Unraveling

by Micalea Smeltzer

  “Hey,” I answered.

  “I’m back at the hotel, Dan had me training all day,” Jared yawned. “Are you in bed?”

  “Yeah,” I said, pulling the covers up to my chin.

  “God, I wish I was there with you,” he crooned over the phone.

  “Well, if you were home, I’d be at my place,” I laughed. “There’d be no need for me to be here.”

  “Damn, I hate your logic,” he chuckled and I heard some rustling. I assumed he was getting in bed.

  “It’s the truth, not logic, babe,” I giggled.

  Silence greeted me on the other end of the phone. “Hello? Jared? You there?”

  “You called me babe.”

  I blushed, rubbing my cheeks as if I could rub the color away. “Uh, yeah, I guess I did.”

  “I really, really, liked it,” his voice rasped in my ear. “You should do it more often.”

  I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything.

  “Don’t freak out on me,” Jared said. “You’re the one that said it,” he joked.

  “I’m sorry,” I finally replied. “It just –uh- slipped out and took me by surprise. Please, just be patient with me.”

  “I’ll always be patient with you, Katy. You know that.”

  I rubbed my sleepy eyes. “You’re too good for me.”

  “You know that isn’t true,” he sang in my ear, before yawning again. “I’ve got to go to sleep kitten, and from the sound of your voice, I’d say you’re tired too.”

  “I am,” I agreed, leaving out the fact that my tiredness was due to my dreams. The only time I didn’t have them, was when I slept with Jared by my side.

  “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, after the fight,” he said and then hung up.

  I dropped my phone on his bedside table and curled up in his covers, inhaling the citrus scent of Jared surrounding me.

  ~***~

  Hands. His hands were on me. Touching me. I didn’t want him to touch me.

  “Katy! Katy! Wake up! It’s just a nightmare! Wake up!”

  He held me down. I was defenseless. I didn’t want to be defenseless.

  “Katy!”

  I came awake with a start, covered in sweat, clutching the sheet so tightly in my hands that my knuckles had turned white.

  “Are you okay?” Karlie asked, a tear coursing down her cheek, which she hastily wiped away.

  I panted, out of breath, unable to answer her.

  When I could unscramble my brain, I nodded.

  “You were screaming,” she said. “Just like the last time.”

  I nodded again.

  “Does this happen a lot?” she asked, her brown eyes wide with horror.

  I nodded, still speechless.

  “Katy,” she said softly, sitting on the edge of the bed. “No one should have to live like this.”

  “I’m used to it,” I mumbled.

  “Can’t you take some kind of medicine or something?”

  I shrugged. “I can handle them.”

  Karlie sighed. “If you could handle it, you wouldn’t have them.” She got up and went to the door. “If you need me, I’ll be in my room.”

  I nodded and rolled onto my back, looking up at the smooth white ceiling.

  She was right. I needed to do something about the nightmares. It had been two years and they weren’t going away. When I saw Sharon on Tuesday, I’d talk to her about it.

  29

  I won. Jared’s text read. I have a couple of interviews to do & then I’ll be on my way home. It’ll be late. So just go 2 bed.

  “Jared’s going to be late,” I told Karlie. She was sitting at the kitchen table doing homework.

  “I figured,” she sighed, closing her notebook. “Rodney called and he wants to practice, today.”

  “Don’t you already practice four times a week?” I crossed my arms over my chest.

  “Yeah, but we’re both perfectionists. We’ve already started practicing for our Christmas recital and he wants to make sure it goes off without a hitch.”

  “I can drop you off at your ballet studio, if that’s what you really want to do,” I said.

  “It is,” she got up from the table and started towards the living room. “I’ll be down in five minutes.

  I text Jared back and waited for Karlie.

  She came down with her hair pulled back in a tight bun with her leotard, and tights on. She had a bag slung over her shoulder. She put that down and pulled on a pale pink sweater and a pair of leggings. She checked her bag, making sure she had everything and said, “Let’s go.”

