Deity

by Matt Wesolowski

  —I wasn’t really thinking about that to be honest. I just wanted to find Kirsty. There was a lot of security out there. We were told it was because of crazy fans trying to get in. There were thermal-imaging cameras, night vision stuff, guard patrols, fences. I felt almost like someone was going to catch me at any moment. Tell me to leave. But I just didn’t care.

  Marie walked into the Whispering Wood alone. She tells me it wasn’t all that dark. There were bright lights at the perimeter fences and the fairy-lights wound artfully around the trees at the mansion itself.

  —I thought I’d pretty much be able to see, but once I got into the trees, it was almost jet black in there.

  —How did you know where to go?

  —I could hear that arguing, those voices on the wind. That breeze was making all the leaves hiss as well, all chattering together all around me. It was a strange sensation … it was like … Well, it felt like it was laughing at me.

  Marie pressed on, following the sounds of the voices until she reached a small ridge of rocks jutting up through a gap in the trees.

  —They hadn’t heard me coming. I’m sure of it. The wind was getting up and the whole wood was … it was whispering, I suppose. I thought it was going to be some of the girls, but it wasn’t. It was two adults. They were nearly nose to nose, going for each other.

  —Who was it?

  —It was Naomi Crystal and James Cryer, his aide. They were stood there, in the middle of that wood, going at each other. But it was funny cos it sounded like they were also trying to keep it down, trying to keep their voices low.

  —Did you catch what it was all about?

  —No. The whispering from the leaves was so loud, it covered up their voices. I saw their faces though – they were both angry.

  Then I saw something else – some movement in the trees beyond them. The ferns grow right up to your shoulders there, and it was moving away through them. It was like an animal or something. But it didn’t look right. It was black, dark against the ferns. And … rotted-looking. I mean it must have had some disease, mange or something. It was horrible. I remember it made me feel horrible. I didn’t want to look at it. I turned away and when I dared to look back, it had gone.

  Marie says she never found out what it was she saw, or indeed what it was that Naomi Crystal and James Cryer were arguing about that night. She says one of them must have heard her, because they stopped suddenly.

  —It was Naomi who called me over. I was terrified. I’d never spoken to her before. She’d only arrived at Crystal Forest the day before. I’d only ever seen her in the papers and that, you know? In the magazines. She’d just been dating that musician, the scary one, the Satanist – what was his name … He did that song, ‘Embrace your Emptiness’, I think it was called? I don’t know. I’d seen her with him in the gossip mags. She was much scarier in real life. Always wore these huge sunglasses, whatever the weather.

  Naomi Crystal has remained somewhat of an enigma in the story of her brother. Zach Crystal broke away from their act The Crystal Twins when he was twenty, in 1994. Around the same time, he hired James Cryer to become his chief aide. It’s hard not to see a link between the two. By all accounts, however, the twins’ relationship had remained cordial.

  Six Stories fans will remember the person with whom Naomi Crystal had a brief relationship in 2005, shock-rock musician Skexxixx, who was at the peak of his infamy at that time. Coincidences are funny things.

  I ask Marie if she’d noticed any tension after Naomi arrived at the mansion.

  —Now that’s an interesting one. Not tension as such, but I do remember, when she was there, he wasn’t around as much.

  —James?

  —No, Zach. Ugh, saying his name makes me feel sick. But he wasn’t. He would stay up in the tree house a bit more, perhaps.

  —What about the rest of the staff?

  —It was hard to say, really. I wasn’t paying as much attention as I probably could have been. I know that after Naomi arrived, everything was a bit more … um … how would you describe it? It was a bit like when you’re at work and the boss is there, everyone just pretends to be a bit more busy that usual. She commanded a lot of respect. She had her daughter with her too – she was around Kirsty’s age. I thought, if she was there too, then…

  —What happened when they saw you in the woods.

  —I was scared. Naomi scared me more than James. James said ‘hi’, and Naomi asked me what on earth I was doing. She was like a schoolteacher. I felt like a kid again in front of her. She told me that the forest was restricted, that I shouldn’t be there. She asked James to escort me back to the mansion. He didn’t say much. It was like he was scared of her too – he kept giving me these guilty little looks, like we were kids getting caught doing something naughty, you know? It was all very strange.

  —And you had no idea what they were arguing about?

  —None at all, and I didn’t dare ask.

  —What about the creature you saw; did you tell anyone about that?

  —No. I was supposed to as well. We were supposed to report ‘anything’ we saw in the woods, from the windows. I was just too confused and scared to say anything.

  The next day, there was a very different atmosphere at Crystal Forest. Marie says when she went down to get her breakfast the following morning, a couple of Zach Crystal’s staff approached her and asked her, in an aggressive manner, to sign another non-disclosure agreement. It was clear that she was no longer welcome in the house.

  —The atmosphere was totally different. The staff, who’d been quiet and polite before, were suddenly all around me all the time, in my way, or else telling me where to be.

  —Did Kirsty notice?

