Love Me Always

by Marie Higgins

  LOVE ME ALWAYS

  Book One in the “Fielding Brother’s Saga”

  (previously published using my old pen name, Phyllis)

  Marie Higgins

  The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.

  Love Me Always

  Copyright © 2011 by Marie Higgins

  Cover Design by Sheri McGathy

  Edition License Notes

  This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return it and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author's work.

  For more information: http://mariehiggins84302.blogspot.com

  No Way Out – Catherine Martin is trapped. Either she wed an elderly man and commit to a marriage without love, or continue living with the father who believes her guilty of murder and one foot outside the asylum. Catherine picks marriage to the Duke of Ashton, Grant Fielding. However, when she stays with the Fielding family before the wedding, she doesn’t plan on falling in love…with Grant’s nephew, Nicholas.

  Destined for a lonely life – Nicholas Fielding loves his uncle’s soon-to-be bride, and has loved her since they were children. Now Nick must choose between his dying uncle's last wish to marry, and the woman who will make Nick happy for the rest of his life. No matter how hard Nick tries, he cannot stop his love for Catherine.

  A flurry of accidents begins to happen around the Fielding estate and soon all accusing eyes turn to Catherine. When accidents escalate to murder, suspicions expound and even Catherine’s father believes she’s gone mad. Does Nick love her enough to discover the truth?

  Dedication

  I want to thank my readers. If not for you, I wouldn’t enjoy creating new stories.

  I also want to thank my family for having patience with me. You are my inspiration!

  Chapter One

  England 1850

  Marriage – Catherine Martin shuddered – to a man old enough to be her father.

  Bile rose in her throat and her heart twisted as dreams of marrying a man for love faded away. The Duke of Ashton, Grant Fielding had been her parents’ close friend for as long as she could remember.

  Gazing into her full-length mirror, Catherine frowned. Moisture gathered in her eyes, threatening to spill forward and reveal the tumultuous emotions spinning in her head. She glanced down at her black trimmed, deep purple traveling dress, and sighed heavily. The short waist-jacket accented her figure, making it appear more slender. The color even made her hair shimmer and allowed her skin to take on a creamy complexion. Normally she would be pleased with the becoming nature of her ensemble, but today she wanted nothing more than to be garish and ugly. Perhaps then His Grace wouldn’t want to marry her.

  “Oh, Miss Catherine, keep your chin up,” her maid, Emily, said cheerfully. “You’re certainly going to make an impression on the duke. The way you look now, you’ll take his breath away.”

  Precisely the problem, Catherine thought. She shook her head and a lock of hair slipped out of her carefully styled bun, falling across her forehead. “Quick, Emily. Locate my dreariest gown and make certain it’s wrinkled beyond compare. Also, please wind my hair so tight it makes my eyes pop out of my head.”

  Her maid, only younger by a few years, gasped as she lifted her hand to her throat. “Why, Miss Catherine? I cannot do that.”

  “You must.” Catherine clutched the girl by her bony shoulders. “The man is old. Breath is vital to his health and it’s important he maintain it. I would hate to be the reason Grant Fielding had heart palpitations.”

  Emily’s dubious expression wavered slightly before she giggled. “Oh, Miss Catherine, how humorous you are. His Grace made a wise decision when he invited you to his estate to continue his pursuit for your hand in marriage.”

  Catherine dropped her hands and nodded, her heart sinking even lower. She wanted to live her life on her own terms, but the longer she pondered her dilemma, the harder her chest tightened as invisible fingers gripped her very being, suffocating her. She was trapped.

  Yet, it beat the alternative – living with a father who thought she was insane. Marriage to the duke was a way out of the dungeon she’d be in if she stayed at home.

  “Thank you for your kind words,” she muttered before inhaling deeply, hoping to release the horrid pressure in her chest.

  The rattle of approaching carriages and the pounding of horses’ hooves drifted through her bedchamber. She trudged to the opened window and peered out, the sharp wind buffeting her face. Three elegant vehicles with three outriders pulled to a stop in the circular drive.

  “They’re here,” Emily cheered as she joined her. “I’ve never seen anything so grand in my life.” She sighed. “You’re most fortunate, Miss.”

  Agony consumed Catherine, more intense now. She was far from fortunate. For the rest of her life she would be stuck in a loveless marriage.

  “Miss?” Emily leaned near the window’s ledge. “Who are those men dismounting?”

  Catherine focused on the three broad-shouldered men striding to the front door. “I’m not certain.” He leaned out a little further to get a better look. “If I’m not mistaken, I think they are the duke’s nephews.” Confusion filled her and she frowned. “I wonder what they are doing here?”

