Lilah muttered a curse word that Lucas had never heard her use before. “If you think that about Jenny, then she’s better off without you!”
The older woman walked to the door, then paused with her hand on the knob. “Don’t bother coming out to look at the Christmas tree I just decorated. You wouldn’t appreciate it anyway.”
“Christmas tree!” he shouted. “Hell, Lilah, it isn’t even December yet!”
She peered at him over the rims of her rhinestone-studded glasses. “Sorry, Lucas, but it’s been December for five days now.”
Dumbfounded, Lucas watched his secretary close the door behind her. He hadn’t even realized it was December! Had his thoughts been that consumed with Jenny?
Yes! She was in his mind every moment of every day. He missed her. And though he’d vowed to put her out of his life, Lucas couldn’t seem to push her out of his thoughts. He kept envisioning her in the farmhouse, ‘the pleasure he’d seen in her eyes as she walked through the rooms, the wistful look on her face when he’d talked about having children.
Even though he’d made an angry vow to comply with her wishes to stay away, this past week he’d found himself wanting to pick up the phone and dial her number. More than twice he’d found himself driving toward her apartment, only to turn back before he reached it. Lucas didn’t know why he wanted her so. She’d done her best to spurn him, and a man’s ego could only take so much rejection. But even the fact that she threatened to get a restraining order against him hadn’t quelled his love for her.
His heart was totally and irrevocably lost to her. So what was he going to do about it?
Puffing heavily, Jenny lugged the ten-speed bicycle through the door of her apartment, then after pausing for a few needed breaths, she rolled it into the bedroom and rested it in an out-of-the-way spot.
She’d ridden five miles this morning. Normally that distance was a breeze for her, but today her lungs were burning and her legs felt like two wet noodles.
She was out of shape, she thought disgustedly. For the past month she’d been lax about exercising. Usually she made a point of either riding her bike or working out at the gym. But ever since Lucas had entered upon the scene, it seemed her schedule had ceased to exist.
She didn’t know why. She hadn’t spent that much time with the man. But what time you weren’t with the man, you were thinking about him. And you’re still thinking about him.
Wearily, she tugged a hooded sweatshirt over her head, used it to wipe the perspiration from her face, then tossed it in a nearby hamper.
It had been a week since Lucas had walked up on her in the police station parking lot. Jenny had never gone through such a miserable seven days in her life.
She’d believed that once she cut all ties with Lucas and was away from him long enough to step back and take a hard look at things, she’d be able to see how right she’d been to end their relationship.
Well, these past few days, she’d done her best to step back and look. She’d tried to see the rightness of her decision to stay out of his life, but her heart kept getting in the way.
Jenny had always believed her job would remain the most important thing in her life. She’d always thought being a policewoman would be enough for her. But this past week, her job had been more like drudgery than salvation. She’d worked her shifts automatically, relying on years of habit to get her through. She’d made no mistakes. But the luster and enjoyment were gone, and Jenny seriously doubted they would ever return.
She walked to the dresser, leaned toward the mirror and peered closely at her face. Jenny had never been a vain person. Other than when she was dabbing on a little makeup, she rarely ever looked in the mirror. Certainly, she’d never thought of herself as beautiful or desirable. After Marcus, those things had ceased to be important to her.
Her fingertips lightly traced the fine lines at the corners of her eyes and mouth, the pale freckles across her nose. Lucas had kissed her face, touched it as though it was lovelier than a summer sunset.
Stepping back, she looked at the shape of her body outlined by a pair of Lycra exercise pants and tank top. She was still slender, her biological clock still ticking at an orderly pace.
Jenny had long ago ceased to think of herself as a mother. But loving Lucas had made all those maternal longings come back to her. Could she be a mother? If she laid down her badge and gun and quit working the streets, would she have the right amount of softness and tenderness to nurture a baby?
