Fan Girl

by Brandace Morrow

  Last night I fell asleep during the game, and woke up this morning in my bed. At some point, Deklan must have put me to bed. I think it’s crazy that I didn’t wake up, but I sure hope I didn’t say anything I don’t remember. I wake up at seven so that I can try to relax with yoga before this day happens. Afterwards, I shower and get dressed in a white camisole with a sheer, loose cream button-down shirt over it. My favorite holey distressed, blue jeans with a wide brown belt and brown strapped chunky heels. I put my hair in a complicated, but still casual, bun at the nape and accessorize in gold and dark brown.

  I pace the living room drinking a smoothie, hands shaking. Deklan said he would be here to pick me up ten minutes ago. I decide not to wait and grab my brown leather purse and am out the door. His car is pulling up, just as I lock the front door to the house. I stare at the car.

  I’m a total mess, so I’m not feeling very nice. I get in the car and the first thing I say is, “What the fuck?”

  His eyebrows shoot up as he puts the car in first. “Sorry, the realtor showed up at eight this morning. She wanted details about everything and names of designers for the furniture and shit. I finally just told her to call the interior designer that bought it all and walked out.”

  “You should have called me. I’ve been having a heart attack.”

  He reaches over and grabs my hand to give it a squeeze. “No way was I missing this, Ali.”

  I try to not hyperventilate on the drive over. I must have spaced out because Deklan turns the engine off, and we’re there before I know it. Snatching up my purse, I vault from the car. Deklan meets me at the door to the office and opens the door for me.

  I walk in and the first thing I see is a woman that looks like she’s been pregnant for eighteen months. I start to back away, but Deklan gives me a push inside, then holds the door open for her. “Did that just freak you out? I’m freaking out,” I say in a hushed rush.

  He chuckles and tells me to check in.

  When I get to the window there’s a sweet, thirty-something woman giving me a warm smile.

  “How can I help you?”

  “I have an appointment,” I say shakily. I pull out my license and give it to her. She takes it and taps on her computer, then hands it back with a stack of forms on a clipboard.

  “Just fill these out and bring them up when you’re done.”

  I take the forms and find Deklan in a corner seat by the windows, leafing through a parenting magazine. I take the pen and start writing. Halfway through, I snatch the magazine from him. “Stop it, you’re freaking me out.”

  He smiles over at me and puts his arm on the back of my chair. “Everything is freaking you out. Just take a breath.”

  “How are you so calm?” I accuse him.

  “Probably because we aren’t even being seen yet. I’ll let you know when I’m freaking if that will make you feel better,” he says, amused.

  “Yes it will. You let me know.” I finish the forms and turn them in. When I sit back down, my leg starts bouncing, and I tap my nails.

  “You’re gonna make yourself puke if you don’t chill out,” he says, not helping at all.

  “You chill out,” I reply like a five-year-old.

  He laughs. “I am!”

  I give him a withering glare, and he turns his head to laugh at the windows. When my name is called, I pop up like a jack-in-the-box.

  Another nurse in scrubs comes over to me and says, “We’re gonna take mom back and do an exam, then when we’re ready we’ll come out and get dad, if that’s okay?”

  I turn to him, white in the face, and mouth “exam” at the same time he’s looking up at me warmly mouthing “dad.”

  That freaks me out more, so I just turn around and walk to the door, waiting on the nurse to catch up.

  Once vitals are taken and blood is drawn, she takes me to an exam room where the doctor is already waiting. She’s in her forties, in scrubs with a white coat over them, and a stethoscope around her neck. She takes a look at me and starts laughing. “You look scared to death.”

  I just nod, I have no words.

  “I assume that’s why your blood pressure is high. Take a seat here.”

  She pats the exam table and I sit down saying, “I thought your blood pressure had to be low to pass out. I feel like I might.”

  She laughs again and rolls her chair over to me. “The important thing to remember is that women have babies every single day. We’ve been doing it a long time. Our bodies know how. You just have to get over the fear and let nature take its course.”

  Oh shit, is she a natural doctor?