  A few times in her childhood, Grant brought his nephews when he visited Catherine’s parents. They were never really close, mainly because the boys were the age where they disliked girls…especially ones who could ride better than they could. From what she could remember, the boys’ mother died when they were young, and their father had some lung ailment that kept him inside the house, which was why their uncle practically raised them.

  Emily stretched her neck, looking closer. “Where’s the duke?”

  Catherine shrugged, turning away from the window. “Perhaps he’s waiting in the carriage.”

  The bedroom door opened and Catherine’s father stepped in. Once again, mixed emotions stirred to life. She wanted to scream in frustration – wanted to blame someone for the unfairness handed to her. Why hadn’t her parents put a stop to this ridiculous marriage idea four years ago? Just because her grandfather was Pastor over the parish Grant had attended with her father, didn’t mean they had to agree to the betrothal. Even now she couldn’t believe her father hadn’t called down hell and fire from one of her grandfather’s old sermons for Grant’s method of practically buying her since he’d paid for her schooling and most of her clothes.

  Obviously, her father didn’t think this was a sin.

  “Are you ready?” her father asked, his voice and manner too soft to be the stern Colonel he’d been for as long as she could remember.

  Catherine gave him a sharp nod then turned away. She hadn’t spoken to her parents since they’d sent her away to the girls’ school. Even at her mother’s funeral two years ago Catherine had barely said a word. Of course, the sudden death and the way her mother had been killed still left a heavy scab on Catherine’s heart. If only she could remember everything about that night.

  Pushing aside the horrid memory, she walked to the empty vanity table. Her hair ribbons and brushes had been packed in a trunk with all her other belongings. A sense of emptiness filled her. She longed for the way her life used to be.

  “Emily?” Henry Martin asked. “Would you see if Mrs. Berkley is packed and ready to travel with my daughter?”

  “Yes, sir.” Emily bobbed in
a small curtsy and left the room.

  Strong footsteps grew on the floor behind Catherine, then her father’s hands rested on her shoulders. She stiffened, refusing to give her father any affection. He hadn’t been any comfort since her mother’s death anyway.

  “They are here, Cat.”

  Catherine cringed upon hearing the nickname her parents used when she was a child, not wanting to think about those days. Instead of saying anything, she answered with another nod.

  “Please turn and look at me.” Her father’s voice pleaded. “Would you at least say something to acknowledge my presence? Four years is too long to go without speaking to me.”

  Catherine squeezed her eyes closed, willing the tears to stay hidden.

  “Cat, please. Don’t do this to me, or to yourself.” He stroked a gentle hand over the netting covering Catherine’s hair. “Dearest? Do you not understand that your mother and I did this for your future happiness? Grant has so much he wants to give you, and arranging your marriage was the only acceptable way. You’ll have so much more than your mother or I had when we started out. You’ll be blessed with a large house and many servants, not to mention the wonderful social life with many titled lords and ladies. Just think of the life Grant is offering.”

  Catherine had held her tongue for too long, and her resistance finally broke. Spinning around, she faced her father, her hands clenched into fists by her sides. “Father, can you not remember when Grandfather preached about worldly possessions and how they were not important in life? I’m appalled you are going through with this. I’m your only child. Am I not important as well? Do my feelings mean nothing?”

  She took a deep, cleansing breath. “If you cared at all, you would have realized I shared the dreams of every young girl. We come from a different world than Grant Fielding, and I don’t fit with his circle of friends. I want to fall in love with a man of my choosing – a man I can accept as my husband, who will love and want me just as much as I love and want him. I believe God wants me to marry and raise a family. He also wants me to be happy, but if you force me to marry Grant Fielding, I shall never be happy.”

  A tear ran down her cheek, but she refused to wipe it away. “Why him, Father?” she continued as her voice cracked. Her chest heaved rapidly, but she wouldn’t stop. Not now. “My dreams were snatched away when you and Mother decided Grant Fielding would be my husband. You have torn my life apart. Do you think I should fall to the floor and kiss your feet for finding me a titled husband just because he can give me everything you ever wanted?”

  Lines deepened in her father’s withered forehead, but he said nothing. Instead, she continued to voice her opinion while tears streaked down her cheeks. “Let me ask you, Father, am I going to stay with Grant Fielding because you care about my welfare or is this your way of washing your hands of the insane daughter you were burdened with?”

  Tears filled her father’s eyes, but his jaw hardened. “Catherine Elizabeth Martin.” His stern voice reminded her of being a young girl who’d been disobedient. She’d heard him use this tone with his regiment, as well. “Show more respect for your father. I do not deserve to be spoken to in that manner.”

  “And I do not deserve to have this arrangement.”

