by Amelia Stone
I nodded, still trying to keep those stupid tears from escaping. I needed to wrap this up before they started to fall – before he figured out what this conversation was costing me.
“Well, good.” I stood up from the table, pushing my still-full plate toward him. “I’ll see you around, I guess.”
I turned to go, but his next words stopped me.
“No you won’t.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. “What?”
I heard him take a shuddering breath. “If you do this, Krista, if you walk away right now, then that’s it.” His words hit me like tremors, each more destructive than the last. “I never want to see you again.”
I nodded, though it felt like my head weighed a thousand pounds. “Okay.” I mumbled, because I wasn’t sure what else to say.
I took a few wobbly steps forward, stuffing my hands in my hoodie pocket as I did. My knuckles scraped on something hard and rough, and I huffed in surprise. With everything else that had happened, I’d forgotten all about his actual birthday present until that moment.
“Seth?”
He didn’t answer for so long that I actually thought he wouldn’t. But after an interminable silence, he let out a furious growl.
“What?”
I turned, pulling my hands out of my pocket as I walked back to the table. Then I dropped his gift next to his plate.
He hadn’t eaten his plum. I wasn’t sure why, but the sight of it, sitting alone on an otherwise empty plate, made a lump crawl up my throat.
“Happy birthday,” I croaked.
He looked down, and I could hear every single one of his labored breaths. The woods around us offered up an oppressive stillness on that cool, foggy Thursday morning. There weren’t even any birds chirping. It was as though Gaea herself had cast a spell of some kind, hushing the world and giving us the privacy I needed to break both our hearts.
“A starfish,” he whispered. His fingers traced the lines of the distinctive pink markings, and I noticed his hands were trembling.
I nodded. “I found it on North Beach a couple of weeks ago, and it reminded me of that live one you found when we were little, the one your dad made you put back.”
I inhaled noisily, remembering that perfect summer day ten years ago, when I’d thought life couldn’t get any better than playing in the sand and surf with my best friend in the entire world.
“Anyway,” I rasped. “I thought you would want to have it.”
His eyes fluttered closed, and his chest heaved as he worked through some emotion I couldn’t know. But I could guess. I imagined it was probably similar to what I was feeling: the anger, the hurt, the betrayal.
The difference was, his destruction wasn’t self-inflicted.
“Why are you doing this?” he asked. His eyes popped open, and the raw pain in them made me stagger like I’d been punched. “Why don’t you want to be my friend anymore? Have you been lying to me this whole time? Do you just hate me?”
I swallowed. I wanted to lie, wanted to tell him he was the worst. But I couldn’t. I had caused enough damage here already, and my stomach heaved at the prospect of breaking that final fault line. I didn’t want him to hate himself; I simply wanted him to hate me.
“I’ve never hated you,” I told him, praying to whatever god was listening that he’d believe me.
“Then why?” His normally graveled voice was even raspier than usual, as though he, too, were fighting tears. “Why would you just throw away everything we have?”
My breath was caustic, burning in my lungs, as I looked away. I couldn’t face him, couldn’t let him see how hard this was. I couldn’t let him have hope that this breach would one day be mended.
“Because,” I told him. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”
And then I left him alone in the woods. The regret came immediately, but the tears at least had the decency to wait until I was back in the tent, wrapped in my sister’s arms, before they finally fell.
A little victory, to be sure. But I celebrated it all the same.
“Three cheers for the future Mr. Summers!”
I laughed as I raised my glass of Diet Coke, clinking it against everyone else’s Pilsners and IPAs or whatever the fuck they were drinking. Adam’s brother and best man, Antonio DeLuca, was more than a little drunk by this point, and it showed in his toast.
I was sitting at a scarred, ancient pub table at Wrestler’s, together with Adam, his brother, and a couple of Adam’s friends. Most of the groom’s half of the ginormous wedding party were flying in tomorrow, so it was pretty low-key, as bachelor parties go. I’d tried to supplement it with some of my buddies, but the only one who could make it was the last one I would have hoped for.
