The three of them took their human forms, but Blackthorn hung back again. When April paused to question him he only shook his head and turned away, walking back to the edge of the peak by himself.
Ingrid rose to her feet as the ferals approached, making soft sounds of affection under her breath as they nuzzled in against her legs, letting her caress their fur as if they had known each other for years. Perhaps they had. How many times had she slipped away from the pack to go to them in secret?
Cyan would have asked her many questions of his own, but it was April who needed this moment with Ingrid. Not just to obtain her blessing, but to talk as mother and daughter. He considered stepping away to wait with Blackthorn, but April gave no indication that she wanted him gone, and he was reluctant to leave her alone with the ferals. Despite Ingrid's soothing effect on them, two of the creatures had still tried to kill him and April the last time their paths crossed.
The older woman placed her hand around the neck of the largest feral, holding him close by her side as April approached.
"Did Hazel send you to fetch me back?" Ingrid said gently.
"No, we're not with the others."
Ingrid's expression fell as she glanced at Cyan. "You chose him over your pack? I had a feeling you would. You're too much like Harriet."
"I'm here to help her fix the mess you caused when you ran away," Cyan said.
She gave him a dark look. "I think both of us are responsible for that."
"Please don't argue," April said. "Hazel's out there looking for us right now, and we didn't come here to fight."
"April," Ingrid sighed, "a fight's what's going to happen if you go against him. I heard what happened after I left. It would be easier on everyone if you just accepted him as your elder."
"He's hunting you down!" April exclaimed. "Is that the kind of person you want in charge of our pack?"
"He'll leave us alone once he sees the feral attacks have stopped." Ingrid caressed the neck of the wolf beside her. "I'm not saying he's the right person to be in charge, but you know how Hazel is. I wanted you to be his mate because—"
"For the good of the pack, right?" April glared at her. "Are you even listening to yourself?! How can you keep defending our rules when you've been breaking them all this time! Or is it one rule for you and another for the rest of us?"
Ingrid opened her mouth, but she closed it again before any words could come out. Her brow was wrinkled, her eyes glistening. It was a look Cyan recognised well. A leader forced to confront a harsh truth.
"You know our rules are wrong," April continued, taking a deep breath. "I don't even blame you for what happened to Harper. I blame you for lying to us about it, for trying to keep everything perfect when you could have stood up to the pack and been honest with them." She swallowed, her own eyes shining with tears now. "Harriet would've taken your side if you'd just let her. You could have changed the way our pack sees things."
"A pack doesn't survive as long as ours has with leaders making up the rules as they go along," Ingrid pleaded. "We need those traditions to keep us stable. The pack shouldn't have to suffer because I was too weak to do the right thing."
"Wanting to protect the ferals doesn't make you weak—it's just the way you did it!" April's voice cracked with frustration. These felt like words that had been bottled up for years. A hundred angry thoughts and self-doubts that had kept April shackled by her sense of duty, both to her pack and her mother. "It's not wrong to want something that's different! Harriet was the same, and so am I, and now we've all had to suffer because our pack only sees things in black and white!"
"April, it's not her approval we need," Cyan said.
She glanced at him stubbornly, then looked back to her mother. "You don't have to live out here with these ferals. I'll make the others see that what happened was an accident. You shouldn't be punished for it."
Ingrid shook her head. "There's no place for me with our pack any more. Even if you could make them forgive me, it's not just what happened to Harper, it's everything else. I haven't been a good leader to our people. Even if they forgave, they'd never forget."
"No," April admitted, "but they never forgot what Harriet did either, and they won't forget what I've done. We can live with it, together."
Ingrid looked at her daughter with a soft smile. In that moment she seemed so proud and yet so sad that Cyan found himself looking away, making as if to brush the falling snow from his eyebrows.
"I know you will, my darling, but I don't think I can. There are other people who need me now." She knelt down to embrace the wolf beside her. The other two nuzzled in close, murmuring affectionately. "And I need them, too. I've been without my mate for so long. Even if it's only like this, I just want to be able to have a few more years with him. Can you give a selfish old woman that much?" She looked up at April. "If the pack leave us be, I'll make sure the ferals never come near their territory again."
April stared at the wolf beside Ingrid, meeting his sombre gaze. So that was why the ferals had come to their aid. Even if the spark of humanity had dimmed in this old alpha's eyes, he still recognised the scent of his own daughter. April stepped forward, kneeling down and putting out a trembling hand to stroke the wolf's neck. He snuffled contentedly, nuzzling forward to lick her chin in response.
"They're not wild animals," Ingrid said, squeezing her daughter's hand. "You can see that now, can't you?"
"Yes," April replied. She took Ingrid's hand between hers and kissed it, sniffing back her tears. "Is this really what you want?"
"It's the best I can do for my pack. And for myself."
April nodded. The five of them knelt there in the snow for several long minutes, the strange group of two humans and three wolves. Cyan let them be for a while, but once the last of the evening light faded he stepped forward and called to April softly.
"We should be going soon."
She looked to him, blinking the moisture from her eyes before nodding.
"I need you to name me your successor," she said to Ingrid. "That's the best chance I have to make the others listen to me over Hazel."
