“Katy, please don’t leave. You still have forty minutes left in your session,” she looked up and the clock above the door.
I shook my head. “I can’t do that. I have to get out of here.” I opened the door.
“Katy!” I heard behind me. “You can’t keep running from your problems!”
“Watch me,” I muttered under my breath.
I made it to my car and as soon as the door was closed the tears overwhelmed me. I hated crying over ‘the event’ but sometimes I just couldn’t help it. It hurt, so much, to remember what Preston had done to me. I preferred to block it from my mind. I hated him. Not just for raping me, but for killing some essential part of me when he did it. I’d never been the same since.
I went from being the happy, popular, captain of the cheer squad, to the most hated person in school. Nobody had believed that Preston raped me. After all, why would heart throb, star quarterback, Preston, need to rape anybody?
Even my own mother hadn’t believed me.
That hurt the most.
We’d never been close, but I thought she would’ve been there for me. Instead, it drew us even farther apart.
The only person that didn’t abandon me was Rollo.
Someone tapped on the window and I jumped. Wiping my tear-streaked eyes, I turned to see who stood there.
“Katy, please come back inside,” Sharon said.
Another sob wracked my body.
“Sweetie,” she tapped again.
I was frozen.
She opened the door and I fell into her arms.
“Katy,” she said, soothingly, “It’s okay to cry about it. It’s okay to be angry. You’re only hurting yourself by holding it in.” Her fingers smoothed through my hair.
“I just don’t want to remember! I don’t want to feel!” I cried.
“Katy,” she lightly pushed my shoulders back so she could look in my eyes. “You know that isn’t possible. You can’t undo what’s already done. I wish that wasn’t true, but it is.” She pushed my hair back off my forehead, like I was a child that had fallen off her bike and she was checking for scrapes and bruises. “Please, let me help you,” she said.
I nodded.
“Are you ready to come back inside?”
I extracted myself from her arms and wiped my face. “Yeah.” My voice wasn’t as shaky as I thought it would be.
“Good,” she said, and guided me back inside the building.
~***~
“So,” Rollo said, taking a bite of pizza, as we sat on the floor in front of the coffee table, “how did it go with Sharon today?”
I picked a piece of pepperoni off the pizza, just to avoid Rollo’s watchful eyes. “It was…” I knew I couldn’t lie to Rollo. With a sigh, I admitted, “I kind of had a breakdown.”
“Well, I wish it was a breakthrough, not a breakdown, but do you think it helped?” Rollo asked.
I shrugged. “I think I’m beyond anything helping me. I’m hopeless.”
“No, you’re not,” Rollo took a sip of Diet Pepsi. “No one is hopeless.”
“I’m broken, then.”
Rollo laughed. “Katy, you’re a lot of things but broken is definitely not one of them. Neither is weak,” he said, when I started to open my mouth. “You’re the strongest person I know. True, you’ve got your quirks but they do not make you weak. They’re how you’ve coped.”
A tear slipped out of the corner of my eye. “It’s been two years, Rollo. Some days, I feel like I’m worse now, than just after it happened.”
“No, baby cakes, you’re better every day, especially recently. I think, at least I hope, you’re starting to realize that not everyone is like Preston. Most people are actually decent.” He grabbed another slice of pizza.
“I feel like…” I took a deep breath and braced myself to say the word. “I feel like, when he raped me, that some essential part of my soul was broken, and I don’t know if it can be put back together.”
“It can be put back together… but it will take time,” Rollo’s kind blue eyes met mine, there was a sadness there and I hated that it was because of me.
“When did you get so wise?” I chuckled, trying to lighten the somber mood.
“Puh-lease, I’ve always been wise. You just choose to ignore my insanely awesome wisdom,” he bumped my shoulder.
I flicked a piece of pepperoni at him. It landed on his shirt and he made a face of disgust.
“Ew! Katy! This is my favorite shirt!”
“Your, ‘I only look straight,’ shirt is your favorite? Really, Rollo?” I chuckled.
“What can I say? I like to let the ladies know that I’m off the market. I’m considerate like that,” he grinned, pulling at the tee.
I rolled my eyes. “I sometimes wonder why I’m friends with you.”
“Because I’m insanely awesome, funny, smart-” He rambled.
“Rollo, this is not Match.com, you do not need to list your best qualities to me. I’m very well acquainted with them, and your bad ones.”
“Oh please,” he flipped his curly blonde hair, “you know I have no bad qualities. I’m far too awesome for that.”
I laughed. I could always count on Rollo to make me feel better.
I leaned my head on his shoulder. “I don’t know what I would do without you, Rollo.”
“Sometimes, I don’t know either, baby cakes,” he said, solemnly.
A tear leaked out of the corner of my eye and I hastily wiped it away. “You’ve always been there for me, Rollo. I don’t say it enough, but thank you for being the best friend any girl could ever have.”
“I’m always here for you, Katy.”
“I know,” I whispered.
“And I always will be,” he kissed the top of my head.
7
“Katy, we’re going to be late if you don’t get out of the car,” Rollo said slowly, like he was afraid I would run away.
