A Kiss in Winter

by Susan Crandall

  The moment had passed. Fate had saved her from herself.

  Mick followed near as she took several photos from different angles, often cautioning her not to get too close. As she took the last one and edged closer to the crowd gathered at midfield, the football teams emerged from the locker rooms.

  By that time, the stunned shock had begun to wear off and accusations of a Cougar prank gone too far were beginning to fly. When the announcement to call the game was made over the loudspeaker, the shouted insults between the teams escalated and a couple of shoves were exchanged.

  Mick joined the coaches and the police in their efforts to separate the two groups.

  Caroline dutifully documented it all with her camera. She could see the newspaper headline now: RIVALRY TAKES A DANGEROUS TURN.

  Kent materialized beside her. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah. Fine.” She wondered, but didn’t ask, where he’d been for the past fifteen minutes.

  He put a hand on her arm. “Let’s get you out of here.”

  She held firm. “I’m working for the newspaper; don’t you think this counts as news?” As she said it, she looked for Mick.

  He stood with his bare arms crossed over his chest, near the Springdale team bus, one of a handful of men who were placing themselves between the rival teams until the Cougars were safely on their way out of town.

  Suddenly, she wished she hadn’t come with Kent. If she’d come alone, she could do as she pleased. And right now she wanted to walk up to Mick and insist she drive him home, where she could tend his injured hands and warm his chilled body.

  It was at that moment that she realized just how much danger Mick Larsen posed to her heart—and her plan.

  Chapter 12

  As Caroline and Kent reached the gate between the stands and the field, a gate now guarded by a deputy sheriff, Macie came charging out of a cluster of students. She threw her arms around her sister. “There you are! They wouldn’t let anyone else on the field. I was so worried.”

  Caroline was surprised by the fierceness of Macie’s hug. “I’m fine.”

  Another announcement came over the loudspeaker, canceling the dance and urging everyone to go home. Even so, it took a long time for the crowd to disperse. All around Caroline and Macie, people—both students and adults—rehashed the chaotic event; where they were, what they saw, who was injured. Caleb kept a hand on Macie’s shoulder the entire time. Caroline wondered if it was an act of protection or possession.

  Kent left them for a while, but returned with the report that it appeared the girl whom Caroline had helped, the one with the shard of wood in her neck, had been the most severe injury. He said the police were being closemouthed about what they discovered after they roped off the area around the scoreboard. But Kent’s cousin was on the force and had told Kent the evidence pointed to some sort of homemade explosive device.

  Caroline said, “If they don’t want people to know, do you think you should be telling me this, especially in front of a bunch of teenagers?”

  Kent lifted a shoulder. “In this town, it’s only a matter of hours before it’s common knowledge. You think my cousin is the only one on the force with relatives?”

  Caroline couldn’t argue. Information spread faster in Redbud Mill when it was supposed to be confidential, the hush-hush nature acting as an accelerant. Keeping a secret was like trying to contain milk in a sieve.

  Even at eight, Caroline had been aware of it. There weren’t many kids in foster care in a town the size of Redbud Mill, let alone kids whose mothers had committed suicide with them right there in the apartment. Gossip had been quick and parents protective—as if Caroline carried some communicable form of turmoil that might spread to their serene families. It had taken a long time to wear that fear down.

  “Besides,” Kent said, drawing Caroline’s attention again, “it’s not news. Didn’t you hear what the kids were saying on the field?”

  “Cougar prank.” Caroline had thought the same thing; there had certainly been plenty of incidents in the past to support the theory.

  Kent shook his head sadly. “These kids pick stuff up off the Internet and have no idea how dangerous it really is.”

  Kent was right. She had firsthand experience with how teenagers, boy teenagers in particular, acted before they thought—and if they did think, rarely followed that thought through to its inevitable conclusion.

  Then she saw Mick heading their way. Bare armed and broad chested, he once again struck her as a Viking, big and strong and impervious to the cold. Her heart rattled around in her chest for a second before she got it buckled back tightly in place. Her uncontrolled reaction made her edgy and she hoped he would walk on by.

