“No- not like that.” I floundered for the right words. “He sees more than any other person I’ve ever met. He sees me. He sees my pain, even though I try to bury it down deep.”
Rollo sat back in his seat and clucked his tongue. “It sounds to me, like you’ve met your match.”
I laughed. “Yeah, well, I think there’s more to Jared than I can even begin to imagine.”
“You mean?”
“He’s been hurt too. By what, I don’t know,” I said softly, and ran my fingers through my hair. “But he… understands me.”
“Well,” Rollo said, putting the sun visor down, “maybe you should give the guy a chance… as friends.”
“I don’t know,” I shook my head. “I’m afraid that being friends with him will lead to something else, and I don’t think I can give my heart to someone.”
“Katy,” Rollo said with a huff, “I’m not asking you to jump in the bed with the dude. I’m asking you to give him a chance to prove himself to you. He seems like a nice guy and Katy… you really need to learn to live. You need to open yourself up.”
“I’ll talk to him… okay?”
Rollo grinned from ear to ear. “I love you, baby cakes. I promise you, everything will get better. Each day, the pain will get less and less, as long as you’re willing to let it go. Do you hear me, Katy? Let the pain go.”
I laughed and pulled in front of Rollo’s dorm. “You’re starting to sound like Sharon.”
“I guess that means you better listen to me,” he leaned over and kissed my cheek. I tried not to flinch, telling myself, ‘This is Rollo’.
Rollo noticed my small movement and gave me a sad look. “You’re never going to be the old Katy, I know that. But I know you can find some part of yourself again.”
He opened the car door and ran inside the building.
I sat there for a moment.
Could I pick up the pieces of my shattered life or were the pieces too small to ever be found again?
~***~
I had just walked into my condo when my phone beeped. I pulled it out of my purse and read the text. It was from Piper.
Wanna meet for dinner?
What time? I need to shower. I typed back.
Is an hour and half from now good?
Perfect. I said.
I jumped in the shower and then dried my hair before curling it into loose waves down my back. I grabbed my silver headband and slid it on, to keep my hair from falling in my face.
I didn’t really have, ‘going out’, clothes so I just put on jeans, a white t-shirt, and a black blazer. I had a pair of red ballet flats somewhere and after ten minutes of digging through my closet, I finally found them. I looked at my watch and saw that I had about thirty minutes left before we were supposed to meet.
I text Piper, and asked if she needed me to pick her up and where we should meet.
I can drive. How about Tate’s? I heard they’ve got good food. She quickly replied.
That’s fine. I text back, even though I wasn’t sure it was. I’d never been to Tate’s but I knew it was a bar. I didn’t do bars. I didn’t really do anything, though.
With a sigh, I grabbed my purse and keys. I squared my shoulders and said to myself, “It’s all about healing, Katy. It’s time to heal.”
~***~
Piper was already there, and it looked like everyone that went to our college was there too.
The place was packed.
Piper waved me over to the table she’d snagged.
“I’m so sorry for texting you at the last minute,” she said, before my butt had even connected with the seat.
“It’s fine,” I smiled. “I’ve never been here before.”
“What?” her jaw dropped open. “According to everybody, this is the place to be and haven’t you lived here for a year, now? You’re a sophomore, right?”
“Yep,” I nodded, “I just don’t get out much.”
“Girl,” Piper drew out the word, “I’m going to have to change that.”
I laughed. “You already are. I’m here aren’t I?”
She smirked. “Huh, you’re right. Let’s have some fun, shall we?”
I laughed. “Not too much fun.”
“Never,” she winked.
~***~
By the time our food arrived, Tate’s was even fuller and the noise level was off the charts. I was going to have a killer headache, between the loud music, guys yelling at the TV’s, and the people playing pool.
Yep, I could already feel one coming on, the pounding behind my eyes a telltale sign.
I dug some Advil out of my purse and swallowed them down.
“Headache?” Piper asked.