I’d been sitting in my car for the last five minutes, debating whether or not to skip the stupid self-defense classes.
I finally turned the engine off and opened the door.
“Good girl,” Rollo said.
I locked the car, and started towards the door… the front door this time, not the back.
As soon as I opened the door to the classroom we’d used last time, I heard, “Well, if it isn’t Katy Spencer, I was starting to think you weren’t going to show up.” Jared raised a brow as he ticked names off on a clipboard. “And you must be Rolland?” he pointed at Rollo.
Rollo made a face. “Please, never call me, Rolland. I go by Rollo.”
“Rollo it is, then,” Jared chuckled, and sat the clipboard down.
I looked around the room and fiddled with my hands. Finally, I couldn’t stand it any longer and spat out, “Where’s Todd?”
Jared turned to face me, giving me a peculiar look. I noticed he had a dimple in his chin. “Todd’s sick, so I said I would cover the class. Is that a problem?”
“Um, no, no problem, at all. I was just… curious,” I plopped down on the floor, wishing it would just open up and swallow me whole. I had to be the most embarrassing person on the planet.
“Okay,” Jared said, facing the room with his arms crossed over his chest. “Todd’s notes say that he went straight into teaching you defense moves. That’s all well and good, but you should also know ways to avoid being a target and I’d also like to demonstrate different moves before I let you have at it.
“Attackers are looking for one thing, an easy target. That usually means a female that’s alone,” he eyed all of the women in the class. “Now, you girls usually carry around a big, heavy, purse. Am I right?”
We all nodded.
“Well,” he said, leaning against the wall, “you can use that to your advantage. Beat the person with your purse. You’re not going to win a fight, but you might buy yourself enough time to run and scream for help. Also, let’s say you’re in the mall’s parking garage; stay in well-lit areas and always keep y
our keys in your hand. You can use them to stab an attacker, or you could hit the panic button and that should scare him off, because more than likely, someone will come to investigate the noise.
“If you can’t hit your panic button, scream. Scream as loud as you can. Yell, ‘Get away from me!’ Do whatever it is you have to do.
“You’re going to want to conserve as much energy as you can, so don’t wiggle around. You need to keep focused and think.
“You do not want to get any closer to your attacker than necessary. If it’s easier to kick his knee, go for that. Understand?”
We nodded.
Jared pointed at one of the guy’s in the class. “Collin? Right?”
“Yeah,” the guy said.
“Stand up and help me out for a minute,” Jared motioned with his hand.
Collin stood and walked over to Jared.
“There are several different sensitive pressure points on the body. The eyes are one of them. Scratch, gouge, or poke your attacker in the eyes. This should hurt like hell, and it might also leave them temporarily blind, giving you the chance to escape.
“Another area is the nose,” Jared motioned for Collin to stand to the side so that we could see. “Use the heel of your hand and jab, with all your weight, the underside of your attacker’s nose. If your back is to their front, you can also use your elbow or the back of your head,” Jared turned around so that his back was to Collin, and then demonstrated what to do.
“The neck is another sensitive spot on the body. If you hit your attacker with a knife strike,” he showed us how to hold our hand in a knife strike position, and then struck Collin in slow motion so that we could see exactly where to hit on the neck, “you can usually stun someone with this move. If you can’t do that, an elbow in the throat is quite affective.
“Now,” Jared said, “the best place for you to target is the knee. I know you probably think I’m crazy, but hear me out. Unlike these other points, the knee is vulnerable from practically every angle. It should also be difficult for your attacker to grab your leg if you kick their knee. The best points to incapacitate your attacker would be the sides or back of the knee. Although, you can cause a lot of injury by kicking the kneecap.
“The best advice I can give is what I said earlier, you need to think. Panic causes you to be irrational and in a situation like this, you need to think things through. Get with your partner and practice. If you need help or have a question, just call me over.”
He sat down on a chair in the corner and pulled out his cellphone.
“Up we go, baby cakes,” Rollo said, giving me a hand. “Come at me.”
I tried out the different techniques Jared had taught us and then switched and let Rollo try.
I didn’t even like for Rollo to touch me, but I didn’t mind his touch nearly as much as I did a strangers.
After switching back and forth from being attacked, to attacker, Jared told us to stop.
“Good,” he said, with his hands on his hips. “I think you’ve all got it down pretty good. I want one partner from each pair to follow me out to the hallway, to suit up.”
“Suit up?” One of the girls asked.
“Protective suit,” Jared answered. “I want you to get a feel for hitting something with force. This way,” he nodded and headed out of the room.
I started to follow him but Rollo grabbed my wrist and pulled me back.
“I’ll do it baby cakes. Besides, we’re here for you, not me,” he smiled and followed the others.
Jared came back with the group of people. They were wearing padded suits and these weird helmet things.
“Okay, I want you to hit your partner, like they were an actual attacker. These suits,” Jared clapped his hand on the shoulder of the person next to him. “Are very resistant. Don’t worry about hurting your partner. They won’t feel much of anything. Just go at them with all you’ve got.”
I faced Rollo. “I don’t want to hit you,” I whispered.
