by Gayle Roper
I started to cry again.
“Sweetheart?” he asked, concern in his voice.
“Good crying,” I said quickly. “Good crying.”
He looked at me like I was crazy but he nodded.
“I love you too,” I told him. “You are the only sure thing in my life apart from the Lord. And Ward and Marnie and Johnny, but that’s way different.” I waved them away, my hand almost clipping Todd’s strong jaw.
He smiled as he ducked, his brown eyes warm, pleased.
“You are the one who has been here for me, Todd. The one who helped me when everyone else, including my brother, thought I should let well enough alone. You stood by me. You are my rock.”
He appeared to like that analogy. I smiled. “And I love you. Always. Forever.”
Epilogue
Two years later
I lay in my hospital bed, bruised and broken, but happier than I’d ever been in my life. I looked down at Madeleine Elizabeth Reasoner held snug against my breast. A little knitted cap covered her newborn head, and her red, wrinkled face was beautiful.
Bone of my bone, born of my body, child of my heart…our hearts.
I rested against her father, who sat on the bed beside me, my back against his strong side and my head against his shoulder. One of his hands lay gently on my shoulder and the other cupped our baby’s head. His look of utter infatuation as he stared at his daughter made me smile.
The last twelve hours had been terrible for him as he watched my pain and couldn’t relieve it. His eyes were shadowed by purple and his strong jaw sported dark stubble, but he’d been here the whole time, as he’d always been here for me.
We had married the fall after we met and settled happily if sometimes argumentatively into Todd’s house. He continued as a sole practitioner in his office in Bird-in-Hand, supervised by Mrs. Smiley, who forgave him his one evening of unprofessional behavior. I continued writing, and when I felt I had the energy, I was scheduled to begin the third volume in my first trilogy.
While Amos continued to be hostile to us and Jessica followed his lead, Mick and Morgan came to see us periodically. Pip never did. He still fought his medication, and the resulting emotional chaos continued to wrack the family, though he never bothered me again in any way.
From my hospital bed, I looked across the room to the two people who sat in the visitors’ chairs. Dad Reasoner and Aunt Lizzie reminded me of the little wobbly headed dolls that people sometimes put in their cars, smiling, smiling, smiling their delight as their heads nodded slightly on their ancient necks. Their pleasure in Madeleine was a joy to me.
“She looks like the Reasoners,” Dad said. “Just like Catherine.”
“Pshaw,” Aunt Lizzie said. “She’s all Biemsderfer.”
“You always have to disagree with me, don’t you, Liz?”
“Only because you always think you’re right.”
I looked at my husband and smiled. “Do they remind you of anyone?”
Todd grinned as a nurse walked in with a huge bouquet. Todd reached among the roses, lilies, and iris for the card and passed it to me.
“With all our love, Marnie, Ward, Johnny, and Tess. We’ll save all Tess’s clothes for Madeleine.”
“I can see that having a cousin a year older than Maddy will be a great benefit,” I said. I ran a finger gently down Maddy’s small cheek. My baby. I started to cry.
Todd leaned over and kissed me.
“I love you, Cara,” he whispered. “Heart of my heart.”
I fell asleep smiling.
Discussion Questions
1. Is it reasonable that Cara’s world is so shaken by her discovery of Pop’s adoption? Why or why not? Why do you think some adopted people search for their birth families while others seem content with things as they are?
2. Ward is concerned that a man will take an interest in Cara because of the family money. Does money make a difference in the way people view each other? What does James 2:1-4 say on this subject?
3. Amos Yost gives Cara a very hard time. He is very unlikeable. Do you have someone like that in your family? How do you deal with him or her? How would the Lord want you to handle him or her? Read Ephesians 4:32. What does this mean to you?
4. Alma Stoltzfus is the opposite of Amos. Do you have any Almas in your family? In what ways are you an Alma to those you love?
5. Pip has several behavioral issues. Do you think they are the result of his health or his family’s failure to deal with his issues? Why do you think a God of love allows illnesses like Pip’s?
6. When Madeleine gave birth to Pop, unwed pregnancy was cause for great shame. Have circumstances changed? How would you counsel a young woman in this situation today? Is adoption still a viable alternative? Can you think of biblical examples of adoption? What is the great comfort of 1 John 1:9 in situations like this?
7. Cara’s family was warm and loving. Todd’s was loving but certainly not demonstrative or vocal. What was your growing-up experience? What do you see as possible issues in a marriage between people with such opposite experiences?
8. When Mary runs out of medicine on Sunday, Jake goes for it so Esther won’t break the Ordnung. Esther uses roller blades, a modern device made with petrochemicals. How do you view these seeming contradictions in the rules that govern Amish living?
9. Cara tells Todd he will know her better if he reads her books. Do you think most authors reveal themselves in their writing? If yes, give some examples from books you’ve read. What did you learn about Gayle Roper?
