Next to Me

by Veronica Cochrane

  “I could eat,” he told me.

  I served us each a helping, using forks, not chopsticks, and saying a silent apology to Chinese culture. Neither of us said anything. Probably neither of us knew how to read the other. After a bite or two, he sighed, pushing the food around his plate, and began.

  “I’ve been thinking a lot while I was gone. I hate how we left things. I’ve been moody and miserable and a pain in the ass to deal with.”

  I smiled at his self-deprecating words, knowing exactly what a brooding Carter was like from our teenage years. It was also exactly the same way I had been feeling the past week, so I completely understood what he was getting at.

  “I don’t want to lose you,” he went on. “I want to fight for you, for us, because you’re all I’ve wanted since I was fourteen years old. I know deep down you feel it too. We’ve come back from worse than this in the past. We are meant to be together. You’re it for me, Chase case. You’re the one. And whatever it takes to make that happen, however I need to show you that I love you, I want to do that.”

  He was staring at me intently, emotion leaking from behind his eyes and through his speech, which felt both well-rehearsed and completely spontaneous. I believed him. I knew what he was feeling because I felt it too. This was forever between us. I stayed quiet, letting him go on.

  “I understand that my life is difficult. I know it’s going to be hard, and you’re the one making more of the sacrifices here. I want to prove to you that it’s worth it. And I think I have a solution for the long-term. It’s a little bit unconventional, but when have we ever been ordinary?”

  I was intrigued. It meant a lot to me that he was acknowledging my internal battle with all of this instead of shrugging it off and saying I would have to deal with him being gone.

  “What’s the solution?” I asked, absorbed in his words.

  “Beau and I were talking. I was being an asshole all week, and he called me on it. I gave him the outline of what happened.” He paused uncertainly. “I hope that was okay.”

  I nodded encouragement, and he went on. I couldn’t judge him for going to Beau, considering I went to Eli in much the same way.

  “Beau pointed out how important you had become to the Thorns. How it’s your work that’s on our album and what’s going to make the record a hit. I know it wouldn’t be the picket fence all the time, but what if you were to tour with us? Like, we hired you to write our music? We would travel with all the keyboards and gear you would need anyway. You seemed to like the guys and the stuff we were working on, and they love working with you. You’re way too good for a crappy internship that pays next to nothing. You’re a composer, Chase. Your music deserves to be heard.” Carter picked up speed and enthusiasm as he blathered on.

  A smile broke out on my face. He took that as encouragement and kept going.

  “I know you still have a year of school left. But that’s such a small amount of time. We could talk every day. I could fly home to see you when we have a couple days off. You could come spend Christmas with us. We’ll be in Paris over Christmas. Wouldn’t that be amazing? And at the end of the year, we’ll be done being apart. I want to negotiate longer breaks between tours. We need more time to write and rest than we had this time. Maybe we could get a house or something. Live where we want. You could write—for us, for other bands. We have connections and can help. I know it’s not exactly your style, but what we did together is fucking good. Please think about it at least?” He finally went quiet, looking at me intently.

  “I don’t need to think about it. It makes complete sense. Working on your album was incredible. I want to be with you, C. And yes, I wanted the house and the dog… but if this is how we get to be together, it’s perfect.”

  Carter’s plan was too good to be true. The solution was obvious, now that I thought about it. It might not be exactly my dream scenario, but it sounded like a hell of an adventure too. I had already made up my mind that Carter was worth everything. If we saw each other all the time it seemed more plausible for us to be together long-term.

  “Really? Are you sure?” He was so adorably exhilarated, maybe still not quite believing my words but hoping I meant what I’d said.

  “Yeah. Completely. I want you. Us. This makes sense. As long as we have time between being on the road. I want a life outside that too, but it sounds like this is the right thing for all of us.” I remained calm on the outside, but on the inside I was a million bouncing rubber balls, alive with possibility and jumping frantically in every direction.