  “Does that mean you don’t do drugs? Cause I want ‘em. When I’m in labor I mean. I want it all.”

  She cracks up. Glad I’m so entertaining! “I do this however you want me to do it, as long as it’s safe for the baby. Drugs, no drugs, home, hospital. However you want.”

  I sigh in relief, then she asks me a bunch of questions about everything and measures my belly.

  After that experience is over, she sends a nurse out for ‘dad’ while she preps a machine set up with a monitor on top. I’m shaking like a leaf. Five thousand years later, Deklan comes in looking a little wide-eyed and immediately grabs my hand.

  “Okay?” he asks me softly.

  I nod, jerking my head up and down.

  The doctor pulls out some gel and moves my sheet, exposing my belly. “All right kids, this is the fun part. We’re gonna see your little peanut. I’ll take some measurements, then send you home with a picture to show off on your Facebook page or whatever.”

  My hand spasms on his, he squeezes back tight and all I can think is this is it. He’s either going to run, or rise to the occasion. I could lose him before anything even starts with us. As soon as she touches the wand to my stomach, I hear Deklan swallow. I look up at him, and he’s watching the screen, but I just keep watching him. I’m afraid to see what’s shaken up my world so much. He’s watching the screen, not blinking at all. I don’t even think he’s breathing. I hear clicks from the doctor as she slides the wand over my belly.

  Deklan looks down at me and smiles huge. He whispers, “Look at that, look.”

  Okay, so he doesn’t seem to be leaving. That’s a good sign. I take a deep breath and turn my head. There on the screen, in black and white, is a little skeleton with a flicker in the middle.

  The doctor points and says, “This is the heart, and head at the top.” She presses a button and the room is filled with a whoosh whoosh sound that stops my heart, then makes it beat again but with a new purpose. “That’s the heart beating nice and strong. One hundred sixty beats a minute.”

  My eyes flood with tears, and then the little arm bone moves. I jump.

  “Oh, the baby’s awake!” The doctor exclaims.

  We watch as the little skeleton wiggles and moves. My tears fall, and with them, I know I've fallen in love forever. Last time it didn’t even look like a person, more lima bean than anything else. This time it is real. I am going to have a baby.

  “Looks like you’re measuring sixteen weeks and one day, which puts your due date at September twenty-fifth. Congratulations. Next time we’ll find out the sex. That’s always a fun visit!”

  The instant the doctor pulls the wand away and the screen goes black, I want her to put it back. I want to see my baby, in there living. This thing that I didn’t want for a time, I never want to look away from.

  She wipes the goop from my belly and hands Deklan and I two printouts. “One for Mom and one for Dad. Now you can take them to work and show them off.”

  I laugh and wipe my face, then look at Deklan. He takes a deep breath, looking down at the picture in his hand. Then he looks up at the doctor and shakes her hand saying thank you. She smiles and walks out the door, telling me to make an appointment out front for one month. I sit up, as Deklan sits in the rolling chair the doctor just got up from. He hasn’t looked at me yet. He’s still examining the picture.

  I decide to give him a m
inute and fix my face in the bathroom. When I come out, he looks up at me, and smiles a brilliant smile. I take a huge breath with cautious relief.

  He stands up and wraps me in a huge, tight hug. So tight I can’t breathe, but I don’t care. It’s perfect.

  He says in my hair, “Shit just got real.”

  I bury my head in his neck and ask, “Did you shit yourself yet?”

  He laughs. “Almost, when she started moving. Scared me to death.”

  I smile. “Me too.”

  “Let’s get out of here.” He pulls away, and I go to make an appointment. The nurse tells me to make sure Dad is there, because the next appointment they will tell us the gender.

  Deklan takes my hand and opens my door when we get to the car. He still hasn’t said anything. I look at my picture for a long time, and when I look up, we’re at the beach. He turns the car off, and I jump out. Grabbing my hand, he pulls me to the sand.

  We walk in silence, and I try not to think he’s going to break up with me in our not-there-yet relationship.