Her mother nodded reluctantly. "I'd hoped I wouldn't have to do this for another few years. You're still so young."
"I'll learn."
Ingrid smiled, cupping April's cheek with a hand. "Harriet will be a good teacher. Listen to what she says, and tell her I'm sorry for all these years. If you can forgive me, I should be able to forgive her."
"I will."
Ingrid reached inside her clothing and drew out a token that hung around her neck on a leather thong. It was plain and innocuous, a simple, uneven wooden X that looked as though it had been carved by hand, very old and very personal. Ingrid looked at it for a moment before bowing her head and slipping it off. She hung the token around April's neck and kissed her.
"Lead our pack better than I did," she said. "And find good people to be your elders."
"I've got Blackthorn and Harriet. And Cyan will be there too."
Ingrid's expression darkened as she glanced in his direction. "You know he can never be an elder."
"I know, but mother," she tilted Ingrid's face back towards her, "I trust him. He can help."
Cyan knew he should have been warmed by April's words, but his heart sank a little as she spoke them. She trusted him. She needed his help. They were the words of a leader, not a lover.
"And he wasn't the one who killed Ferla," April continued. "I know he wouldn't lie. He saved my life again after I left the pack."
Ingrid still seemed undecided, but after a moment's hesitation she glanced back at Cyan and gave him a tentative smile. He inclined his head slightly in response. The last time they'd spoken to one another had been in bitter anger, but neither of them were enemies. Ingrid had accepted him into her pack in the hopes that he might be able to help them. Now, perhaps, he might finally be able to repay that hope.
"He's right, you should go," Ingrid said, helping her daughter back to her feet. "If Hazel's ou
t here chasing me then he won't be back at the camp waiting for you."
"One of us should stay here," April said. "You're not safe with his patrols so close."
"I've got my own pack to protect me." Ingrid ruffled the fur of the wolves at her side. "And I'm very good at hiding. I've been coming out here for years and nobody's been any the wiser. I think I can stay ahead of them for a few days yet."
"Are you sure?"
"You need Blackthorn and Cyan more than I do."
April accepted, though not without a great degree of reluctance. After saying her final goodbyes she turned away, glancing back over her shoulder only once as she went to find Blackthorn. Cyan followed, but a low whisper from Ingrid called him back.
"Before you go," she said, "we need to talk. Away from April."
He glanced in April's direction, but she was already out of earshot. The three ferals snarled at him, low growls rumbling in the backs of their throats. Ingrid's expression hardened as she spoke.
"Do you really care for April?"
"Yes."
"Enough to do anything for her?"
Cyan's sense of unease grew, but he nodded.
"I know Hazel," Ingrid said. "He won't give up his position lightly. He's never let go of anything without a fight."
"April doesn't want anyone getting hurt."
"Neither do I." She reached out to grip his forearm. "But she's young. She hasn't seen the world like you and I have. A strong leader can change the minds of her pack, but not of another alpha who believes in what he's doing. And if Hazel won't back down, neither will the people who follow him."
"What do you expect me to do to change their minds?"
Her fingers tightened around his wrist. "I know how you settle these things in the forest packs."
Cyan's lip curled in distaste. He remembered the bloodlust he'd felt the night Lisa died, and it sickened him. "I won't kill Hazel for you."
"And what if there's no other way? If you can't settle it between you and him, the whole pack will be dragged in. How many of them do you think will die if he starts a war against April?"
"Why me? Why not Blackthorn, or any of the others?"
Ingrid shook her head. "I meant what I said about our pack never forgetting. Blackthorn needs to be their elder alongside April. How will they be able to follow him knowing he had to kill one of their own to get his position? It's the worst crime a wolf in our pack can commit."
The sickly feeling in Cyan's stomach grew. "But if it's an outsider..?"
"I wouldn't want to put this on anyone, but you know how to live by yourself. You wouldn't have to stay with our pack knowing what you'd done."
"I'd still know it, even if I wasn't with your pack," Cyan growled. "And what if I want to stay? What if there's more for me here than there ever was out there?"
Ingrid gave him a patient look, her tone softening. "They exiled you after I left, didn't they?"
Cyan glared at her, saying nothing.
"Even as an elder, April doesn't have the power to change that. She can persuade some of the others that she needed your help, maybe even stop them from killing you when you go back, but you can never be one of them now. You can't stay with the Highland Pack." She touched his cheek. "But if you care for my daughter as much as I do, you can make sure she doesn't have to lead with the burden of anyone else's death on her conscience."
"If it even comes to that."
"You have to be ready if it does."
It was the choice Cyan had been dreading. April's future against his. The good of the many versus his own happiness. If he let Hazel start a civil war within the pack, he would have to live with the knowledge that he'd had the chance to stop it. He'd already been responsible for so much pain in his life. The thought that his inaction might be the cause of yet more was almost too much to bear.
And yet, there was April.
He imagined blotting out the pain of his past in her arms, reliving the night they'd spent together in the cave, where nothing else had mattered besides the two of them. Was it worth it?
The dark voice of his wolf seemed to think so.
