by JA Huss
I’m the first one up the next day, mostly because I’m horny as fuck and I need to take my mind off the fact that Ashleigh’s ass is right up next to my dick, but also because I’m in a hurry to get the hell back to civilization. Ash was right yesterday—being lost in the wilds is cool for a while. But then things start closing in on you. And for me, it’s my erratic feelings towards this girl and her baby.
I like them.
There. I admitted it.
I like them. I could get used to them. I’d like to see Kate crawl and throw a tantrum in the store because she wants a toy. I want to watch her develop a personality and learn new things. It’s got a certain appeal. I’d like to watch Ashleigh cook me dinner and the three of us sitting at a table that is not in a restaurant. I’d like to try this.
But I sure the fuck know how to pick them. First Rook and now Ash. Why can’t I fucking find a girl who is not taken? Although I have no trouble stealing Ashleigh away from this Tony fuck. None at all. If he left her with a newborn baby, that’s just wrong.
I’m safe. I never fuck without protection. Never. It’s not difficult putting Ashleigh off because I know I can’t have sex with her until I get some condoms. It’s not even an issue for me, that’s how firm I am in this doctrine.
So I would never get a girl pregnant by mistake. Ever.
But this guy did get her pregnant and she kept the baby. Which says a lot of things about her. And they never married. Which says a lot of things about him.
Or maybe these two planned this baby and things didn’t work out?
Regardless. If I did get a girl pregnant I’d never—never—walk out. I have a very solid image of what a family is. Mine. The one I was raised in. That’s a family. And if I create a child, it’s going to be with a woman I’m married to and plan to grow old with.
That’s naive, maybe. Whatever. I don’t care. Because I’m patient. I want it all or I want nothing. I was not just saying that to Rook to make her feel guilty. I meant it. I’ve got the slutty girls, the ones who want me to use them any way I want. I have them to keep me satisfied—because I’d rather be alone than be in a relationship with a woman I don’t love or who doesn’t love me back.
And if Ashleigh wants to get back with her ex, then I’ll just have to step aside and go back to my old life—the life before Rook and girls in blizzards who need saving. Concentrate on work. We’re filming on location in New Zealand for six weeks starting in nine days. I’ve missed a shitload of meetings, my email is probably going off, and I’m definitely running out of text excuses. My assistant has been fielding all calls since last week, but pretty soon life is gonna catch up to me.
And Ashleigh’s life will catch up to her at the same time.
As soon as we get to LA in fact. We could make it there today if we wanted to. Ten hours, give or take. But I’m not ready to let this go just yet. Maybe her ex is a total dick. Maybe she just needs to see more of Nice Ford and less of Asshole Ford and she’ll change her mind about Tony?
But then I’d constantly be in his shadow. He’d probably get partial custody of Kate. I’d have to share them.
I picture what that might look like. The weekends that Kate would be away from us. The phone calls when Tony wanted something from Ashleigh. The split holidays and dealing with Kate’s paternal grandparents. Knowing Kate’s bond with her father is stronger than her bond with me.
I’d be crazy jealous.
But I’d do it. I’d share if Ashleigh loved me. I’d do it to make her happy, make Kate’s life less confusing. I’d be nice to Tony. Shake his hand maybe. Be a graceful winner.
I get out of bed as quietly as I can and get dressed. I’m putting on the clean socks that Ashleigh packed when she wakes. “You’re up early today.”
“Yeah.” I grin at her from across the room. “We have a date in Vegas tonight.” That makes her smile and my whole body floods with warmth. “We need to get there, you need some fancy clothes, Kate needs a babysitter. We have a big day ahead, so let’s get on it.” Ashleigh actually sighs and I laugh. “What’s got you sighing?”
“I think this is going to be a good day. Maybe a great day. Maybe the first great day I’ve had in a long time.” She throws the cover off and Kate stirs. “She’s not hungry, I just fed her like an hour ago. So I’ll feed her on the road if she needs it.”