Her hands drifted down to rest against her lower belly. What would it be like to have Lucas’s baby growing inside her? How would it feel to finally hold their child in her arms and know they had created it out of love?
Love! Damn, Jenny, you loved Marcus once, too. Look what that got you. There were no babies or happily ever after!
Disgusted for letting her thoughts get so out of hand, Jenny whirled away from the mirror and headed for the shower. Her future didn’t include a husband and babies. It would be only herself and eventually a twenty-year pin for service well done. Wasn’t that what she wanted?
A few minutes later, as Jenny stepped out of the shower, the telephone rang. Knotting the towel between her breasts, she hurried over to the nightstand to answer it.
“Hello.”
“Jenny,” a man’s voice said to her, “this is Joe McCann.”
“Oh, hi, Joe,” she said to Savanna’s husband. “How are you?”
“I’m—well, actually I don’t know how I am.”
Jenny was suddenly uneasy. “Is anything wrong, Joe? It isn’t Savanna, is it?”
He let out a heavy sigh. “I’m afraid it is. That’s why I’m calling. She’s in the hospital and I thought you’d want to know.”
Sweet, dear Savanna in the hospital? Why, the two of them had gone shopping only a few days ago. Savanna had bought a stack of maternity clothes and promised to give them to Jenny once she had the baby. Jenny had told her to quit dreaming, but Savanna had simply laughed that bubbly laugh of hers.
“What’s wrong, Joe? Dear God, she hasn’t lost the baby, has she?”
“No. Not yet. But the doctors are very concerned. They’re afraid the pains she’s experiencing are labor pains.”
Jenny drew in a sharp breath. “But it’s too early! If she goes into labor now—” She couldn’t bring herself to finish.
Joe did it for her. “I know, Jenny. At this point, the baby wouldn’t survive. But I’m praying that won’t happen.”
The anguish in Joe’s voice ripped right through Jenny. “Of course you are. And I’ll be praying, too.”
“Thank you for that, Jenny. And I’d like to ask something else of you, if I could?”
“Ask it. Anything,” she assured him.
“Well, right now Savanna is pretty scared and the doctor said the last thing she needs is any sort of mental stress. I thought if you came and talked with her, it would bolster her spirits.”
“There wasn’t any need for you to ask. I’ll be there. What hospital is she in?”
He gave her the name. Jenny closed her eyes and sent up a quick little prayer.
“I’ll be there in a few minutes,” she promised.
After Jenny hung up the phone, she quickly dressed, then headed to the hospital. When she entered. Savanna’s room, she found her friend white-faced and gripping Joe’s hand. Megan was sitting on the edge of her stepmother’s bed. It was obvious the teenager was struggling to hold back the tears.
With sudden insight, Jenny knew that if Savanna was to lose this child, she wouldn’t be the only one to suffer. Joe and Megan would be shattered too. That was the way of things in a tightly knit family. When one member hurt, so did the rest.
“Megan, now that Jenny is here, why don’t you and I go down for a cup of coffee?”
The teenager frowned at her father. “Daddy, I don’t drink coffee!”
The three adults smiled. Joe said, “Okay, honey, you can have a cola. And these two women can have a little time to themselves.”
“Sure, Daddy.” Megan leaned over and kissed Savanna’s cheek. “See you in a little bit.”
Joe pressed a kiss to Savanna’s forehead, then quietly led Megan out of the room.
Once they were gone, Jenny ignored the plastic chair by the bed. Instead she sat on the edge of the mattress and took Savanna’s hand in hers.
“What are you doing giving me a scare like this?”
Savanna struggled to smile. “I thought you needed a little excitement in your life.”
Jenny made a face at her. “I could do without this kind. How are you feeling?”
A worried frown puckered Savanna’s face. “All right, for the moment. At least I’m not having any pains.”
Jenny reached up and brushed at Savanna’s tousled bangs. “You’re going to be fine. You and the baby.”