  His reaction was immediate. He let out a loud whoop and dashed to my side of the kitchen island to pick me up and spin me around. I laughed loudly, unencumbered by any more fear or doubt. I threw my head back and felt a weight lift off my shoulders, replaced by the sudden, absolute joy I had been missing for so long. I bent my knees, letting him twirl me, holding on to him for all I was worth. He finally let me down, his hands staying on my waist.

  “Promise?” he asked, but he already knew the answer. I could tell from the huge grin on his face, a look of pure happiness.

  “I promise.”

  He leaned into me slowly, enjoying the moment and making sure I wanted this as much as he did. His hands on my hips, his breath against me. He nuzzled my cheeks, my jaw, relishing getting to touch me.

  “I love you, Chase,” he murmured against my skin.

  All the cells in my body were awake and attuned to what he was doing. The synapses in my brain were firing in overdrive. My heart was simultaneously in my throat and had broken open, overwhelmed by how much love I felt in this moment.

  “I love you too,” I whispered back, barely getting the words out before he took my lips in a fervent kiss.

  Carter’s lips were perfect, and the pressure of them against my mouth was intoxicating. Taking control of my bottom lip, he sucked it into his mouth. He licked along it, stimulating nerve endings I didn’t even know I had. He teased the corners of my mouth, making me gasp and open up for him. Carter took the opportunity to plunge his tongue inside, rubbing the bottom of my tongue, exploring every corner and crevice.

  I ran my hands up and down his chest over his shirt, savoring the touch I hadn’t been sure I would get again, reacquainting myself with every muscle and ridge. He rubbed his fingers over my hip bones, holding me tightly. His hips started to rock subtly against mine, craving friction. My cock was swollen and heavy, eager to be reunited with his body.

  “Wait, wait,” he gasped, pulling his lips from mine but keeping our hips touching. “Are you sure you’re sure about this?”

  “Yes. Positive. Promise.” I pressed my erection into his, felt the heat of his arousal radiating through all the layers of clothing between us. “Please, Carter, I need you. We’re good. I need you.”

  Carter

  I TOOK his lips again in a fever. Desperation grew inside me. My cock was so hard for him I thought it might burst through my jeans. I’d missed his lean body. Missed his tight, warm ass. Missed tasting his seed as he came down my throat.

  The urge to get him naked and fuck him pulled at me. But one other impulse was stronger. I wanted—no, I needed—to feel him inside of me instead. We had talked about it before but had never actually followed through. Our mutual love of me taking him, forcing myself inside him and making him scream and shake with pleasure, was generally what we both ended up begging for when we fucked.

  My hole clenched with need at my train of thought.

  “Want you in me. Please. Will you fuck me this time?” I pleaded.

  “Oh fuck. Fuck!” Chase cried with a shudder.

  I took that as a positive sign he was into the idea. He tilted his head, and I took full advantage by sucking on the spot I adored where his neck met his shoulder.

  “Yes?” I asked, needing to know he was on board for this.

  “Fuck. Yes. Now. Please,” he gasped, pulling me toward his bedroom, already reduced to single words.

  “Gonna need you to walk me through this,” I
said, dragging him back against me when the bedroom door closed behind us.

  “Okay. I can do that.” He nodded, appearing a bit tentative. Then his eyes sparkled mischievously. “Step one: take your pants off.” We both cracked up, which broke some of the tension.

  “Thanks, that’s super helpful,” I said, nipping his lower lip as I stretched one arm around his back and pulled up the bottom of his shirt while softly stroking the skin on his stomach with my other hand.

  I kissed him again, his expression switching from jovial to lustful in a heartbeat. Once he was pliant and needy in my arms, I took a step back, making sure his gaze was on my fingertips as I slowly unbuttoned my jeans. His teeth sank into his bottom lip, and a moan escaped as the denim dropped to the floor. I met his stare, cupping my very full package through my black briefs, wanting to draw more of those sexy-as-fuck sounds from him.

