Boys Club: How Far Would You Go?

by Ema Bancroft

  My life passed before my eyes. For some reason, my brain became obsessed with the moment when Raul and I snuck into Britney Spears' locker room and put all her makeup on the counter. Yeah, it was stupid... but we were hammered, and she had made a snotty comment about Raul's hair or something. I didn't even remember anymore.

  And I had no idea why it would be my last thought when I rushed to death.

  God, I was pissed. I smiled at my memory, despite my impending conviction.

  Then, just as I was ready to be splashed across the first three rows, my descent slowed sharply, and I plummeted easily until my feet fell to the stage, light as a feather.

  Oh yes. I think they mentioned the brakes. I forgot in the heat of the moment.

  My knees bowed with relief, and for a second I considered falling to the ground and kissing him as sailors do when they return home after months at sea. But a stage hand put a headset microphone in my hand and broke the buckles on my harness. I put on the microphone, we turned, the music melted in a slow rhythm and jaszy, and - out of sheer habit - I began to sing what had become known as our theme song.

  They say it's not logical, that you want a guy like me

  They say it doesn't make sense - like two and two makes three.

  I heard some whistling and screaming from the crowd, and couldn't help but smile as I added a little extra riff to the following lines.

  But our love doesn't need a calculus.

  No dictionary or browser

  In fact, it's not that hard to understand.

  I can count the reasons with one hand

  The fireworks exploded, the lights flashed, and the crowd shouted as the other kids joined in. The music intensified, and the crowd shouted the numbers together with us.

  One!

  There's only one thing on my mind tonight, honey.

  Two!

  Do we both have things... we have to do... oooh!?

  Three!

  Three, two, one? The countdown's on, I think maybe...?

  Four!

  The time of love is here... for you and me.

  We maneuvered in a closed circle, the intricate choreography that moved us around the stage feeding on the energy of the crowd.

  Five!

  Man alive, it's no joke, he can't survive without your love.

  You know there's only one thing... I'm thinking about?

  Truth is truth, facts are facts... are we meant to be?

  One, two, three, four, five points! Ooohhhhhhh yes!

  The crowd shouted at the top of his lungs, and as they waved their hands, we wrapped the chorus.

  The five love points... do they add to you and me?

  Daisy

  "Did you see this? " Terri broke into the locker room after the Staples show, wielding a handful of newspapers. The concert had been a great success, and we had given two encores, including another mashup with 4-squares, before finally leaving the stage.

  On the ground this time.

  I must say, that zip line scared the hell out of me. I wasn't looking forward to a repeat in Seattle. I didn't want to look like a coward. The other kids seemed to take it easy. Even Elijah shouted with emotion as he landed on stage.

  The kids were weird.

  Ethan stepped out of the shower, a towel wrapped around his hips as he rubbed another towel over his head.

  "What's up, honey? " he asked, walking to kiss Terri on the cheek.

  "This! " She shouted almost screaming, shaking the newspaper on his head. "We're in all the tabloids!"

  My heart paused for a moment, wondering who she meant by "we. I walked over to the table where Ethan had spread the offensive papers, nervously scrutinizing the headlines. I could feel Elijah doing the same thing on my shoulder. On the front cover of each one there was a series of pictures of Terri and Mabel entering and leaving our hotel. The Observer presented a blurry picture of Terri kissing Ethan backstage.

  Nothing about me... or Elijah. I tried not to let my relief be felt as I slowly let my breath out.

  "Damn, that's a little exciting,"Ethan said approvingly, scanning the photo carefully. "Do I have my hand on your chest?"

  Terri hit him in the chest with the back of her hand. "That's not the point, Ethan. " She picked up the paper, shook it again. "Mabel and I look like a couple of cheap groupies!"

  "That's not true,"Raul intervened. "The grupies have this crazy look in their eyes."

  "Like a cat stalking a canary,"Roland added.

  "Do they stalk the canaries? " Ethan asked. "It seems a little stupid since they can fly. I think you mean a mouse."

  "Dude, you've never seen Sylvester and Tweety? " Roland put a clean shirt on his head, looking at his hair in the mirror.

  "Tweety's a canary?"

  "What did you think it was?"

