Believing Lies

by Rachel Everleigh

  Sophie went with Conner to his family’s home for Thanksgiving and through the weekend. It was the first holiday that we hadn’t spent together. I also wished I could say that missing her was the real reason for my mood, but once again, it wasn’t. It was because I wished I was going there too. I wished I was going with Adam to meet his sort of adopted family. I imagined him introducing me to them as his girlfriend. While I ate turkey dinner with my parents and my uncle, I thought up a whole scenario of how perfect it would’ve been to spend Thanksgiving with Adam. I’m officially pathetic.

  When Sophie got home Sunday night, I was sitting on the couch, watching TV and eating a bowl of Fruity Pebbles. Thank goodness they finally tasted normal to me again.

  “Cereal for dinner?” she questioned with a raised eyebrow.

  “Nope. I had a frozen pizza for dinner. This is dessert.”

  She laughed, then rolled her suitcase to her bedroom. After a few minutes, she came out, wearing her pajamas, and sat next to me. “Really? Dirty Dancing again?”

  “Don’t judge,” I deadpanned.

  “Did you spend all weekend watching romance movies?”

  “I plead the fifth.” Once I’d completed all of my homework, I had spent the rest of weekend in front of the TV. My new idea to get out of my depression was to live vicariously through movies. It wasn’t working too well. But on the plus side, I was able to see hot actors who regularly took off their shirts.

  “I liked it better when you were avoiding anything romantic like the plague. Now it’s chick flick marathons. So, what’s the plan after you’ve had the ‘time of your life’?”

  “Cute.” I rolled my eyes at her Dirty Dancing reference. “I’m watching The Notebook, if you must know.”

  “Of course you are,” she said sarcastically.

  “You’re judging,” I pointed out with my words and with my finger (the middle one).

  “Arrggg. Fine. I guess if I have to deal with your romance kick, looking at Ryan Gosling is a good tradeoff.”

  “You got that right. Anyway, how was your weekend?”

  “It was good.” She smiled brightly.

  “Just good, huh? Your smile says it was better than that.”

  She swooned as she sighed. “Okay, it was really, really good.” Don’t be jealous. Don’t be jealous. “Conner’s mom is sooo nice, and his sister is awesome.” She bit her lip and suddenly appeared uneasy. “Adam was there too.”

  “I figured he would be.” I kept my voice uncaring.

  “That’s all you have to say?”

  I set down my bowl. I knew where this was going, and I didn’t like it one bit. “There’s nothing else to say about him.”

  “Cut the shit,” she spat, catching me completely off guard.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means I’m done letting you pretend.” Tough Love Sophie was back and ready to send me through her verbal boot camp. “You mope around. You’re clearly avoiding being in the same room with Conner—”

  “I do not avoid Conner,” I interjected, cutting her off.

  “You do,” she shot back firmly. “Whenever he’s around, you find a reason to go off and do homework, or fold clothes, or whatever else you can think of.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize. I really like Conner,” I said sincerely.

  Her expression softened as did her voice. “I know you do. He knows you do. It’s obvious that you’re avoiding him because either he reminds you of Adam or something along those lines.” She picked up the remote and hit mute. “What I’m getting at is that you’re still head over heels in love with Adam, and you’re in total denial.”

  “I’m not in denial,” I said in a tone that didn’t even convince me, let alone her.

  “Once again, cut the shit!” she said, her voice rising again.

  I winced internally. I didn’t like that she was calling me out. What I really didn’t like was that she was getting too close to the truth.

  “He asked about you,” she said silkily, baiting me.

  I didn’t say anything.

  “He misses you just as much as you miss him. He’s a total wreck, by the way. Complete mess.”

  “If that’s true, then why hasn’t he called me?” I slapped my hand over my mouth.

  “You want him to call you.” Her eyes were practically dancing. “I knew it!”

  “He said he would give me space. It’s been weeks. Weeks of nothing! That’s more than space. He’s moved on, Sophie . . . and so have I.”