  —Not at first. She was still up in the tree house. I went to my room and found all my stuff had been shoved into my suitcases and placed out in the hall. The door was locked and when I asked the housekeeper, she said they were ‘preparing for the next guest’. It was horrible; I had just been frozen out.

  I remember wandering about looking for James Cryer, to find out what was going on. I had to before Kirsty came back. Then he found me, and his whole demeanour was different. When we arrived, he had been so kind, so welcoming. Now he was so cold, so … aloof. He wouldn’t even look me in the face. He told me it was time up, that we had to leave. I asked him what I should say to Kirsty, and he told me that was up to me, that it was my problem, not his, and then he just walked away.

  I called his name, I said, ‘Mr Cryer, what can I do to make things right?’

  He just looked at me like I was a piece of dirt on his shoe and told me we had until the end of the day to leave.

  —What did you do next?

  —What could I do? Our stuff was packed. Our time was up. I was so scared about what Kirsty would say. This was my fault. I’d ruined all of it for her. Just like I knew I would. If I’d just minded my own business maybe … maybe she’d still be here…

  It’s hard to watch Marie, sat there in this vast room with its views and thick carpet, giant TV on the wall, silent as a black eye.

  —I turned out to be the bad guy. Kirsty and my relationship wasn’t easy, but I felt that we’d been getting better, I really did. I’d never felt like she hated me, not really. Until then. When she actually said it – ‘God I hate you’ – it cut me to the bone, to the very bone. I’ve never felt pain like it.

  The two returned to their home in Perth, and were greeted by a huge surprise.

  —When we got back, all our things were gone from the flat. We didn’t have much to begin with but I remember sinking to my knees. The place was bare and there was a ‘For Rent’ sign in the front. I thought we’d been evicted. Then I get a phone call from James Cryer. He says we’ve got a new house. This place. He’d bought it for us. Zach – ‘to say thank you’.

  But I knew what he’d bought from us. I knew what he’d bought from me. And I willingly sold it to him.

  My silence.

  Kirsty wanted to have as
little to do with her mother as possible. Marie never dared ask what happened between her and Zach Crystal at Crystal Forest.

  He would occasionally call. Just to speak to Kirsty.

  —Kirsty used to laugh a lot when she spoke to him. It always cut deep, because whatever I said to her, I got rolled eyes, or a sigh … or just nothing. A part of me felt maybe he was like a father figure to her, the father that she never had. That’s why I let it go, that’s why I let it carry on.

  For her. It was always for her.

  My heart cannot help breaking for Marie at this point. Think of her what you will, but this tired old woman in a too-big armchair in this too-big house seems utterly broken.

  —After we got back, Kirsty went off the rails completely.

  Kirsty started going missing from home regularly, and when she was at home, there were rows. Marie tells me they were savage – endless screaming. The neighbours even called the police a few times, she says. Not like back in the flat. Kirsty began hanging around with a group of local troublemakers and some nights she wouldn’t return home. Marie’s overriding guilt, she says, always prevented her from properly clamping down on Kirsty’s behaviour. She was always terrified that social services would take Kirsty away again. So she let her get on with it, hoping it would stop. It never did.

  —She always said she’d seen this end coming. This break-up, this wedge between us. She always said he’d helped her see things – that bad things that were coming, and now they were here.

  —Zach Crystal has often mentioned this idea of foresight.

  —Like seeing into the future? After we got back from there, when she did talk to me, she would mention old memories she’d been able to ‘unlock’ at Crystal Forest and they were … they were strange, unnerving. Horrible really.

  —Would you be OK trying to explain them?

  Marie steels herself and speaks. With each word, it’s difficult not to react in an emotional way to the horrible familiarity of what I’m hearing.

  —She … It scared me. It kept me awake at night. I used to have to force myself not to go into her bedroom and look out of the window. In case … just in case.

  —She saw something?

  —She told me she’d been seeing … it … since she was a little girl. Whatever it was. Some kind of ghost, some kind of spirit. She said that being there and talking with the other girls, she’d found out they’d all seen it too, before bad things happened. And … and he had told them that it … that it made them special somehow, that to see it was to truly understand. I said it didn’t make sense, and that made her angry. All the rows, the fighting, the running away. It was all my fault, all of it.

  —Did you ever mention to her what you saw in the woods at Crystal Forest?

  —I wish I had … I wish I had, but I felt too guilty. I felt that Kirsty would blame me even more for us getting kicked out of there.

  Kirsty and her mother were never able to patch things up. Kirsty told Marie that Zach Crystal was the only one who could help her and that she was working on returning to Crystal Forest by herself when she was old enough. Certainly, Kirsty felt she had found solace and camaraderie there, and always strove to return. Marie tells me Kirsty told her, in the heat of a row, it was the only place she felt she ever really belonged.

  —I started hearing of all the accusations from folk – the lawsuits. He was taking people down for saying anything about him. He was ruthless. I kept my mouth shut. The rent was paid and the fridge was full. I didn’t have to work.

  And I had my daughter.

  —Where is Kirsty, today, if you don’t mind me asking?

  Marie slumps further into her chair.

