He Will Find You

by Diane Jeffrey

  Jet, who seconds ago didn’t want to let Alex into his own house, is now trying to earn his forgiveness by licking the skin off his hand. Alex pats him on the head.

  ‘What a nice surprise,’ he says to Hannah and Julie. ‘What can I do to help, ladies?’

  Without waiting for a reply, he washes his hands and dries them on the tea towel, which has been draped over the back of a kitchen chair. As he hangs up the tea towel in its place on the hook next to the fridge, he flashes his winning smile at my sister, who is soon issuing him with instructions to chop the onions and set the table.

  I sit down at the table next to my dad, who, half-moon glasses at the end of his nose and pen in hand, is doing the crossword in the newspaper. I observe Alex, Hannah and Julie as they chat and laugh amiably while preparing the meal. I wish I could be as cheerful. All morning, I’ve been feeling as if there’s a snake uncoiling in my stomach somewhere behind Chloe or Liam, its writhing eclipsing the baby’s kicking. For now at least, the snake is dormant. The baby seems to be asleep, too. I haven’t felt it move for a few hours now.

  But last night’s events are still replaying on a confusing loop in my head. I want to discuss what happened with Hannah and Julie. I get my chance after the meal while Oscar, Archie and Daniel are playing football in the garden and my dad is dozing in an armchair in the living room. Alex has gone to pick up our stuff from the hotel, and Julie, Hannah and I are clearing up in the kitchen.

  ‘So, how was last night?’ Hannah asks with an attempt at a lascivious wink.

  ‘Not too much info, please,’ Julie says. ‘You’re my little sister and I’d rather you didn’t fill me in on the details!’

  When I don’t join in their banter, Hannah says, ‘Is something the matter?’

  ‘Well, yes. When we got up to our bedroom, Alex had a kind of … meltdown.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ Julie asks, the smile vanishing from her face.

  ‘He got really angry about the necklace I lost.’

  Only now do I realise I can’t tell them the whole story. The necklace Julie lent me is broken. I can’t tell her that.

  ‘Maybe that’s understandable,’ my sister says. She puts the dishcloth down and turns to face me.

  ‘Yeah, I’m sure he was tired after such an emotional day,’ Hannah agrees.

  If anyone uses the word ‘emotional’ again, I might throw a tantrum myself. I can feel my head moving up and down automatically like one of those toy dogs on the rear shelf of a car. I sit down on a wooden chair.

  ‘What did he say?’ Julie asks.

  ‘I can’t remember his exact words,’ I say, furrowing my brow. ‘He was very upset that I’d lost it and embarrassed that I’d roped you all into searching the house for it. Oh, yeah, then he asked if one my ex-boyfriends had given me Mum’s necklace as a present.’ I sigh wistfully, reminded of the K&K necklace Kevin gave me long ago. ‘Alex fell asleep while I was in the bathroom, so we didn’t get to … you know …’

  Hannah snorts. ‘Sorry! Sorry!’ she says, holding up her hands as though I’m about to shoot her.

  I know what she’s thinking. The same thing occurred to me.

  ‘I’m making a big deal out of this unnecessarily, aren’t I?’

  Now it’s Julie’s turn to do the plastic dog nod. Then she turns back to the sink and starts to wash up a saucepan.

  ‘Aww. Don’t worry, sweetie,’ Hannah says. ‘You’re bound to have a few teething problems.’

  Alex seems to be thinking along similar lines as we get ready for bed that evening. ‘You know, I think we’re coping pretty well with the situation,’ he says. ‘Most couples get to know each other, then they move in together, and if that works out they start to think about getting married and finally they start a family. We sort of did all that at once.’ He grins at me. ‘We’ll get there.’

  I return his smile. It has been a lovely day. Alex has been a hospitable host to my family, and he has been attentive and affectionate to me. So, why do I still have this uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach? Is it groundless fear or gut instinct?

  It all but disappears as we make love that evening. But when it’s over and Alex wraps me in his arms, I realise with a jolt that I haven’t felt the baby move for a while. When was the last time Chloe or Liam kicked? I try to remember. For a few minutes, I rub my stomach, making circular movements, hoping to stimulate the baby. But nothing happens.