  Karlie gave me directions to her ballet studio and I dropped her off at the front. I was surprised by the amount of people milling around. I guessed Karlie and Rodney weren’t the only dedicated ones.

  “I’ll text you when I’m done,” she called over her shoulder.

  I hopped out of the car and yelled across. “Karlie!”

  “Yeah?” she turned around.

  “You don’t have my number,” I laughed.

  “Oh, right,” she said, walking back towards me and pulling out her phone. I rattled off my number to her. “We’ll probably be done in about two hours,” she smiled at me. “Rodney might be able to drop me off, he has a car, but sometimes he has to work.”

  “Karlie, I’ll get you,” I insisted. I felt very protective of Karlie; like she was my own sister and I didn’t want Rodney to try to take advantage of her.

  “You sure?”

  “I’m sure,” I answered.

  I watched to make sure she got in the building okay before I drove away. I pushed the fancy button on my steering wheel and called Rollo.

  “Rollo,” he answered.

  “What are you up to?” I asked. “Are you busy?”

  “I’ve just been laying around waiting for my baby cakes to call me. Now, that she has a stud muffin of a boyfriend, she ignores us little people.”

  I snorted. “Stud muffin?”

  “Would you prefer if I called him Hot Bod?” he joked.

  “You’re full of it, Rollo. I just dropped Karlie off at her ballet studio-”

  “Well, aren’t you just mommy dearest,” Rollo chuckled.

  “Rollo!”

  “Sorry, I had to say it,” he sputtered.

  “I’m going to hang up on you,” I informed him.

  “Don’t do that, baby cakes. We can work this out,” he purred.

  “You are so full of it,” I repeated.

  “I’ll be on my best behavior for now on. What did you want?” He asked and I could picture him flipping his curly blonde hair back and forth.

  “I wondered if you were free to get coffee and catch up? I’m going to call Piper, too,” I said, already driving towards the dorms.

  “Of course I’m fah-ree,” he drew out the word. “Since my best friend has been absent, all I’ve done is homework. I’m a whole week ahead of the rest of the class.”

  “Oh, gosh, I’m sorry, Rollo. I’ve been a horrible friend.”

  “Nah, you’ve got a man now, and you love him. I’m happy for you, really happy. You deserve that, Katy. I was worried you would never snap out of your funk.”

  “He really does make me happy,” I whispered. “I thought I would be scared of men for the rest of my life, but Jared makes me feel safe.”

  “What you and Jared have is a once in a lifetime kind of love. Hold it close, Katy, and never let it go,” Rollo spoke fiercely.

  “I will,” I told him, suddenly feeling teary eyed. “I better call Piper.”

  “I’ll watch out the window for you, it’s too cold to stand outside,” he said and hung up.

  I called Piper and she wasn’t doing anything, so we decided to meet at the Starbucks where I had given her the notes during the first week of classes.

  I parked at the dorm and a few minutes later, I could see Rollo’s curly blonde head bobbing my way.

  “Hey,” he said breathlessly, as he opened the passenger door.

  “I’m
sorry I’ve been a lousy friend,” was my reply as I backed out of the parking place.

  “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad,” Rollo said as he buckled his seatbelt. “I was just kidding.”

  “No, you were right. I’ve been neglecting you, and that’s not right. You’re my best friend; I shouldn’t let my boyfriend get between us.”

  Rollo laughed. “Jare-bear can stand between us anytime, as long as I get to look at his delicious ass.”

  I slammed on the brakes causing the guy in the car behind me to honk his horn. I snorted, “Rollo!”

  “What? He has the most perfect ass that I’ve ever seen. I just want to cup it and squeeze it-”

  “Oh God! I can’t listen to this!” I shook my head back and forth.

  “Have you felt it? Please, tell me you have. I need details, woman, details!” Rollo cried.

  “No! Of course I haven’t!” I cried, my cheeks flaming.

  “What the hell is wrong with you, girl? Feel it!” Rollo cupped his hands in the air.

  “I suddenly, really need to get out of this car,” I said as Starbucks came into view.