  Suddenly, he turns to me. “I don’t want to freak you out. What’s going on in your head?”

  I take a deep breath and try not to freak out like he just said. “I think I’m gonna have a baby. I didn’t know what I was looking at the first time. This time it looked like a person, but the second I heard the heartbeat this time it felt like… I don’t know. Something clicked in me. I’m having a baby, and I fell in love.” My eyes water again just thinking about it.

  Deklan puts his hands on my neck and gets right in my face. “The same thing happened for me. When she jumped it all clicked together.” He studies my face. “I wanna do this. With you. If you’ll let me.”

  “You don’t want to think about it a little, or talk it out with someone first?” My heart is beating a million miles per hour.

  “No. I don’t have to think about anything. I want to have a baby with you. I knew I liked you as a person before I met you. As DD. I just didn’t know that was who was in my bed on New Year’s Eve. I knew I wanted to sleep with you again after that. I knew I wanted to date you at the club when you walked away. I know I just fell in love with our baby, today. I want to see if we can make a family. I will admit, I don’t know shit about any of this. You would be my first girlfriend. But I put a hundred and fifty percent of me into anything I do. Will you go out with me, Ali?”

  This beautiful man with his beautiful words. No wonder he can write such marvelous songs. I can’t say no when I have the chance to give my kid a full-time father, and me a partner. Not to mention we love spending time together. There’s just one thing, though.

  “What about your ‘one’, Dek?”

  His face is frustrated when he says, “Ali, I wouldn’t ask you if I didn’t think you were it for me.”

  It? AH! But I have to be sure. “Are you sure this isn’t sex withdrawals, or blue balls, or whatever?” I ask him skeptically.

  He rolls his eyes. “I know you haven’t done this relationship thing before either, so I’m trying not to get frustrated with you. But how about you try to have a little faith in me?”

  He is absolutely right, so I nod my head yes. He crushes his lips to mine and just holds it there for a second, breathing in deep.

  When he pulls his mouth away, I gaze into his bright green eyes.

  “This changes my whole world. And I want you to know, I’m not taking any of this lightly. When Tommy was showing his ultrasound pictures around, I thought it was crazy. But now I get it. And I want to show him mine, too. God, that makes me sound like a pussy. Anyway, are you ready to go public yet? I plan on spending time with you outside our dwellings. You’d probably prefer it be on our terms.”

  I’m speechless. Public? The thought of people knowing who I am terrifies me, but he’s right that I should have faith. I sigh. “Okay, you can post the golf picture.”

  He throws his head back and laughs in triumph, as he pulls me into his chest and hugs me tight around the shoulders. He kisses my hair. “Done.”

  We walk back to the car holding hands. Deklan opens my door, and when he gets in the driver’s seat, he asks, “Where you wanna go, baby?”

  I look up at him and say half-jokingly, “I would suggest my place, but judging from our first time, that would take hours, and I have to work today.” I push my lip out in a pout.

  He puts his head back on the headrest and his hands over his face groaning. “You shouldn’t have said anything! I have a late meeting with the guys tonight. Now the wait’s going to be even worse. I figured I had more dates to get in first.”

  I look over at him, shrug, and say, “I’m a slut.”

  He laughs and pulls me to him. “No, you’re just as hot for me as I am for you. Which is good to know, since you don’t say it much.”

  I say into his neck, “I suppose.”

  He pulls back and licks his tongue into my mouth before asking, “Do you want to get lunch before work?”

  I nod taking a deep breath. “Public sounds best.”

  “How public?” he asks me.

  “What do you mean like, bistro on the street, or what?” I ask back.

  “You said we should control how it comes out, publicly.” He shrugs. “We can do that. Or wait. Whichever.”

  I sit back in the seat and debate. If we’re going public, today or tomorrow won’t make a difference. Today I don’t think anything can burst this bubble of happiness we have around us. It seems like a good day to make things official in some capacity. I look back at him. “Let’s do it.”

  He smiles huge, then pulls out his phone.

  “What are you doing?” I ask him.

  “Posting the picture like you said. What’s your username?”