“I didn’t hear you all night. How many times did she feed?”
“Like four.” Ash snorts. “I was half asleep for most of it. Except the last one. I watched you sleep.” She gives me a seductive smile as she tugs on a white t-shirt of mine that has a black diamond on it and says I’m difficult across her chest. “Stop staring at me.”
“Why?”
“Why?” she giggles. “Because it makes me feel weird.”
Life gets a little more interesting. “Weird how?”
“Like you’re looking at me naked.”
“You just rolled out of bed topless. And you just admitted that you were watching me sleep, so that’s the weird shit.”
“I know. But you don’t just look nice when you’re sleeping, you’re like…” Her words trail off and she shakes her head.
“I’m what?”
“I can’t say it. I’m not allowed to talk dirty to you anymore or you’ll spank me.”
I stand up and walk over to her, pull her hair aside and lean down into her neck. “Miss Li? Your ass will be red no matter how many good deeds you perform today to try and make up for your unladylike behavior. So you might as well get your dirty talk over with so you can concentrate on behaving tonight when I have your ankles tied to your thighs and your pussy open for inspection. Because I’m going to have a lot of rules, Ashleigh. And a lot of commands you’ll have to follow. I’m going to touch you in places that will make you scream. I’m going to let you please me in ways you’ve only dreamed of, and then I’m going to fuck you sore.”
Her body stiffens and her head goes back a little as she looks up at me. “I think I just came, I swear to God, I’m not even joking.”
My laugh is so loud the baby startles and starts crying. Ashleigh takes a step to go after Kate but I pull her back and rub my hand along the crease of her pussy. She’s sopping wet even through her panties. “You are in a lot of trouble for cheating.”
“Cheating?” she exclaims and Kate is getting ready to wail now. “You talked me into it! It’s your fault, Ford. I should get to spank you for making me come!”
I push her away gently and laugh. “I think someone needs a rule book.”
“Yeah, you!” She picks up the baby and rocks her a little before turning back to me. “You need rules, Ford. Not me. How come you’re allowed to call all the shots anyway? How come I can’t make you do things? How come I can’t tie you up and parade you in front of a window? You’ve got a nice package. I bet I could charge money to see that shit.”
I have no words for this girl, that’s how fucking cute I think she is right now. But I tuck down my amusement and put on the serious face. “I like control, remember?”
She thinks about this for a minute. “So I have to do everything you say? It just makes no sense. I might need that rule book. Do they sell it online? I could read up on the way to Vegas because I found an old eReader of yours in your room and I plan on using it today.”
“You can read it out loud, so we’re both on the same page.”
She sighs. “I’m gonna come again if you don’t stop making me think about sex. And it’s not even my fault, you’ve been teasing and denying me for days!”
“Welcome to my world, Ashleigh. Tease and deny is my MO.”
She lays Kate down on the bed and grabs a diaper. “It’s not fair, you know. You get to make all the decisions and I just have to follow orders.”
“What’s not fair about it?”
“You get to have all the fun.” She cleans Kate’s bottom with a wipe and rolls up the old diaper. “Here, put this in the trash, it’s not a stinky one.” I take the diaper and toss it in the
bathroom trashcan. “I’m not sure what I get out of it if I give in to you like this.”
“You said you’ve done it before.” She takes a deep breath like she has a lot to say, then changes her mind and lets it out. “What?” I ask.
“It was… pretend, you know? He’d smack me a bit but it was never a consequence for an action. That’s different. It was just for fun.”
“Ah, I see.”
“You see what?” she asks as she grabs a new outfit from the diaper bag. I smile when I see it’s not a footied sleeper but the little pink sweat suit I picked out from the store yesterday. It’s got a silver princess crown on the shirt and leaping unicorns on the pant legs. Then Ash fishes through the bag until she comes up with some tiny white socks and a little bitty pair of pink sneakers.
“You don’t understand. So I’ll explain what you get. When you let me take control, you get to forget about everything but the ways in which I please you. You simply get to enjoy yourself.”
