Next to Me

by Veronica Cochrane

  His confidence grew quickly. His thrusts became more forceful and deeper; he pulled almost all the way out before plunging back inside me hard and fast. He changed the angle slightly, skimming my prostate with the head of his cock. I shouted with that move, begging him to keep hitting me there.

  “Oh God, Chase, you feel so good. Baby, oh fuck. I’m so close,” he moaned.

  He took me more forcefully with each pass, nailing my gland with way more accuracy than he should have been capable of his first time. He reached for my aching erection, and as soon as he stroked me once, I immediately came over his hand, crying his name on each pulse. He thrust twice more, and then he was there too, pounding his release into my waiting body. His orgasm seemed to last forever, and he was a shaking mess once it finally subsided. He pulled out gently and got rid of the condom before collapsing alongside me, his breathing still sounding fast and unsteady.

  “That was…,” he started, then trailed off, his eyes unfocused but his smile wide.

  “That was fucking amazing,” I finished for him.

  Chase

  THE band worked through the weekend, refining the songs and getting them ready to record the following week. I spent the weekend on the couch in the rehearsal hall with them, my study materials surrounding me and my focus divided between the music the Thorns were playing and the music my books taught me about. The live version was unquestionably more interesting, but as difficult as it was to concentrate, I forced myself to prepare for my last exams coming up in the following days.

  Carter was bouncing off the walls on Sunday evening, awash with the need to get started laying down the tracks. He was so enthusiastic about the new catalog the Thorns had been working on the past few days it was hard to not find his excitement contagious.

  Monday morning went by so slowly I thought it would never end. It was the final lecture of the semester, so it was basically a review session with no new material. I found it nearly impossible to pay attention to what was going on and not let my mind wander to the recording studio in Brooklyn.

  I had the exam for the music history class in the afternoon, and at two o’clock, when it was over, I was out the door like a shot. I made my way through the subway and over to Brooklyn as fast as the transit system let me, tapping my fingers anxiously on my messenger bag the whole trip, my stomach in knots, hoping the label would like what they heard.

  When I reached the studio, the band was in the middle of a song behind the glass. The studio technicians were working to capture what Thorns was performing, and Cory sat on the edge of his chair, nervously chewing a pencil. I came in quietly and found a stool as out of the way as possible. They played for another few minutes, finishing the song on a flourish. Cory flipped a button and talked to the band for a second through the microphone.

  “That’s great, guys. Let’s do it one more time. Cart, you can go a little harder on the vocal runs after the second chorus. Play with it. Don’t hold back. Guys, let him go where he needs to with that part. If he goes longer, stay with him. See what happens with that.” Cory turned to me after he was done addressing the band. “Hey, man.”

  “Hey. How are they doing so far?” I asked.

  “It’s going really well. We’re almost done with this first track, and then we’ll see if we can bang one more out today, depending on how Carter’s feeling. Don’t want to blow out his voice on the first day.”

  “Good stuff,” I responded absently, waving to C when he noticed I was there.

  “Gonna be a fucking good album,” one of the technicians chimed in. “It’ll be a hit. The label will probably want it done quickly so they can be touring by the end of the summer.”

  My stomach dropped at his words.

  “Yeah, hoping to go international this time,” Cory mumbled, his focus on the band as they got ready to go again. “It’s gonna be huge.”

  I tensed on my stool. Waves of panic hit me quickly. My heart started hammering, though my blood ran cold. Their words rang in my brain. International tour. Leaving in the summer. I had been focusing so much on their new songs, I hadn’t processed the timeline. Of course the label would want them to tour right away.

  Ash counted the band in, and they started the song again, but the noise was muffled in my ears. Things between Carter and me were so damn good right now; how was I going to be okay with him up and leaving for who knows how long?

  I struggled to take a deep breath, a full-out anxiety attack coming on. I needed to get out of that room. I needed to get some air.

  Although I tried to leave quickly without being noticed, I fumbled around getting up and struggled to find the handle to the door with my shaking hands. Cory glanced back at me, then quickly returned his attention to the band. Tears stung my eyes. I stumbled through the door and walked hastily and unevenly back through the halls I had been so keyed up to traverse such a short time before.

  I shoved through the door to the exit, wheezing as I made it outside. The bright sunlight made me squint and struggle to see properly. I backed up against the cool exterior brick wall, doubling over with my hands on my knees, gasping for air. International tour. End of the summer.

  I fought for control, but the first heavy tears started to fall almost immediately. Time got away from me, but at least ten minutes must have passed before the door beside me opened. Carter’s arms were around me before I processed that he was standing there, his presence causing me to break down even more.

  “Sweetheart! What happened?” he asked.

  “I… I….”

  I was trembling and couldn’t come up with words, so I just let him hold me. He rubbed my back and whispered soothing words into my ear. It seemed to take forever, but eventually I calmed down enough to respond.

  “Chase. Baby. You gotta tell me what’s wrong.” Carter’s eyes were full of concern.

  “It’s stupid.” I sniffed. “They were talking about you going back on tour soon, a big international tour, and I freaked out a little. But it’s fine. I know it’s part of your job. I knew this would happen.” I tried to downplay my emotions, but I don’t think he bought it.