10. Read Galatians 4:4-7. How does this passage speak of adoption? Of your adoption?
A Note to Readers
Dear Reader,
I am the daughter of an adopted person and the mother of two adopted sons. Obviously the topic of adoption is one that has long interested me. The discussion in A Secret Identity about what makes family—bone and blood, DNA and genes, or affection, acceptance, and heart—are ideas I’ve long considered.
But beyond these issues, A Secret Identity is special to me because it is based on my mother’s adoption papers. The document that tilts Cara’s world—her pop’s adoption certificate—is word-for-word my mother’s adoption certificate with the exceptions of changing her name to his and Philadelphia County to Lancaster County. Like Pop, my mother cost six dollars. Like Madeleine requesting a picture of Pop, my birth-grandmother requested a picture of my mother.
Unlike in the book, I don’t know whether my grandmother ever sent a picture to my birth-grandmother. I never saw the letter making the request until my mother died. By then it was years too late to ask about the requested picture. I certainly hope Grandmom sent it.
We have never tried to search for Mom’s family. Like Pop, she never felt the need to find them. She was content to be part of the family she was raised in, accepting heart and affection as sufficient. I’ve never felt the need to search either. Sometimes when people tell me I remind them of someone they know, I wonder if it’s someone I’m related to, someone I’ve not met, someone who may not even know there’s a half-branch of the family out there. I do, after all, live in the same general geographic area in which my mother was born and raised.
My sons have looked for their birth mothers. We always told the boys we would support this action when they were old enough to handle the emotional ramifications, whatever they might be. We also always refused to put ourselves in competition for the boys’ affection with these women for whom I have a great deal of respect. They did not, after all, have to carry my sons to term, yet they were brave enough to do so.
One son has met his birth family—mother, father, half-sister, half-brother, stepbrother. His birthday dinners are very interesting with all of us there and proof that love is an emotion that expands as needed. Our other son has not met his mother at her request. I feel sorry for her because she’s missing out on a wonderful man, daughter-in-law, and two great grandchildren. Maybe someday. I hope so for all of them.
Every time I hear
people denigrate adoption as an imperfect situation (which it is, but then birth kids can be a handful too), I feel genuine sorrow. I think not only of Mom and my sons, but also of the high view God has of adoption. I think of my position as an adopted child of the King. Where would I be without my Father? Where would I be if He weren’t willing to take in a foundling and make her a daughter? It’s heart, after all, that makes the difference. The heart of God that loved me enough to accept me—and you—into the Beloved.
About the Author
Gayle Roper is an award-winning author of more than 40 books and has been a Christy Award finalist three times. She enjoys speaking at women’s events across the nation and loves sharing the powerful truths of Scripture with humor and practicality. She lives with her husband in southeastern Pennsylvania and enjoys reading, gardening, her family, and eating out as often as she can talk Chuck into it.
Coming January 1, 2011
Book 3 in The Amish Farm Trilogy
A Rose Revealed
Readers who have loved Gayle Roper’s first two books in the charming Amish Farm series will be delighted with the concluding book, A Rose Revealed.
Rose Martin became a nurse because she wanted to help people in pain. And she has come to realize that part of being a nurse means encountering death. But death by natural causes…not by murder. So when cancer-stricken Sophie Hostetter is murdered, Rose begins asking questions. Soon she’s drawn into a maze of family secrets that endanger her own life. Her growing attraction to Amish-raised Jake Zook further complicates her life. His resentment toward her is puzzling—after all, she helped save his life. Why will he not allow her to share that life now?
Readers who love an Amish setting, mystery, and romance will be turning the pages until the satisfying conclusion.
And be sure to read the first book
in The Amish Farm Trilogy
A Stranger’s Wish
Englischer Kristie Matthews’ move to an Amish family farm in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, starts on a bad note as the young schoolteacher is bitten by a dog. A trip to the local ER leads to an encounter with an old man who hands her a key and swears her to silence.
But when Kristie’s life is endangered, she suspects there’s a connection to the mysterious key. While solving the mystery (and staying alive), Kristie must decide whether her current boyfriend is really right for her…or if Jon Clarke Griffin, the new local man she’s met, is all he seems to be.
More fine Amish fiction
from Harvest House Publishers…
Rebecca’s Promise, Rebecca’s Return, and Rebecca’s Choice by Jerry Eicher
Rebecca Keim has just declared her love to John Miller and agreed to become his wife. But she’s haunted by her schoolgirl memories of a long-ago love—and a promise made and a ring given. Is that memory just a fantasy come back to destroy the beautiful present…or was it real?
When Rebecca’s mother sends her back to the old home community in Milroy to be with her aunt during and after her childbirth, Rebecca determines to find answers that will resolve her conflicted feelings. Faith, love, and tradition all play a part in Rebecca’s divine destiny.
Rebecca Keim returns to Wheat Ridge full of resolve to make her relationship with John Miller work. But in her absence, John has become suspicious of the woman he loves. Before their conflict can be resolved, John is badly injured and Rebecca is sent back to Milroy to aid her seriously ill Aunt Leona.