Tears welled up in Savanna’s brown eyes. “Oh, Jen,” she whispered, “I’m so scared. I want this baby so badly. So does Joe. If I lose it—”
“Hush that sort of talk! You’re not going to lose the baby. You’re going to do what the doctors tell you to do and you’re going to get through this. Do you hear me?”
A wan smile touched Savanna’s lips. “Yes, Officer Prescott.”
“That’s better. I don’t want to hear any more negative talk out of you. I want you to lay there and think about how fat you’re going to be in a couple of months. Fat and beautiful.”
“Oh, Jen, I wish I could be as strong and brave as you are.”
To hear Lucas tell it, she had the courage of a field mouse. And looking back on her behavior this past month, she was beginning to agree with him. “Savanna, you’re far braver than I ever thought about being.”
Savanna knowingly shook her head. “Oh, no. You’re the bravest woman I’ve ever known. And not because of your job. A woman who’s been through what you have has to be courageous. So don’t try to act humble with me.”
Dear Lord, this woman was lying here facing something far more frightening than anything Jenny had ever come up against, and yet she was calling Jenny brave and courageous. It made her feel like a cowardly hypocrite.
“Believe me, Savanna, you have all the courage you need to get through this. So show it to me and give me a smile. A real one. Not one of those sickly little things I saw when I first walked in.”
Savanna’s lips curved at the corners, then slowly spread into a wide smile. “You’re a wonderful friend, Jenny. And you’re right. I am going to get through this.”
Jenny stayed with Savanna for the rest of the afternoon, then deciding her friend needed rest more than company, she drove to her apartment. On the way, Jenny noticed Christmas decorations were going up in yards and windows. It made her wonder if Savanna would still be safely carrying her child when the holiday arrived. Dear Lord, she hoped so.
And Lucas, what would he be doing on Christmas day? Spending it in Florida with his father, she supposed.
You’d like that trip, Jenny.
Lucas’s voice whispered through her mind like the call of a lonesome dove, and her heart began to weep for Savanna and Joe and what they might lose. It cried, too, for herself and Lucas and things that could never be.
You’re the bravest woman I know.
This time it was Savanna’s words that taunted her as she parked the car, then let her forehead fall wearily against the steering wheel. I’m not brave, Jenny silently cried. It was wrong for anyone to think she was! If she had any courage at all, she would have never pushed Lucas out of her life. She would have put her hand in his and held on for all she was worth.
That’s just the trouble. You’re not worth anything.
Jenny’s face went white as she lifted her head and looked all around her. That wasn’t herself talking. That was Marcus!
Six years ago Jenny was sure she’d gotten free of him. But now she knew she’d only rid herself of his physical presence, his fist and his vicious mouth. But his memory had hung around to haunt and intimidate her. Only now, at this very moment, did Jenny realize that Marcus was still having his way with her, still controlling her life. Wouldn’t he be thrilled to know that, she thought with disgust.
Well, no more! She was stronger and braver than that. Savanna believed it of her. So had Lucas, once. Jenny had to believe it, too.
Marcus was in prison now. He could no longer harm her. And even if he was released, she wouldn’t run scared. She’d survived the torture he’d put her through. She could survive anything. She could see that clearly now. But if Lucas hadn’t come into her life and shown her what true love was really all about, she might not have ever realized any of this about herself. She might have gone on letting the past darken her future.
Climbing out of the car, she hurried into her apartment and snatched up the phone book. She had to call Lucas. If he never wanted to see her again, she would understand that she was too late. But she had to at least tell him how wrong she’d been.
Her hands shaking, she punched out his home number and waited for the sound of his voice. To her disappointment, it came over an answering machine. Ignoring the invitation to leave a message, she hung up the phone and dialed the offices of L.L. Freight.
“Mr. Lowrimore won’t be back in his office until Monday,” a woman on the other end told her.
This was only Friday. She couldn’t wait that long! “Do you know where I might contact him?”
