fiX - A ParaBnormal Fairy Tale

by Michael Golvach

  “For all we know those fuckin’ people killed him as soon as we left,” Paul said. “They were using him to bring us out there, no? I’m sure they turned him into a snack the second he outlived his usefulness. Still, this being what it is, I’m calling the big boys. The Family. That town don’t exist on any maps now. It’s about time it stopped existing altogether.” He played with the phone a little as he slowly realised the lines were cut.

  “What’s going to happen to me?” Juno asked, crying.

  “Keep your fuckin’ mouth shut.” Richard backhanded her across her bruised and battered face and watched her stumble. “I was going to let you work. I was going to take care of you, like you wanted. But you can’t even take a good beating, which means the sick-fuck customers I have lined up for you are going to be greatly disappointed. And you let Davey fuck me.” He slapped her hard and she grabbed onto him to keep from falling down. “And I told you, if you walked me into a trap, I’d come out alive and now, like I said, you can bet your sweet little ass I’m holding you personally responsible. The longer you run that cock-hoover under your nose, the worse the end’s going to be.”

  “Someone shut this fuckin’ place down while we were out. The phone lines are all dead,” Paul said. He looked at Richard. “Any bad blood I should know about at the local P.D.? Any of those new blues looking to put us out of business?”

  “Not that I know of, Paulie.” The seven Guatemalans started trying to laugh and look happy again as Richard’s eyes rolled. “Can I shoot these fuckin’ assholes, please?”

  “Yeah, what the fuck. May as well,” Paul said. Richard unloaded both of his guns into the help.

  “How about the blubbering, useless bitch?” Richard asked.

  “Yeah. As long as it isn’t me, you may as well kill it. The way this turned out, everyone but us is a liability.”

  “Can I borrow your gun?” Richard asked. “I wasted all my ammo on the fuckin’ Guatemalans.”

  “Why?” Paul asked, laughing. “She’s a stupid fuckin’ whore, and you wasted years training her to do as she’s told, for Christ’s sake. Plus, we lost all our guys collecting her. You may as well get some mileage out of her mouth. When you get sick and tired of her lame moves, break her neck while she’s swallowing. Or whatever the fuck. Do what you want.”

  “Yeah.” Richard punched Juno in the gut, dropping her to her knees, kicking and smacking her the rest of the way down to the floor. “You’re right. I’m going to have fun with you, Junie. You’re going to be my personal assistant. And you’re going to do it for free. And no smack for you. Not unless I say so. If you take care of me how I want, when I want, for as long as I want, no matter how fucked up I want it, I’ll keep you doped up twenty-four seven and—”

  “Thank you,” Juno said. “I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll do it now if you want. Just, please, don’t hurt me anymore. Don’t make me ugly.” Tears jetted from her eyes as Paul and Richard laughed.

  Paul began fishing around in his coat pockets when the front door to the warehouse creaked. They both looked over and saw no one there. Just the door, ajar.

  “Must be the fuckin’ wind,” Paul said, as his gun fell out of his coat and hit the floor. When he bent over to pick it up, it moved. Inching along at first and then sliding quickly away into the large shadow in the corner by the door.

  David walked out of the darkness first, bringing some of It with him, followed by Cadence, still wearing her light blue dress and bare feet. Looking humble and still blushing. Like they were on some sort of twisted honeymoon.

  David ordered Juno to come and stand beside Cadence. Richard moved to stop her, but he felt his face bump into an invisible wall as he started after her. The light turned slightly grey and an invisible hand smacked him across the face. Causing him to stagger, as a voice that sounded an awful lot like something he remembered from a bad childhood dream suggested he keep the fuck back. Juno scurried over to Cadence’s side, tears in her eyes, apologising up and down as Cadence silenced her.

  “If it isn’t our fuckin’ little Davey boy and his brand new piece of ass,” Richard said. “She’s a little honey, isn’t she? How the fuck did a loser like you manage to trade up? You going to put her to work for you, Davey? I’ll be happy to teach that beautiful little bitch how to behave. To bring in the money you need to get back on the dope train. You know you’ll be back on board. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But soon enough you’ll be back in the saddle. Riding that horsey. Face down in the brown. You’re a fuckin’ junkie. Always have been. Always will be. And, when you come crawling back, your arms like Swiss cheese, I’ll still be here to feed you. And I’ll still remember every promise I ever made you. And you know I make good on my promises.”