  “Everybody here okay?” Mick asked, stopping beside Caroline. His question was general, but his intense blue gaze fastened on her.

  Her heart strained against the buckle. “Yes.” She sounded as breathless as if she’d run a hundred-yard dash. She tore her gaze away from his and somehow found a calm, controlled, civilized voice when she said, “This is my sister, Macie.” She turned to Macie and introduced Mick.

  “Hello, Dr. Larsen.”

  “Just Mick,” he corrected.

  Caleb, his hand still on Macie’s shoulder, inched a little closer to her. She said, “This is my… friend, Caleb.”

  Mick nodded.

  Caleb lifted his chin.

  “The police are trying to get this place cleared out,” Caroline said to Macie. “We should go home.” Home—away from temptation.

  Mick looked beyond Caroline and extended his hand toward Kent. “Mick Larsen.”

  “Oh, sorry.” Caroline could almost smell the testosterone in the air; it came from all quarters, Caleb, Mick, and now Kent. “This is Kent Davies.”

  Kent stepped forward, but stopped short of shaking Mick’s hand. “Hey, man, you need to take care of those.”

  Mick glanced down at his hands, crisscrossed with dried blood. “Sorry, forgot.” He crossed his arms and tucked his hands against his sides.

  Caroline wondered how anyone could forget wire cuts on their hands. She kept her own hands in her pockets to keep from reaching out and taking Mick’s.

  Macie said, “I can go get the first-aid kit from the concession—”

  Mick stopped her. “Don’t worry about it. Just need some soap and water.”

  Kent ignored the whole first-aid discussion and said, “I used to watch you play high school football here when I was in junior high.”

  Mick smiled, but his eyes showed something other than cheerfulness. “That was a long time ago.”

  For a moment no one said anything. Then Macie saved them from the awkward silence when she said, “Since the dance is canceled, we’re all going for pizza.”

  “Oh, I don’t know…,” Caroline said.

  “That’d be a good idea,” Mick said.

  Caroline’s back stiffened. Who was he to decide what was good for Macie?

  Before she could say anything, he added, “Maybe we should all go.”

  Putting a hand on Caroline’s shoulder, Kent was quick to decline. “Caroline has to get her photos ready for tomorrow’s paper.”

  That hand on her shoulder reminded her of the way Caleb had marked Macie as his. She moved slightly away from Kent, but the hand remained.

  Mick’s gaze shifted between Kent and Caroline, as if sizing up their relationship.

  Macie took advantage of Caroline’s distraction. “I’ll be home by midnight.” She and Caleb left with the group of teenagers.

  Unwilling to embarrass her sister in front of everyone—especially since she couldn’t think of a good reason for Macie not to go—Caroline watched her leave.

  At this point, she didn’t know whose attitude irritated her more, Macie’s, Mick’s, or Kent’s.

  No longer worried about being polite, she shrugged Kent’s possessive hand off her shoulder and took a step closer to Mick. “I don’t appreciate you stepping between me and my sister. It’s not yo
ur place to give her permission.”

  Mick looked at her, calm and cool. He came just short of a shrug when he said, “I could tell you were going to tell her no.”

  Caroline’s eyes widened. Irritated quickly ratcheted up to pissed. “And what business is that of yours?”

  “After an event like this, it’s important for teenagers to be together.”

  “Macie is not your teenager to worry about.” He’d just handed her another reason she should not let him into her life. After all these years, she didn’t need a psychologist telling her how to deal with her brother and sister.

  Mick stared at her for a long moment, his eyes unreadable. Then he raised his hands. “You’re right. I overstepped. I’m sorry.”

  She turned toward Kent, who had a look of satisfaction on his face. “And you”—she jabbed him in the chest—“have no business answering for me. We’re going out for pizza.” She started walking toward Kent’s car.

  “Am I invited?” Mick called after her.