But even his most selfish thoughts proved to be their own undoing. If he chose April, he was also choosing to make her carry the burden of all those who might suffer. He would not make her live with that. Not if he had the chance to shoulder the responsibility himself.
He met Ingrid's eyes and nodded.
* * * * *
"What was that about?" April said as Cyan approached them at the edge of the peak. His face was hidden in shadow, but he seemed agitated.
"She just wanted to make sure I'd look out for you," he replied. "That's all."
April was about to question him further when Blackthorn spoke.
"Did she ask after me?"
"No." An uncomfortable moment of silence passed. "She said you needed to lead the pack alongside April."
"Do you want to talk to her?" April said. "There's still time."
Blackthorn shook his head. "There's no point. We've been here long enough already."
April and Cyan exchanged a glance.
"I'm sure she doesn't blame you," she said.
"I'm not the one who needs forgiving! Let's just—" Blackthorn paused and took a deep breath. "If the two of us are going to talk, we'll talk when this is over. Come on, we need to get off this peak before we stop to rest."
"Alright. Which way are we headed?" Cyan said.
"Straight down, then back towards camp. It'll be easier going than the way we came to get up here, but we'll have to stay off the main route unless we want to run into more of Hazel's patrols."
"Won't that take a long time?" April said.
"At least a day, maybe two. I don't know the lower slopes that well, so we'll have to take it slowly."
"How safe is it? And what about hunting?" Cyan asked. "We won't be in much shape to win over the pack if one of us breaks a leg on the way down, or if we're half starved by the time we get there."
Blackthorn shrugged. "It's safer than leaving our scents where Hazel's lot can find them. I don't see what other choice we have. It'll be hard enough making it into camp without getting caught, and I wouldn't bet on those ferals showing up to help a second time."
"There's one other way," April said. "Back through the caves, the way I got out in the first place. They'll take us right into the middle of the camp without anyone knowing."
Blackthorn raised his eyebrows at her. "You think you can find your way back through there?"
"I managed it when I was bleeding half to death, I think I can manage it now. It'll be quicker and safer, and the longer we wait the harder it'll be to convince the pack to take our side."
In truth, the thought of heading back into the darkness frightened April almost as much as running the gauntlet of Hazel's patrols. The fevered dreams following her escape had turned the memory of her journey through the caves into a dizzy nightmare of churning, choking water. When she thought of that place she no longer remembered the adventures she'd had as a child, but the heavy ache of dragging her paws forward, minute after minute, hour after hour, as her back burned and hot blood ran down her sides. Her heart already beat faster just at the thought of it, and she had to forcibly drag herself back to the present before her fear grew any stronger.
"Sounds like the best idea to me," Cyan said. "If we go now we can be back at the cave by morning, rest up during the day, then head in through the caves while it's dark. Think you can manage that, Blackthorn?"
The other male nodded wearily. Poor Blackthorn. He'd barely had more than a few hours rest in days. April made a mental note to make sure he slept properly the next time they had the chance.
They picked their way down off the peak along a more difficult route than they'd taken to get up. Cold brambles snagged at their clothing and scratched their skin, and the dimming visibility made it hard to see what lay ahead. There wasn't much of a moon tonight. Thick clouds had encroached upon the sky once again, and freezing droplets
of sleet accompanied the fresh snowfall to sting their faces and soak through clothing. It was hard going, but their difficult path was necessary to avoid heading back down into the foggy basin, where Hazel's patrols might happen upon them at any moment.
They stayed high up on the edge of an overlooking ridge, skirting their way around the mist until they found their way back to the route they'd taken earlier. With no pack to carry any more, all three of them took their wolf forms. Travelling downhill was easier on their legs, but the path was made treacherous by slippery rocks and slushy snow, and any ground they might have gained with their quick pace was held up by the elements.
Several times Blackthorn slipped. After nearly putting his paw off the edge of a gulley for the second time April made sure to stay close beside him, ready to grab him with her teeth if he lost his footing again. It was an exhausting journey for all of them. The only silver lining was that they could be almost certain nobody was following them in this weather. The visibility was almost as poor as it had been back in the fog, and more than once they lost their bearings and had to stop for several minutes to make sure they were still on the right path.
April watched the glowing lights of the human town miles below them with envy. The little pinpricks of orange in the distance were all she could make out through the sleet and snow, teasing her with the reminder of warmth and shelter. Tired and hungry, all she could do was carry on putting one paw in front of the other. Just like Cyan had said, it was the best hope she had right now. What would she say to the others when she returned home? How many of them would take her side, and would it be enough to tip the scales in her favour against Hazel? The task that lay ahead of her still seemed insurmountably huge.
She allowed herself to indulge for a few moments in a daydream as they walked. How wonderful it would be to wake up tomorrow in Cyan's arms, just the two of them, alone and free from the burdens she had to carry as an elder of her pack. She'd had the choice of running away before, but now it was gone. The token Ingrid had placed around her neck carried with it a responsibility that was now hers alone. She was an elder, perhaps as she had always been destined to be, and her new mantle of leadership came before anything else. The time in her life for girlish daydreams was over.
Broken Moon: Part 5 Page 3