  I slid my jacket over my arms, keeping the impromptu strip show going. He groaned again, raising his right hand to his dick to give it a small squeeze through his pants. I moved his hand away, though.

  “None of that, now,” I said.

  I ran my hand down his front, undid the button of his jeans, and pulled down the zipper. Then I slid the fabric over his hips, leaving us both in only our underwear and shirts. I moved my mouth next to his ear at the same time as I reached for his dick and leisurely stroked it a couple of times.

  “That’s all for me,” I whispered, directly into his ear.

  He made a broken sound, his cock twitched in my hand, and a wet patch formed on his red boxer briefs as he leaked precome.

  “Then you better let it go if you want it anywhere other than in your hand,” he said, shaking.

  I smiled at him innocently. “You know I do.”

  I let go of his length and stripped off both of our shirts in quick succession, needing to feel his chest against mine. I pulled my briefs down slowly, letting him have a good look as I stepped out of them.

  “Fuck, C,” he said with reverence, staring at my body and doing great things for my ego.

  He reached out to stroke me, fingers soaring over my skin and making me arch into his touch. I closed my eyes, wanting to soak in the feeling of his hands on me.

  “Have you… have you ever done this with anything be-before? F-fingers? Toys?” he asked without meeting my eyes, playing with the hair on my chest.

  “Fingers,” I told him, unembarrassed to admit my personal explorations. “But not in a while.”

  “That’s okay. We’ll go slow. Want it to be good for you,” he said, seeming almost in a trance watching his hands on me.

  I led him to the bed, stopping to retrieve supplies from his nightstand. I lay on my back, pulling him atop me, not a doubt in my mind I was ready to do this with him. He kissed me, and I saw stars. I knew I wanted to be with my Chase as close as we could get. I wanted to let him into my body. He was already inside my heart.

  He reached for the lube and squirted the slick liquid onto his fingers. He kissed down my chest, encouraging me to spread my legs for him. He was eye level with my cock now, but my erection had flagged a little from nerves. I wasn’t normally one to be body conscious, but it made me feel so exposed having him down there, looking at the most private part of me.

  “Just breathe, C. If it’s not good for you, we’ll stop. I promise.”

  He gently separated my asscheeks with one hand while sneaking his fingers in with the other to rub up and down my crack. I was tense. I was sure he could feel it. I tried to relax, but my body was fighting me.

  “Just breathe,” he repeated like a mantra, keeping up the soft caress with his fingers.

  He finally grazed over my hole with the tip of one fingernail. My whole body seized up, rigid against my will. It was only a matter of getting started, I was sure. Once the endorphins kicked in, I had liked playing there with my fingers in the past. Chase was reading my body language like a book. He backed off for a second and tried another tactic.

  He licked slowly over my half-deflated cock, jolting me quickly back to full mast. I had missed his talented mouth while I was gone. He sucked the head between his waiting lips with a pop, circling it over and over with his tongue until I was a needy mess under him, moaning and making sounds that only he could pull from me.

  I barely noticed his finger circling the outer muscles of my hole anymore—until I did. Actually, now that I was paying attention, it felt fucking good to have his finger there. He worked me from both sides until I was squirming beneath him.

  He pushed one finger into me to the first knuckle. He pressed it in slowly, a millimeter at a time, his lips still on my cock. When the finger was fully inside, he started slowly pumping it in and out, until I was pushing back for more. By the time he added a second finger, it felt so good that I had to beg him to stop blowing me, knowing I was too close to coming from that alone.

  He pulled off my dick with one last mind-blowing suck, leaving me wet and leaking against my stomach. His fingers were making me crazy, opening me up for his gorgeous cock. I felt him grinding his hips into the bed, so turned on from what he was doing to me that he was practically humping the mattress. I lost control over my mouth, my jaw limp and open, sounds coming out that I had no idea I could make. It was so damn good. I never wanted this to end, and at the same time I wanted him to speed up and get to the main event.