  C held me tighter for a moment, then pulled back to wipe my tears with his fingers and kiss their tracks on my cheeks.

  “Nothing has been decided yet,” he said. “Hell, this is the first time I’m hearing of it, so it’s just speculation.” He paused, then proceeded cautiously. “Honestly, they’re probably right, though. The album is going to be amazing. Thanks to you.” His words were meant to reassure me, to help calm me down. “We all knew a tour would come eventually. If not this summer, by the fall for sure.”

  I attempted a joke through my tears, uncomfortable with the intensity. “Should have let you use those shitty songs you guys started with.”

  He laughed halfheartedly. “Never. This is our album. You and me and the band. I’ve never been prouder of any work I’ve done in my life.” He paused again, not letting my weak effort at humor distract him. “Talk to me, Chase case. Is it just the possibility of me leaving?”

  I sighed, trying to make sense of my messed-up emotions, not wanting to seem like a ridiculous teenager. “I guess… the last time you left… it was so long. I’m scared these past few months have been too good to be true. What if you leave for good again?” I asked, voicing the doubt in the back of my mind.

  “I won’t,” he said. “Before, I was scared and not ready to be honest with you. With myself. I’ve been in love with you for ten years, Chase. You’re my heart, babe. I don’t want to go any more than you want me to. But I will come back. I just want to make sure that’s enough. I want to make sure that touring isn’t a deal breaker, because I can promise to come back, but I’m not sure I can promise not to go. I wish I could say that I didn’t have to, but it’s up to the label, and if I don’t go, the band can’t go.”

  The door flew open, breaking the moment.

  “Cart, need you back. Break’s over.” Cory’s voice through the half-open door was clipped, and he left bef
ore Carter acknowledged his instructions.

  Carter stroked my face softly. “Come back inside? Please? I really want you to see how good our songs are. But I want to keep talking about this later.”

  I nodded. I still felt like a horse had kicked me in the stomach, but I took a deep breath and followed him back into the studio for the rest of the session.

  Carter

  THE remainder of the week passed uneventfully, if a little awkwardly. Inevitable Thorns was making progress every day in the studio, churning out amazing tracks and sounding better on each number. I was worried about Chase more each day. He seemed to be back to himself after his anxiety attack at the session on Monday. He was there with us whenever he didn’t have an exam, and his presence motivated me even more to make this album the best it could be. But something was still off.

  Chase and I spent the evenings hanging out, watching stupid movies or playing video games, joking and fucking like nothing had shifted. But I would occasionally catch him lost in thought in a private moment or looking at me when he thought I wouldn’t notice. His gaze was a million miles away, filled with a heaviness that hadn’t been there before. I didn’t know what to do. I knew something was wrong and we needed to return to the conversation we’d had outside the studio, but I didn’t know what to say to not make things worse. So I avoided the situation and focused on being the best boyfriend to him I could be in every other way.

  After three weeks in the studio, the album was fully recorded. The band was ecstatic about the final product, happy our work was done, and glad to be passing along the torch to the audio engineers to make us sound even better.

  It would take a month or two of postproduction to get the album ready to be released. The label seemed to be in full support of our new material and were banking on it being successful. All signs looked like this was going to be an even bigger hit than the first record.

  On the Saturday after we finished recording, Dean decided he was going to throw an impromptu pool party at his place to celebrate. Everyone and their families were invited, but I had something else planned.

  Things between Chase and me had still been weird. Nothing I could put my finger on, and nothing apparent to those around us. He was just… distant. We were so close that the smallest details of our relationship were noticeable to me, and there was definitely something still off.

  I had made plans to take him out of the city for the weekend. I had rented a beachfront house in Montauk as a surprise getaway for the two of us. I wanted us to reconnect, smooth over any lingering awkwardness, and enjoy each other’s company without any distractions for a few days. He had finished his exams successfully, and we both more than deserved a getaway.

  I drove over to his building in my rental car midmorning, marveling at how good it felt to be behind the wheel again. Miraculously, I found a parking spot out front and headed up to his apartment.

  “What are you doing here?” he said with a smile, greeting me with a fast kiss as he opened the door.

  “I’m here to kidnap you,” I replied, fluttering my long eyelashes he had always been envious of. “Pack a bag. You have twenty minutes.”

  “What?” He looked adorably confused, with an undertone of delight in his eyes.

  “We’re going away for the weekend. Grab some clothes. You’re down to nineteen minutes and thirty seconds.” I exaggerated checking the time on my phone for dramatic effect.

  “That was so not thirty seconds!” he protested, turning on his heel and dashing down the hall to his bedroom.

  He was completely into this, and it gave me a little thrill, making him happy. I followed him, grinning, walking behind him at a normal pace.

  By the time I got to his bedroom, he had a duffel bag open on the bed and was grabbing socks and underwear from his dresser. He threw those items into the bag and turned to the closet. I leaned against the doorframe, enjoying watching his thought process on his face.

  “Where are we going? I can’t do this if I don’t know where we’re going, Carter!” he called to me, head stuck in the closet as he ruffled through his clothes.