“Yeah,” I said before taking a sip of water.
“It is really loud here,” she nodded in sympathy.
“The food’s really good, though,” I took a bite of a burger the size of my head.
She smiled and dipped a fry in ketchup and then in honey mustard. “It is-” her brows furrowed together as she looked over my shoulder. Suddenly, a smile broke out across her face. “Hey, it’s that guy from the coffee shop.”
Before the words were even out of her mouth, I was turning around.
Immediately, as if he was the only person in the room, my eyes met his.
Jared grinned widely and then turned to say something to the guy he was with.
Like Jared, this guy was gorgeous, only he was blonde, the hair a little longer on top of his head and shorter on the sides.
Jared turned back towards me and began to saunter over. I realized I was still staring at him like a lovesick puppy; so, I quickly turned back around to face Piper. I sent her a ‘help me’ look but she was too busy checking out Jared to notice. I kicked her shin and she finally looked at me.
“What?” she hissed, but it was too late.
Jared now stood behind me. Heat rolled off his body and I found myself leaning back, trying to get closer.
“Hey Katy,” his deep voice rumbled through my body, making me clench all over.
“Jared,” I answered.
“I thought you didn’t go out,” he grinned, standing there with his hands in his pockets.
“I said, I don’t date, not that I don’t go out. There’s a difference,” I looked up at him. Lord, he was tall.
“So, go out with me,” his lips lifted when he knew I was caught.
Darn him, I’d walked right into that one.
“Fine,” I grumbled, knowing he would never let it go until I conceded.
He chuckled and rubbed his chin. “Don’t sound so enthusiastic about it.”
I looked away.
“Come on, Katy,” he coaxed, “it might help you heal.”
I turned and glared up at him. “I already said I would go.”
“No, you just said, ‘fine,’” he did a poor imitation of my voice. “That doesn’t sound like someone that’s very enthusiastic to hang out with me. I promise that I don’t bite.”
“Yes, Jared, I will go out with you. Does that suffice as an answer?” I smiled and batted my eyelashes for dramatic affect.
“Why yes, yes it does,” he grinned at me.
“Would you like to inform me as to where we’ll be ‘going out’?” I put my fingers up in air quotes.
He smiled, a real genuine smile, not a cocky smirk. “For you kittycat, I’ll have to come up with something… creative.”
“Kittycat?” I raised a brow.
He chuckled. “Yep,” he leaned down so that we were face to face. In a low voice he said, “You’re a kittycat, because even though you look so sweet and innocent, you have claws and when they come out to play, someone always gets hurt.”
And just like that, he was gone.
I swear, he really had a knack for disappearing and leaving me completely frazzled in the process.
“Whoa, that was intense,” said Piper.
I shook my head and tried to focus on her. “Huh?”
“You two,” she mot
ioned to me and then over my shoulder to where I presumed Jared was. “It was like you were in your own little bubble and no one could infiltrate it. You guys have some crazy chemistry going on,” she said; fiddling with the dyed, pink ends of her hair.
“We don’t have chemistry,” I shook my head vehemently.
Piper raised a brow and looked at me like I had lost my mind… or killed a puppy.
“You’re in denial, or else you’re delusional. When you two are together, because I noticed it at the coffee shop as well, you’re practically combustible,” she pointed her fork at me. When I didn’t say anything, she continued, “And the way he looks at you… damn girl, I want a man to look at me like that.”
“He doesn’t look at me any certain way,” I shrugged, before taking another bite of my burger.
Piper snorted and wiped the corner of her mouth with a napkin. “Are you seriously that oblivious? He looks at you, like you’re a glass of water and he’s been stranded in the desert.”
I snorted. “Are you sure you’re not majoring in poetry?”
“I’m serious, Katy. You know… I guess, what I’m really trying to say is that he looks at you. He really sees you, Katy. He doesn’t look at you like he’s wondering how long it will take to get you out of your panties. Don’t push him away before you even give the guy a chance,” she pleaded.
