Next to Me

by Veronica Cochrane

  Chase

  THE three-week countdown was reduced to days and then hours. I tried any method available to distract me from our upcoming reunion, anticipating the full month we’d have together after his tour ended. After our… eventful Skype date, the time until I saw him was at least manageable, and I threw myself into my schoolwork for the last few days of our separation.

  We kept texting like we had been doing since he left, but it took on a racier tone now. His tour schedule left him traveling on the bus nightly for the rest of their dates, so unfortunately we didn’t get to have a repeat of our Skype fun, leaving us both frustrated and even more eager to see each other.

  On the day before Carter was due back in town, my classes ended relatively early. I caught up with Eli, my former TA turned sort of friend, as he was leaving one of the studios at the same time I was getting out of my last class.

  “Hey, teach,” I called out to him when I was close enough for him to hear me.

  Eli was somewhat of a rising star in classical piano circles, attracting the attention of the Artistic Director of the New York Philharmonic early in the master’s program Eli had now almost completed. I had so much respect for his musicianship, and he was my go-to person for career-related advice these days.

  Eli and I had a solid relationship. I may have misinterpreted his kindness in our early days and had a bit of a hopeless crush on him last year, right when he was starting to date his boyfriend, Ryan. Eli and Ryan were the definition of an up-and-coming power couple in the New York arts scene. Ryan worked as an administrator for a major theater company, and his brilliance at planning and logistics balanced out Eli’s creativity to a tee. It wasn’t until I saw them together that I understood they were made for each other and I had absolutely no chance with Eli. Eli had fallen fast, and no other guy would ever be on his radar. Now we were friends, and the awkwardness of my infatuation was basically forgotten.

  He greeted me with a brief hug. “Hey! I haven’t seen you around much lately.”

  “I’ve been around. Busy. Classes. The usual,” I replied, shrugging.

  “Yeah, that tends to happen in junior year. Wanna grab a coffee really fast? I have office hours in half an hour, so I’ve gotta make it quick.”

  I nodded, and we headed in the direction of the closest coffee shop on campus, filling each other in on pieces we were working on and program gossip.

  “So how’s Ry?” I asked when we were seated with our steaming mugs in front of us.

  “He’s fine. They’re in casting for a new off-Broadway musical right now, so he comes home each night with some crazy stories of failed auditions. He’s stressed out by the whole process, but that’s nothing new. What about you? Any new guys hanging around?” He raised his eyebrows suggestively at me.

  Carter and I were so new and undefined, I hesitated, not sure if he would want me broadcasting whatever was happening between us.

  “There’s… a guy,” I started.

  Eli is a good listener, and I was still conflicted about the whole situation with Carter. Maybe an outside perspective would help me get a grip on how I felt and what I wanted. A grin broke out on Eli’s face.

  “A guy is good. Tell me more.” He sat back, ready for me to go on.

  “It’s… complicated. I knew him a million years ago, and we were close. I had a wicked crush on him forever, but he was in the closet. I made a move right before his family left town when we were in high school, but it didn’t go over very well, and we hadn’t spoken since. But now we’ve… reconnected, and it’s good between us. Really good. His job is high-profile. He’s out now, but he’s gone a lot. All my feelings are coming back super quickly, and I just don’t want to fall for him and then for him to leave again.”

  I dumped everything on him, talking way too fast and realizing how good it felt to get it off my chest.

  Eli took a minute to think before he responded to my rambling dialogue. “Wow, that is a lot. And he feels the same way you do now?”

  “I think so. He admitted recently he had feelings for me back then too, but he wasn’t ready to come out.” I omitted exactly how public the declaration of his feelings for me had been. “We’ve been texting and flirting while he’s been gone the past month, and it’s gotten… intense.” To say the least, I added in my head. “He gets back tomorrow, and we’ve been talking about seeing each other a lot while he’s around. Seeing what happens.”