  David started to voice his objection, when Cadence silenced him, which he immediately reversed, but not before she could start talking.

  “Gentleman.” Cadence nodded politely to them both. “Although it was my express wish not to come and visit you, my betrothed...” I know we’re not married yet, officially, but may I call you my husband? Cadence paused her speech, but didn’t turn around. Paul and Richard waited for her to finish saying whatever it was she had to say.

  Of course, angel, David said. The formalities are just formalities. I’m yours and you’re mine. And you may call me any time. David winked and let out a chuckle as Cadence giggled and Richard looked at him sideways.

  Cadence squealed. “Oh yay!” Paul and Richard looked confused. Or aggravated. Maybe both. Cadence didn’t care. “My... My husband,” she said, stuttering. “He’s my husband,” she said, this time with joy, as she bounced up and down and pointed back to David. Paul and Richard waved to him as the looks on their faces grew more and more pained.

  You are beyond adorable, angel, David said.

  “You were saying?” Paul asked.

  “And he thinks I’m adorable.” Cadence blushed and placed her hands over her heart. “Anyway...” She cleared her throat. “My husband believes we will not be able to live in peace as one with each other until you are both removed from our lives permanently—”

  “I don’t know about that, but you must be as dumb as a post if you think—” Richard interrupted before Cadence silenced him and David, simultaneously, delivered a solid punch to his left temple.

  David held up his hands and moved back behind Cadence slowly, bowing his head to her as she shook hers in reply. “I’m sorry, angel. It’s just... You know? Daniel.”

  I’ve got my work cut out for me with you, don’t I? Cadence asked, grinning. One day, I promise you, those things he said about me when we were younger won’t make you snap and beat the stuffing out of everyone who verbally assaults me.

  Yeah. We should go visit him later. Maybe that would help me release those demons.

  David, you’re just... I love you. And thank you, but now... may I finish speaking to these two, please? David nodded and Cadence nodded back. You, honestly, don’t have to protect me. ...But I love that you do.

  Cadence continued speaking to Richard and Paul. “And, while we disagreed, peacefully, on our drive into the city, I can now see, from what I witnessed both before and after you became aware of our presence, he was correct in his presumption you would continue to be a problem for us in the future.” She turned back to David, blushing and looking up sheepishly. “I’m sorry I doubted you, my beloved.” David smiled back at her and she spun back around. “And now, if you would be so kind as to refrain from referring to me with such foul and indiscriminate language, I will see to Juno and leave you boys to your business. But please forgive my saying this. Because... Oh... I know it’s improper. Indelicate, perhaps. But I’m very much looking forward to consummating our beautiful union, and if either of you two pests make this take too long, I’ll be forced to interrupt and break every bone in your bodies. Dear?”

  Cadence looked back at David and he walked forward, kicking the gun on the floor to the side as he approached Richard and Paul. As Cadence stepped back to g
ive the floor to David, still smiling, she looked once more at Richard and Paul and mouthed: “Remember. I’ll kill you both and bathe in your blood. Be civil and expedient, please.”

  “You letting your woman do all the talking for you, Davey?” Paul asked. “She got your balls all twisted up already?”

  Paul and Richard’s faces both began to turn blue as David took their scrota into his hands and made fists. Paul tried to strangle him while Richard delivered blows to his face and body. Their efforts yielding no result other than causing them even more pain.

  “As the enchantingly beautiful woman, into whose arms I am also dying to return, requested... Excuse me, dear. As my wife requested...” David looked over at Cadence, who waved back, smiling wider, blushing even harder and batting her eyelashes more slowly than he’d ever seen before. “Please act with decorum and do not refer to her using any vulgarities. In fact, don’t refer to her at all. This business. This is between us. Leave her out of it. Let this end as quickly as possible, or you’ll both be so much sorrier.”