  “Oh please. You’ve moved on to movie romances even though you have the real thing. Only you’re too stubborn to realize it.”

  I hated being called stubborn, and she knew it. “You’re such a Benedict Arnold. When did you flip sides, huh? A few weeks ago, you said he should be castrated.”

  “Promise you won’t get pissed.”

  I cocked my head. “When you start a statement with the words ‘promise you won’t get pissed,’ it’s a huge red flag that I’m about to get pissed.”

  “Whatever. Here’s the deal. I’ve been talking to him, and I honestly believe he said everything that night only to hurt you.” I glared at her. “Which was absolutely the shittiest thing in the world!” she quickly added to appease me. “But think about it. He was annihilated drunk, and he thought you were pregnant with Trenton’s baby.” She let out a breath. “Try to remember how you initially felt and reacted when you caught Trenton banging that slut. You moved out, got plastered on margaritas, and flushed a diamond down the toilet. And if you think about it, you only loved Trenton a fraction of how much you love Adam. Adam loves you more than anything. I know. He’s told me. When he thought you cheated, it ripped his heart out.”

  “He tricked me the entire time we were together. Do you really think he’s not capable of tricking you now?”

  “Why would he?” she said exasperatedly. “He wants a life with you and the baby. I really do believe that it was all a lie.”

  “If he wants me back sooo much, why haven’t I heard from him?” She didn’t reply, so I answered for her. “It’s because he really doesn’t care that much at all. He told me he wouldn’t give up, and he did.” Crap. Please tell me the wetness on my cheeks isn’t tears.

  “Oh honey.” She pulled my head down onto her lap and ran her fingers through my hair. “I know for a fact that he hasn’t given up. I just think he’s working some of his own issues out first. Be patient.”

  “I don’t want to talk about Adam anymore. It’s a lost cause.” My own words caused my chest to constrict painfully.

  “So you’re just going to sit around and watch romance movies instead?” Her snarky undertone didn’t go unnoticed.

  “Yep. It’s as close as I’m going to get to anything even remotely romantic for God knows how long. I’m kind of off the dating market now. Who’s going to want to date a pregnant girl?”

  She stopped playing with my hair. “Um, let me see . . . Adam!”

  I sat up and lightly poked her shoulder. “Mention his name one more time and I’ll go to bed.”

  “Fine,” she huffed. “How was your Thanksgiving?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Tiresome. Mother and Dad kept riding me about what happened with Adam and got irritated when I wouldn’t give them any details.” I paused, wondering if I should tell her about the next part. “They want me to move home.”

  “Fuck no!” she screeched.

  “As much as I don’t want to, it might be a good idea.”

  “Are you insane?”

  “My mother can help me with the baby. It’s not like I can stay here after the baby’s born.”

  “Why not? Of course you can.”

  I gave her a half-smile. “That’s sweet, but you don’t need a newborn around. You’ll be finishing up school. Not to mention, there are only two rooms.”

  “We’ll get a bigger place.”

  “No. Either I’ll get my own place or move home. I think moving home may be the best option, at least
for a while.” She looked as if she was about to blow a gasket. “How about this? I’ll stay living here until closer to my due date.”

  Her previously scrunched up face relaxed. “You better.”

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  I walked out of my final class of the semester feeling heavy hearted. On one hand, I was sure I did excellent on all of my exams because I’d spent the past few weeks studying like a mad woman. On the other hand, knowing that I wouldn’t be on campus again until the following fall was a hard pill to swallow. I was so deep in thought that I didn’t notice Adam leaning against my car until I was only a few feet away. He was staring at the ground with his hands tucked in his pockets, shivering. It was freezing out, and by how red his ears and cheeks were, he’d been there for a while. I saw him before he saw me, but as soon as his eyes found mine, I was a goner. So many weeks of not seeing him had allowed me to build a brick wall around my shredded heart, and all it took was the sight of him to start knocking it down.

  He straightened up as I approached him and gave me a hesitant smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “You look good, Princess.”