  Eli nodded. “I guess it all boils down to two questions. Is taking the risk on him worth it, and is being with him sometimes enough to make up for when he’s gone.”

  Eli was full of all kinds of crazy insight. What he said made sense. I only wished I knew for sure what the answer was.

  “And how good the sex is,” Eli tacked on with a wink, as if to disprove my inflated opinion of his maturity. I snorted at his crassness.

  “You’re right. I just don’t know what I want.” I couldn’t help a little bit of dejection in my voice.

  “You don’t have to decide today. Take some time. Get to know him again and see what you want. You don’t owe him anything. Put yourself first, and do what’s right for you.”

  I nodded, thinking back to how Ty had basically given me the same advice.

  “Yeah. It’s just, when he’s around, I can’t think straight. He’s gorgeous. Charming. We connect about music. Have the same sense of humor. His voice, the way he looks at me…. He’s completely overwhelming, in the best possible way.”

  Eli chuckled at my doe-eyed description. “Well, that says a lot too. The best ones are completely distracting. Talk to him. See where he’s at. Maybe he’s willing to make changes to be with you too. He sounds like someone worth fighting for.” Eli’s face took on a longing expression. Clearly thoughts of his own man were running through his mind.

  I agreed with him. It was useful advice, even though I couldn’t tell him the specifics and I was skeptical about how much Carter would ever be able to change his travel situation.

  Eli glanced at the clock on the wall behind me, taking the last sip of his coffee. “Well, I should go. Let me know what happens with your guy. You’re smart. You’ll figure it out.”

  He stood, offering me a hug and a farewell before he walked out the door and back to his office. I made my way downtown, stopping to pick up some Thai takeout for an early dinner before I got home. The weekend was in front of me and Carter’s visit at the forefront of my mind.

  Carter

  I STEPPED through the automatic doors to the airport with the one duffel bag of clothes that weren’t shipped home and the acoustic guitar I never traveled without. I made sure my sunglasses were on and pulled my ballcap down a little to shadow my face. Going through DC wasn’t nearly as bad as flying through LAX, but there were wannabe paparazzi with camera phones everywhere.

  I breezed through check-in, looked at the time on my smartphone, and made my way to a secluded corner near my gate. I scrolled through my messages, with only one new one from Chase telling me he was on his way home from school to start his weekend, and he was looking forward to seeing me tomorrow. Little did he know, I had sweet-talked my manager into changing my ticket for a day earlier than the rest of the band, and I would be at his door in only a couple of hours. I smiled to myself, unable to contain my elation.

  I made my way through JFK like I had done it a million times. Maybe it hadn’t been quite a million, but it had been enough that I knew the layout and where the washrooms were. I ducked into a restroom to freshen up a little. It didn’t help a lot, but it was the best I could do right now, and I was too enthusiastic to get to Chase’s apartment to spend much time cleaning up. I hopped in a cab, giving the driver the same address Chase provided the night of the NYC concert. We slowly made our way through the freeways and then across the grid of lower Manhattan, inching my way closer to having Chase in my arms again.

  I texted Cory, letting him know I’d made it, and then sent a few quick replies to messages from fans on my social media accounts. I
refrained from texting Chase, not trusting myself to avoid inadvertently blurting out my plan and ruining the surprise five minutes before I showed up.

  We arrived in front of his building. I paid the driver and gave him a generous tip for getting me to Chase’s quickly before I pulled my bag and guitar out of the trunk. With the attempted disguise no longer required, I took off my hat and sunglasses. I wanted nothing more than for my guy to see my face when I got to his apartment.

  A delivery driver was fortunately exiting the building when I got to the doors, so I let myself in. I headed to the elevator, buzzing with nervousness as much as excitement. The elevator was slow to arrive and slower to get to his floor.

  I walked quickly down the hall, feeling like I had run a marathon by the time I located his door. Taking a calming breath, I ran a hand through my hair and knocked. Footsteps grew louder, the lock clicked, and then the door swung open.