  Rollo chuckled. “Your face is priceless. You never could take a joke, even before. You’re too sensitive.”

  “I’m sorry if I don’t want to talk about Jared’s ass with you,” I spat. “You know I don’t talk about those kinds of things.”

  “Precisely, that’s why it’s so fun to bug you about it. Your face and chest gets all red and splotchy.”

  “You’re mean,” I tugged at my sweatshirt that suddenly felt too tight. I wanted it off.

  I parked the car and got out, heading into the coffee shop. I locked the car, not even bothering to see if Rollo had gotten out.

  I ordered my coffee and turned around to see that Rollo had made it out of the car in time.

  I grabbed a table and waited for my order to be ready.

  Piper came in, her long hair tamed back by a cute pink knit hat. She waved at me before breezing by and getting in line.

  Rollo sat down across from me with his tea and handed me my coffee.

  “Thanks,” I said. I must have missed them calling my order out.

  “You know I was kidding, right?” Rollo asked, breaking up the awkward silence between us.

  “I know,” I squirmed in my seat. “I just got upset because most girls would be all over him and I’m not. What if he gets sick of waiting for me?”

  “That’ll never happen,” Rollo said with conviction. “That boy is completely wrapped up in you. He loves you, and when you love someone the way he loves you, nothing else matters.”

  “I guess,” I shrugged, looking at the tile floor.

  “Baby cakes, look at me,” Rollo commanded.

  I reluctantly lifted my chin.

  “Look at how far you’ve come, Katy. You’ll get to that point, eventually, and Jared will be there waiting for you and that day will make him the happiest man alive, because I know my girl is going to blow his mind.”

  “Rollo!” my cheeks flamed.

  “What did I miss?” Piper asked, taking the seat between Rollo and me.

  “Nothing!” I cried.

  “I was just telling, baby cakes, that eventually she’s going to want to have sex with Jared and when she does, she’s going to rock his world.” He leaned conspiratorially towards Piper and whispered under his breath, but loud enough for me to hear, “It’s always the quiet ones that are freaks beneath the sheets.”

  My forehead hit the table with a loud thump and I prayed for a sudden death. I was a few seconds away from finding the nearest rock and climbing under it.

  Piper and Rollo laughed.

  I wanted to hit them both.

  “I’m never speaking to either of you, ever again,” I lifted my head from the table. “All you do is embarrass me.”

  “You know, you love us,” Rollo made a kissy face.

  I narrowed my eyes. “Change the subject and then I will love you.”

  “Fine,” he huffed.

  ~***~

  Once Rollo stopped talking about my non-existent sex life, I actually enjoyed myself.

  I was surprised by how much time had passed when Karlie text.

  I dropped Rollo off and picked her up.

  “How’d it go?” I asked.

  “If you’re asking if he tried to make a move, the answer is no,” she smiled. “I think his ego can only take being shot down so much.”

  I couldn’t help laughing even though I felt sorry for the kid.

  Darkness was descending on the sky.

  “What do you want to do for dinner?” I glanced at Karlie.

  “Honestly?” she laughed. “I really want some Chef Boyardee Ravioli. I’m craving the stuff.”

  “Ravioli it is,” I said, pulling in the driveway.

  The house was dark and I immediately began flicking on the lights. I hated the dark. After that was done, I closed the blinds. Karlie was already in the kitchen microwaving her dinner. I decided I’d have some too and opened a can, dumping the contents into a bowl. A little bit of the red tomato sauce sloshed out onto the counter and I quickly wiped it off.

  Karlie ate half of her bowl of ravioli and said, “I’m really tired. I’m going to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “Night,” I said as she finished cleaning her bowl.

  I finished eating, washed my bowl, and sat down to watch some TV.

  I was going to try to stay awake until Jared came home. I didn’t want to wake Karlie up by screaming again.

  I kept nodding off, my exhaustion from the night before catching up to me.

  I was in the space between awake and asleep, when the front door opened, scaring the crap out of me.