“I am never fucking getting married,” Ward grumbled. “And I am definitely not changing my name to hers, even if I ever did get hitched.” He took a long pull of his beer. “Which I am not.”
“I’m not actually changing my name,” Adam replied. “And no one asked you anyway.”
“Cheers to that!” I gave Ward a smartass grin as I held my glass up.
“Cheers to Adam!” Antonio tried again.
“To Mr. Jess!” the friends chorused, and we all laughed.
Being the designated driver at a stag night was not exactly the most entertaining way to spend a Thursday evening, but it had its moments. And I wasn’t doing anything else, anyway, since Krista was off on an epic bachelorette scavenger hunt.
I smiled to myself as I sipped my drink, remembering the scavenger hunt we’d engaged in last night, just the two of us. I’d buried my dick inside her and found the orgasmic treasure waiting for me on the other side.
Okay, so my poetry still needed some work. But hey, I’d never claimed to be an artist.
“What’s with the shit-eating grin?”
From across the table, Ward peered at me with clear blue eyes. He wasn’t anywhere near as drunk as the other guys, but the night was still young.
“Nothing, man,” I replied. “Just having a good time.”
“Uh huh.” Adam narrowed his eyes like he was trying to sniff out my secrets. “So this dreamy look in your eye has nothing to do with the fact that you’ve spent all your time this week with my wife’s sister, right?”
I gave him a lazy smirk. “She’s not your wife yet.”
“Please.” He took a sip of his beer. “I knew from the moment I saw her that Jessica Ann Summers was my wife. This thing on Saturday? It’s just a technicality.”
“Sap!” Friend One shouted. The other friend made a noise like a whip cracking, while Ward wrinkled his nose in disgust. Adam gave them all the finger.
Antonio, meanwhile, roared with laughter. “Is that what you call this goddamn circus? A technicality?”
“Circus?” Friend One looked a little green at the gills. “I thought I was just going to have to like, stand there? I can’t do all that aerial shit, with the ropes and ribbons or whatever.”
“It’s not an actual circus,” Adam assured him with a roll of his eyes.
“Yeah, but you have to admit, it is a pretty lavish spectacle,” I argued.
Jess and Adam were expecting something like three hundred guests on Saturday, along with a wedding party large enough for a game of touch football, and they were going to have both a DJ and a live band. And that didn’t even take into account the mountain of food and river of alcohol they were providing.
‘Circus’ was a pretty accurate word for it, when it came right down to it.
“What can I say?” Adam shrugged. “My woman likes to make a statement.”
His tone was so full of affection that I couldn’t help but smile again, despite the sheer insanity of the situation.
“Besides,” he added. “We’ve been together so long that we’re practically common law married in California.”
“And yet,” I drawled, “you’re only now putting a ring on it.”
He shook his head, but he was grinning. “Man, if you think that was my idea, then you d
on’t know Jess. She has a plan all laid out, and she was not having it the first seventeen times I proposed.”
“Seventeen?” Antonio blinked. “Jesus. What man wants to wait that long for the woman he loves?”
“I would have given up years ago,” I agreed.
Adam gave me a shrewd look. “No you wouldn’t have.” He plowed on before I could even formulate a reply. “Plus, I knew she wanted to marry me. Like I said, she just has a plan.”
“Yeah, but what’s the plan?” Antonio looked genuinely perplexed.
Adam shrugged. “No idea. But I trust her.”
Friend Two let out a low whistle, and this time Friend One made the whip-cracking sound.
“That’s nuts, bro,” Antonio said. “Completely fucking nuts.”
“Love is nuts, little brother,” Adam replied. “But it’s completely fucking worth it.”
“No thank you,” Ward muttered.
I thought about it as I sipped my drink. Was love worth the headaches, the rejection, the despair? Was it worth the jealousy and the sleepless nights and the incurable ache in your bones when you were separated from the object of your affection?