I looked over my shoulder and saw Jared and his friend now sitting at the bar. He brought a beer to his lips, but just before it met, he suddenly turned and looked into my eyes. A smile broke out across his face and he winked.
A strange feeling filled my belly.
Were those… butterflies?
“Katy? Hello? Earth to Katy,” Piper waved her hand in front of my face. “You okay?” she asked once she had my attention.
“Uh-huh,” I nodded, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. “I’m fine… just confused.”
“Confused? Why?”
“It’s nothing,” I mumbled, but the butterflies in my tummy were definitely something. I hadn’t felt something like that in two years.
How could this one man, that I didn’t even know, affect me so much?
Was there such a thing as fate and destiny?
I guess I was about to find out.
9
“What’s up with you?” Rollo asked as I opened the door to my condo to let him in.
“What do you mean?” I countered.
“You’ve got a strange look on your face,” he said, venturing into the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of Diet Pepsi from the refrigerator.
“No, I don’t,” I crossed my arms over my chest.
Rollo rolled his eyes, “Puh-lease, you can’t see your face right now, I can. Spill it, baby cakes.”
“I went out to dinner last night-”
“With who? Tell me!” Rollo squealed, like a fan-girl meeting her favorite boy band.
“Jeez, Rollo,” I rubbed my ear, “keep it down a notch.”
“Sorry, baby cakes, but you have to tell me right now!”
“It wasn’t a date, or anything, so stop getting your hopes up. Piper asked me to go out,” I explained.
“Piper?” his brows furrowed together.
“The new girl in my Psych class.”
“Oh, now I remember her. So, what’s the reason for that puzzled look on your face?”
“Jared,” I answered, roughly.
“Hot bod’s got your panties in a bunch doesn’t he?” Rollo waggled his eyebrows.
“Rollo!” My jaw dropped and I smacked his arm. “You know that’s not it!”
He laughed. “Sorry, I couldn’t resist.”
“You’re horrible!” I cried.
“No, I’m fabulous,” he countered.
“Rollo, that’s your answer to everything,” I laughed.
“That’s ‘cause it’s true,” he grinned.
I pushed his shoulder and headed to the living room and out of the closet sized kitchen. The kitchen may have been state of the art, with stainless steel and granite everything, but it was smaller than a shoebox. You could barely turn around in it.
I plopped on the couch and brought my knees up, resting my chin on top.
Rollo sat down beside me and gave me a long, hard look.
“Katy, I don’t know why you think you can’t let go of your past and move on. Despite what you believe, you’re not ruined.”
I turned away, so that Rollo couldn’t see my face.
“But I am,” I whispered.
“Katy,” he sighed. “You are not ruined,” he repeated.
“Rollo,” I turned towards him, “I can’t stand for anyone to touch me. What sane twenty-something year old guy is going to put up with that. Huh?”
“Baby cakes,” Rollo said softly, moving my hair out of my eyes, “I’m telling you, there’s something different about Jared. Please, just give the guy a chance to prove himself to you.”
“I guess I already did,” I muttered. “I agreed to go out with him.”
Rollo’s jaw dropped to the floor. I reached over and pushed it back up before he got drool on my couch.
“Seriously? You said you’d go out with hot bod?” He looked over his shoulder, up at the ceiling, and all over the room.
“What are you looking for?” I laughed.
“The cameras, I must be on Punk’d.”
“No, Rollo, this isn’t Punk’d. He kind of trapped me into going out.” Rollo started to say something but I held my finger up. “It’s not a date.”
“Oh, it’s a date,” he grinned. “I would so hug you right now if I wasn’t afraid you’d drop kick me.”
I threw a pillow at his head. “I would never drop kick you, Rollo.”
“Oh please, I can see it in your eyes, you totally would,” he put the pillow back in its rightful place. “How about a finger hug instead? Minimal touching and it will make me feel better,” he pouted.