  A startled shriek escaped my lips and I fell off the couch with a thump.

  “Katy!” Jared exclaimed, a look of horror on his face as he watched me fall.

  “Ow,” I rubbed my head where I bumped it on the floor. That was going to leave a nasty mark.

  Jared’s hand closed around my arm and he hauled me up, brushing my hair back from my forehead.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, his thumb gliding over the bump on my forehead.

  “My head hurts,” I replied.

  “Here, sit down,” he helped me back on to the couch. “Let me get you an icepack.”

  I heard the freezer door open and close.

  A moment later, the couch dipped down beside me and Jared pressed the icepack to my head. I winced at the cold temperature.

  With one hand still holding the icepack he draped the orange blanket around my shoulders.

  “I told you to go on to bed,” he chuckled. “You didn’t need to wait up for me.”

  I looked at the clock on the cable box and saw that it was after midnight. “I didn’t want to wake Karlie up,” I whispered.

  “Why would you- Oh,” he said. “They haven’t gone away?”

  “No,” I shook my head. “The only time I don’t have them, is when I’m with you,” I said, softly.

  “See, you’re just going to have to move in,” he joked. “Problem solved.”

  “I’m going to see if I can maybe get some sleeping pills,” I looked at my fingers, suddenly finding them very interesting.

  “You do whatever it is you have to do, to stop reliving this. It’s the only way for you to truly move on,” he removed the icepack and inspected my forehead. “It’s going down.”

  I pressed tentative fingers to my forehead.

  “It might bruise,” Jared said, squinting in the darkness as he looked at it.

  “I’ve had worse,” I stood up, letting the blanket fall back to the couch.

  “We both have had worse,” he whispered kissing my cheek. “Let’s get you upstairs and in bed.”

  He went to pick me up and I protested, “No, Jared. I can walk.”

  “Let me carry you, kitten, you’re light as a feather.”

  I started to protest but the look he gave, shushed me.

  He
carried me up the steps, down the hall and bumped his bedroom door with his knee so it would open. He gently laid me on top of his duvet cover. My hair fanned around me.

  “You are so beautiful,” he groaned, placing a light kiss to the injury on my forehead. His large hand cupped my cheek. “Now that you let me touch you, I never want to stop.”

  I smiled up at him. “I like touching you.”

  He growled and kissed my chin. “Scoot over,” he commanded, pulling his sweatshirt off and then hooking his thumbs in the back of his t-shirt and pulling it off. He undid his belt and let his jeans fall to the floor.

  My breath stuttered at seeing Jared in only his black boxer briefs.

  He pulled the covers down and then over me, before climbing in beside me.

  “You won’t have any nightmares, now,” he crooned, spooning me against him.

  A smile lit my face as my eyes closed with exhaustion. No, I definitely wouldn’t have any nightmares now.

  30

  “Jesus, Katy, your punches are getting stronger,” Jared grunted as I punched the bag.

  I snorted. “Stop trying to make me feel better. I know you’re not feeling that,” I rolled my eyes.

  My cast had come off over a week ago and Jared was just now letting me join him at the gym. I think he was afraid I’d break it again. Sometimes, he worried way too much about me.

  Jared chuckled and let go of the bag, coming around and wrapping his arms around my waist. He kissed my neck, then my chin, before finally, kissing my lips.

  He let go and grabbed my arm. “Look, you’re getting some serious muscle definition,” he squeezed it.

  I swatted at his side. “You are so full of crap.”

  “The truth isn’t ‘crap.’” He held his fingers up in air quotes.

  I pushed his shoulder. “Just go lift weights so I can watch you.”

  He threw his head back and laughed. “Why does that make me feel like I’m a piece of man meat?”

  I giggled. “Man meat?”

  “You said you wanted to watch me,” he chuckled. “That makes me man meat.”

  “You’re full of yourself, today,” I followed him over to the weight station.

  “Here,” he handed me some light weights. “You can use these.” He picked up much heavier ones for himself and started to flex, his arms completely bare in his sleeveless top.