I grind my teeth. Eddie is too much a part of my core. I can’t rid myself of him. He’s etched into every crack and crevice other men created with their wandering ways. Out of all my lovers, he is the one to get through. Such a revelation alarms me.
Eddie places his hands around my waist, and I whimper in response. Forcing my eyes to stay closed, I feel his warmth against my back. His damned heat makes my toes curl even now.
“I can’t leave you,” he whispers into my ear.
Delicious shivers run down my spine. He nuzzles his nose to my lobe. Fuck him for knowing the weaknesses I forgot existed.
“I couldn’t leave if I wanted to. You know that, doll.” He pulls my scarf away from my neck and grazes my skin with his lips.
My heart urges me to melt. Melt into him and drown in the ‘us’ he so greatly desires. My gut tells me to run, but the rest of my body tells me I’d be crazy to move a centimeter. His nickname for me brings back all the memories. The ones I buried so deeply I need an excavator to unearth them.
“Rory, please.”
My eyes slide shut. But with one simple word, he exposes my love. I hate him for it. I can’t be his Russian doll again.
“I should go,” I interrupt, breaking free. I keep my eyes closed tight as I walk. I’ll probably slam straight into a pole, but I can’t chance seeing him. It’ll crumble any tenacity I have left.
My Mary Jane’s slide through the snow, and cool flakes sneak around my toes. I should’ve worn my boots. They keep me safer than any pair of loafers.
I take three steps before he spins me around, forcing my eyelids to open. Any words of hesitance pause at my lips when I meet his gaze. Shit! He’s my soulmate. I knew as much the instant I met him. Whether we can be together is a completely different subject.
“Eddie, please,” I beg. “Let me go. I can’t handle another round where I wake up alone the next morning.”
His eyes soften into molten, blue gold. He smirks that adorable half-grin at me, and his body hardens. “I’ll never let it happen. Not ever again, Rory,” he argues, caressing his knuckle over my lips. I desperately want to catch his finger in my mouth and taste him. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
He leans down, his breath cascading over my face, and I hold back from devouring him. His eyes flicker with lust as he reviews my body. Even covered in bulky, winter clothes, he is imagining it completely bare.
“I’m not letting you out of my sight, out of my bed, or out of my arms until I fuck the resistance from you.” He captures my earlobe in his mouth and swirls his tongue.
My legs wobble and I lean into his arms. The last of his words slink into my eardrums like warm honey. “I never see it happening, so buckle up. You’re in for a long lifetime.”
I want to squelch his promises. To curse him for plagiarizing the words written on my heart. Yet, the way he puts me at ease and makes me believe we’ll last, puts it on hold. He’s what I always dreamed for my future down to the blue eyes eternally hungering for me. I should slap him across the face for the turmoil he put me through, but I worship him too much to harm him.
Before I can think of a way to escape, he engulfs my lips, claiming them as his. I wrap my arms around his taunt shoulders and relentlessly return the kiss. I shouldn’t. It’s the worst thing I can do, but it’s what I want. It’s been so long since I felt emotion other than lust for a man. Heaven knows it’s all Alexei does to me. At least with Nickolas my heart moves an inch.
I gasp when Eddie’s tongue delves between my lips, sending my blood racing. Screw what I know. What I feel is much more pleasurable. I lace my fingers behind his neck, not caring who sees our vivacious ways. It’s Virginia in winter. Stranger things have been done.
From the edge of reality, I hear my name called. I ignore the voice and caress Eddie. The voice is closer now. Curses to whoever interrupts a kissing couple. I mean, seriously, it’s rude.
“Rory, what the hell are you doing?” The voice laced with a heavy Russian accent rumbles.
Fuck my life. I reluctantly break from Eddie’s lips. I’m familiar with it, though hearing that name on his tongue sounds foreign. I much prefer the other one he calls me.
Turning my head, I see the culprit. His usually content mouth is turned in a frown. “Hey, Nickolas,” I harshly push Eddie. “What do you want?” I ask with the nicety of a viper. It doesn’t shock me that my Russian lover stalks me. It’s kind of a package deal when you fuck a skhodka associate.
