She looked at Cyan with longing, the feelings she had buried that morning aching to be acknowledged. One day, whether it was tomorrow, or months, maybe even years from now, those feelings would break free, and they would break her heart along with them.
Was this how her mother had felt all these years, knowing her mate was somewhere else, wild and feral, longing to go to him but bound in place by her duty? Ingrid had made many mistakes in her time as elder, but April thought she understood now what had driven her to make them. A good leader could not continue loving something that put her at odds with her people.
The journey lasted most of the night, and by the time they reached the lower slopes all three of them were exhausted. They plodded forward, soaked fur weighing them down as they followed Cyan in single file. He had kept them moving at a gruelling pace, but April realised that the warmth of her overworked muscles was probably the only thing keeping her from freezing. As soon as the sleet had stopped frost began to crystallise on her fur, painting the tips of her reddish-brown coat white as she shivered in the darkness.
When the familiar sight of the cave hove into view she almost collapsed then and there in the chilly snow. Blackthorn didn't even wait for them to light a fire before wrapping his damp jacket around himself and passing out against the rocky wall. After being on his feet for so long his exhaustion must have overcome his body's need for warmth.
April and Cyan let him be as they huddled together on the other side of the fire, feeding the remaining wood they'd collected the previous day into the flames. As tired as she was, the cold and her own anxious thoughts kept her awake, and she was glad when Cyan put his arm around her and drew her in close. For a precious moment she felt her worries ebb, and she closed her eyes as she leaned in against his shoulder, savouring the warm caress of the flames radiating against her cheek.
"This time tomorrow, it could all be over," she murmured.
"Or it could all just be beginning. What'll you do if Hazel still has the pack on his side?"
"I don't know." She fiddled with the lapel of his jacket, opening her eyes to stare into the fire. She thought she knew what he might be about to ask her again. "I can't leave, no matter what happens."
"Ingrid said he might fight you if you can't get the whole pack on your side."
"Then that'll mean I've already failed. I won't let people get hurt if violence is the only answer."
"Even if it means leaving Hazel in charge?" By Cyan's tone it was clear how little he thought of that idea.
"Even if it means him forcing me to be his mate." April's thoughts numbed as she said it, but she knew it was true. The good of her pack came first, no matter what. She hadn't realised it at the time, but the moment Ingrid had placed that token around her neck she had passed the point of no return. "I'd rather stay and do what I can to help than run. I can't leave the others at his mercy."
Cyan's fingers tightened around her shoulder. "I'd never let him do that to you."
She believed him. If Hazel didn't have her killed or exiled, Cyan wouldn't leave her to her fate as another male's unwilling partner. He would die trying to save her. It was too terrible of a thought to bear.
"Do you think I'd make a good leader?" she said, trying to change the subject.
He seemed to relax a little, then nodded. "Your heart's in the right place, and you can think for yourself."
"I've got you to thank for that. If you hadn't pushed me, I don't know if I'd ever have tried to stand up for what I wanted."
"You would have. If it wasn't me, something else would've given you that push. Wolves like us can't bow their heads and follow forever."
She paused and thought about it for a moment. Maybe he was right, but what else could have made her feel as strongly as she'd felt about him?
"What do you think I should do first, when I'm their leader?" she said. It felt better to say when rather than if.
"Whatever you think is most important. What do you think needs changing to fix your problems?"
"Our rules," she responded immediately. "Maybe they made sense once, but they're wrong. We need to change. We can't be afraid of outsiders, and I won't let anyone ever kill another human and feel like it was the right thing to do."
"You really think you can change their minds on that? It seems like tradition's pretty important to your pack."
April sighed. "It'll take time. Slow changes, I guess. Maybe I'll end up Harriet's age by the time I get them all to see things my way, but I'll make it happen." She frowned, thinking about what had happened to Lisa. "How do the people living down in that town make their rules?"
"Humans?" Cyan shrugged. "There's a lot more of them than there are of you. It's tougher for them to come up with one rule that works for everyone."
"It can't be that tough."
"You'd be surprised. Just like you, they make one rule that seems right at the time, then months, years, decades later, something changes. Maybe the rule gets misused, or someone finds a way to get around it. Then they need to make up more rules to plug the gaps. When you're trying to decide what's best for millions of people, someone usually always gets left in the dirt."
"I'm glad I'm not making rules for millions of people, then. How do they make sense of it all?"
Cyan snorted with amusement. "Most of them don't. They have to have special people trained to do that. Whatever you do, don't ever let lawyers into your pack." He ruffled her hair, and she smiled.
"Do you ever miss being one of them?" she asked.
He pondered the question for a moment. "Life out there is more certain. You don't need to worry that tomorrow your pack might turn on you, or whether you're going to go hungry if the hunting's bad. Not all humans have it that good, but where I came from, living was easy."
"But?"
"But..." Cyan exhaled. "Out here, all I have to worry about is whether the hunting's bad or not. Even when I was leading my own pack, I still felt like things were simple compared to when I was a human. The world's a big place, and wolves don't have to worry about most of it." He turned to look at her. "You spent time with the humans when you were younger, didn't you?"