  “Okay.” Paul breathed heavily, turning purple and grimacing. Richard nodded, unable to talk. David released his grip and they both fell to the floor. Assuming foetal positions instantly.

  “I understand you gentleman have been looking for this.” David pulled a small cassette tape from his front jeans pocket. “While I must admit, at first, it bothered me greatly that you wouldn’t believe me when I assured you I wouldn’t return it, and allow Junie and myself to live our lives in peace where no one would ever find us... I have to thank you, now, for your perseverance. It’s only proper.” Richard and Paul looked up from their positions on the floor. Starting to get some good feeling back. “And to answer your question, yes. Yes, that gorgeous, brilliant, bewitching and wonderful woman is rubbing off on me. Much more quickly than I ever thought possible. Perhaps because I’ve known her before... But, as I was saying, I must thank you two for not giving up on this tape. For if you hadn’t pushed and pushed and pushed, I never would have met her. I would have never found her again. The love of my life. And who knows? I might still be out here, in the city, thinking about stealing or shooting up. Wasting even more years of my life with Junie, lying to myself that things were good and they couldn’t get much better. But, thanks to you gentleman, I now know life can be better. And it is better. So much better. I can’t wait to get started on it. I feel like a kid at a theme park. Or a teenager at a strip club... But I’m getting off the subject. I’ve got to tell you. I never saw this day coming, but you two made it happen.” Paul and Richard both continued to fake smiles of happiness. “For that, I owe you a debt of gratitude.”

  David took a lighter out from his other pocket and lit the tape on fire. Letting it burn halfway, until the molten plastic dripped onto his fingers. He let it fall into his palm, watched it finish burning, closed his fist and opened it again. Noting, to his delight more than anyone else’s, that the tape had vanished.

  “So we’re good?” Paul asked. Wondering why Richard had become so tight-lipped. Especially now that the one man in the world he’d been itching to kill was treating them like infants.

  “Oh no,” David said. “We’re not good. Far from it. That debt of gratitude isn’t enough to buy either of you out of the end you deserve. Ricky, you’re first.”

  Paul tried to get up, but he found himself unable to move. Trapped in an extremely small glass prison. Which, to both Richard’s and Juno’s horror, made it appear to them as if he were nothing more than a head floating three feet off the floor.

  As David turned around to look into Cadence’s eyes again, he felt a baseball bat strike him on the side of the head. To his amazement, it didn’t hurt at all.

  Looking behind him he saw a cloud of darkness, ripping the bat from Richard’s hands and throwing it to the floor. Then the darkness condensed and took on a human form. One David hadn’t seen before. One that looked more like a nightmare than a vision.

  “Who the hell are you?” Paul barked, trying not to sound scared. “Where’d you come from?”

  “Didn’t see me coming, did you? My name’s Matthew, but junior insists on being a wise-ass, so he only calls me Matt. You know what I mean, right? He’s got a big fuckin’ mouth for such a little guy.” Paul smiled weakly, starting to shake. “Anyway, I’m Davey’s uncle,” the shadow continued. “Be thankful I’m letting my favourite monkey take care of this.” He pointed at Richard. “I asked him to save you for me, Ricky, since you ignored my warnings and talked to me like I’m some kind of an asshole on the phone. But he’s being selfish about it.” Richard looked like he was going to cry. Or vomit. The form the shadow presented was one, it appeared, that Richard knew well. And one he feared more than anything. The shadow looked over at David. “Now, come on, kid. Finish this shit up. I’m on a clock.”

  Juno looked at the shadow as It spoke, like she didn’t understand a word of what It had said. With no spell cast upon her, she began to reek of urine, once again.

  “Look, sir,” Paul began blathering. “I’m sorry I ever doubted you. It was Ricky, mostly though. I apologise for... whatever the fuck. I don’t even know what—”

  The shadow roared. “Are you making a point? Shut the fuck up, Paulie. Or I’ll take over from here, whether Davey likes it or not. And believe me, whatever he’s got up his sleeve, my way is a whole lot worse. What was that you said when you thought you were safe? Fuck me?” The shadow looked over at David again. “Now, please, can we get a move on?”