  "I don't know,"Ethan admitted. I noticed the redness of Terri's face on the swap and waited for half the smoke to start coming out of her ears. "I guess I thought maybe a parrot?"

  Elijah sneered, moving to plummet on the couch.

  "Tweety is not a fucking parrot."

  "He speaks,"Ethan protested. "Canaries don't talk."

  Ethan... Terri started it?

  "He has a small beak,"Roland said, holding his thumb and finger together to emphasize his point. "Parrots have big ones, like the one in the Froot Loops box."

  "That's a toucan,"I added with help. Terri stared at me. I swallowed it.

  "Really? " Roland asked.

  I nodded, looking at Terri with a warlike look as she took a step back. "Toucan Sam,"I added weakly.

  Roland frowned. "Huh."

  "Would you shut the fuck up for the fucking birds? " Terri shouted. "It doesn't matter what Tweety or Toucan Sam or Donald Duck is."

  "Pretty sure it's a duck,"Elijah muttered quietly. I thought Terri might hit him.

  I noticed that Mabel had been unusually quiet and was stealing eyes from Raul, biting her lip. I knew she was a little worried about Raul's feelings for her and I thought the "groupie" comment might make things worse. I was hoping you'd calm her down.

  "Relax, baby,"said Ethan, adjusting his towel before wrapping one of his big arms around Terri's shoulder and kissing her cheek. "You're no fan. We'll let them see it. Hell, I'll go to national television and call you my girlfriend if you want."

  Terri's jaw tightened as if trying to stay angry, but she was losing the battle. "Really?"

  "Sure. " He shrugged. "I want the world to know you're mine. And it'll keep those assholes away from you when you get home."

  I was a little jealous of Ethan's words. Of course they were a bit Neanderthal, but I was sweet, and I struggled not to lose an instant at Elijah.

  "Me too,"agreed Raul, putting Mabel in his lap. "I'll kiss you on Oprah if you want."

  Mabel laughed with laughter. "Oprah's no longer in the air."

  Raul frowned. "You're kidding. I thought she'd be there forever."

  "She left her program to concentrate on the Oprah Winfrey Network,"Roland said. "The last show was really amazing."

  Mabel smiled. "I loved it when she said,' I won't say goodbye. I'll just say, until we meet again."

  "Yes, that was incredible,"agreed Roland.

  Ethan looked at it blank. "Yes. I don't know how anyone thought you were straight.

  Roland just turned it over.

  "Anyway,"Raul said, taking the word out as he returned to Mabel. "If Oprah's off the table, say so. Ellen? Leno? " He ran a finger through her arm while kissing her neck. "That guy who does the meeting programs in Bravo?"

  Mabel smiled, running her fingers through his hair. "I don't need any of that,"she said. "I don't care what other people think."

  "Well, I do,"Terri said, handing Ethan his pants. "Get dressed. There's a lot of papanicolaou in front of us and we're gonna take a picture. A lot."

  Ethan smiled. "Yes, ma' am,"he said, walking behind a screen to get dressed. I was glad that Mabel was in the room, or he would have whipped that towel in front of God and e
veryone.

  Yeah, I've looked at that one too many times.

  When he came out, he was fortunately covered from head to toe, and Terri dragged him out, telling us that they would meet us in the limo. Mabel leapt over the counter to see Raul dry his hair, occasionally stretching out to turn a padlock around her finger.

  They were adorable, and all I could think of was Elijah's hair, and how I would have liked to do the same to him. The room was suddenly suffocating, and I was disturbingly aware of Elijah nearby. Even though I didn't look at it, I felt its presence like a hot wind over my skin, and the air thickened, making it difficult to breathe.

  I got up suddenly, grabbed my jacket and didn't meet anyone. "I'll see you in the limo,"I muttered, practically running down the aisle.

  It was surprisingly quiet, though I could still hear screams from afar. Fortunately, security had done its job, and there was no fanatic waiting to jump us out of the locker room. I really didn't think I could handle that right now.

  But I had to get out of that room. My response to Elijah grew out of control, and I knew I needed to have a little control or I would expose myself and ruin everything... for both of us...

  Really, for all of us.