April nodded.
"Do you ever miss it?"
"It was interesting," she said. "I liked reading books, and there were so many of them it felt like they'd last forever. But the people were different."
"Did the other kids ever notice anything strange about the secret werewolves in their class?"
April smiled. She liked talking to Cyan. He was always interesting. Always different.
"They just thought we were adopted kids from the weird old couple who lived out in the country. They used to tease me that I didn't like the taste of french fries."
"That is pretty weird."
April gave him a pinch, and he chuckled, leaning back against the wall.
"Try and get some sleep, we should leave as soon as it gets dark again," he said.
She was sad to hear the laughter go out of his voice. It sounded like something he rarely indulged, and sorely needed.
April settled down against him, resting her head in the crook of his shoulder. She longed to kiss him good night, but it would be one kiss too many. She couldn't make the road any harder for herself if the worst were to happen.
"You never did get around to telling me many of your stories," she murmured.
Cyan squeezed her arm, but said nothing. There was no promise he could make about one day being able to tell her the rest of them.
They slept the day away as the sun rose outside. April woke only once to find Cyan gone, but he reappeared soon after with more firewood and a pair of freshly dressed hares. She drifted back to sleep after he returned to his place by the fire and let her nuzzle in beside him.
Just as the sun was beginning to set she was roused by the smell of cooking meat, before having to spend a long minute shaking Blackthorn awake from his deep slumber as Cyan prepared the food. They asked her questions about the route through the caves as they ate, bu
t there was little she could recall that would be of any use. She'd followed her instincts and vague memories to get through the last time, and she'd been so disoriented with pain and fear that she only remembered snatches of the journey. She reassured them that they would likely be able to follow her old scent all the way through, but Cyan and Blackthorn still seemed apprehensive.
In truth, she had been trying her best to ignore her own anxieties every since suggesting the idea. Every time she thought about the way her paws had slipped out from under her in the churning underground stream her skin prickled with discomfort. She tried to reassure herself that it would be easier this time, but the fear still lingered. It was dangerous to go into the deep caves, and the only two journeys she had taken through them had been driven by childish ignorance and hopeless desperation. She prayed she wasn't making a terrible mistake.
As soon as the sun had disappeared beyond the horizon they left the cave and headed up the slope that led back towards camp. A chilly wind had picked up, but April felt far better after a day's rest and a meal. She put her worries about Ingrid, Harriet, Hazel, and the rest of the pack aside as she turned her thoughts solely towards the immediate task facing her.
One foot in front of the other.
She took a deep breath as the hidden crag in the side of the mountain hove into view. Dark brown spots of dried blood still marked the rocks inside the entrance. A flicker of panic tugged at her chest as she heard the faint sound of running water echoing from inside, and she stopped suddenly in her tracks.
"Are we sure about this?" she said, pulling at the neck of her sweater which suddenly seemed to have become much tighter.
"I don't think we have a lot of choice," Cyan replied. "Those scents I found when I was out hunting weren't there a day ago. Hazel's got patrols on this side of the mountain, too."
"We're lucky they didn't find us while we were sleeping," Blackthorn said.
The pair of them looked at her expectantly. After one last glance over the mountain slopes, she swallowed her fear, and stepped forward.
"We'll need to take our wolf forms," she said as they squeezed single-file through the opening in the rocks. The darkness was immediate, and the sound of rushing water was amplified tenfold by the confined space. "It's too tight to get through otherwise, and we'll need to follow our noses most of the way."
"I'll trust your nose over mine," Cyan muttered.
She remembered his anxiety the last time she'd led him through the caves, and she brushed his arm briefly with her fingers. "Just stay close and we'll be fine."
In the dim light the water swept by like shining black ribbons, the surroundings barely visible even through the keen eyes of April's wolf. Once the three of them had shifted she put a paw into the water, her body as tense as coiled steel. Stepping on to the smooth stone brought back the memory of her paws slipping out from under her, and she wobbled with giddiness. But the water was gentle, the current a soft tug rather than the raging torrent she remembered. The danger back then had been borne of her physical exhaustion. She'd made it through the underground stream both as a child and with her body on the brink of collapse. She had no reason to fear it now.
Focusing her thoughts on the task ahead, she picked her way carefully down the smooth slope as the water splashed around her haunches, peppering her fur with cold droplets. The light dimmed, then vanished completely as the rocks closed in around her. The sound of crashing water flooded her ears in the narrow tunnel, but she could hear the heavy breathing of Cyan close behind her. If she slipped, he would be there to grab her.
Taking confidence from his presence, she pushed on, and barely a minute later the dimming sound of the water told her that they were emerging into the chamber inside the mountain. After checking to make sure the two males were still close by she clambered out of the stream and shook herself off. The stale scent of blood filled her muzzle, and she realised that she was smelling the trail she'd left the last time she came this way. But there was more. Her ears pricked up in fear as she recognised another scent; Hazel's scent.
