Brunette Ambition

by Lea Michele

  4. You don’t need to impress your friends. You should always feel like you can be yourself, without judgment.

  5. Your best friend network is your family. Take care of your relationships with your relatives the same way that you care for your closest girlfriends.

  * * *

  Ten Movies to Watch with the Girls

  Funny Girl

  (Because it’s about Fanny Brice’s struggle between her passion for the stage and passion for a man she loves.)

  500 Days of Summer

  Katy Perry: Part of Me

  (Although it’s a movie about her music career, it really does show the arc of her relationship, which is something I found to be very relatable and personal. My friends and I love watching this movie together. I’ve watched it about seven times.)

  Can’t Hardly Wait

  The Princess Bride

  (Duh. Obsessed.)

  Clueless

  Heathers

  Marie Antoinette

  Jawbreaker

  Overboard

  * * *

  MY TOP TEN MOVIE SNACKS

  1. Popcorn with truffle salt

  2. Grapes

  3. Chocolate-covered goji berries

  4. Pop chips

  5. Seaweed paper

  6. Yogurt-covered strawberries

  7. Vegan chocolate coconut ice cream

  8. Gummy bears

  9. Chocolate-covered blueberries

  10. Teriyaki-spiced nuts

  CH 10

  MY LIFE WITH GLEE

  “To have ego means to believe in your own strength. And to also be open to other people’s views. It is to be open, not closed. So, yes, my ego is big, but it’s also very small in some areas. My ego is responsible for my doing what I do—bad or good.”

  —BARBRA STREISAND

  I grew up on the Broadway stage, and because of this, Broadway always felt like home—I knew I could probably always find a place there. And while that really was good enough for me, I was always curious about TV and movies and continued to audition for other things. Despite my best efforts over the years, and even though I was climbing the proverbial ladder on Broadway, I never managed to book anything big. This wasn’t upsetting so much as discouraging: Casting directors frequently told me that I wasn’t pretty enough for TV, that I was too ethnic to ever be mainstream. One manager told me that as soon as I got my period and was, accordingly, old enough for plastic surgery, I should get my nose done immediately. After hearing these sorts of suggestions from decision makers enough times, I started to believe them. And since I wasn’t going to get plastic surgery or change the way I looked, I figured I’d stick to a life on the stage, where I had always been accepted. I did a little spot on Third Watch, and I did a few small parts on soap operas when I was younger, but other than that, it was the theater for me.

  But just as those managers were wrong to tell me that I’d never make it outside of Broadway, I was just as wrong to believe them, since the fact that I don’t look like everyone else is exactly what’s opened the most doors for me. The industry has changed a lot since then—there’s a lot more diversity in terms of who gets to be a leading lady—and I think that shows like Glee really put that trend in motion.

  As I mentioned, when I was doing Spring Awakening with Jonathan Groff, he introduced me to Ryan Murphy—who later professed to be writing a script called Glee with me in mind. Even though it supposedly had my name on it, I figured they would ultimately give it to someone like Vanessa Hudgens, who was in the midst of High School Musical fame. I just had locked into my head the idea that I wasn’t castable. A few Broadway stars had crossed over at that point, one of my favorites being Tony winner Sara Ramirez, who was on Grey’s Anatomy. I thought that I wouldn’t be a leading lady like her, but that maybe I could get some smaller roles. Maybe.

  After Spring Awakening wrapped up, it seemed wise to step away for a little while. When you do something that big, that gets that much acclaim, you need to let the waters settle for a little bit. I was offered the role of Eponine in a Les Misérables production in Los Angeles at the Hollywood Bowl, and since I’d only ever been to L.A. once (to visit Jonathan, when I first met Ryan), I thought it might be a good opportunity for me to audition for some TV shows. After all, maybe once a year you find a Broadway show, like The Book of Mormon, that manages to get big outside of the theater community—and that year, Spring Awakening was it, so I thought I had enough credibility from the show to get some meetings with casting directors, and I wanted to capitalize on that. Really, all I wanted was to play a car crash victim on Grey’s Anatomy, mainly because it was my favorite show on TV.

  While I was doing Les Mis at the Hollywood Bowl, I got the call that they wanted to see me for Glee. I remember reading the script for the first time and in that last scene, when the kids start singing “Don’t Stop Believin’,” I could hear the song in my head as I read, and I got chills. I just knew. I knew the show was going to be huge.

  Even though I myself was having trouble believing that I would actually land the role, the minute I read the part of Rachel Berry, I knew nobody could play her better than me. It’s as if she had lived inside of me for my entire life. We’re not the same person, but I completely understood who she was and what she was all about. I could access everything about her.

  When I went in for my first audition, I thought it went terribly: The piano player messed up, and so I asked him to stop midway through the song and go back. I had to do a scene where Rachel slaps Finn (it was cut from the pilot). The casting director played Finn opposite me and in the moment, I accidentally slapped him for real. Inside, I was freaking out that I was bombing in real time, but little did I know, I was Rachel Berry in those moments. Rachel Berry is the one who stopped the piano player and slapped the casting director. It was all so her. When you ask Ryan, or any of the others who were in the room that day, they will tell you that it was clear. In fact, I was the only girl they saw for the role, at both the production studio and at Fox, the network.