  I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes, breathing deeply. I didn't want to go to the limo until it was time to leave. I was pretty sure it would end up in one of Ethan and Terri's photos - probably with an accompanying story that said we were a new threesome - or sitting in the limo while they were both shaking each other.

  Neither one of them appealed much.

  So instead, I strolled down the hallway aimlessly, lost in my own thoughts... mainly thoughts of Elijah, and the Queen of Hearts show. My stomach moved my thinking a bit, and I had to admit that I was a little excited about the idea of being a girl around him. I knew it was a little ridiculous. After all, he had seen me naked. But Moxie was convinced that this would be different. And I actually agreed with her. I've never been a girl in heels and makeup, actually, but the idea of dressing up... to make me really look like a woman - to make everyone see it - gave me a distinctly feminine tingle?

  And I couldn't help but think that Elijah would like it.

  "Hi, Tim. " A soft voice scared me, and I turned in the dark. A little brunette in a 5-point T-shirt and a leather miniskirt walked towards me, her surprisingly silent platform boots on the tile floor.

  I looked down the hall, looking for security. Where were Brick and Craig when you needed them? "Hi?"

  "I'm Alexis,"she said, licking her shiny lips. I was wondering how she did it without staining her lip gloss. I've never been able to keep it on.

  "Hello, Alexis,"I babbled. "How did you get back here?"

  She laughed with laughter. "One of my friends distracted the security guard, and I snuck past him. I had to see you.

  I swallowed and squeaked,"Me?"

  "hey," she nodded, moving her long mass of curly hair as she dragged a fingernail across my chest. "You're my favorite, you know?"

  "I am? "I checked the hallway frantically, mentally calling Craig... Brick... Roland... anyone. Why couldn't I be a psychic or something? Why couldn't Elijah read my mind?

  That would have been so helpful at the time.

  Elias! I screamed silently. It couldn't hurt, could it?

  "I loved the show,"continued Alexis, arcing it slightly backwards. She had cut the neckline of the shirt to hang from one shoulder, and slid slightly lower. Her tits almost came off.

  "Um…thanks. I... uh... I really need to get going," I muttered, trying to slip by her side. She stood on my side, cutting me up and putting her hands on each side of my head, trapping me between the wall of Alexis' tits and a concrete one?

  Elias!

  No. Still nothing.

  "You must be so tense, after so much singing,"she began.

  "Tense? "My voice broke. "Me? Tense? No, I'm not tense. I'm cool. Relaxed... yes... I'm fine"?

  "I bet you do."

  Fucking hell! "Why wouldn't my brain work? Panic came into play, reducing my verbal skills to simple syllables. I grabbed at straws, looking for anything that could save me from the predatory glow in my eyes that mine closed. She twisted my fingers in my hair, bit my lip, and I shuddered.

  "I have a girlfriend! " I almost screamed, mentally slapped myself, which I hadn't thought of before. It's the perfect excuse, isn't it?

  Wrong.

  "No, you don't,"she said, stroking my neck. "God, you smell good."

  "I do."

  "No…you don't. "She looked at me with a smile. "Everyone knows you broke up with Mabel and she's with Rocket now."?

  I coughed. "Everyone?"

  Alexis shrugged. "Sure. It's in all the blogs. She frowned slightly. "Though 5Point Fanatic says you're with E. C. Everyone knows she's a Gayzer, though."

  I couldn't believe this was happening.

  "I mean, she keeps publishing all these E. C. manipulators in the gay pornographic photos. It's sad, really."

  Despite my panic, I had to admit it was interesting... and I thought I might have to see that place. For research purposes only, of course.

  "But I can't believe it,"said Alexis, shaking her head a little. "You're too sexy to be gay. " She bowed, her lips wrinkled, and I hit my head against the wall.

  "Shit! " I exclaimed.

  "Awww,"Alexis said, grabbing my belt. "Let me do better."

  Oh shit. Ohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrap!

  This wasn't right. I reached for her wrists and she slapped me. Tough.

  Fuck. Does that hurt?

  She got down on her knees, and I froze in shock as she stroked my rubber dick, and then I bit her in my jeans.

  Did the boys like that? I had no idea, but I knew I had to get out of there.

  "Alexis..."I reached for her shoulders."