  I had never in my life seen anyone look more beautiful. He was wearing a pair of blue flannel pajama pants and an oversized hunter green Julliard sweatshirt, grown soft and ragged from wear. His feet were bare, and his hair was a little bit of a mess, still damp from a recent shower. But to me, he had never been so handsome.

  He was blocking the doorway, obviously completely shocked to see me. His hands went to pull at his clothes self-consciously while he struggled to find the words to greet me. So I jumped in and spoke first.

  “I couldn’t wait until tomorrow,” I said simply, with a shrug and a guilty smile.

  And all at once, he shrieked and pounced on me. I had only a second to drop my guitar case to make sure I could catch his weight. Nothing on the planet had ever made me show such little regard for my treasured instrument, but in that moment, it was merely something else keeping me from holding Chase the way I wanted to. He wrapped his legs around my hips and glued himself to my chest. His arms went around my back, hugging me so tightly I was mildly concerned about damage to my ribs. I drank him in. The smell of his apple shampoo as I buried my nose in his hair. The perfection of his weight in my arms. The feeling of him as he enthusiastically kissed my neck, my jaw, anything he could reach, was exquisite. I wanted to live in that moment forever.

  Just when I thought it couldn’t possibly get any better, his lips found mine in a brutal, possessive kiss. This kiss was nothing like the first time. It was aggressive and determined and passionate. Weeks, months, years of desire channeled into one unbelievably hot meeting of our lips.

  His tongue demanded entrance to my mouth, rolling and sucking until I was achingly hard and a wobbly pile of goo all at the same time. I grabbed his thighs, steadying him while he squirmed against me. My arms burned from holding him up, keeping him both safe and as physically close to me as humanly possible.

  I had the fleeting thought that we were standing in his doorway, wide open for anyone walking by in the hallway to see us. Even though we were in the heart of the East Village, the gay mecca of New York City, there was still such a thing as common decency. I bent slightly to lift my guitar case and bag with one hand, never breaking our kiss, carried him into the apartment, and slammed the door behind me.

  “Oh God, C,” he moaned against my mouth once we were inside.

  My arms were melting into jelly because he was turning me on so much. I gently encouraged him to stand on his own.

  “What are you doing here?” he gasped, barely detaching himself from our embrace.

  “I couldn’t wait,” I said again. “Caught… an earlier flight.” I barely managed to get the words out between kisses.

  He pinned my back against the door. The urgency of the kiss was fading, but it was still intense and demanding. His hands framed my face, controlling the kiss and holding me where he wanted me. His hips were tight against mine; the pressure of his hard cock aligning with my own was making me lose my mind. I could already feel the heat radiating through his thin pajama pants. I found the perfect globes of his ass and clutched him tighter against me, encouraging him to roll his hips into me. We were moaning and gasping into each other’s mouths. I had no idea how I knew what to do. Instinct, I guess, or the few gay porn videos I had seen in desperate moments when nothing else would satisfy my horniness.

  “Bed,” he finally demanded, breaking the kiss for a fraction of a second.

  He pulled me farther into his small apartment, which was a feat in itself as we simply were not capable of taking our hands off each other. We had to stop several times on the short walk to make out, grabbing at each other to bring us closer together.

  When we finally made it into his bedroom, he drew his mouth away from mine, breathing heavily. He stroked my cheek and looked at me deeply. His pupils were blown, his hair was all over the place, and his lips were red and swollen. He looked completely debauched and more beautiful than ever.

  “Is this okay, C? We don’t have to do this if you’re not ready.”

  His care and consideration broke me. I nodded, needing to reassure him that I wanted this as much as he did. Maybe more.

  “Maybe not… everything tonight. But God yes. I want this. Want you,” I stammered, gasping for air between broken sentences.

  He responded by kissing me again. Slower this time, but just as powerfully. He lifted his arms, and I gathered the hem of his shirt, running my fingers up his torso while I pulled it over his head. I explored his back, gliding my fingers up and down his spine while he caressed my jaw. The heat from his skin, the amazing feeling of his naked body under my hands, was overwhelming.