  Before my second audition, which was for Fox, I got into the infamous car accident. That day, I sang “Not for the Life of Me” from Thoroughly Modern Millie and “On My Own” from Les Misérables. Ryan had told me that if he thought it wasn’t looking good for me in there, he would intervene and tell them that I was his first choice. After I got the part, he confessed that not only had he not intervened, but the network execs didn’t even know that he knew me. I got the role completely on my own. I was so proud to know that I earned it.

  After my audition, the casting director sent me out to the waiting room. And then they called me back in to tell me that the role was mine, which is definitely unusual. They rarely call you back into the room to deliver the news in person. I was so happy I screamed.

  When we shot the pilot, I met Cory Monteith, Kevin McHale, Amber Riley, and Chris Colfer for the first time. I had worked on Broadway with Jenna Ushkowitz and Matt Morrison before. Matt had been a friend of mine for years, and in fact we’d actually dated back in the day for a Broadway beat. But strangers or not, we were all babies and completely new to the big-time spotlight. Cory came from Canada and drove his Honda Civic all the way to Los Angeles. Chris Colfer was from Clovis, California, and had never worked professionally in his life. Kevin McHale and Amber Riley were two of the most talented people I had ever met but were also reasonably new to the television world. It was really only Jane Lynch who was known—she was the one getting the TV show its initial credibility.

  Kristin Chenoweth and me accepting our platinum records for Glee.

  Cory in one of the White House hallways—with a bunny, of course—when we sang for the president and his family on Easter.

  Chris Colfer in the White House.

  Ryan Murphy and me receiving our first Glee platinum record.

  Cory in the White House.

  We all clicked like we were brothers and sisters and were inseparable from the start. When we shot the pilot we knew that it was somethin
g special, but just because a show is something special doesn’t mean it’s necessarily going to get picked up and have a life on TV. I was living in New York at the time, so when shooting wrapped I headed home. Jenna was staying with me, and Chris came to visit New York for the first time. I got to show him Times Square and the Wicked theater. (Flash forward five years and we were in front of that same theater shooting Glee.) The three of us were hanging out at my house in New York when I got the e-mail from Ryan telling me that we got picked up for thirteen episodes. I printed that message out and still have it, because that’s the moment when my life completely changed. And it changed quickly: We shot the pilot in October 2008, and we started filming the first thirteen episodes in January 2009, in a total bubble. Nobody knew who we were or what Glee was, and so it was a very pure time for all of us. When the show finally aired in September 2009, everything changed overnight: The show was a sensation. We were nominated for awards (Chris won a Golden Globe; I was nominated for an Emmy and for a best-actress-in-a-comedy Golden Globe), we were on Oprah, we met the president, and we went around the world on live tours. There was merchandise, there were Christmas records, there was porn made in our honor. It was amazing. But it was hard, too.

  Suddenly, we were becoming famous: Paparazzi became interested in my comings and goings, our pictures were in magazines, and people started to decide who I was. They decided, for one, that I was a diva—but not a diva in the way I had always wanted to be (a Broadway diva, the best thing ever!). The “high-maintenance diva” accusation was frustrating because I’m the farthest thing from that: I’m just a girl who knows who she is and what she wants, and I tend to speak my mind. What’s disappointing is that there are so many people in this business who are not nice and who are difficult to work with but pretend like they’re not. I guess at the end of the day I’d rather be misjudged than pretend to be someone I’m not and be publicly liked for being fake. That period definitely thickened my skin, as I learned quickly that I can’t control other people’s opinions. I really try to not let things like that get to me anymore. I thank my family and good friends for knowing who I really am and making that what matters most.

  Thankfully, we’re all pretty grounded kids who come from great families, which was essential for getting us through that first onslaught of interest and press. Without that sort of support, it could have been scary. I also credit Ryan for seeing us through, because as much as we were part of a huge machine that was propelling us forward, he cared about us. Before our first Golden Globes, he took all of the girls shopping and helped us pick out our dresses. And then he bought them for us, so that we could keep them with us for the rest of our lives.

  I get asked a lot about the best moments from the beginning. When I look back, a few snapshots really stand out: Looking at my mom in the audience while I was onstage with Oprah; sitting in the box at the Super Bowl with my dad after singing “God Bless America”; peeing at the White House and stealing toilet paper that had the White House seal on it; standing onstage singing “Empire State of Mind” in New York City during our second concert tour. There are so many other amazing moments, but those are the ones I most remember.

  The cast of Glee is amazing, and I can’t say enough good things about them. While we don’t hang out as much in our downtime now as we did on day one, when we were inseparable, our connection now is deeper. They are my family. Amber will text me out of the blue just to tell me that she loves me—so will Kevin McHale. And Chris Colfer is one of the loves of my life—I see us in forty years in some Broadway revival, sipping martinis and reminiscing about the good old days. I’ve known Jenna since I was a kid (when we got to work together on Spring Awakening). And then there’s Cory, who played such a large role in the show and also in my personal life.

