Her Secret Life

by Tara Taylor Quinn

  The man had been tried and convicted, and then just a year or so ago had been released from prison on a technicality that had had his case thrown out. He’d gone after Bloom again, but the detective on the case had had her in a safe house.

  If anyone would understand Kacey’s frantic emotions, she would.

  “The most important thing you can do for yourself right now is talk,” Dr. Morgan said, his eyes kind. He’d also written her a prescription for sleeping pills. Kacey figured he was probably a great guy. She wanted as far away from him as she could get. “Whatever you do, find someplace where you can let it out, or images and feelings will grow larger and larger in your mind.”

  He meant well. She was sure he did. But he was scaring the shit out of her. She glanced at Lacey, who thanked the doctor and picked up the clothes she’d brought for Kacey to put on. Clean jeans, one of her favorite sweaters and pretty undies. Things Kacey kept in her room at Lacey’s house. The clothes she’d arrived at the hospital wearing were now in police custody.

  Michael was the first one out of the cubicle. The doctor and Jem followed. While she dressed, all Kacey could think about was hurrying so Michael didn’t leave without saying goodbye.

  She felt her first real smile since the attack when Lacey pulled back the curtain to reveal Jem and Michael in conversation just beyond them. Standing there like guards.

  Guarding her and Lacey.

  She was shaky, more from weak knees than anything else, but took a step forward.

  She didn’t want Michael to go home. “You okay?” He glanced at her, and the warmth of his concern brought a second tentative smile. She nodded.

  And then shook her head. “I know you have to work, but—” he’d said his sister was spending the night with Willie “—can you come over? Just for a little while?”

  She didn’t want everyone to just go off to bed. As tired as she was, the thought of lying down petrified her. Maybe if they all just had a cup of tea, something normal, she’d feel better.

  The idea sounded good to her. It was only a little after ten. She and Michael often talked much later than that.

  She caught Lacey looking at Jem. “You know, we could stop and get the prescription filled and pick up Levi if... Would you mind giving Kacey a ride home, Mike?”

  God, she loved her twin. Loved having a twin. She didn’t even have to look at Michael to know that he was nodding. “I’d be happy to,” he said.

  And then, because she was weak, he had to put his arm around her, supporting her all the way out to his car.

  * * *

  IT WAS THE first time Kacey had ever been in his car. It would be forever branded with her from that night forward, he was sure of it. Even as damaged as she was, the essence of Kacey was there in the dark, intimate confines. A bit of special in his quiet and predictable world.

  He could still feel her, leaning against his side. With a need to keep her there. Safe with his arm protecting her.

  “Thank you,” she said, sounding like she was heading downhill. Tired. But more. Far more.

  “Hey.” He reached over and took her hand. It was a first, him initiating contact, but this night had no walls between them. Only need. “You’re the one who’s always defining our friendship,” he reminded her. “If it can’t see you through this night, it’s nothing like you say it is.”

  Her eyes were filled with tears again as she looked over at him. “I love you, Michael.”

  “I love you, too, Kace.”

  As a friend. Only as a friend. And it felt good.

  He let go of her hand, started the car and put it in gear.

  * * *

  BECAUSE LEVI WAS used to Kacey coming and going, and because she didn’t think she could see the little boy without crying and didn’t want to scare him, Kacey called Lacey and let her know that she and Michael would sit out back while they brought Levi in and put him to bed.

  He was already asleep, Lacey assured her.

  She stayed out back anyway.

  “You going to call Steve?” Michael asked, standing with her at the rock waterfall Jem had built for Lacey.

  She didn’t want to. Lacey was happy to do it. That’s what twins were for, sisters were for, friends were for, right? To help when one was down? Or hurt? Or struggling?

  The water wasn’t soothing her. The trickling sound blurred other noises. Masking what was behind her.

  She flipped the switch to turn off the fountain.

  The backyard grew dark.

  She’d forgotten the landscape lighting was tied to the same switch—Lacey’s request.

  Her eyes could adjust to the dark.

  Michael was still standing by the waterfall. He’d turned to watch her trek across the yard to the switch. Hands in his pockets, he loomed large.

  And she knew that if anyone dared to enter the backyard, he’d keep her safe.

  She walked back toward him, just to be sure she was close enough in the event of an emergency, and then sat on a boulder, leaning back against the one behind.

  And knew she was overthinking to the point of paranoia. Lacey’s backyard was completely walled in.

  The incident at the beach had been random. She’d put herself directly in harm’s way by staying at the beach, alone, after it started to get dark.

  As long as she didn’t do that again, she’d be fine.

  There was no boogeyman out to get her. No darkness lurking around every corner.

  A sense of calm came over her.

  And then was gone. She shivered.

  “I have to call Steve because I have to take control or risk letting my attacker succeed in taking it from me.” She’d had to go through training at the Lemonade Stand before she could conduct classes with the residents. She had chosen to take advanced victim-advocate training as well through a program offered by the Stand.