  "That's right, baby, say my name. " She messed with the belt buckle while I was pulling my dick through my pants. I could feel the straps cutting a little bit off my ass.

  God, the girl had suction!

  Couldn't you realize there was nothing going on... down there?

  What was I supposed to do?

  "Tim? A voice had my head snapping to one side, only to find Elijah looking at me, his eyebrows somewhere around his hairline. "What's going on?"

  Alexis jumped at her feet and turned around. "My God, it's E. C. Lynch! " she shouted, the words that ran together in her excitement. "You're my favorite!"

  I couldn't help but feel a little hurt by that. "What? " I said, my mouth jumping in front of my brain.

  Alexis turned to me, turning between my legs again and gently stroking me. Or I guess she thought it was reassuring. I didn't know that. He was still kicking me for being jealous of Elijah.

  "You're my favorite, too,"she said. "You both are. " She reached out and twisted Elijah�s shirt in her fist, her other hand still closed around my rubber cock. "Would you like to join us? " She licked her lips again and slammed her eyelashes with flirting. I didn't think girls would do that. Fascinated, I tried to imitate the movement.

  I was pretty sure it looked like he was having a seizure.

  She threw Elijah at her, and I wondered if he was as surprised as I was of her supernatural strength.

  "I promise you'll like it,"she said, biting her lip. I watched, paralyzed by fear - and her death seized my dildo - hoping that Elijah would have some magical method to free us from Super Alexis, Horny Fan of the Underworld.

  His lips rose in that melted smile that drove me mad, and I tried not to sigh aloud.

  Alexis didn't fight though, and as she let out a dreamy exhalation, her grip on my dick loosened slightly.

  "I'm sure he would,"Elijah said softly,"but Tim and I have another show to do, honey. " He rose, gently untangling her fingers from his shirt. "It's for a good cause, you know. Maybe some other time? " He winked one eye at her, and she swung slightly over her feet, her hands falling limping sideways.

  "Well,"she said weakly. She turned to walk stunned in
the hallway, but then shook her head as if she remembered something. "Can I at least get an autograph? " she asked as she turned around.

  Elias smiled. "Of course, darling. Do you have a pen?"

  She reached into her skirt, did the thing have a pocket? I wasn't sure I wanted to know, and I produced a Sharpie. Elijah pulled the lid off with his teeth. "What do you want me to sign?"

  Without hesitation, she shook her shirt and arched her back, pushing her tits even further away. "The right one,"she led him. "Tim, turn left."

  Elijah didn't blink. He just scribbled his name on the soft mound on her bra and gave me the pen, his lips trembling in my open mouth.

  I took the Sharpie, licking my lips nervously, and signed my name on her left chest - be careful not to actually touch it. Elijah covered the pen.

  "Here you go, honey."

  She straightened up, looking at her tits with concern.

  "Unbelievable,"she said. "I'm going to tattoo these tattoos. Thanks, guys. " Elijah handed her the pen and she turned around and walked away without even bothering to put her shirt back on.

  I saw her withdraw for a moment until Elijah said,"Are you ready to go?"

  With my eyes wide open, I turned to him. "How did you do that?"

  He shrugged his shoulders as we walked toward the exit. "Do what?"

  "Back it up? It scared the hell out of me!"

  He laughed a little. "She's not that bad."

  "She wouldn't let go of my dick,"I muttered.

  "You don't have a penis,"he reminded me.

  "You know what I mean."

  "I just have to learn to change the charm a little bit, B. " He winked at me. "Women will be putty in your hands."

  Resoplé. "I noticed. What happened to all that" baby "and" honey "stuff anyway? " I knew it sounded like a jealous girlfriend, but I couldn't help it.

  She was kind of a jealous girlfriend.

  "Trying to keep the fans happy,"he assured me, leaning down to brush his lips along my cheek. "You have nothing to worry about."

  I tried not to tremble. "I'm not worried."

  "Good."

  "Good."

  I could feel it looking out of the corner of my eye.

  "It's just that I didn't think it was totally necessary,"I finally said the words that went on the air - the vomit of a green-eyed monster. "I mean,' Maybe some other time? '" I don't know why you had to give her hope.