Yes.
Yes it was.
At least, loving Krista was worth it. Even with all the bullshit we’d been through, the years apart and the heartbreak, I loved her. I’d always loved her, from the moment that little freckled girl had sat in front of me at story circle, dark red curls bouncing in every direction as she fidgeted with excitement. I’d loved her from that day, and I’d never stopped.
And now that I could finally love her in the way I wanted, body, mind, and soul?
I grinned into my glass. Yeah, it was worth it.
“But anyway,” Adam drawled. “Talk to me about you and Krista.”
I eyed Adam’s friends as I continued to nurse my soda. I trusted Adam implicitly, and even his mouthy little brother knew that silence was golden in certain situations. But I didn’t know those other two guys. I was pretty sure I’d met them both at least once, which made them more ‘oh hey bro, how’s it going?’ acquaintances than ‘oh hey bro, don’t sell this to the tabloids’ buddies. I didn’t even remember their names, for Christ’s sake.
And don’t even get me started on Ward. There was no fucking way I was going to talk about Krista in front of him.
Luckily, Antonio seemed to take the hint. Either that, or he was just really thirsty.
“Dude,” he said, gesturing to Friend Two. “Come to the bar with me.”
The friend frowned at me, then at Adam’s brother. “Why?” he whined.
“Because the bartender has nice tits, and you owe us a round,” Antonio replied.
“Fine,” the dude grumbled. “But I get first dibs on the bartender.”
“No way!” Friend One followed close behind them. “I saw her first.”
I chuckled as they headed off to the bar, squabbling the whole time.
“They’re barking up the wrong tree there,” I told Adam. “Mindy has been happily married for years.”
I remembered the conversation I’d had with her the last time I’d been in here, when Ward had tried unsuccessfully to pick up the purple-haired beauty. She was a pretty cool chick, once you got past her crabby exterior.
Adam shrugged. “That probably won’t matter to them,” he said.
I shook my head. “No, but it’ll matter to Jen,” I replied.
“Who’s Jen?”
“Mindy’s wife.”
Adam chuckled. “Fair enough.”
“I don’t know,” Ward said. “I’m still not convinced she wasn’t just saying that to shut me down.”
“For the last time, asshole,” I groaned. “Lesbians are not a myth.”
“Says you,” Ward groused.
Adam tipped his head back in a laugh. But then a split second later, he fixed another shrewd gaze on me.
“So now that they’re gone, you gonna tell me about Krista?”
I shifted my gaze, watching as Antonio, Friend One, and Friend Two flirted shamelessly with the completely disinterested bartender. Then my eyes bounced to Ward, who was pretending not to listen.
I shook my head at Adam.
He frowned at Ward. “Time to take a leak,” he said.
Ward’s jaw locked in a stubborn line. “Don’t want to break the seal,” he argued.
“Then go wash your hands or some shit,” Adam shot back.
Ward gave me a disgusted look as he set his beer down. “Fine. I see how it is.” He gave me the finger, then pointed to his pint glass. “Just make sure no one messes with that.”
I rolled my eyes, but otherwise made no reply as he stomped off. When he was gone, Adam turned back to me.
“So?”
I was quiet for a long moment, because I wasn’t sure I wanted to talk about my relationship with anyone. I liked my privacy, and I knew Krista did, too. She wasn’t on Facebook or any of the other social media sites, and after the things she’d told me the other day, I couldn’t blame her for being secretive.
No, there was no way I was going to betray her trust by blabbing about what we did in private, not even to a good friend like Adam.
“I don’t know what you want to hear,” I said eventually.
Adam huffed. “I want to hear that you’re being careful,” he said.
I gave him the side eye. “I know all about safe sex, Dad. But thanks.”
He scoffed. “You know that’s not what I mean.”
“No I don’t,” I shot back. “So just spit it out.”
He eyed me for a long moment. “You know she’s been in love with you since you were kids, right?”
I frowned, trying not to let my shock show on my face. “How would you even know that?”