  “Nope!” I was enjoying this surprise even more than I’d thought I would. “No hints.” I paused for a second. “Bring a bathing suit.”

  “That’s a hint!” He gave me an exasperated look over his shoulder.

  But he retrieved a swimsuit, along with a couple pairs of jeans and a few shirts of varying degrees of warmth and formality. He folded them quickly and stuffed them into the bag before darting to the bathroom to fill a Dopp kit.

  “Five minutes!” I yelled at him a short time later as he scrambled around in the bathroom.

  He jogged back to the bedroom after another minute or so, small zippered bag in his hand. I sauntered over to his closet and looked through it for a second until I located the item I wanted. I threw a pair of flip-flops into his duffel for him, which caused him to raise his eyebrows at me. I leaned over to kiss him on his temple, taking the opportunity to nip his earlobe and whisper, “One minute,” into his ear.

  He assessed the items in his bag, trying to figure out if he had forgotten anything. A light dawned, and he walked over to his bedside table. He pulled out a strip of condoms with one hand, a small bottle of lube with the other, and looked at me questioningly.

  “Absolutely.” I nodded solemnly. I had thrown similar items into my own bag at home earlier, but with us, having extra was always a good idea.

  He zipped the bag shut as I obnoxiously counted down the timer from ten seconds. Hey, all the Master Chef episodes I’d been watching had to have some residual effect; it certainly wasn’t going to be improvement in my cooking skills. At zero he collapsed facedown next to his duffel on his bed in exhaustion.

  “That was far more difficult than it needed to be,” he complained. “You could have told me where we’re going.”

  “Probably. But it’s way more fun this way.” I swatted his ass playfully. “Come on, we gotta head out.”

  “Fine.” He got up from the bed, pouting, but with a twinkle in his eyes. “Do I even have time to pee first?”

  I burst out laughing, shouldering his bag for him and gesturing dramatically for him to go ahead and use the bathroom. This was going to be fun.

  Chase

  I HAD never been kidnapped before. It mostly seemed stressful. Carter showed up unannounced at my door and gave me less time to pack for a mystery location than any reasonable gay man would need. But I was too wound up to keep grouching for long. He had this habit of surprising me, and as much as I thought I didn’t like surprises, his were usually pretty romantic, or at least sexy as hell.

  When I saw he had rented a car, I couldn’t stop the delight from showing on my face. As with most teenagers, Carter and me getting our driver’s licenses was a big deal. He had somehow convinced his parents to buy him a horribly rusty used car for his sixteenth birthday, and some of my best memories from that year before he left were of sitting shotgun driving around town with him, with no direction in mind.

  We turned through the streets of lower Manhattan, heading for the freeway. I prodded Carter for clues to our destination, but he was annoyingly tight-lipped. We bickered over radio stations. I finally gave in and let him listen to classic rock after he tried to convince me it was educational, now that I had written that genre of music for his band. Whatever. The weather was beautiful, we were out of the city, and he was whisking me away on a thoughtful getaway. I could live with shitty music on the radio.

  We drove for a couple of hours before I had a good sense of our destination, but I kept quiet until we pulled into a long winding driveway, wanting to let him have his surprise.

  It was a beautiful secluded beachfront villa. The exterior of the house was a gorgeous coastal blue, with white trim and a wraparound porch complete with a porch swing next to the door. The field in front of the house was filled with purple lavender and delicate wildflowers, all in full bloom. There was no backyard per se, only miles of clear sand and inky bl
ue ocean. Despite the calm day, small waves were visible from where we parked in the drive. The sound of the waves lapping against the shore was rhythmic and immediately calming. A gull cried in the distance. The smell of lavender and saltwater wafted into the car through our open windows. The whole place was like a dream. I grinned at Carter.

  “All ours,” he said, stepping out of the driver’s side door and coming around to get the door for me.

  We walked into the gorgeous house hand in hand. The floors were a handsome hardwood, matching the exposed beams in the vaulted ceiling. It had an open floor plan, with the rooms effortlessly flowing into each other. There was a gas fireplace in the living area, surrounded by upholstered couches in the same coastal blue as the exterior. The kitchen had granite countertops and stainless-steel appliances. There was lots of room for cooking, and I would need to check the cupboards, but it looked like groceries had been left for us too. The whole back wall of the cottage was covered with floor-to-ceiling windows. A sliding glass door adjoined the living room and led to a full patio extending toward the ocean. The patio held a massive barbecue and some furniture on one side and a covered hot tub on the other. Carter’s insistence on my bringing my bathing suit was much appreciated when I noticed this, though not having swim shorts would have been fun too!

  We wandered farther into the house. It appeared there were at least three bedrooms. We left our bags in the master, which had a handmade wooden bed frame, matching the floors and ceilings. It was as if someone had done all the work on this place by hand. The bedclothes looked soft and inviting, and there was a large abstract painting of a beach and the ocean over the bed. The whole place was heaven. I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do first. Carter put his arms around me from behind and kissed my cheek.

  “How did you find this place?” I asked, overwhelmed by his sweet gesture of bringing me here.