It took April a moment to calm her racing heart as she realised that the trail she smelt was almost as old as hers. He'd followed her all the way down here, probably mere hours after her departure, and only the underground stream had finally thrown him off. The realisation that he'd gone so far into the unknown mountain caves to try and catch up with her sent a tingle of fear through April's body, and she recalled again the dangerous passion in Hazel's voice the last time they'd spoken; the unsettlingly intimate touch of his hand on her shoulder. If she couldn't convince the pack to take her side, she didn't dare to think of what he might do with her.
Cyan must have noticed the scent too, and his low growl echoed through the cave like brewing thunder.
* * * * *
There were few things Cyan feared, but the oppressive darkness that surrounded them in the depths of the mountain came close to being one of them. More than anything he hated the feeling of helplessness. Vulnerability was a rare and disturbing sensation for his wolf, and his whole life had been a struggle to overcome it. As long as he had his wits and his senses, he could fight, and if he could fight, he could survive.
Now, following blindly after the soft sound of April's paws ahead of him, he was entrusting his safety to the hands of others. He didn't trust his damaged sense of smell to lead him out of this labyrinth all by itself, and the lack of sound made his ears feel like they were stuffed with cotton. When a draft of warm air ruffled his fur, or an unfamiliar noise echoed through the caverns, he tensed with anxiety.
Every step of the journey was unsettling. The minutes crept by painfully as they moved steadily downhill, deeper into the earth, farther away from the light. An hour might have passed by the time they started climbing up again, and the sounds of running, bubbling, dripping water began to reach Cyan's ears. One sound in particular kept returning. A strange, soft shuffling, perhaps the sound of the bats he could smell. But it always seemed to come from the same direction, never too close and never too far. At first he dismissed it as one of the eerie noises of the mountain, but the more he listened the more he began to take notice of it. With nothing to do but follow April, and none of his senses to rely on but his hearing, it became a worrying niggle at the back of his mind.
April was focused on leading the way ahead, and Blackthorn seemed more concerned with sniffing at the rocks behind them, but Cyan's attention was occupied by the strange, ever-present noise. It was so quiet it was hard to distinguish from the sounds of their own movement, but it held the same character as the noise made by a wolf. At times he fancied he could hear panting breath, only for it to disappear for a minute and then take on the quality of paws rubbing against stone when it returned.
After another half hour had passed, Cyan was certain they were being followed. He racked his thoughts for a way to let his companions know without alerting their pursuer, but without sight or speech it seemed like an impossible task. If he could pick up on the near-silent sounds of the creature following them, then even the softest of whispers was likely to carry just as far in the opposite direction. He couldn't stop and hide in wait without the others wondering what he was doing, and the disturbance would be an obvious tell to their stalker that he or she had been discovered.
He ground his teeth, fighting the urge to take action. It frustrated his wolf to wait knowing that they were likely in danger, but the echo of his human thoughts told him to be patient. Their pursuer had been keeping a safe distance. If they were going to be attacked, it would probably have happened by now. A confrontation in the darkness ran a high risk of leaving then separated or injured, and neither of those were welcome consequences. Whoever was following them, they'd have to deal with it once they reached their destination.
Blackthorn seemed to notice his agitation, but there was little Cyan could do other than to flick his tail impatiently, making it clear that something was bothering him. If they'd been more familiar with reading the tells of each
other's behaviour Blackthorn might have cottoned on to the source of his anxiety, but the other wolf only made an irritable snort after a few moments and returned to sniffing at the ground.
Part of April's plan relied on her having as much time as possible to talk with her pack before Hazel arrived to intervene. If the wolf following them was from one of the patrols Cyan had scented near the cave, they might lose precious hours if news of their arrival was reported back to Hazel.
He thought back to what Ingrid had said to him, and wondered just how far he'd be willing to go to ensure April retained control of her pack.
As the sounds of bubbling water became more familiar he began to lose track of the wolf following them. The shuffling, snuffling noise would disappear from behind them, and a minute later it would be coming from a side passage, or sometimes even a short distance ahead. Now that they were back in the part of the caves that was familiar to the Highland Pack, their pursuer seemed to be growing far more confident in their movements.
Finally Cyan's agitation became too much. At any point he feared the sound would disappear completely, and by then it would be too late to give chase. As they skirted around the edge of one of the bubbling hot springs he darted forward, shifting into his human form and putting an arm around April's neck to stop her. He brought his lips close to her ear and whispered as softly as he could.
"Someone's been following us. Don't wait, don't argue, just go with Blackthorn. I'll deal with it."
As soon as he'd said it he slipped back into his wolf form and nudged her forward, and to April's credit she only hesitated for a moment before continuing on. Either the urgency in his voice had convinced her, or she'd quickly come to the same conclusions he had. Whether Blackthorn had heard what he'd said or not, the other male at least registered that something was wrong and moved forward to walk at April's side.
Broken Moon: Part 5 Page 4