Nickolas glares at Eddie then points at me. “Have you forgotten you are engaged and not to him.” He eyes the man holding my hand loosely. “You know what Alexei will do when he finds out.”
His increasingly attractive accent stresses me kissing a man who isn’t Alexei. No shit, Sherlock.
Setting my jaw, I review the situation. It’s ironic Nickolas was the one to pull Eddie and I apart. It should be the other way around, but he is special.
I swivel my eyes to Eddie. Damn! I hate to see him like this. His once relaxed face is riddled with anger. Righteous anger, since he thought we had a chance. In his dreams. Super. Awesome. Fanfuckingtastic. The scheme is going as planned, but I’m not thrilled about it. One of the bodyguards was supposed to yank me away from Eddie not my resentful fuck-boy.
Turning back to Eddie, I place my hand on his chest. His usually pliable body stiffens, showing my success. “I’m sorry, but he’s right. We can’t do this anymore.”
Eddie flips his blazing eyes between Nickolas and me before he settles to me. “You changed, Rory. I thought with me being back and done with the military, we could get away from whatever you have with Alexei.”
I cringe at his emotion-laced words. Time to bring it home. “We’ll never be together. I’m happy with my situation without you.”
Eddie shoves my hand off and grips my shoulders. “Then you really do have a lost soul.” Gradually, his hold recedes and he shakes his head. “I loved you.”
My heart aches at his demeanor. I know he loves me, and how I feel about him, but this is for the best. If I want him to have a normal life, one without fear of death at an assassin’s hands, I have to break all ties. Too bad for me, my brain doesn’t agree.
“And I know you loved me too,” finishes Eddie.
I look to Nickolas and the urge to wipe the smirk off his face overwhelms me. He’s taking pleasure from this mutual pain. It’s of no consequence, though. Nickolas will dominate my life from this point forward. Hell, he already has.
“Evidently, I wasn’t clear.” I march over to Nickolas and pull his lips to mine. Eddie’s sharp inhale meets my ears as I ravage Nickolas’s mouth. At last, I pull away and offer the cop a bitchy grin. “See, over you and onto someone new.”
“What about Alexei?” Eddie asks, studying us with intensity.
“Oh, come on, Eddie. You know me.” I glance to Nickolas then back. “My relationship with Alexei works when we sleep around.” I squeeze Nickolas’s ass. “Too bad for you because I want him not you.”
Eddie’s jaw tightens and his nostrils flare, no doubt from the satisfied smile on Nickolas’s face. “Fine, but you’ll be back. You love me.”
At his words, my companion kisses me hard. Fucking Nickolas! If I didn’t feel awful about how Eddie is feeling, I’d enjoy it more.
“Gotta sell it,” mutters Nickolas, disconnecting our intertwined lips.
Done with this fiasco, I hastily stride in the direction opposite where the men stand in the snow.
I weave through the crowd but don’t dare look behind. Eddie is there, and I don’t want to see the betrayal in his eyes. I told him to leave me alone. I warned him, but the oaf never listens. Men in general don’t listen when I talk. The only way they listen is when I pull out my blade and threaten them. Stupid men. Of course, Nickolas’s actions didn’t help the situation, but they drove it home.
Heavy flakes fall, veiling my retreat. Nearly bumping into a little old lady carrying a Santa bag, I skate around her and scan the street for m
y car. I spot it parallel parked behind a ginormous pickup. Overcompensate much? I cross the street after a semi passes, kicking up gray slush in its wake.
My beautiful, useless, worn-down Mercury Cougar awaits my return. Alexei hates the thing, but I can’t bear to leave her in a crap pile. Not yet. She’s got plenty of life left to give, plus I need something when it’s snowy. My cycle can’t survive icy streets.
My hands shake as I retrieve the keys from my pocket. I stand at the driver’s side door and stare at it, unable to move.
“Dammit.” The chilling wind whips around me, slashing my cheeks with frostbite the longer I stand immobile. What am I waiting for? Why won’t I move?
My damn female brain is waiting for Eddie. Stupidly hoping he will punch Nickolas, run through the snow, not caring if he knocks over some dweeb on the way, and call out for me to stop. I snort at the insanity.