  I couldn’t help but give him a small smile in return. “Thanks. What do you want, Adam?”

  “I wanted to see you,” he said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

  “Now you have, so I’m going to go home if that’s all you wanted,” I told him with a hint of snark.

  “No, that’s not all. How have you been?” he asked, his voice timid.

  “Are we really going to stand here and have small talk?”

  “This isn’t going as I expected,” he said, mostly to himself.

  “Gee, Adam. How did you expect it to go?” I brought out my bitchy tone as a natural defense.

  He threw up his arms. “I don’t know, Princess. Not like this.” He took a breath. “Can we please go somewhere to talk? Hell, can we even just sit in your car with the heat on?”

  “Don’t call me that, and no. There’s nothing to talk about. The pregnancy is going fine and that’s all we need to talk about going forward. I’ll keep you informed of anything regarding the baby.”

  “Thank you for that. But I really need to talk about us.”

  “There’s no us. In fact, there never was. You made that quite clear.”

  “There was and always will be. You just need to realize it.” I pursed my lips as he knocked another hole in my wall. “I gave you time. I can’t stay away any longer. I miss you so much it physically hurts.”

  “You are so full of it. If it hurts you so much, you wouldn’t have waited over month and a half to even contact me. That’s not missing me, that’s avoiding me.”

  “I thought time was what you wanted. I thought maybe if you missed me as much as I missed you, then we could fix this.”

  “Is that what you want to hear? That I miss you?” I asked, my voice shaking. I made my face expressionless. “Don’t hold your breath.”

  I went to the driver’s side door, got in, and started the engine. He didn’t try to stop me, and I was surprised at how much that disappointed me. I pulled out of the parking lot and said to my empty car, “I miss you, Adam.”

  ***

  When I got home, I told Sophie about seeing Adam after school. She didn’t seem shocked, which made me suspicious of her possible involvement. I wanted to go have a nice night and celebrate the end of exams, so I didn’t delve into it much deeper. I hadn’t done anything social since Halloween. A girls’ night on the town sounded like a perfect way to get out of my post-Adam funk.

  After several weeks of not really caring about how I looked, it felt really nice to get dressed up again. I put on a black baby doll dress over some gray leggings. The empire waist hid my small bump so nicely that I didn’t even appear pregnant. I tugged on a pair of high healed black boots, which came up to my knees. I went for a messy, wavy hair look and layered on multiple black and silver bracelets. Looking in the mirror, I concluded that this was the best I had looked since the breakup happened. No more nights alone watching chick flicks. It was time to get back out and enjoy life again.

  Courtney let out a low whistle as I walked into the living room. Cassie was sitting next to her on the couch and gave me a huge smile. Over the past few weeks, I’d spent quite a bit of time studying and hanging out with them, and Cassie had actually grown on me quite a bit. Her voice still grated on my nerves at times, and I wished she used the word “like” less frequently, but overall I found there was a lot more to her than I originally gave her credit for.

  Courtney and Cassie both looked amazing, each in her own way. Courtney was rocking tight jeans and a sheer white shirt with a giant skull on it over a black bra. Cassie was wearing a peach colored skater skirt, a low-cut, brown shirt, and matching brown heels. Sophie walked toward us, carrying her silver stilettos, which matched the silver accents on her little black dress.

  The Green Light was absolutely packed when we got there. It looked as if we weren’t the only ones celebrating the end of exams. There were no open tables in sight, so we had to stand near the bar. Ready to get the night started, I told the girls that I would treat them to their first drinks. After flagging down a bartender, I ordered three appletinis for them and a cranberry juice for myself.

  I simply stood there, kind of zoning out, until Sophie said, “Loosen up, poopsicle. I finally got you to go out again, so let’s have some fun.”

  I laughed and agreed. For the next hour, we mostly just talked to each other, ignoring those around us. We talked about our plans for Christmas, which was only a couple days away, and about my ultrasound, which was tomorrow.