  “No!” both Kent and Caroline said at the same time.

  Kent pulled into Caroline’s driveway and started to get out of the car.

  “I don’t think you should come in,” Caroline said. When she realized how abrupt she sounded, she added, “I do need to get these pictures developed.”

  He set his elbow on the door and looked at her. “What’s with you tonight? First you make a big deal about letting me know you’re working. Then you jump down my throat when I mention to Larsen that you’re working. After which, you insist on going out for pizza you didn’t eat. Now you’re dumping me in the driveway… because you’re working.”

  She rubbed her forehead. “I’m sorry. It’s been an… unusual evening.”

  “You can say that again.” He put his hand on the back of her head. “How about we finish up the evening with something a little more in keeping with custom.” Pulling her to him, he kissed her.

  Blessedly, no wildfire erupted. She could kiss Kent without feeling like her control was going to rocket into orbit and never be seen again.

  As they kissed, she quickly realized Kent wasn’t any more ignited by passion than she. She fit into his “I’m dating” slot the same as countless other females had and would. Which made her feel both better and worse. Better, for there wasn’t ever going to be any real emotional entanglement to deal with. Worse because… well, a woman did have an ego, too.

  When she broke away, she said, “I really do have to work; the paper will want these photos as early as possible.” She patted his cheek. “Thank you for the flower and serving as my pack mule.”

  “That’s just what every guy wants to hear at the end of a date.” He took the sting out of his words by laughing.

  She gave him an apologetic look.

  “I’ll finish my pack-muling by lugging your crap inside. I promise not to stay.”

  He was good to his word. As soon as he left, Caroline went into her darkroom. While she waited for her eyes to get used to the safelight, she thought of her and Kent’s passionless kiss—which had that “good enough for now” quality to it.

  Immediately, her mind made a beeline right back to Mick Larsen. She feared if he’d kissed her tonight, she’d have a hell of a time recovering both her priorities and her control.

  If only she could attribute her feelings toward him to the high emotion of the evening. But that would be lying to herself; and that was one thing she’d never done. Her natural mother had been a real pro at self-deception, even after receiving painful lessons that should have taught her better. It seemed no matter how often she’d been hurt, her mother had left herself open for the same pain again. The pattern was always the same, and repeated itself until it had become branded into Caroline’s heart.

  One of those life lessons slipped forward from a past that Caroline normally tried not to think about: Caroline was officially a second grader. Yesterday had been the last day of school. She’d already been practicing her name in cursive. It was good to be a second grader; she even felt older when she woke up this morning. It was raining with thunder and lightning, but that really didn’t matter. There wasn’t any place to play outside unless she walked over to the school playground; and that just seemed a silly place to go on the first day of summer vacation.

  “You’re sure you’ll be all right, baby?” her mother asked, keeping her eyes on the mirror as she sprayed her pouffed bangs and fluffed her hair. Her mother didn’t seem to dislike having red hair the way that Caroline did. Sometimes she wondered if kids had called her mother “Red” and “Carrot Top” when she had been in first grade.

  Caroline sat on the toilet lid and brought her knees up to her chest. She wanted to say, I don’t want to be alone when it’s thundering; she wanted to say, Take me with you. But she set her chin on her knees and nodded, staring at a cracked turquoise tile on the wall across from her.

  “I just know Danny’s going to ask me to marry him—he sounded so nervous when he called and asked me to lunch.” Her mother put button earrings the size of quarters on her ears. They were lime green, to match her vest and her slouchy socks.

  Caroline didn’t know how she felt about Danny marrying her mother. He was okay, she guessed. But she didn’t much like it when he came for a sleepover; she didn’t think she’d like him living with them any better.

  Her mother got on her knees in front of Caroline and put her hands on Caroline’s shoulders. “It’s going to be just great, baby. We’ll go live in Danny’s house. He’s got a basement with a pool table and a yard and everything. Maybe we can get that puppy you’ve always wanted.”