  “Sure, uncle. Thanks for the assist.” David pointed behind himself. “Go wait it out with the ladies.” The shadow grumbled, causing the floor to buck and crackle. “No offence. I just meant... Wait with the others. Can you let me do what I’ve got to do? You say you’re on a schedule, then you bust my balls. Give me a fuckin’ break, all right?”

  “I’m busting your balls? You little fuckin’ piece of shit. You’ll always be my favourite monkey.” He pointed at Richard and Paul, who both looked at the floor immediately. “Ready? Now have fun not seeing me going, either.” Then the shadow turned back into a gloom that painted Itself in the corner by Juno and Cadence.

  Richard started to speak as he and Paul brought their heads back up, but no words came out. David reversed the silence Cadence had cast upon him.

  “Look,” Richard said. “The tape’s gone. I get it. Your uncle wasn’t a bullshit story. I’m... Everything’s cool. You can disappear. I swear to God I’ll never look for you again.” David pointed back to the women. “Your lovely wife. Even Junie. I swear. Hands off. They’re free.”

  “For some reason I’ll never understand, you still believe you’re in a position to dictate terms,” David said. “And, as much as I’d love to believe you, after feeling the sting of the bat you swung at me the minute I turned my back on you, I’m going to have to say no to your counter-offer. So you’ll get the offer I was originally going to make you which, if I’m not mistaken, you didn’t even have the good grace to listen to, much less consider. I’d advise you to negotiate more carefully in your future, but you don’t have one.”

  Richard squirmed as David’s left hand gripped him around the throat and squeezed. “I’m going to take one chunk out of you for every time you called Junie a... Well, I won’t repeat what you said out of respect for my wife. And this is a ballpark estimate. I honestly can’t remember how many times you maliciously insulted her. I’d have to remember how many times you opened your mouth and spoke. And we don’t have time for that.” David picked up a Machete from the floor and began poking away. He’d cut seven long slices and twenty-four good sized holes in Richard, all over his body, that Cadence stopped from bleeding, with kisses blown on heavy breaths from across the room, by the time he was done. Richard got to keep the pain, though.

  David dropped him to the floor, as he flailed around and cried in agony. “And this, my nearly dear departed Ricky, is for just thinking of taking my wife, beating her until her face couldn’t be fixed, getting her hooked on drugs, pi
mping her out, using her until you got sick of her, and then forcing her to overdose and die in the gutter.”

  “I never said I’d do anything to her, I swear.” Richard cried and begged as he scrambled to his knees. Praying for something.

  “I never accused you of saying it. I accused you of thinking it. Which you did. I heard you,” David said. “She heard you too.” Cadence nodded, smiling and blushing even more. “What you thought and what you chose not to say are, unfortunately for you in this case, completely unacceptable. Although, I’ve got to admit, a part of me would love to see you try to control my wife. Because let me tell you something, Ricky. She’s a monster. She’d tear you apart. And she’s much more creative than I am. So goodbye, Ricky. This will be slow and painful. May your God curse you and reject you.”

  “Please?” Richard begged.

  David paused for a moment, rubbing at his chin. “Ricky. I should apologise for all the gay-bashing and paedophilic remarks I’ve badgered you with ever since I’ve gotten to know you. I’m not a homophobe. And I’m against violating children. I mean... Look, what I’m saying is, I never meant any of that stuff. I just said it because I knew it really pissed your fuck-ugly ass off.”

  “David.” Cadence quickly placed her hands in front of her mouth. Embarrassed at her outburst. “Language. Please?”

  “I’m sorry, dear. You’re quite right. That was uncalled for and unnecessary.”

  “Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Richard asked.

  “I don’t know. I feel like a new man, though. What do I care about you?” David grabbed Richard around the shoulders and head, mentally asked Cadence to cement his knees and feet to the floor, silenced him and walked him, slowly, in a circle. Sliding the Machete through his chest while breaking his neck, spine and everything else in Richard’s body that wasn’t meant to go a whole three hundred and sixty degrees around. Juno began vomiting well before they’d reached the twenty-five degree portion of the ride, holding her hands over her ears to try and drown out the horrifying wails of torturous pain coming from Richard’s mouth, while Cadence watched David kill with love and adoration.