he said looking at her seriously, “I'm not sure what we would do without you now.”

  “You’ll never have to find out,” she said, leaning her head against him as they walked together.

  Chapter Twelve

  The next day, Katherine was caught in her own little world as she carried water back from the stream. Luckily it was a fairly short distance to their cabin because the buckets were heavy and this was her fourth trip. She carefully navigated the uneven, rocky terrain so she didn’t spill any of the water.

  She started to think about Luke. He was a good man and surprisingly, very seductive. Her face flushed remembering the other night when he kissed her so passionately. Maybe it was time that she made her feelings clear, she thought to herself.

  When she got back to the cabin, she saw that it was almost time for lunch. Luke had likely not stopped working just to eat, so she decided to pack a lunch and bring it to him. She was ahead of her daily chores, and it would be nice to take a break for a change. Not to mention getting to spend some time with Luke. She wrapped some bread, cheese and sausage in a cloth and filled a canteen with cool, fresh water from the stream.

  Katherine strode into her room and picked up her hand mirror off the desk. She glanced at her reflection, wiping dirt off her cheek and smoothing her hair. She sighed thinking of how disheveled she looked out here on the plains without her modern toiletries from back east. It would ha
ve to do though. She dusted off her skirt and grabbed Luke’s lunch before heading out the door.

  The cool fall weather was in the air and she pulled her shawl tighter around her shoulders as she cut through the meadow. She knew Luke was plowing a field with a few other men about a mile away. She loved walking through nature. Growing up in the city had denied her many chances to spend a lot of time outside. She enjoyed feeling the earth beneath her boots and the tall grasses graze against her ankles. She could smell the fresh pine trees wafting through the air as she walked along the tree line.

  As she made her way over the hill, she could see Luke’s broad shouldered frame standing with his back to her. The afternoon sun glinted off his blonde hair and Katherine felt excited to surprise him. She called out his name and he turned around, shading his eyes from the sun. He broke into a smile and jogged up the hill towards her.

  “Katherine, my dear, what a lovely surprise!” he said, picking her up and spinning her around.

  She laughed loudly at his playful greeting and he set her back down on the ground. “What do you thing of the view?” he asked pointing out over the huge expanse before them. Katherine was breathless. From the top of this hill she could see the mountains in the distance and the tops of the forest. She could even see the way the stream cut through valley.

  “It’s beautiful Luke,” she replied after a while.

  “I want to build us a new house right where you’re standing,” he said, gazing at her intently.

  “Luke, I’m so sorry about the fire. I know it ruined the cabin you worked so hard to build,” she said, frowning.

  “It’s reminded me of what’s really important – and that’s the people I love,” he whispered.

  "You love me?” she said timidly.

  “I do. I've fallen completely in love with you, Katherine. From the letters you wrote me to our first meeting in the Inn. Even though I was sure you hated me,” he said with a chuckle.