“Frankly, I am. The other morning you said you never wanted to see me again. You were emphatic about it, remember?”
“I remember.” Her throat was so tight the words came out in a hoarse whisper. “I said a lot of things that morning. All of them wrong.”
Like a golden ray of sunshine peeking through a rain cloud, hope entered Lucas’s heart. “You didn’t think you were wrong. You were pretty vehement about making your feelings clear to me.”
Lucas obviously wasn’t going to make this apology easy for her, and Jenny could hardly blame him. She’d hurt him badly and she hated herself for that.
Turning, she bravely met his dark, searching gaze. “I guess you must hate me now.”
Hate her? Dear God, he loved her wildly, utterly, and nothing could change that. Still, he wasn’t about to stand here and put his heart on the line again. Not until he knew what was going on in that beautiful head of hers.
“I don’t hate anyone. Especially you.”
She took several steps toward him, then stopped. “Lucas, on the way out here I thought of so many things I wanted to say to you, but now I don’t know how to say any of them.” Her hands lifted, then fell helplessly back to her sides. “I don’t know how to explain what happened to me, because I don’t really understand it myself.”
Lucas could see her eyes begging him to open his mind and his heart to her. And suddenly he could stand it no longer. He closed the gap between them and gently cupped her face with his hands.
“Jenny.” He spoke softly. “I suspect you’ve spent the biggest part of your life being afraid. Of not having a real mother or father, of Marcus’s violence, and then later of being alone. Please don’t be afraid of me now.”
Something inside Jenny gave way and suddenly her heart wasn’t cloaked in darkness anymore. Lucas understood! He must have all along, but she’d been too blinded by the past to see it.
Reaching up, she wrapped her fingers around his forearms and held on tightly. “Oh, Lucas, today when I saw Savanna, I—” A flood of emotions suddenly choked her and it was a moment before she could go on. “She was fighting so valiantly for her unborn child, but do you know that she called me the brave one?”
Jenny shook her head before he could make a reply. “I’d never felt like such a hypocrite. And then on the way home I kept thinking about you and all that I’d lost by pushing you out of my life. And I knew I’d done it because I was afraid. For the past five years I’d tried my best to forget I was a woman. I was content just to be a cop. Then you came along and woke me up. You reminded me that I am a woman with a woman’s needs. And that scared me to the bone.”
Her lips were trembling, her voice quivering. The need to comfort her was too strong to resist. Lucas pulled her tightly against his chest and stroked the crown of her head.
“So what did make you decide to drive out here to see me today?”
The circle of his arms around her, the hard warmth of his chest beneath her cheek were like heaven, a warm loving place Jenny never wanted to leave.
“I heard Marcus’s voice,” she said flatly.
His brows puckered, he eased her back and looked into her face. “You heard Marcus’s voice?”
Her admission had obviously stunned him. Jenny knew it sounded crazy, even a bit paranormal, but she didn’t care. It had opened her eyes.
Nodding, she said, “At first I thought he was sitting in the car beside me. And then it dawned on me that he was in my head. And that he’d been there all this time, reminding me how worthless I was as a wife and a lover, telling me that there was no point in trying to have a life with you because I could never make you happy.”
“And you believed him?” he asked incredulously. “Even though he’s been gone all these years, you were still letting him dictate to you?”
Jenny knew it was hard for him to believe. It would be hard for anyone to fathom, unless they’d been through the same things she’d endured.
“You know, Lucas, all these years, even while I was married to Marcus, I thought I had a mind, a will of my own. I did my best to fight back and defend myself. I did my best to break away and build a life on my own. And I did—to a certain extent. But I guess after a woman has been browbeaten and degraded for so long, it does something to her thinking, not to mention her self-esteem.”
“Captain Morgan told me you were one of the best officers on his force. How could you think of yourself as a failure?”
Jenny shrugged. “Oh, I’ve always been confident as a cop, because that was the one aspect of my life that Marcus couldn’t enter. But as a wife and lover, I felt very inept. So when you proposed marriage, all I could see was my failings.”
Lucas shook his head in wondrous disbelief. “The last thing I figured you needed was to hear your ex-husband talking in your ear. But now—well, all I can say is I’m glad he did.”