  I moved to study the curvature of his chest while he slid my shirt over my head and took my hands off him for mere seconds as he slipped the unwanted garment off. Then I reached for him again. I ran my hands over his collarbone. I nuzzled his pecs, his flat stomach, his pretty pink nipples, which made him gasp. The reaction encouraged me to play with them some more, circling the pebbled skin until the buds grew hard under my fingers. The noises I was drawing from him were so fucking hot. I pressed my body against his. His breath was warm against my neck, and I locked my hips to his as I continued rolling and pinching the rosy nubs with my thumb and forefinger. He began gyrating his hips against mine, silently begging for friction on his still-clothed cock. A wet spot formed on the front of his pajama pants. Fuck, it was so hot how responsive he was.

  “Stop, stop, or you’ll make me come!” he finally cried out.

  Hearing him say that skyrocketed me closer to my own orgasm.

  I let go of his abused nipple and continued kissing his neck, slower this time. God, he felt so good. He leaned back a fraction, again questioning with his eyes as he slid his hands down my body, reaching for the button on my jeans. I nodded with maybe a little too much enthusiasm, biting my lip to prevent myself from crying out. After toeing off my boots to get them out of the way, I ran my fingers along his midriff, dipping them just inside the elastic of his pants to tease. The back of his hand skimmed my throbbing cock when he pulled down the zipper. I was so close already, it wasn’t going to take much to set me off.

  My jeans fell from my hips and landed in a pile at my feet. I kicked them away and dragged Chase’s body back against mine as close as I could get him. There were still far too many clothes in the way. Hungrily kissing him, I slid his pants down over the silky-smooth skin of his ass, gripping and squeezing the taut muscles as they were revealed.

  He guided me toward his bed and laid us down on our sides next to each other, fervidly touching and exploring. He looped his thumbs into my boxer briefs and pulled them down over my red, swollen length, finally leaving nothing between us. Seeing his cock exposed for the first time made my mouth water. He was perfectly proportioned, uncut, and dripping fountains from the dark head.

  Our strenuous gasping made it difficult to maintain a kiss for any length of time. He ran his fingers down the underside of my cock, making me moan and shake with need. He rolled over, reached into the drawer of his nightstand, and coated his fingers from the tube of clear liquid he kept there. God, imagining him us
ing that on his own, touching himself alone at night, made me crazy.

  He fisted my erection first and then his own, rubbing the lube over both of us. His hard cock next to mine was a sensation I wasn’t prepared for. I struggled to keep it together, rolling my hips instinctively and uncontrollably. I clawed at his ass as he worked both of us. My nerve endings were all firing simultaneously as his hand moved faster and faster, my breaths getting more erratic and my body tensing. Our eyes were locked, fighting to stay open as though neither of us wanted to miss a second. We gasped into each other’s mouths for air.

  “Oh God, C!” Chase cried out, and he spilled hot come over both of us.

  I followed him a heartbeat later on a helpless moan, the vision of his cock spurting against mine etched in my brain. The image of our combined releases, mixing together on our spent cocks in his hand, was enough to wrench one last tremor from me. His hand slowed to a stop. I inhaled deeply, trying to regain some control of my body.

  He ghosted his lips across my jaw, mouth curling into a grin against me.

  “Was that okay?” he whispered into my ear. It seemed he suddenly needed reassurance after having displayed such confidence through the entire encounter.

  “It was… perfect.” My voice cracked as I tried to express with mere words how life-changing doing that with him really was. How experiencing this with him for the first time was everything I could have wanted, and how it meant so much more to me than simply the joining of our bodies.

  He grabbed some tissues and cleaned us up quickly, both of us utterly wrung out.

  “Stay with me?” he asked with a shy smile. As if I could ever deny this man anything.

  “Always.” I tucked him against me until his breathing evened out in contented sleep.

  Chase