  Chase reached beside me, adding some more lube to his hand, slicking up a third finger. The stretch was intense with three digits. It burned a little when they first entered me, but the burn quickly faded into that same inconceivable pleasure. He drove in and out of my ass until I couldn’t take it anymore.

  “Please… now…” was all I could pant out, amazed that I could even remember those simple words.

  Chase nodded at me, agreeing that I was prepped enough for him. He slipped his boxer briefs down over his hips, his cock leaving a string of precome on the fabric as he took them off. He slid the foil wrapper off the bed stand and opened it quickly, then rolled the condom over his deep red cock, hissing as his fingers made contact with the aching flesh.

  “Tell me… what you’re feeling. If you w-want me to stop,” he reminded me, his voice thick with arousal and emotion as he covered the condom with more lube.

  “Don’t stop,” I whispered as I guided him to my entrance.

  He squeezed his eyes closed, pushing gently but consistently against the tight ring of muscles. I kept forgetting he had never been at this end of things either, since he seemed so confident and self-assured. I supposed it was from knowing what he liked in my position. My body fought him a little, but I breathed and tried to stay loose for him.

  The tip pushed inside me, making me gasp. It felt nothing like his fingers. Not unpleasant, exactly, just an intense stretch. Chase let out a moan above me and drove in a little farther. He sank into my body slowly, making the sexiest sounds I’d ever heard, telling me how good I felt, how tight I was, how much he loved me.

  His cock filled me up completely. When he was in, he stilled, letting us both adjust. It was the most beautifully deep pressure. I had never felt so close to him and never wanted him to leave my body. He fucked me gently, unhurried, as if to make sure I was still doing okay time and time again. The tenderness tore me apart inside; the care he was showing for me broke me to my core. He held me and kissed me, worshipping my body in every way he knew how.

  On one stroke, he found what must have been my prostate. My vision went white, and I cried out, never having felt that before. He hit that spot again and again, making me squeeze my eyes closed with pleasure until tears ran down my cheeks. He brushed them away, kissing me tenderly but fucking into me unrelentingly.

  He told me I was beautiful, that he was sorry, that he never wanted us to be apart. That he was so close. The last words were followed immediately with a hard, perfect thrust, and I came with stars shooting behind my eyelids, neither of us having touched my cock since I took him inside me. I shot and shot and shot, shaking and yelling un
til my throat was raw. His body tensed above me, and he fucked his orgasm into me as hard as he could while my ass spasmed around him.

  I opened my eyes to stare up at him when the worst of the tremors had finally passed. His cheeks were stained with tears too. He leaned down to kiss my gasping lips, his cock still buried inside me. We kissed for a long time, having shared something for the first time together that could never be taken away from us.

  “Did you just come untouched from me fucking you?” he breathed with astonishment when we finally separated.

  “A little bit.” I tried to make it a joke, biting back a laugh at his sincerity.

  “Holy fuck,” he swore. “We’re fucking doing that again.”

  I laughed, agreeing with him wholeheartedly.

  Carter

  Six months later

  I STOOD at the Arrivals gate at Charles De Gaulle Airport, a bouquet of fragrant lavender and bright purple lilacs in hand. It was December fifteenth, ten days before Christmas, and Chase’s plane had landed half an hour ago.

  We had been apart for a few months now. I was able to sneak a couple of days off in October to visit him, but that was it. I missed him fiercely. Despite the distance, things had been going well for us. We had been talking every day, and while it was hard not to see each other face-to-face, our conversations were real, and we kept each other involved. There were times when he struggled. Hell, there were times we both struggled, but it never felt not worth it. The days until the end of his semester and my tour were numbered. This was temporary.

  The band had negotiated for most of the following summer off. We would play a handful of local festival gigs, but we all wanted more time to ourselves after being so busy lately. Our album hit the charts hard. It was well received by critics and fans alike, and the European tour had been a smashing success so far. Grammy nominations came out last week, and Chase and I had cried on the phone together when we learned we had been nominated for our work. The band was stoked, and it was even more motivation for us to keep working together.