This isn’t a cheesy, romance movie where things always end up in happy fashion. This is real life. Life that tears your family to shreds; life that doesn’t give a shit your fiancé beats you senseless with his words and fists; life that rips away love simply because it can. This is no fairytale. This cruelty is life.
My phone chimes from my pocket, waking me from my inward venting. I check the caller ID and see it’s Alexei. Great. I shove it back into my pocket and force my hand to unlock the door. I need to get out of here.
My one authenticity is that with my family tree, I’m bound for a life on the run, not one in Eddie Harper’s arms.
Buckling my seatbelt, I have another thought. I could do what I see on television shows and movies. I can ditch my phone and drive until I get somewhere safe. I can set up shop in a sleepy town on the west coast, create a new identity and new life. “Sounds good to me,” I contemplate, starting the car.
It’s not an option. The agency depends on my intelligence. I can’t leave them high and dry. They’ll find me and throw me behind bars before I can force a tear. Plus, I have Nickolas’s connection to uphold. He is the sole man I can rely on from this point forward. Our plan to ditch the hitches in our lives comes at a cost.
Checking my surroundings, I see Eddie out of my rear-view mirror. He’s standing in the street, searching every car. He’s looking for me. Shit, Eddie, I can’t. I wish I could.
He spots me, and I shriek. Throwing the car into drive, I skid on the ice and leave him in a puff of exhaust smoke. As much as I want to lock the beautiful officer in a room and have my way with him, I want to live more.
“See ya, Eddie,” I throw to his reflection, cranking up the Blink 182 on the radio. He’ll move on. He doesn’t have any other choice.
Chapter Six
“Are you sure you can handle this?” Nickolas’s fingers dance along my bare back.
I adjust my neck and settle my chin on his abdomen. His body continues to glow from the sweat our recent consummation created. It’s erotic, the way he thrusts his entire soul into our primal act. I trust him more than Eddie and especially more than Alexei. It’s doubtless a mistake. He’s Russian and I’m in a vulnerable spot. Everything hinges on Nickolas.
With lethargic muscles, I nod my head. We’re traitors. If I lose all else, I have him. “I’ll manage.”
Nickolas pauses his mundane task that hypnotizes me. “I don’t want you to get hurt, Mishka. He could kill you.”
Studying the man three years my senior, I wonder when he turned soft. Each man has a weakness and it seems I’ve created one for him.
“You’re kind to say so, but it’s not necessary. I have no feelings.”
Sneaking his hands beneath my arms, he tugs me up to his face. “I don’t believe it for a minute.” He nibbles at my lips, tempting a full capture.
He’s right. I hate it when a guy is right. Running my fingers through his hair, I nuzzle his nose. “If this is to work, I can’t have feelings,” I remind. “It’s kind of a perk of being a cutthroat.”
“Then tell me you hate me,” insists Nickolas, his eyes shining like twilight. “Say you hate me and I’ll stop coming to your bed.” His hands swipe my hair to my shoulder. “I’ll stop kissing you until you beg for me.” He presses a kiss to my temple. “But I won’t ever stop protecting you from Alexei. We have feelings. We simply hide them at all costs.”
I inch up his body until I hover above him. From my position, I can see every scrumptious inch of his solid body.
Tilting his head up, I gaze into his fathomless blues. He’s not as Americanized as my fiancé, so his accent is extraordinarily sexy. I knew he cared for me, but his words startle me nonetheless.
I reformed my ways and let Eddie loose on the public. Yet, somehow, I find another man proclaiming his affection. I should’ve been a Jedi. Attachments are forbidden with my favorite fictional group. I need to strive to be like them.
As Nickolas runs his thumb across my bottom lip, I can’t be the zombie I once was. I want life. I crave love. My eyes fasten to his chest where his heart thuds against my breast. I’ll never feel what I did for Eddie. I’ve accepted this. Part of my heart is dead. A grin plays my face. But I can fill the space with adoration. It’s all I can afford.
“I wish I could hate you,” I respond, skimming my fingers through his thick hair. “But you’re all I have.”
His face shadows, but then he cradles my jaw more delicately than a flower. “If it’s all you can offer, then I can live with it.”