  Even though we’re in our fifth season, and these past five years have been filled with the greatest ups, some difficult downs, and then, of course, terrible tragedy, I still love Glee as much today as I did at the beginning. It is a home for me, where I am surrounded by what has become an extended family—the cast and crew of Glee bring me the same comfort and joy as my own parents.

  I try not to set limits for myself anymore, because the original limits that I set were proven completely wrong. Here I am now: I have the lead on a TV show, I have a L’Oréal campaign, and I’ve been on the cover of some of my favorite beauty magazines. So here’s a big fat middle finger to the lady who told me to get my nose done.

  Dressed up as Gaga for our Lady Gaga episode.

  Trip to Disneyland with my mom, Jonathan Groff, and the Glee kids.

  Chord, Amber, Kevin, and me at the Golden Globes.

  Chris posing with Hillary at the White House.

  Cory and me on the lawn of the White House.

  The “Total Eclipse of the Heart” dance number, which was one of my favorites from Glee.

  Oprah and me.

  Dressed up as a cupcake, taking a hilarious photo with Amber.

  FAN QUESTIONS

  Q WHAT WAS THE FUNNIEST THING TO HAPPEN ON SET?

  A I had to do a scene where a very intense and determined Rachel rushes into the room and exclaims, “Listen, everybody, this is what happened.” I didn’t realize but my shirt had busted open. Luckily, I was wearing a bra, but still—nobody called cut! I was totally embarrassed.

  Q WHAT WAS THE FIRST GLEE SCENE YOU EVER SHOT?

  A The very first scene we shot is a moment when Rachel is the in the women’s bathroom, looking at herself in the mirror, and Santana and Quinn laugh at her. I remember being nervous at the time but thinking that the first day went well.

  Q WHAT WAS THE MOST DIFFICULT SONG TO SING?

  A “I Was Here” by Beyoncé, which ultimately didn’t make it onto the show (it’s on one of the albums). It was incredibly challenging. I also had a lot of trouble with “Take a Bow” by Rihanna in episode 2. It was the first time I’d ever tried to sing a pop song, since I’d spent my career singing classic rock and Broadway show tunes. Ryan was going to cut it and have me sing “I Don’t Know How to Love Him” from Jesus Christ Superstar instead, but we made “Take a Bow” work because it was so perfect for the story.

  Q WHAT WAS THE HARDEST THING YOU EVER HAD TO DO ON SET?

  A In an episode called “Wheels,” there’s a scene where I had to put my face into a plate of fettuccine Alfredo. I had to pretend I’d been hit and fall into the tray. I know it’s theoretically not hard, but it really was the most disgusting thing in the entire world.

  Q WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE EPISODES?

  A

  “Pilot”

  “The Break Up”

  “Showmance”

  “Journey”

  “New York”

  Q WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE MOMENTS?

  A

  When Rachel tells Finn, “You can kiss me if you want to.”

  When Rachel sings “Don’t Rain on My Parade”

  When Kurt sings “Being Alive”

  When Kurt and Rachel are outside of Tiffany

  The At the Ballet” number with Sarah Jessica Parker

  Q WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE GLEE SONGS?

  A

  “Shake It Out”

  “Anything Could Happen”

  “Americano/Dance Again”

  “Safety Dance”

  “Empire State of Mind”

  Q WHAT WERE YOUR FAVORITE GUEST-STAR MOMENTS?

  A

  Singing “Maybe This Time” with Kristin Chenoweth

  Dancing to Chicago with Gwyneth Paltrow

  Anything and everything with Kate Hudson

  Getting a makeover from Sarah Jessica Parker

  Getting to pretend-date Jonathan Groff

  Q HOW DO YOU HANDLE THE PAPARAZZI?

  A The paparazzi exist in New York, but in a very understated way; in Los Angeles, they’re a huge (and dangerous) part of the culture. I get far less paparazzi pressure than a lot of celebrities in this city, but I still find their attention confounding. I’m a ve
ry grounded person—my day-to-day activities just aren’t that interesting. The fact that they want to capture me going into, and leaving, Whole Foods just sort of confuses me—and it makes me sad when they’ll run red lights and endanger other people just to get that shot. I absolutely understand that it comes with the job, but I don’t think that nearly causing accidents is worth it. Ultimately, I don’t let the paparazzi ever stop me from carrying on with my life—they’re not going to catch me doing anything scandalous, after all!

  The other downside of the paparazzi, and being a public person, is that there are days when you really just don’t want your photo taken. When that’s the case, I lie low, cook at home, and stay out of the public eye. In my real life, I’m not like Rachel Berry, who could probably think of nothing she’d like more than showing off eighteen different rehearsed smiles and poses for the paps.

  Dressed up as football players with Jenna, which was one of my favorite scenes ever on Glee.

  Ballerinas from “Total Eclipse of the Heart.”