  ‘Alex?’

  There’s a grunt in response, but he’s almost asleep. That’s probably just as well. He’d say we shouldn’t have walked home. Perhaps he was right.

  ~

  I sleep through the night, which is unusual for me as I’ve been getting up nearly every night to pee since I found out I was pregnant. I’m surprised I’ve been able to sleep at all, what with worrying about the baby not moving. I must have been very tired from my sleepless wedding night.

  I reach out my hand for Alex, but he’s not there. I’m reminded of the very first morning I woke up – alone – in this strange house. I hear voices from downstairs and wonder if he’s having breakfast with my family. I get up and put my dressing gown on.

  As I am closing the bedroom door behind me, Julie comes out of her room.

  ‘Good morning,’ she says. ‘Did you sleep well?’

  ‘Yes, I did.’ I’m about to ask her the same question, but I hear myself saying, ‘Julie, I haven’t felt the baby kick for a while now. Is that normal?’

  ‘When was the last time you felt it move?’ she asks.

  I have to think about that. I remember the baby was very active while I lay awake all night in the hotel. Was that the last time? No, it wasn’t. My tummy rumbles and it comes to me. It was just before breakfast at the hotel.

  ‘Yesterday morning. It was a very gentle kick, though.’

  ‘Well, that’s only twenty-four hours ago,’ my sister says. ‘The baby could be sleeping or it might have moved into a position that means you can’t feel it dancing about so much.’

  ‘OK,’ I say, but I don’t sound convinced.

  ‘Don’t worry.’ Julie takes my arm and guides me towards the staircase. ‘If you still haven’t felt it move this afternoon, go to the hospital. They’ll set your mind at rest.’ I’m not sure if it’s my big sister or the nurse talking. Either way, Julie’s words don’t put me at ease.

  There’s no sign of Alex downstairs, either. According to my dad, who got up early to walk Jet, he’d said he had an errand to run.

  Alex is gone a long time. I try to call him after breakfast, feeling annoyed, but his phone goes straight to voicemail. Where can he be? He arranged for cover in the shop today and he hasn’t scheduled any activities. He wasn’t planning to go training this morning. Where on earth is he? Panic eventually overrides my anger.

  When Alex does arrive home, my sister and her family, my dad and Hannah have loaded everything into the two cars they drove up here in and they’re ready to leave for Somerset. I watch Alex saunter in through the front door. Jet wags his tail and I find myself willing him to growl and bark.

  ‘Where have you been?’ It comes out as a hiss. I can feel my sister’s eyes on me. Alex either ignores my tone or doesn’t pick it up.

  ‘I went back to the hotel. They left a message on my mobile to say you’d forgotten this.’ To my astonishment, he holds up my mum’s necklace. ‘I thought you’d want to give it back to Julie before she left.’

  I’m aware my mouth is wide open, but I can’t seem to close it. I stare in total disbelief at the necklace. The chain is unbroken.

  ‘Thank you,’ I manage.

  Alex hands the necklace to Julie, who deftly puts it around her neck and fastens the clasp.

  Moments later, as I wave goodbye to my family, I feel confused. I’m grateful to Alex for having the necklace repaired, and at least now I know what he was doing this morning. But he’s the one who broke it in the first place. And I’m cross with him for implying that I’d carelessly left it in our hotel room. I turn to f
ace Alex, but he isn’t there. He has gone back inside.

  I stand outside, alone, watching Oscar close the wooden gate at the bottom of the drive before getting back into the car. Seconds later, both cars round a bend out of my sight. I hope I’ll see everyone again soon, although we didn’t get round to making any plans as Alex wasn’t there this morning.

  I find Alex upstairs, kneeling in front of the chest of drawers and wildly turfing out my bras and knickers. I stand in the doorway, rooted to the spot and speechless. He pulls out one of the drawers containing his clothes and tips the socks out on the floor.

  Is he having another meltdown?

  ‘Alex.’ My heart is beating a tattoo against my ribs. ‘Alex.’ My voice sounds weak, even to my ears, and I realise I’m frightened of my husband’s erratic behaviour.

  He looks up. ‘It must be here somewhere,’ he says. He doesn’t sound angry, which I take to be a good sign.