Releasing my mental hold on Eddie, I collide my lips with Nickolas’s warm ones. He doesn’t fulfill the human side of me, but the Russian part instead. It’s sufficient for my life. Love and guns don’t coincide in harmony.
***
Pulling off my leather gloves, I gape at the bloodied articles and toss them to the ground. I’ll need new ones by the end of the night. This criminal is being more difficult than the rest. I commend him for not squealing like a pig.
Over an hour has passed since I accidentally-on-purpose shoved him down a flight of stairs in the luxurious skyscraper. I’ve known him a good five years. Yuri and I worked together before. Never like this, but what else is new?
“You’re stubborn. I like that about you,” I initiate, smoothing my hair. It got ruffled when he decided to fight back. He’s moronic since I’m twice as fast as he is and have my height as an advantage. He’s a high-level assassin and the agency is correct to want him dead.
“And I’m growing bored with it.” Nudging his foot with my boot, I hear my phone ding.
Eddie won’t leave me alone. You’d think I was platonically clear when I made out with Nickolas in front of him. Since I stormed off from the park, my former lover insinuated I’m being blackmailed and he can save me. Riiiight. Because that’s worked out well over the last how many years?
My plaything attempts to crawl away, so I flick a blade into his back and stomp over to him. “Yuri, come on. You knew this day would come. The skhodka is finished with you.” I pull the knife out and he cries out in pain. “It’s inevitable with our lot.”
Yuri spits a mixture of blood and saliva towards me. Curling my lip, I shake my head. “And I’m so glad I get to be the person to end your suffering.”
“Wait!” He yelps when I grab his head between my arms. “Before you kill me, you should know something about your mother.”
His death plea catches my interest. “Speak,” I insist, loosening my grip in slight measure. I wasn’t born yesterday. I’m aware of what this agent can do with a little misdirection.
He taps on my hands when I fail to allow his throat to draw breath. I drop him all together and roll up to my feet. “Well, go on. I don’t have all night.”
Yuri rolls his neck, blood dripping down his jaw. “Alena. She fooled the skhodka before you were born.”
“Nothing new there, friend.” I take out my handgun from the small of my back. I’m all for torture, but this is slower than molasses. I fire a round into his thigh. “Talk faster!”
The target howls in agony and presses his hands to the wound. “Alena
was going to start her own group. One who would overpower the skhodka.” He coughs, blood dribbling from his chin. “The ruling families wouldn’t accept it, so they arranged for her to marry.”
My ocean blue eyes dart to him in interest. “What do you mean? She married Chuck Goldberg. I doubt they’d require such a match.”
Smiling like the devil, Yuri pushes up to his elbows. “Chuck wasn’t her first.”
My mother never spoke of any man except my father, not that we had a lot of girl chats. Still, she would’ve mentioned a first marriage. I think. Fuck, I doubt she would.
Unsure whether he’s ejecting lies to save his ass or to rile me, I lunge towards him and shove my gun to his head. “I don’t believe you,” I seethe without reprimand.
“Then do it. Kill me and never know the rest,” he prods.
“Fuck you, Yuri,” I spout off as I pull the trigger. Brain matter splatters across the floor behind him, and I shove his lifeless body away from me. It’s a pretty mess to clean up. I tilt my head and rake my eyes over the latest work of art. Blood mingled with brain. It’s a fitting end for an assassin.
Swaying on my heels, I feel my phone vibrate. “Goddammit, Edward!” I fish the thing from my pants and review the messages. More pleadings and declarations of love. I let out a frazzled breath. What he needs is a sardonic wakeup call. My mind flitters around the tempting idea. It wouldn’t be hard to scare him a little.
Replacing my gun to my holster, I give Yuri a mock salute as I speed through the structure. Whether my latest distraction was telling the truth, I’ll never know. I don’t trust anyone who spins tales about my mother. It’s my job to get the information. The agency can filter through the stupid shit I torture out of their targets. I will sift through the Alena Vald lies on my own and determine which ones are valid.
The sun sinks behind the looming buildings, creating a unique aura for the area. Hopping on my motorcycle, I adjust my helmet and pull out onto the empty side street. To my thanks, most of the agency’s kills have been in quiet neighborhoods. You know, the ones no one wants to drive through without locking their doors.
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