“Enjoy—? How is getting smacked fun?”
I laugh. “You’re supposed to be good and then you don’t get smacked, Ash. You wanted to be spanked that night, so I gave you what you asked for.”
“It sorta hurt. I did not enjoy that part. I like the soft spankings.”
“Then that’s a reward and to get those you have to be good.”
“Oh.” She Velcros the miniature sneakers onto Kate’s feet and the baby is actually content. I think it’s because she knows she looks cute. I take my phone out and snap a picture. Ashleigh glances over at me with a weird look on her face. “I want a picture of you wearing my t-shirt and panties, and her in the outfit I chose, because you two are adorable.” She picks Kate up and hugs her close, but she’s looking me straight in the eyes so I continue. “If you trust me to take care of you and do everything I ask, then it’s a very special experience.” She frowns at me. “Now what?”
“Do you have these special experiences with all the girls you control during sex?”
I shake my head. “I told you, Ashleigh. I do not care about them.”
“Yeah, but you said you didn’t care about me, either.”
I scratch my chin. I did say that. And I was mean about it.
“Do you care?” she asks.
“I like you, so I think I care.”
“I’m not sure think is good enough for me to trust you not to hurt me during sex—even if it’s just mentally. You asked me last night if I’m afraid of you and the answer is yes and no. Do I think you’re one of those asshole woman-beaters? No. But you’re asking me to give up who I am to make you happy. And I’m not saying I’m unwilling to do that for certain people under certain circumstances. But I’m not about to make you happy at my own expense and get nothing in return but an orgasm. It’s too small of a thing. Too fleeting. Too insignificant. I’m not one of those girls who follows orders, Ford. I like the sexy spankings. I don’t mind posing for you in front of a window. I like some of this stuff. But I only like it when the person who is asking me to do these things actually cares about me.”
“Who did you do this with before? Tony?”
She swallows hard and for a moment I think she’ll cry, but she presses her lips together and tilts her chin up. “Yes, Tony.”
“And he loved you?”
This time she can’t speak. She only nods.
“Well, how can I compete with him? I’m not him.”
“I know,” she chokes out as her chin quivers.
“Why are you crying?”
She hugs Kate close and it’s like the baby knows she needs comfort and rests her head on her shoulder.
“Why, Ashleigh?”
“I can’t talk about it. I just can’t. It hurts.”
“Why are you on this road trip?”
She sniffles and sits down at the little dining table. Kate’s eyes are closed now. “I just need to see him, Ford. I told you, I’ll let it go once I get all this stuff off my chest. But—”
She cries now. Real tears, not holding it in. They are silent, but even sadder than if she was actually sobbing. I give her a few moments to pull it together and then I prod again. “But what?”
“None of this is fair to me. Nothing is fair. I’m the one who got shit on in every way. I had everything and now I have nothing.”
“You have Kate.”
She rolls her eyes at me and sniffs again. “I know that. Believe me, I realize how significant that is. But I still want him, Ford. It’s like my insides have been ripped out. Like I’m empty. Life has no meaning. And I’m tired of hearing that I have to let it go and move on. I’m tired of it. I’m just not ready to let it all go and give up on that dream we had.”
“So this trip is what? A break from reality?”
She thinks about this for a few moments, sniffs. I grab a tissue from a box on the dresser and hand it to her. “Yes. That’s a good way to look at it. A break. A pause. I just needed things to stop for a while. Does that makes sense? I just need to think.”
“Maybe you’re thinking too much?”
She rolls her eyes again and snorts.
“Like I was, back in my dad’s office with the Scotch. Surrounded by all those pictures of us living life.”
She looks up at this. She’s paying attention to me.
“Maybe you just need to feel and stop thinking, Ashleigh?”
“But it feels bad, Ford. I’m OK if I think of other things. You really help, actually. You take my mind off him.”
“Then let me take control so you can stop thinking. Let me make it feel better. Just trust me, Ashleigh.”