  Why did Mommy always need someone like Danny? Why wasn’t she happy with just the two of them? Still, a puppy would be nice. Caroline tried to smile.

  There was a knock at the door.

  Her mother jumped up. After pressing her lips together to “smooth out her lipstick,” she asked, “Do I look all right?”

  “You look real pretty, Mommy.”

  Caroline stayed in the bathroom and closed the door. Thunder rumbled outside. She flushed the toilet and then turned on the water, in case her mother wondered why she hadn’t come out. Usually her mother and Danny kissed (yuck), then left for the movies or dinner right away. Caroline waited extra long before she turned off the water, not wanting to take the chance of having to make “polite conversation” with Danny.

  After coming out of the bathroom, she headed to the living room, trying to decide if she wanted to play solitaire or draw a picture. Maybe she should draw something to give to her mommy to celebrate when she and Danny got home. Mommy was so happy about marrying Danny.

  She froze just before she walked through the doorway. Mommy and Danny were still there. Danny walked back and forth across the living room. Caroline inched closer to the door and saw her mother on the couch. Neither one of them was saying anything, but her mother’s eyes looked all raccoony from crying with her mascara on.

  “I told you from the beginning,” Danny finally said. “I thought you understood.”

  “But that… that was before we fell in love.” Mommy’s voice was all quivery.

  “Aw, Jamie, don’t do this to me.”

  Her mother shot to her feet. “Do this to you! You’re the one who wants to ruin everything!” She slapped her hand over her mouth for a second, then took it away and said in a nice voice, “Just think about it; don’t decide today. We’ve got plenty of time—”

  “Jamie! Stop! I’ve been thinking about it… for a long time now.” He put a key down on the coffee table.

  Mommy made a little hiccup sound, then ran over and threw her arms around him. “Please don’t leave me!”

  He stood like a fence post while Mommy cried and said, “But I love you. I love you.”

  Danny pushed Mommy away and left without saying anything else, not even good-bye.

  Mommy crumpled to the floor like her bones had turned to water. “I need you. Don’t leave… don’t leave…” She cried so hard she was choking. />
  Caroline ran to her, putting a hand on her back. “Don’t cry, Mommy.”

  Her mother’s back shook. She pushed Caroline away. “He’s leaving me! Don’t you understand? I need him. He’s leaving…”

  “I’m still here,” Caroline said, reaching out and patting her mother’s shoulder.

  Mommy cried for a while longer. “Why is he leaving me? I can’t live without him. I can’t…”

  Mommy saying that might have scared Caroline, if she hadn’t heard it before and knew her mommy would get over it. Sometimes it took a long time. Mommy wouldn’t go to work or get dressed for a while. Caroline would make her Campbell’s soup and peanut butter sandwiches until she felt better. Mommy would get over it, just like Jenny Hopper, Caroline’s best friend at school, got over being mad at Caroline about every other week.

  And her mother had gotten over it. Then, two months later, Jared had moved in. And when Jared had gone back to his wife the week before Christmas, her mother had gone through the whole routine again; only that time she didn’t get over it.

  Caroline’s mother might not have learned from those bitter lessons; but Caroline had them emblazoned on her soul. Even seeing the relationship between her adoptive parents hadn’t been able to remove the brand those lessons left on her heart.

  Caroline gripped the edge of her work counter, feeling slightly nauseous. She would not become her mother. She would never allow a man that kind of control over her heart; to reduce her to a helpless puddle of grief. Never.

  After they left Little Italy, Caleb and Macie drove Laurel home; her date was on the football team and the team had had to stay for a long meeting with the coaching staff after the game was called. Macie was pretty sure it was just to keep the jocks from doing something retaliatory against the Cougars that could get them benched for the season.

  As they drove back into town, Macie said, “There’s the farm where we used to live. You can’t see much from the road.” In fact, there was just a single lighted window that she could see from here. There wasn’t a moon, so the outline of the roof—that which wasn’t blocked completely by trees—blended with the sky.