  But until Michael had said those words at the hospital, she’d never seen herself as a victim.

  “Yes,” he said now. “But that’s not why I blurted it out when it was really not my place to do so.”

  “Of course it was your place.” She sounded irritated. But she wasn’t up for any of his not enough talk. She needed him to be with her, or not. Be her friend all in or walk away. Not just because of the attack. But because the way she’d felt after the attack—that need to talk to Michael—had shown her very clearly what a dear friend he’d become.

  If he didn’t feel the same way, now was the time for her to know. Even in her disoriented state she recognized that much. She was going to have a bit of rough road ahead of her. A woman couldn’t work with victims for a year and not be aware of emotional residuals to physical violence.

  He’d told her he loved her in the car. Because she’d said the same to him.

  It had been the decent thing to do given the circumstances.

  He’d dropped her hand right afterward.

  “I have to know, Michael. Right now. Are you with me or not?”

  He stared at her. Assessed her. She held his gaze. She wasn’t some kind of crackpot having a breakdown here. “I’m a woman holding on, and what I know is that tonight...after it happened...I wanted to talk to you. Like, if I talked to you I knew I’d be stronger. I just had to hold on to talk to you. The thought of talking to you kept me holding on. Like even if I wasn’t strong enough to fight for myself, I could fight to hold on so I could talk to you.” She was babbling. Not sure she was making any sense. “That scares the hell out of me, because I’ve only ever felt that kind of thing for Lacey, but now’s not the time for dealing with that. What I have to know is that you’re in this friendship, too. That you care, too. If it’s one-sided, I have to get out now. Because I have a feeling, over the next weeks, I might need a friend.”

  “And I’ll be there.”

  “
Not because I’m a victim, Michael. I need you there when I’m better, too. Even if I don’t have rough weeks ahead. I need to know that you need me, too.”

  What in the hell was she doing?

  A part of her—maybe rational, maybe not—knocked at her mind to make her aware that she could be walking into a minefield.

  The other part, the more pressing part, didn’t care.

  She was clutching at air.

  Doing what she had to do to survive.

  She needed to know he’d meant it when he said he loved her, too.

  Not like Bo loved her. Not Hollywood. But the way family loved. Like her and Lacey. And him and Willie. The kind of love that lasted through the bad times. That lasted for a lifetime.

  Willie. Michael already had a lot on his plate. CEO of his own quickly growing business. A family that hounded him. And a little brother whose successful future could be hanging by a thread.

  A slow build of panic started to rise.

  “I haven’t been good with words...the kind you want...for a long time.”

  He couldn’t do it. “I shouldn’t have asked, Michael. I was being selfish. I’m sorry.” She felt a sob rising up in her throat. Tried to force it back. She meant what she’d said. She didn’t need him there because he was too honorable to kick her when she was down.

  She’d been assaulted. Her bruises would fade in a few days and her body would be good as new. They hadn’t even managed to get her jeans undone, let alone touch her down there.

  She was a lucky woman. Just like the doctor had said when he’d first examined her.

  To prove her point, she stood and faced him. As soon as Lacey and Jem came back out, she’d tell him she was tired.

  She was.

  But she dreaded the thought of lying in bed alone with the night’s images in her mind.

  Probably like anything else, the specter loomed huge, but once she faced it, it would fade right out and she’d wake up tomorrow feeling entirely different.

  Better.

  Back in control.

  His hands on her shoulders surprised her. She was the toucher. Not Michael. And that was the second time tonight that he’d reached out first.

  “When Lacey called...everything else paled,” he said. “I didn’t come to the hospital because I thought you needed my immediate attention regarding a photo. I came because I had to see you. Just to know that you were okay. Lacey’s word wasn’t enough.”

  He wasn’t hurting her shoulders. Just...touching them. She stared into eyes she could barely see in the moonlight. They were glistening.

  “I don’t know what you call us, Kace. We live completely separate lives. But I want you to know that I’m here for you. And—” he bowed his head as he lightly rubbed just above the worst of the bruises “—I need you, too. When I got the call about Willie...I wanted to talk to you...”

  Oh, God. He wanted to be her friend. Her real friend.

  She stared up at him, and in the darkness, there were no scars. Just a strong man with the most beautiful face she’d ever seen. There was nothing fake about Michael Valentine.

  And she sent up a prayer that she could be worthy of the huge gift he’d just given her.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  JEM HAD AN appointment first thing in the morning, so he needed to get to bed. Lacey, who’d be staying home with Levi and Kacey, offered to sit up with her sister so Mike could get home.

  He didn’t have to be anywhere in particular in the morning—his original hope had been to meet Kacey for breakfast, but she’d had other plans. A family trip to Uncle Bob’s that had been promised to Levi. He guessed it would still happen.

  Kacey was strong. And determined.

  He needed to speak with her about that. As her secret mentor.

  “If it’s okay with you, I can stay awhile,” he said to Lacey. He saw her look at Kacey, who’d come in just behind him and then, with a look to Jem, she nodded.