With hopeful, tentative fingers, she reached up and touched his face. “Does that mean you’ll forgive me for being such a blind fool? Can you still love me, or have I managed to destroy all that you ever felt for me?”
Groaning, he buried his face in the side of her neck. She felt warm and wonderful, and her scent reminded him of a bed of spring rosebuds just waiting to burst into bloom.
“You hurt me, Jenny. I won’t deny that. But I never stopped loving you. And if you hadn’t come to me soon, I would have found some way to make you see the light. I didn’t know how I was going to win you over. But I hadn’t given up.”
Jenny clutched him close, wondering how she could be so lucky to have a man like Lucas love her.
“You mean you hadn’t written me off?”
His hands began to roam her back, then tunnel into her hair. Tipping her head back, he lowered his lips close to hers. “You really didn’t think I could write you off, did you?”
She nodded and he was reminded once again of how little worth she placed on herself. “I was afraid you had already started looking for that strong woman you’ve always wanted.”
Lucas suddenly smiled, and like the wind after the rain, Jenny’s doubts blew away and brilliant sunshine poured into her heart.
“Oh, Lucas, I love you. I’m going to spend the rest of my life showing you how much.”
Words had ceased to be enough for Lucas. His lips hungrily took hers. His hands crushed her tightly against him. For long moments the kiss spoke for both of them. And they each said, “I love you.”
When Lucas finally lifted his head, Jenny let out a breathless laugh. “It feels wonderful to be a woman again.”
Lucas’s dark eyes glinted sexily. “You feel pretty wonderful to me,” he assured her, then his face grew serious and he gently traced a loving circle on her cheek. “I know it took courage for you to come to me like this and open yourself up. Now I’ve got to be just as brave and tell you that if you still want to be a cop after we marry, then that’s what I want you to do. I don’t ever want to be guilty of taking anything from you, Jenny. I want to give to you. Everything. Anything you want. And that includes you being a police officer.”
She couldn’t believe Lucas loved her that much. It was hard for her to imagine that any man would put her wants before his own. But Lucas was special. Maybe that’s why she’d been so struck by him that first day she’d met him.
“You’d worry about me,” she pointed out. “You’d constantly be afraid you might lose me the same way you lost your friend.”
Lucas nodded gravely. “Yes. But I’d learn to deal with it. You’ve survived ten years on the force. I’m hoping like hell you can make it through the next ten without meeting up with a bullet or a knife blade.”
Jenny shook her head at him, then, smiling, she pressed her cheek against his. “Being a cop these past ten years was good for me. At the time it was the right thing for me to do. But not now. These next ten years you’ll not see me in a blue uniform. All I want is to be your wife and, I hope, the mother of your children.”
Taking her by the shoulders, he looked deep i
nto her eyes. “Are you sure?”
“I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life!”
The firm resolution in her voice told Lucas he had to believe her. Laughing with pure joy, he lifted Jenny off her feet and kissed her soundly on the lips.
His eyes sparkling down at her, he said, “Jenny, darling, the Ray Lowrimore House is opening its doors a week before Christmas. My father is flying up for the ceremony and then I’d planned to drive him back to Florida and stay there through the holiday. Do you think you might want to spend our Christmas honeymoon on a warm, sandy beach? Or would you rather head to the cold and the snow?”
Rising on tiptoe, she slid her arms around his neck. “I’ve had enough cold emptiness in my life to last a lifetime. Give me heat. I’ll be ready,” she told him, then with an impish smile she added, “as soon as I buy a new swimsuit.”
His grin was devilish. “A bikini?”
She looked shocked. “I’m too old for one of those, Lucas!”
Laughing under his breath, Lucas said, “You’re not too old for anything, darlin’, and I’m going to enjoy every second of proving it to you.”
He kissed her again, then Jenny glanced regretfully around the room. “I wish you had a phone here. I’d call Savanna and tell her the good news.”
“Your wish is my command,” he said gladly.
His arm snug around her waist, Lucas guided her to the kitchen. “Since I planned to stay here over the weekend, I brought my cellular phone with me,” he explained.
Jenny jerked off her coat, then dived for the instrument on the counter.
“You’re sure you don’t mind? I mean, calls on these things are outrageous!”
Lucas laughed and picked up the receiver. “Jenny, you’re forgetting I’m a man who doesn’t have to count his pennies.”