“I don’t want to be hit. I don’t want to follow orders just because someone tells me to.”
“I’m not talking about that now.”
“Then what?”
“Just give yourself to me. Trust me. For one day. I’ll take care of you.” She exhales and stares up at me. She looks lost and broken. She looks sad and defeated. And I hate it. “One day of trust, Ashleigh. Just one day. And then tomorrow we can drive to LA and life can start again. But don’t let your pause end up meaningless. Make it count. Give me control. I’ll show you life goes on.”
She starts crying again. “I want life to go on, Ford. I do. I want to get over it. I just can’t find my way right now. I can’t see past this pain. It shuts me down completely.”
“Listen to what I’m offering, Ashleigh. You’re not listening. You keep repeating yourself. I get it, it sucks. You got shit on. You don’t know what to do, you’re lost, you’re wandering aimlessly looking for answers. And I’m the answer, Ash. I’m the answer and I’m offering you relief. I don’t want you to give up, I just want you to give in.”
She takes a deep breath and I can physically see the mental shift she goes through. One second she’s defeated and closed off, the next she’s—open. Not quite hopeful, but there’s a spark of acceptance in there. “OK,” she finally says as she wipes the tears from her eyes. “For today then. I’ll give it a try.”
My smile is immediate and all the hurt I was just feeling over her sadness melts away.
One day.
I have one day to wipe her mind of Tony.
Chapter Twenty-Six
“Eat in Green River or next town we come to with a restaurant?”
“I thought you were calling the shots?”
“Ashleigh, I’m not trying to take away your freedom, I’m trying to take away your pain.”
She smiles at that and then relaxes into the seat. “Next town then.” She looks back at Kate and then to me. “Why wake her up if we don’t have to.” I like how she uses we in that sentence. Like we’re in this together. “This state is weird-looking,” she says as she looks out the window. “I’ve never seen this kind of landscape. It’s a little like New Mexico with the red rocks and the sandstone, but it’s even more desolate, if that’s even possible.”
“I like Utah. I used to take the Bronco out to Moab in college and rock crawl.” We’re both silent as we look around. Uta
h is unique. It does look like New Mexico, but with real mountains.
“You’re like one of those outdoorsy guys, aren’t you Ford?”
“I guess. I like to keep busy, that’s all.”
“And you like to compete.”
“No, I like to win.”
“But you can’t always win.”
I grin over at her. “Depends on how you look at it. I always win.”
“But some things have definite winners and losers. Like in a hockey game. One team wins and the other team loses.”
“True, but maybe one player wins on the losing team? Then it’s still a win.”
She huffs out a breath. “So you’re a half-full kind of person? Figures. You know I first pegged you as a mopey emo guy, but it turns out you’re sorta goody-two-shoes.”
Oh, fuck. “What? How the hell do you figure?”
“It’s all in how you look at it,” she says in a false voice. “That is annoying. It’s all upbeat and positive. I’m gonna put the Naked and Famous back on, that’ll cure your optimism.”
I grab the phone in the center console before she does. “No way. I’m not chasing your ass across Utah again just because these songs make you think about Tony.” I sneer his name this time and she gasps at that. “Today is all about Ford. No more sad music. Get that reader out, read to me.”
“Pfffft. They have audiobooks for that, Ford, I’m not your personal narrator.”
“Yes, Miss Li, you are. Get the reader and do as you’re told. You can choose the book—wait, are there even books on that thing? It’s like a few years old.”
“Oh, yeah, it has books all right. I made the mistake of turning it on and it synced all your freaking books since the last time you used it. It said three hundred and forty-five. I had to leave it on all night to get all those stupid books on there.”
“My choice in books is very classic. They are not stupid.”
“You’re right, they’re not stupid, they’re boring.” She cackles at that as she stares out the window.
“You can choose the book, just get it and start reading.”
She climbs into the back seat and reaches over into the cargo area to fish around. She comes back a few minutes later with the old reader and turns it on. “God, it’s even in black and white.”