  —She lost all reason, I think, when he started dating that woman, that film star, Zadie Farrow. Kirsty was inconsolable. That was the last time I held her. That was the last time I held my little girl, when she heard that news. Kirsty left for good after that happened. She was sixteen. I was always so scared that I’d hear about her on the news, that she’d end up like one of those poor lassies that got lost in the wood, trying to get to his place, you know?

  This house is what I have to show for it all. That’s why I’m still here. To remind myself of what I lost.

  Kirsty was couch surfing, living with other Zach Crystal fans, following the tours, thronging outside the venues to try and meet their idol. Kirsty, having had first-hand experience of Crystal Forest, was revered among the fan community. Marie believes she was never invited back though.

  —And that was my fault. But why? I didn’t even hear anything. It makes me think that they were just looking for an excuse to get her out of there. Maybe it was Kirsty who’d seen too much. After all this time, that’s what I think.

  —You think something happened to Kirsty at Crystal Forest?

  —I’m sorry. It’s been all these years and I still can’t bring myself to think that he … that he did something to her. But I don’t know. I’ve got no evidence, anyway.

  —Have you ever been able to talk to the parents of any of the other girls who went to Crystal Forest?

  —Never. I imagine they’re the same – that they’ve all been bought. They’re all like me now.

  —And have you heard from Kirsty since Zach Crystal died?

  —I know she went down to London for the vigil with all the other Zach Crystal fans after the fire. She lives with friends somewhere now. I think they’re fans as well. There was a whole community of them, you see. She’d met them all online, back when it all started. That’s how I know she’s OK.

  —How do you know?

  —I’m there too, online. That old computer of hers. I joined the forums too. She doesn’t know it’s me, but I’m there. A ‘lurker’. It’s all moved onto Reddit and stuff now, but I’m there. I follow it all, just so I know she’s OK. Cos somewhere, inside it all, between all the shite, I’m still trying to be a mum.

  Who can blame her, really? Who can blame Kirsty for wanting to be away from me. What a failure I am. I’ve always been. I’m no mother, I never was. All I can do is send her these recordings – I send them to her phone. Who knows if she gets them, and if she does, if she even listens? But what else can I do?

  Marie plays me the message you heard at the top of the episode and she weeps, silently. One day, she tells me, she thinks that Kirsty might come back. The swelling of negative press around Zach Crystal recently has given her some hope, she says.

  Enough not to do, as she says ‘anything stupid’.

  —It’s the only thing that’s keeping me going. I thought that when he died, something might … I don’t know, something might change.

  My big question – and I imagine it’s many of yours too – is why hasn’t Marie spoken out against Zach Crystal until now.

  She tells me it’s the fear, not of having her house taken, or the money stopping. Marie cannot jeopardise the hope she has that Kirsty will come home one day.

  So why now? Why here, why talk to me?

  I tell Marie about the newspaper article under my windscreen wiper. She nods.

  —I’ve been there, to that place, I’ve met him. I know what kind of power he has … or had. No, ‘has’ is right. That power hasn’t gone, just because he’s dead. But it feels now like those powers … they’re starting to fade.

  All of us – all of us shite mothers, who’ve been crucified in the press; all of those girls, like Kirsty, who’ve been called worse than shite, who’re told they’re leading folk on, that they deserved it; all of us – each one of us is a snowflake, that’s what they say isn’t it? You’re a snowflake.

  Enough snowflakes together, well, they make an avalanche. Isn’t that right?

  And when the avalanche is over, I’ll be searching through it for my daughter. I think he made her believe that there was something terrible on the horizon that only she and a select few could see. But he never saw all this, did he?

  You know that video? The one that came out, the one with those poor girls in the forest? Maybe it’s fake?
I don’t know.

  —Yes I know. So you’ve seen it too? What did it make you think?

  —I thought I wouldn’t be able to watch it – I thought it would be too much. But actually it made me wonder something. While everyone else is arguing about whether it’s real or not, I was thinking something else.

  What if those two weren’t trying to get into Crystal Forest at all?

  What if they were trying to get out?

  I’m sad that Marie Owen has not felt able to tell her story until now. I believe as she does, that this is the beginning of a whole lot of attention for her. She tells me that it’s been so many years since her daughter left, and simply waiting for her to come back has not worked. It’s time to try a new approach. Maybe Kirsty will hear this, see the other things Marie will most likely take part in – documentaries perhaps – and change her mind. And maybe she won’t.

  As for what Marie says about the video, I can’t speculate. So far I’ve heard no evidence that either Lulu Copeland or Jessica Morton were among Zach Crystal’s ‘special girls’. But after talking to Craig Kerr last episode, the aggressive silence and secrecy that surrounded Crystal could have covered up anything. Perhaps this was why the story of Lulu and Jessica never made the headlines that it should. The official cause of death was exposure, but that has been roundly disparaged, and there are also rumours that the claims of cannibalism came from Crystal’s own team. I wonder if this strange repetition of the story of the Whispering Wood was yet another cautionary tale; a warning from Crystal to leave well alone?