“Oh, I forgot,” she said, with sudden understanding.
A wry smile on his face, he said, “At least I know you’re not marrying me for my money.”
“No. My reasons are purely selfish. I love you.”
To reward her, he got the hospital on the line, then handed her the receiver. By the time Savanna answered, Jenny was practically bouncing on her toes with excitement.
“Savanna, it’s Jenny. How are you feeling?”
“Oh, Jenny, I’m so glad you called! Joe’s been trying to get you all evening. We wanted to let you know the results of the test the doctors ran earlier today are back and we got good news.”
“Really? Tell me,” Jenny urged.
“There’s been no harm to the baby and the pains were brought on by a hormonal imbalance.”
“Isn’t that bad?”
“Not when it’s something that can easily be taken care of with medication. The doctor said now that he knows what the problem is, he can safely treat it and I should expect to deliver a healthy baby boy in four months.”
Relief and joy flooded through Jenny. Glancing at Lucas, she silently mouthed that Savanna was going to be all right.
“Thank God, Savanna. I’m so happy for all of you.” Jenny smiled at Lucas and he gave her a happy wink. “So do you think you can stand some more good news?”
“Good news? What is it? You’re being promoted?”
Jenny laughed. “You might say that.”
“Jen, you’re actually laughing. And your voice, it just doesn’t sound like you at all. What’s going on?”
“Do you think that little boy of yours would appreciate having a new cousin to play with?”
Clearly confused, Savanna answered, “I’m sure he would. But since Joe and I have no brothers or sisters, I don’t see that happening.”
“Well, just give me and Lucas a few months and it will happen.”
“Jenny! Are you saying—are you and Lucas going to get married after all?”
Like a bubbling fountain, Jenny quickly went on to tell Savanna the plans that she and Lucas had made so far. By the time Jenny hung up the phone both women were crying tears of joy.
Lucas wiped Jenny’s face and led her into the dining room and over to the large bay window. “Do you remember when I asked you about building a window seat here?”
Jenny nodded with fond remembrance. “I told you I’d never had a house with a window seat. I told you I’d never even had a house!”
The sound of her happy laughter filled him up, and he knew with Jenny in his life, he’d never feel empty again. Hugging her close, he said, “Well, now we’re going to sit here together, drink our coffee and watch our children play in the yard.”
For long moments they both stood looking out the window and simply marveling at the idea of being together for the rest of their lives.
“You know,” Lucas said after a while, “I’ve got to hire a crew of carpenters out here to get this place ready for us to move into. Spring will be here before we know it and I want us to be living here when the redbud begins to blossom.” He glanced at her as something else struck him. “Jenny, about the barn I’m turning into a shelter.”
She looked at him eagerly. “Yes?”
“There will be a hired staff to run it and care for the children. But if you think it’s too close, if you’re afraid the shelter will invade our lives, I’ll find another place to build it.”
Jenny swiftly shook her head. “No! I’d never want you to do that. Your generosity and concern for those kids are part of the reason I love you. In fact,” she went on, her expression growing thoughtful, “you probably know yourself that a lot of those children you help have abused mothers. If there was room for, say, two or three women to stay in the shelter, too, I would love to have the chance to help those women. What do you think?”
At that moment, Lucas couldn’t have been more proud of her.
Drawing her gently into his arms, he said, “I think I was right about you that very first day you walked up and ordered me to get out of my car. You’re a hell of a woman, Jenny.”
Her eyes softly inviting, she reached up and tugged his head down to hers. “And you’re one good man, Lucas Lowrimore.”
* * * * *
eISBN 978-14592-7987-2
WANTED: WIFE
Copyright © 1996 by Stella Bagwell
All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, is forbidden without the written permission of the editorial office. Silhouette Books. 300 East 42nd Street, New York, NY 10017 U.S.A.
All characters in this book have no existence outside the imagination of the author and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all incidents are pure invention.
This edition published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A.
® and TM are trademarks of Harlequin Books S.A., used under license. Trademarks indicated with ® are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office, the Canadian Trade Marks Office and in other countries.
Printed in U.S.A.
Table of Contents
Cover Page
Excerpt
Dear Reader
Title Page
Dedication
Other Books By
About the Author
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Copyright
h friends
Wanted: Wife Page 16