  He didn’t like the message he’d seen them share. Like they were talking about him and Kacey without saying words. Finishing a conversation they’d already had about the two of them.

  This was just what Kacey and he didn’t need. Why they’d kept their friendship a secret. But he’d have to worry about that later.

  “We’ll say good-night then,” Lacey said as she and her husband started down the hall together, but she turned back. “I’m going to have my phone next to me all night, Kace. You promise you’ll text if you can’t sleep? Or if you wake up in the middle of the night? I can come lie down with you.”

  “I promise.” Kacey was standing right beside Mike now, where the living room windows looked out to the front yard. She’d glanced that way twice in the couple of seconds she’d been in his line of vision.

  “I mean it, Kacey. A real promise. None of this thinking it’s wrong to lean on me garbage.”

  “I promise.” She sounded less like herself since they’d come in the house.

  “Forget it,” Lacey said. “I’m setting my phone to ring me every two hours. I’ll come check on you, and if you’re awake, I’m staying.”

  Jem wore a half grin and nodded. Kacey nodded.

  And Mike was envious of all three of them.

  * * *

  KACEY SAT ON the couch, but before Mike could join her, she stood back up. When they’d been outside, the darkness had started to consume her. But she’d been watching for Lacey and Jem to come out, to tell her that her nephew was tucked into his bed so she could come in.

  Now that she was in...

  She had to know what was outside the front window. But no way would she look out. Or stand in front of it, either.

  “Can we sit in the Arizona room?” she asked. It was at the back of the house with a wall of windows that looked out to the waterfall.

  As an added surprise for Lacey, Jem had painted a mural above the windows. It was a beautiful sunset, with three clouds that clearly represented him and Lacey and Levi. It had been his way of telling her that she came first with him. The first time she’d seen the mural she’d been alone—having just come back from visiting with Kacey to get over her heartbreak of losing Jem—and she’d found not only the mural, but the letter from Jem that had changed her life forever.

  For the better.

  Michael followed her back out the way they’d come in and settled on the sofa.

  Yes, this was good. She sat down with him but immediately stood again. “You want something to drink?”

  He shook his head and waited while she went into the kitchen and helped herself to a bottle of water from the refrigerator. She glanced at him as she sat back down beside him.

  “When we were talking outside, you said that when you told me in the hospital I should talk to Steve myself, you weren’t referring to victim counseling.” She’d gotten sidetracked by his not thinking he’d had the right to butt in.

  “That’s right,” he said now, watching her. Like he was okay. Not like he was worried. Which was how Lacey had been looking at her all night.

  They’d talk tomorrow. Lacey had to be struggling horribly tonight, too. Lacey needed to curl up in Jem’s arms and deal. Because though she hadn’t been attacked on the beach that night, she’d be feeling like she had. It was all part of being an identical twin.

  It was also why she was going to pull back the covers and let her sister climb in with her when her alarm went off in the middle of the night. Because that was what they needed, too. Just the two of them, alone together, safe and secure, to heal.

  None of which had anything to do with her calling Steve.

  “Why did you say it, then?” she asked now.

  “Because it sounded like you were falling back into relying on Lacey for things you should do yourself.”

  She stood up again. Thin
king she’d get another bottle of water, just in case. But the one she had was still three-quarters full. Still...it wouldn’t hurt to have a second. She retrieved it. Sat back down.

  She’d never noticed how big the mural was. How it seemed to loom over the room. Closing them in. This wasn’t good.

  “Mind if we go back outside?” she asked, heading for the sliding glass door before she’d even finished the question. He was right behind her, and then in front of her stepping out into the yard before she burst out, sucking in air.

  Yes. This was better. The sky was huge. Cool air relieved her heated skin. They’d turned the waterfall back on and she made her way toward it, noticing this time the little fairy garden figures her sister had chosen to place among all of the flowering plants. Angels were always with them, they used to tell each other.

  But where had they been earlier that night on the beach?

  “They were in the barks of a dog. The man who listened to them and let his dog show him what was wrong.”

  “What?” Michael gave her an odd look, as if he wondered whether she really was going to be okay.

  “I was questioning where the angels were tonight, when I was...struggling. You know, since they’re always supposed to be watching over us...”

  Hands in his pockets, he nodded. If she’d felt better, she’d be grinning. Michael humored her and her woo-woo stuff.

  “So...you think I shouldn’t let Lacey help me?” He didn’t understand identical twins. Or her and Lacey. There was no way to stop her sister even if she wanted to.

  “Hell, no! I think you need her more than ever and that her love is going to go a long way toward helping you heal...”

  “Then...”

  “You asked for my honesty.”

  “Yes.” She wanted it more than he knew. Because it told her he was real. That she could trust him.

  That she had something solid at her back, something of her own. Like Lacey had Levi and Jem.

  No... She shook her head. That wasn’t right. Not like Jem. But like...she didn’t know what. Couldn’t think.