  ‘I’m so sorry I lost it, Alex,’ I say. ‘It may turn up, but we’ve … I’ve already checked in there.’

  ‘Sit down,’ Alex says gently.

  I do what I’m told and perch on the corner of the bed. Alex tidies everything back into the drawers.

  ‘I can help you if you like?’

  ‘No, no, it’s all right. Why should you clear up the mess I’ve made?’ He glances at me over his shoulder. ‘Just hang on a sec till I’ve finished. I’ve got something for you.’

  I study Alex as he puts the pairs of socks away, lining them up in a row. When he has finished, he turns to me, still on his knees, and extracts a box from his back pocket.

  ‘I got you this …’ he says, shuffling towards me on his knees. He looks comical, and I’m relieved that he’s not mad at me again. I have a sudden urge to giggle, but although I can feel myself grinning too widely, I succeed in keeping the laughter down.

  Alex opens a small square box. Inside there’s a necklace. The third necklace in three days. He takes it out and hands it to me.

  ‘… To make up for my inexcusable behaviour,’ he continues. ‘I had it engraved.’

  I look at the wording on the necklace. ‘“I’m always yours”,’ I read aloud. It reminds me of the sort of message you get on those sweets. Love Hearts. I find it a little childish and then I scold myself for thinking that. Alex is making an effort after all.

  ‘Look on the back,’ he says. ‘There’s a different inscription.’

  I turn the medallion over and read the words on the other side, silently this time. The room feels chilly all of a sudden.

  Alex gets to his feet and puts the chain around my neck.

  ‘There,’ he says, fastening it. He kisses me on the lips and smiles shyly and I have a fleeting image of him as the diffident pupil I secretly fancied at school.

  I’m disturbed by the words on the back of the pendant. It’s supposed to be romantic. But I find those words a bit creepy.

  You’re mine forever.

  ‘Promise me you’ll never leave me,’ he says.

  ‘Why would I leave you?’

  ‘Just promise me you won’t. I don’t know what I’d do without you.’

  ‘I promise.’

  ‘We belong together.’

  As he takes me into his arms, I feel goose bumps all the way down my own arms. He pulls me to my feet and he holds me as tightly as my bump will allow.

  Just as I’m about to protest that he’s squashing the baby, Chloe or Liam starts to kick me so hard that Alex feels it, too.

  To: kaitlyn.best@newzmail.co.uk

  From: alexanderriley9987@premiernet.co.uk

  Sent: Wed, 21 Dec 2016 at 23:03

  Subject: OUT OF THE BLUE

  Dear Katie,

  I’m sorry if I’ve upset you by taking so long to reply to your emails. Your news came as a complete shock, and it took me a while to get used to the idea.

  Clearly, I need to zip up the man suit and step up to the occasion, which I’m glad to do. We’re both in this together and you can count on me.

  Because of my business, I can’t work anywhere else but here, as you’ll appreciate, and you’ll have to stop working at some point anyway (for a while, at least). So, I think the easiest thing would be if you came to live here with me. As you know, I live alone in a gigantic Georgian house – it’s been in the family for over a century. You’ll love it! And it needs a woman’s touch!

  Please say you’ll come, my Best girl. We belong together.

  I expect you’ll need some time to sort everything out, but I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here waiting for you.

  You’re my world, my life.

  Alexxx

  PS: I’m sending you yet another selfie. As you can see (from the huge grin on my face), I’m very excited about your news!

  Chapter 6

  ~

  I don’t recognise her the second time I see her. And then I do that thing where you realise someone’s face is familiar but they seem out of context, and I can’t immediately place her. If she wasn’t wearing a swimming hat and goggles, it might help.

  She has stopped in the shallow end and, as there are only the two of us in the lane, we’ve said hello to each other.

  ‘Do I know you?’ I feel stupid for asking that question.

  ‘Sorry?’ She pulls the silicone hat away from her ears and tips her head from side to side.

  ‘Have we met?’ It sounds like a cheesy chat-up line and I cringe inside.

  ‘I don’t think so,’ she says, moving her goggles up onto her forehead and giving me a quick wide smile. Her teeth stick out a bit, and now I’m sure I’ve seen her somewhere before.