  He huffed and folded his arms. Bushy gray eyebrows pulled together as his scowl deepened. “You know perfectly well what I think about my insane daughter. Although you show characteristics of having your mother’s personality, I think it best that you get away from here, and in doing so, I pray the disease your mother had will not affect you like it did her.”

  She sighed. Not this again! He’d always thrown that line at her whenever she spoke out of turn, which wasn’t often, but enough for her to become tired of hearing it. As much as he wanted to tell her she might turn out different, she knew her father thought she would end up like her mother.

  Catherine pushed past him and fled the bedroom, heading down the long hallway to peer out another window. Her father’s retreating footsteps eased her nerves only slightly. At least he didn’t try to stop and scold her again.

  She detested the thought of the future her parents had planned for her, but she must put the past behind her and start anew. She had no other choice. Perhaps her father was who drove her mother insane, and leaving this house might be good for Catherine as well.

  From down the hall, soft footsteps creaked on the floor behind her. She spun around to meet her father’s servant. Timothy Hodgson had been with her family since before Catherine was born. Hodgson had grown up with her father, and to keep their friendship, her father hired his friend as a servant in the household after her parents married.

  Hodgson was such a kind, gentle man. Always there to help her when needed; always there to give her a shoulder to cry on. She’d miss him – more than her father, in fact.

  Hodgson stopped in front of her and smiled weakly. “Cat, I wanted to say goodbye to you before you left.”

  Tears stung her eyes again, and she gave the older man a hug. “I’m so glad you did.”

  “This place won’t be the same with you gone.” He stroked her back lovingly.

  “I shall miss you terribly.” She pulled away and tried to smile even while her lips trembled. “Please take care of yourself.”

  “I will.” He grasped her hands. Sad, eyes met hers as his gray bushy eyebrows pulled together in worry. “I wish I could go with you and look after you.”

  She shook her head. “Then who would look after Father?”

  Hodgson chuckled. “Very true.” He nodded to toward the stairs. “I think you should go down now and meet your visitors.”

  Sighing, she frowned. “I’m not ready to yet.”

  Voices carried up the stairs, and she turned to hear more. Only mumbling could be heard this far away, so she crept closer to the stairs. Stopping, she wiped her eyes and took a deep breath for courage. She couldn’t let them see how upset she was. She had to appear strong. Hurting Grant and his family was unnecessary. Because of all they’d done for her and her parents, she must show them she accepted her fate in life, although the kind of Fatherly love she had for Grant wouldn’t change.

  As her body and mind relaxed, the conversation her father had with Grant’s nephews drifted up the staircase.

  Henry Martin cleared his throat. “Why didn’t Grant come to retrieve my daughter himself?”

  “My uncle has taken ill.” A man’s deep voice answered in an irritated tone.

  “That’s terrible. May I offer my services in some way?”

  “Colonel Martin, there’s naught my uncle will have anyone do.” Another man’s voice spoke, light and uplifting. “As I’m certain you know, he does not ask for help even if he needs it.”

  “Is he so ill he needs help?”

  “My uncle is strong. His malady will soon pass,” the aggravated man spoke again. “Colonel Martin, we are on a tight schedule. Could you please instruct your daughter and her companion to make haste?”

  Catherine inhaled sharply and turned toward Hodgson who still stood beside her. “I think that is my cue to join them.”

  “I agree.” He smiled.

  She smoothed out the front of her dress, and with a straight back, continued down to meet the men who would soon be a part of her unhappy future.

  The clicking of her low heels made everyone’s head turn. She stared at the agitated eyes of her father as he aimed his glare her way. Why did he always give her a condescending look? In fact, she couldn’t recall a time in the past several years when he had privileged her with a genuine smile. He probably thought she walked with the devil himself right now because of the temper she’d displayed a few moments before.

  She forced herself to smile as she glanced at Grant’s nephews. “Please forgive me for making you wait, gentlemen.”

  Just like she’d been taught in the finishing school, she floated as gracefully as she could to her father’s side and stopped. Keeping her expression controlled, she moved her gaze to the three other men. The years
had been extremely kind to the awkward boys she remembered briefly from her childhood.

  Right away, she’d found the man who’d spoken so bitterly. Although very handsome, Nicholas’ expression appeared as dark as his hair. Panic surged through her and her head pounded with uncertainty.

  “Catherine, dear,” her father began, taking hold of her cold hand. “I believe you remember Grant’s nephews.” He pointed to the man closest to them. “This is Mr. Nicholas Fielding.”

  An angry crease marred the man’s forehead. Her heart hammered faster. Nicholas’ dark, wavy brown hair appeared as if he’d just finished running his fingers through the thickness. The deep green she’d remembered from her youth had turned as dark as his scowl. He appeared as displeased with the situation as she felt.