  I tell him and he types some more.

  “Hey, I just followed @AliDawson!” He looks up and grins.

  Oh boy, here we go. Cue the hate mail. My phone dings. I pull it out and look. I’ve been tagged on Instagram. I click on the picture and it says, 'Golfing on a Sunday with @AliDawson'.

  Faith. Right. Trying to think positive, I take a deep breath and say, “Hey, guess what?”

  He’s watching me. “What?

  “We’re having a baby.”

  He laughs and pulls me to him again and whispers sweetly in to my mouth, “Yes, we are.”

  Chapter 22

  We go to a restaurant for lunch that has tables out front toward the street. Anybody famous knows they’ll be photographed if they choose to sit out there. I get a Reuben sandwich, which is messier than most people would get if they knew it would be all over the internet, but I saw it on the menu and had to have it. Craving? Dunno.

  We eat in peace for about thirty minutes, before I see the first pap with a telephoto lens down about twenty feet away. “Here we go, suck in your gut,” I tell Deklan.

  He chuckles and picks up my hand. “You’re so beautiful, I can’t wait ‘til the whole world sees you.”

  Melt. My. Heart. I’m sure there's a dopey grin on my face, but there’s no getting it off yet. This man will make me love him. I try to make my brain work. “So, do you want to go out tonight for dinner or stay in?” I ask him.

  He looks off thinking, lounging back in his chair and rubbing his chin. “What if we went out with my mom for dinner tonight? I need to tell her before she sees it in a magazine, and she’s been dying to meet you anyway.”

  “You told her about me? What did she say?” I ask. I remember he said he had told her about the baby a couple days ago. What if she hates me?

  “Yeah, she knows about DD from the web, remember? Then I told her about Paris when I got back. She would love to meet you. She’s been waiting a long time for grandkids.” He takes a bite, all nonchalant like it’s no big deal.

  No big deal? MY parents hate me, why in the world would his mom like me? I take a steadying breath. “If you think so. Are you sure she’ll be okay with what we’re doing?”

  He grabs my hand again, rubbing my knuckles with his thumb and watch
ing me with those gorgeous green eyes. “She can’t wait, baby. She wanted you there the first night. My mom is totally cool, and she knows how I am. I’ve been waiting a long time for this, and so has she. She’ll love you, I promise.”

  Faith. I smile. “Okay.”

  After we finish lunch, there are five paparazzi that follow us to Deklan’s car. They’re asking questions, but we just get in and don't say anything. I decide to mass text my staff, giving them a gag order. I type:

  Shit’s out, no one say anything about my personal life. Shell Distortion okay. Paps out in droves. Keep it tight.

  I get back several OMGs and WTFs.

  Stacie texts back with: How did the appt. go? Good?

  I write back: We’re having a baby!

  She replies: :D YES!!!!

  I smile, and Deklan looks over at me. “Everything good?”

  I tell him about my mass text, and that everyone is on board.

  He asks me, “It’s quarter ‘til noon now, do you want me to just drop you off at our shop and pick you up tonight for dinner?”

  I agree and think my girls are going to freak seeing him in person for the first time. Maybe even Stacie.

  I give him directions and he’s semi-shocked. “I’ve driven by here a million times. I can’t believe I’ve never gone in, or how close we were this whole time.”

  I smile as I get out of the car.

  Amy sees us pull up and unlocks the door. Her smile is about to split her face. “Hi,” she chirps out in a high voice.

  I walk through the door, with Deklan holding it open right behind me. “Amy, I want you to meet my… Deklan. Deklan this is Amy, one of our interns and receptionists.”

  They shake hands and Amy looks like she might pass out, so I move along to the girls that are waiting. They all shake his hand and stay mute. He looks amused, until he spots his picture on my wall.

  He points and chuckles, throwing an arm around my shoulder. “I freaking knew it.”

  I blush, but ask, “What,” innocently.

  “You love my body. You stare at it every day. It’s back lit! HA!”

  I push him off me joking, “Shut up, there are more people up there than you. You just happen to have good art.”