In Milroy, Rebecca once again visits the old covered bridge over the Flatrock River, the source of her past memories and of her promise made so long ago.
Where will Rebecca find happiness? In Wheat Ridge with John, the man she has agreed to marry…or should she stake her future on the memory that persists…and the ring she has never forgotten? Does God have a perfect will for Rebecca—and if so how can she know that will?
Rebecca Keim is now engaged to John Miller, and they are looking forward to life together. When Rebecca goes to Milroy to attend her beloved teacher’s funeral, John receives a mysterious letter accusing Rebecca of scheming to marry him for money. Determined to forsake his past jealousies and suspicions, John tries hard to push the accusations from his mind. But can he? And does Rebecca love him?
Upon Rebecca’s return, disturbing news quickly follows. She is named heir to her teacher’s three farms. But there’s a condition—she must marry an Amish man. When John confronts Rebecca, she claims to know nothing. When the vengeful woman who thought she was the heir to the property arrives, she reveals secrets that has the whole community reeling.
Rachel’s Secret by BJ Hoff
Beloved author BJ Hoff delights faithful readers with her compelling series The Riverhaven Years.
When the wounded Irish-American riverboat captain Jeremiah Gant bursts into the rural Amish setting of Riverhaven, he brings chaos and conflict to the community—especially for young widow Rachel Brenneman. The unwelcome outsider needs a safe place to recuperate before continuing his secret role as an Underground Railroad conductor. Neither he nor Rachel is prepared for the forbidden love that threatens to endanger a man’s mission, a woman’s heart, and a way of life for an entire people.
Where Grace Abides by BJ Hoff
Secrets, treachery, and persecution are only a few of the challenges that test Rachel’s faith and her forbidden love for the outsider. Gant’s own hopes and dreams are dealt a life-changing blow, rendering the vow he made to Rachel seemingly impossible to honor.
The Riverhaven Community finds their gentle, unassuming lives of faith jeopardized by the outside world as those striving to help runaway slaves escape face deception and the danger of discovery.
Shadows of Lancaster County by Mindy Starns Clark
Anna thought she’d left the tragedies of the past behind when she moved from Pennsylvania to California, but when her brother vanishes from the genetics lab where he works, Anna has no choice but to head back home. Using skills well-honed in Silicon Valley, she follows the high-tech trail her brother left behind, a trail that leads from the simple world of Amish farming to the cutting edge of DNA research and gene mapping.
Anna must depend on her instincts, her faith in God, and the help of the Amish community to find her brother. She also must face her own shadows—and pray that she’s stronger than the grief that threatens to overwhelm them all.
A Widow’s Hope by Mary Ellis
After the death of her husband, Hannah Brown is determined to make a new life with her sister’s family. But when she sells her farm in Pennsylvania and moves with her sheep to Ohio, the wool starts to fly. Her deacon brother-in-law finds just about everything about Hannah vexing. When his widower brother shows interest in the young and beautiful widow, the deacon turns to prayer for guidance.
Hannah thought she could never love again, until she meets Seth. Unfortunately, his only interest is her sheep. He is content in his bachelor state and slow to recognize his daughter’s need for a mother. Will he open his heart again?
Never Far From Home by Mary Ellis
Fifteen-year-old Emma Miller finishes school, starts her own wool business, and is longing for someone to court her. When the object of her affection is a handsome English sheep farmer with a fast truck and modern methods, her deacon father, Simon, knows he has more than the farm alliance to worry about.
Emma isn’t the only one with longings in Holmes County. Her Aunt Hannah wants a baby and her Uncle Seth hopes he’ll reap financial rewards when he takes a risk with his harvest. But are these the dreams God has for this Amish family?
Plain Jayne by Hillary Manton Lodge
Jayne Tate loves her life as it is—living in a big city, working as a reporter for a fast-paced newspaper, and dating a guy who knows nothing about her past. When her father passes away she’s forced to take another look at what she wants out of life. After losing out on the big career opportunity, she heads to Oregon Amish country, seeking solace and maybe a big story.
Even in this land of buggies and bonnets, J
ayne finds life complicated. Is her growing friendship with the mysterious and handsome Levi Burkholder just about research? And what’s a latte-drinking, laptop-using, motorcycle-riding reporter to do when her focus starts to change?
Simply Sara by Hillary Manton Lodge
Sara left her Amish family to live with Jane and discovers that the English world is more challenging than she expected. As she finds a job, buys English clothes, wears makeup, and learns to drive, she begins a journey into the life she might have had if she hadn’t been born into an Amish family. But when romance becomes complicated and school proves difficult, Sara escapes to her sister’s home. Should Sara return to the life she left? Torn, she seeks answers in prayer, but is the God she is seeking the same in both worlds?
Enjoy cooking the Amish way!
The Homestyle Amish Kitchen Cookbook:
Plainly Delicious Recipes from the Simple Life
by Georgia Varozza