  “I really, really, really hope it’s a girl,” Courtney chirped. “I found a pink bib the other day that read: As pretty as my mommy. You know I had to buy it. I couldn’t help myself.”

  I smiled at the compliment. “If it’s a boy, he’ll be as handsome as his daddy,” I said absently.

  “Did you just say something nice about Adam?” Sophie asked incredulously.

  “I guess I did.” She looked as surprised as I felt. I needed to recover from my slip. “But really, it’s not as if his looks can be denied.”

  “Looks aren’t everything,” Courtney pointed out saucily. She was still holding a major grudge against Adam. Unlike Sophie, she hadn’t become a turncoat.

  Sophie had a mischievous glint in her eyes. Over the years, I’d come to recognize that slight twinkle, and it usually meant trouble.

  “You’re right, Courtney, looks aren’t everything. But damn, do they help.” She nodded her head to something over my shoulder. I turned in that direction and noticed the nod wasn’t to something, but rather someone. Adam had just walked through the door, flanked by Conner, Zach, and Drake.

  When Courtney saw my eyes widen, she followed my gaze, and hers narrowed to slits. The friends with benefits status with Zach fizzled out last week when she wanted to up the ante to something more serious. Unfortunately, he told her that he didn’t want to be “tied down” quite yet.

  “Come on, Sienna. I have to go to the bathroom.” Courtney grabbed my hand and pulled me away with her. I could hear Sophie telling us to stop being chickens. I was going to kick her ass if she kept up her meddling.

  Courtney pulled me into the ladies room and leaned heavily against the wall.

  “Ew, Court. You may not want to rub up against that too much,” I said, my face scrunched up. “It looks as if it hasn’t been washed in a while.”

  She immediately stepped forward. “How are you not mad right now? We’ve been set up. Girls’ night, my ass. This has Sophie written all over it.”

  “Yep. No use in letting it spoil our night though,” I said, more to convince myself than to convince her. “I think it’s time to dance. You with me?” I waggled my eyebrows.

  Her lips pulled up into a slick smile. “Absolutely.”

  We walked straight to the dance floor and began to dance as sexily as possible. After two songs, we were joined by Cassie.


  “I thought I’d, like, lost you two,” she spoke loudly over the music as she swayed her hips to the beat.

  “You found us now,” Courtney replied as loudly.

  Cassie laughed. “Sure did! I saw the stupefied looks on Adam’s and Zach’s faces, and then saw why.” She pointed toward the corner of the bar, and I saw the guys standing with Sophie. “You two look, like, super-hot out here!”

  My eyes met Adam’s from across the room. He really did look a little stupefied, but also ticked off. What gives?

  “Cassie, will you go ask Sophie to join us?”

  “No can do, Sienna. She said that you would have to come get her. She said to, like, call you a chicken shit if you didn’t.”

  “Fine. I’ll play her game.”

  I left Cassie and Courtney on the floor to do their thing and sauntered toward my traitorous cousin with a huge, fake smile plastered on my face.

  “Hi, boys. How’s it going?” I said to Conner and Drake, using my sweetest voice possible. Then I turned to Adam and Zach, and with no infliction at all, said, “What a coincidence running into you tonight.”

  “No coincidence,” Adam admitted freely.

  “No shit,” I responded dryly. I bit my lip to keep myself from saying anything else.

  Adam quirked his eyebrow, and I watched him slightly lick his lower lip as he stared at mine. Heat shot through me, and I had to swallow the lump in my throat. Wow, is it getting hot in here?

  “Come on, Sophie. Time to dance.” I grabbed her hand and tugged. “You owe me,” I added coolly. She at least had the courtesy to look a little guilty before following me to the dance floor.

  “How could you?” Courtney and I asked Sophie at the exact same time. Jinx.

  “I only meant for Conner to bring Adam. Zach wasn’t in the plan,” she explained to Courtney. “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay. He can see what he’s missing out on.” Courtney wiggled her butt and slapped it. Sophie laughed and started to dance with her and Cassie.