“Fine,” I rolled my eyes. “But I really wouldn’t kick you if you hugged me.”
“True,” his blue eyes softened, “but you would flinch and that would hurt my feelings.”
“Rollo-”
“There’s no need to explain, Katy. I know. Just please humor me,” he stuck out his index finger at a slight curve. “Finger hug.”
I grasped his index finger in mine and held on for three seconds before letting go.
Rollo looked at me with a sad smile. “I miss the old, Katy.”
“Rollo,” I swallowed and closed my eyes. “I promise, she’s still inside me somewhere, and I’m going to try really hard to find her.”
He turned the TV on. “I know you will, baby cakes. I’m just worried that it’s taking too long to find her and that once you finally do, it will be impossible to revive her.”
A tear leaked out of the corner of my eye, and then another. “Do you really think that?”
Rollo sighed. “Katy, you’re my best friend. I love you like a sister and would do anything for you. But sometimes,” he picked at a thread on the couch, “sometimes, I really miss the old carefree Katy. I know what happened with Preston wasn’t your fault but I hate that you’ve let it consume your whole life. You’re stronger than that, Katy, and yet, you want to let it eat away at you. I wish you could see that it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t ask for Preston to rape you. That’s why it’s called rape, Katyrina. I just hate that you’ve let that prick rule the last two years of your life. You deserve to be happy, Katy. You deserve to find love, more than any person I know. I try to understand, but sometimes it’s really hard trying to be strong for you all the time. Sometimes, I need you to be there for me.”
“Rollo,” I sobbed. “I’m such a horrible best friend.”
Then I surprised both of us by practically tackling him to the ground in a hug.
I pulled away and looked at him. “Everything you said was completely true. I’m so sorry,” I sobbed.
He held his arms out and I buried myself against his pudgy body.
“This is prog
ress, Katy,” he said. “I love ya, baby cakes.”
“I know you’ve been saying the same things to me for a while now, but I think I’m finally ready to listen. You’re right. I deserve to be happy. It’s going to take time for me to heal, but I’m going to try.”
Rollo pulled me out of his arms and held my face in his hands. “I know you can do it, Katy. I know you can get over this. Find your spark again.”
“Find my spark,” I whispered.
Rollo grinned. “And you can start by being nice to Jared.”
10
Be nice to Jared.
Ha!
Forget, ‘be nice to Jared’, I think I needed to focus on not making a fool of myself.
Jared always seemed to be able to leave me completely speechless and looking like an idiot.
Rollo and I were getting ready to leave Fight For It, when Jared came running out of his workout room.
“Katy, wait up,” he said, his chest rising and falling with each breath. He had a white towel around his neck and he used that to wipe his sweat drenched face.
“I’ll be out in a minute,” I told Rollo and tossed him my car keys.
Rollo grinned before going out the door.
“What’s up?” I asked Jared.
He chuckled breathlessly. “I was hoping you would be free Friday night.”
“Oh-um-yeah-” my words strung together. “I’m free.”
He smiled and crossed his arms over his chest. “Good. I doubt you’re going to tell me where you live, because you’re obviously the closed off type. Am I right?”
I blushed.
“Ah, your cheeks don’t lie,” he pointed to my face. “Meet me here around five o’ clock?”
“Five works for me,” I fidgeted nervously. “But you can just tell me where to go and I’ll meet you there.”
Jared threw his head back and laughed. “Nice try, kittycat, but I’m not telling you where we’re going.”
“I don’t know if I like not knowing,” I whispered, afraid to say the words out loud. I hated sounding like a scaredy cat.
Jared’s face softened and he reached out like he wanted to caress my cheek but dropped his hand to his side instead.
“Katy, I promise you, I’ll never hurt you or put you in a position of danger. I know I need to earn your trust, but this one time, I’m asking you to trust me anyway.”
Unraveling Page 5