“Baby cakes, you have to. I won’t feel a thing,” he assured me.
My hands shook.
“Come on, Katy,” Rollo said, “You can do it.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
Someone grabbed my arm and I let out a small scream before elbowing them with my free arm.
“Humph,” the person let out, before letting me go.
I turned to see Jared. Instead of glaring at me like I expected, he was actually laughing.
He turned to Rollo. “Remind me to never mess with her. That was quite the hit you gave me, Katy.”
“I’m so sorry,” I shook my head, hoping my hair would hide my flaming cheeks. First, I flipped out on Paul, and now I was hitting Jared. They were going to kick me out of this class. That was for sure.
“It’s not a problem,” Jared chuckled, his warm brown eyes searing me to the spot. “It’s my fault, I kind of snuck up on you. That was quite the hit you gave me, though,” he pulled up his shirt, flashing everyone in the classroom his abs. “See,” he pointed to a red spot on his stomach.
“I did that?” I asked, surprised.
He laughed and let his shirt drop back down. “Yeah, I think it’s going to bruise. And let me tell you,” he leaned down closer to me, so that I was the only one that heard his next words. “I don’t bruise easily, Katy.”
I blushed and stumbled back a step.
In a lightning fast move, he reached out and grabbed me so that I didn’t fall. As soon as I was righted, he let go.
“I think that’s all for today,” Jared announced. “Todd should be back next week.”
With that, Jared was gone.
“He’s sexy as hell,” Rollo whispered to me, “but kinda weird.”
I laughed. I had to agree with Rollo on both accounts.
I helped him out of the protective gear and we put it away.
We were almost out of the building when someone called my name.
I turned and saw Jared standing in the doorway to the room I had run into last time we were here. What had he said it was? I think he’d called it his training room.
He stood there, wrapping his hands in the white stuff, and he’d already ditched his shirt.
I stood there ogling him and finally he said, “Katy?”
“Uh… yeah?”
“Come here for a second,” he nodded his head into the training room.
I looked at Rollo. “Wait here.”
He chuckled. “I’ll be right here, baby cakes, don’t worry,” he dropped onto one of the chairs in the waiting room.
I headed back down the hallway, and into the room Jared had disappeared into.
“What do you need?” I asked, looking anywhere but at him.
“Why won’t you go out with me?”
Way to get straight to the point.
He chuckled.
Oh crap, did I say that out loud?
“Yeah, you did.”
“Sorry,” I blushed.
“Seriously though, why won’t you go out with me? Do you have a boyfriend? Is that Preston guy you were yelling about the other day, your boyfriend? Just tell me. I’m a big boy. I can handle it,” he said, wringing his fingers.
“Preston is definitely not my boyfriend,” I spat venomously.
“What did this Preston guy do to you?” Jared asked, his voice soft and hesitant.
I looked up and met his gaze. I was surprised to find understanding in his eyes, not pity.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I sighed, crossing my arms over my chest and retreating into myself.
“Katy, something bad happened to you,” he sighed. “I can see it in your eyes. You try to pretend it didn’t happen, when really, it’s eating away at the inside of you.”
My eyes widened and my mouth opened and closed a few times. “How do you know that?”
“Maybe,” he leaned against the wall, crossing his ankles, “I just pay really good attention.”
“Or?” I prompted.
“Or,” he said, turning around and fiddling with something so that his back was to me, “maybe I see something in you that I see in myself.”
I gasped.
He turned around and his brown eyes had darkened. “Bad things happen to good people, Katy. We don’t ask for it, we don’t deserve it, but it happens, anyway. You can choose to let it break you, or you can let it make you stronger. You can hide or you can stand up and do something about it.” His jaw clenched. “It’s all up to you,” he pointed at me. “No one can heal you, Katy. There are no magic words. Only you can heal yourself.”
I didn’t know what to say. In all the times I’d been going to Sharon she’d never said anything like this to me, but Jared’s words made sense.
Sharon couldn’t heal me.
Neither could Rollo.
My mother believing me wouldn’t heal me either.
Jared was right.
Only I could heal myself.
“So, Katy,” Jared said, putting his hands on the back of a metal chair and leaning forward. “Are you going to heal yourself?”
8
“What took you so long?” Rollo asked as I walked past him.
I shook my head and continued right out the door.
“Katy?” Rollo said, coming out after me. “What happened? Are you okay? He didn’t-”
“No, nothing like that,” I turned and shoved my hair back. “Just get in the car.”
We weren’t even out of the parking lot when he started again. “Tell me what happened,” Rollo turned in his seat to look at me.
“Buckle your seatbelt,” I commanded, not even taking my eyes off the road.
“I will, if you tell me what he said,” his eyes bore into the side of my face.
“Fine,” I snapped, “just buckle your seatbelt already.”
I heard it snap into place and Rollo grumbled. “Happy now, mom?”
“Very,” I said.
A few seconds of silence passed and then, “Don’t make me pull it out of you.”
I came to a stop at a red light and glanced at Rollo. “He scares me.”
Rollo opened his mouth to say something but I put a hand up to stop him.
Unraveling Page 4