“Jess told me.” He leaned forward. “Said her sister has carried a torch for you since the day you met.”
I stared into my soda, watching the bubbles fizz out. If that was the case, why had she never said anything? Sure, she told me the other day that she’d had a crush on me when we were kids, but she’d made it sound like no big deal. Intense, passionate, but short-lived, like most middle school crushes. And I’d easily believed that, because it fit with what I remembered. She’d never given me so much as an inkling that she wanted more than friendship from me.
“You sure about that?” I asked.
“Positive.” Adam nodded. “She had it pretty bad, I guess.” He watched me over the top of his glass. “If you ask me, I don’t think she ever got over it.”
Anger simmered in my blood, buzzing through my head as I thought it over. We had wasted so many fucking years. We could have been together, been happy, this whole time. All the magic we’d had this week could have been compounded, expanded, deepened. We could have been engaged, or hell, even married. We could have had kids. We could have had a whole life together.
But instead, she’d pushed me away, and we’d spent a decade apart. How could she have done that, if she truly loved me?
Adam’s voice pulled me out of my dark thoughts.
“So just promise me you’ll be careful with her, man. Don’t break her heart.” He took another sip of his beer. “For one thing, you’ll make my life hell.”
I frowned. “I’m not going to cause any problems with you and Jess,” I replied.
He shook his head. “I don’t give a shit about that,” he said. “I mean, I do. But that’s not my primary concern.”
“Then what is?”
“You and Krista, you moron. If you break her heart, you’ll end up breaking your own, too.” He leveled me with a glare. “You both are family to me. And I don’t like it when my family gets hurt.”
I blinked a couple times. “Okay, that was too fucking sappy,” I muttered. “And also vaguely threatening.”
He gave me a lopsided grin. “What can I say? Weddings make me crazy. I’m Italian like that.”
I shook my head. “Yeah, but this is your own wedding,” I pointed out.
“True,” he
agreed. “But that just makes it like, ten times worse.”
I chuckled, but before I could reply, Ward returned from the bathroom.
“I even scrubbed under my nails,” he grumbled, holding his hands up to show us. “Are you two girls done gossiping?”
“We’re done.” Adam rolled his eyes. “But now I gotta pee.”
Ward shook his head. “I’m telling you, man, don’t break the seal.”
Adam shook his head. “Can’t be helped,” he sighed as he walked away.
“Well, I’m getting another beer,” Ward said, looking at his half-finished beer with suspicion.
I rolled my eyes. “No one touched it while you were gone.”
“Says you.”
I sat at the table by myself for a minute, thinking about everything Adam had just said. I was still a little angry over his revelations, but I tried to push it from my mind. Krista may have made some mistakes, but neither of us could change the past. The only thing we could do was move forward.
My head still felt a little dizzy, though, as I watched the cheap Christmas lights that had been strung over the bar. They were blinking haphazardly, and I had to close my eyes against the headache I could feel coming on.
I did my best to smile and laugh when Antonio, Ward, and the Friends returned to the table, lamenting their bad luck with Mindy the bartender, and again a moment later, when Adam came back from the bathroom.
But my mind was still stewing over the squandered opportunities, and I couldn’t seem to get out of my resentful thoughts.
“I’m gonna get a beer,” I announced, when there was a lull in the conversation.
Maybe the alcohol would take my mind off things for a bit, I reasoned. One beer certainly couldn’t hurt.
Adam frowned. “No offense, man, but you’re kind of a lightweight. You sure you’re up for that?”
I scoffed. “I can hold my own.”
Adam held his hands up. “Okay, okay, but I’m cutting you off if it gets bad.”
“Fair enough,” I relented.
“But wait, you can’t drink,” Antonio groaned. “You’re the DD!”
“We can get a ride.” I rolled my eyes as I stood.
“Plus, this island is tiny,” Ward added. “Your hotel is less than a mile away. You could walk home in less time than it takes for a cab to get here.”