  She rubs the inside of her goggles where they have misted up and puts them back on. Then she pushes off the wall. I watch in admiration as she glides through the water gracefully and tumble-turns at the end. It doesn’t look like she’s going to stop for a rest any time soon, so that seems to be the end of our little conversation. After my opening gambit, I’m not surprised she sprinted off.

  As I’m lathering shampoo into my hair after my swim, she reappears. Whipping off her swimming hat and goggles, she presses the button for the shower opposite mine. Now I can see she has short hair and as she locks her large dark eyes on to mine it comes to me. She’s the woman from the lake.

  ‘You have a little white dog,’ I say.

  ‘Yes, I do.’ She looks at me suspiciously. ‘How did you know that?’

  ‘I saw you once a few weeks ago when we were out walking the Coffin Trail.’

  Her pencil-thin eyebrows have shot right up and disappeared under her wet soapy hair. ‘We?’

  ‘My husband and I.’

  ‘Husband?’ she echoes. ‘I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I don’t remember you. Or your husband.’

  ‘We didn’t talk. I probably only remember because Alex – that’s my husband – was scared of your dog.’

  ‘Really?’

  She introduces herself then. She has a soft melodious voice.

  ‘Hi Vicky. I’m Kaitlyn,’ I say. ‘Pleased to meet you.’ And I am. Apart from a few shopkeepers and some of Alex’s friends, I’ve hardly talked to anyone local since I moved here.

  ‘How far gone are you?’ she asks, lowering her gaze to my stomach.

  ‘Seven months.’

  ‘You’re looking very good for seven months,’ she says, still focusing on my bump.

  I’m not. I’m huge. Which is why I wanted to swim today. I’m hoping to come to the leisure centre here in Kendal regularly from now on, but of course Alex mustn’t find out. He seems to think any unnecessary movement I make might have an adverse effect on our baby. I find it sweet that he frets so much, but it’s stifling spending nearly all day every day in that mansion of his.

  ‘You swim very well,’ I say, desperate to keep the conversation going.

  ‘I swam competitively as a kid,’ she says. ‘I used to train for about three hours a day. I’m bored of doing lengths now, but it keeps me fit.’ She grins, revealing her improbably white
teeth again, but as she hasn’t met my eyes, it’s as if she’s talking to my tummy.

  ‘I’d like to get fitter,’ I tell her. I’ve put on way too much weight with the pregnancy, but I don’t add this out loud.

  ‘You’re a pretty good swimmer yourself,’ she says, bending down to pick up her shampoo bottle. With a little wave of her hand, she’s gone, and I wish we’d chatted more. Perhaps I’ll bump into her again if I make a habit of coming here to swim.

  But when I’ve finished getting dressed, she’s drying her hair. I fumble in my purse for change for the hairdryer and take the one next to her. I study her in the mirror. I’m tall, but she is a good two inches taller. I consider myself to be a little ungainly, particularly at the moment, whereas she holds herself up straight with an elegant poise. Despite her stark facial features, she’s very attractive.

  In the shower, I had the impression she was refusing to make eye contact, but now she’s staring at me with insistent wide eyes. I look away, feeling a little uncomfortable, as if she’s scrutinising me.

  To my surprise, when the hairdryers cut out, she says, ‘Would you like to go for a coffee in the leisure centre café?’

  ‘I’d love to,’ I say, ‘but I’m afraid I can’t today.’

  ‘Oh. Well, maybe another time,’ she says. ‘It was nice talking to you, Kaitlyn.’

  And with that, she disappears through the swing doors and I’m left alone in the changing rooms. Damn! I should have made sure there was going to be another time. Just as this thought enters my head, she’s back, rummaging in her handbag. She finds a pen and a receipt. Leaning on the little ledge by the mirror, she scribbles something and then hands the scrap of paper to me.

  ‘Give me a call next week if you come for a swim. Evenings or lunchtimes suit me best. We could grab a coffee afterwards then if you want.’

  I look at the paper and see she has noted down a mobile number. She hasn’t written her name.

  ‘OK, thanks,’ I say, pleased at how eager Vicky seems to meet up with me again. This time she holds the wooden doors open for me and I follow her through the reception area and out into the car park.