“I’m afraid not. His secretary might be able to tell you. But she’s already gone home for the day.”
Jenny thanked the woman and hung up. Lilah would know where to find him.
Jenny crossed her fingers that the woman wasn’t out shopping.
“Lilah here,” the older woman said cheerfully.
“Lilah, this is Jenny Prescott.”
There was a pregnant pause, then she said, “It’s good to hear from you, Jenny. How are you doing?”
“Fine now,” she said with firm resolution. “The reason I’m calling is Lucas. Do you know where I can find him? Is he out of town?”
Lilah let out a huge sigh of relief. “Oh, thank heavens! You’re really going to see Lucas?”
“Yes. I—oh, Lilah, I’ve been a hundred kinds of fools. Do you think there’s any chance he might still want to see me?”
“Jenny, I don’t know what went on between you two, but whatever it was has had Lucas behaving strangely. I truly thought that by now he would have already tried to contact you.”
“I told him not to.”
“Yes, but Lucas never has been one to abide by the rules.”
In spite of everything, Jenny’s heart began to beat with hope. “Do you think he might still care for me?”
“Oh, my dear, I know he does. Now go to him. He’s out at his farmhouse and intends to stay there until Sunday evening.”
“I’m on my way!”
Chapter Eleven
Jenny had forgotten how long the drive was to Lucas’s house in the country. Or maybe her anxiousness to get there made it seem more like fifty miles rather than twenty-five before she finally reached the drive to the old homestead.
She found Lucas’s black truck parked next to the giant sycamore she remembered from her earlier visit. Jenny, parked beside the pickup, then walked slowly up the steps and across the long porch.
A power saw was buzzing loudly in a. nearby room. Jenny waited until it quieted, then knocked. A moment later, footsteps grew closer and then Lucas was standing in front of her. Sawdust covered his old jeans and navy blue sweatshirt, and his beard looked as though he’d forgotten to shave for several days, but to Jenny, he’d never looked better.
“Jenny!”
“Hello, Lucas.”
Her heart pounding, she waited for him to say something. When he failed to make any sort of reply, she said, “Lilah told me you were here. May I come in?”
He hesitated only for a moment, then stepped to one side and allowed her passage into the house. Jenny was immediately struck by the smell of fresh sawdust, paint and justbrewed coffee. Th
e scents took her back to when Lucas had first brought her to this place. He’d had hopes and plans then, and those plans had included her. Why had she been so afraid to love this man? Now it was probably too late to ever have a future with him, she thought with bitter regret.
At the sound of the door shutting behind her, Jenny turned to face him. He looked at her, his gaze cautious and questioning. He obviously didn’t trust her, and the idea made her sick with regret.
“Why are you here?” he finally asked.
She swallowed at the lump that had suddenly lodged in her throat. “I wanted to talk to you.”
His dark brows lifted mockingly. “Just like that?”
She nodded. “Just like that.”
Lucas let his eyes travel slowly over her flushed cheeks and windblown hair, her red coat and black leather dress boots. She was even more beautiful than he remembered, and just looking at her was like a feast to his starving heart.
“I see you’re not wearing your uniform, so apparently you’re not here to arrest me.”
Her nostrils flared at his sarcasm. “This was my day off. I’ve spent the afternoon at the hospital.”
His eyes narrowed. “Hospital? Why?”
“My friend Savanna is in danger of losing her baby.”
He looked properly chagrined. “I’m sorry.”
“Yes. I am, too. But I’m hoping with everything inside me that she and the baby will be all right.”
“I hope so, too.”
The sincerity in his voice was real and touched the deepest part of her. “Thank you, Lucas. That means a lot to me.”
He took a step toward her. “Does it really, Jenny?”
Suddenly the sight of him plus the torture she’d put herself through this past week were too much for her. She turned her back to him and covered her face with both hands.
“Jenny?”
She drew in a bracing breath and tried to quell her trembling nerves. “I know—I guess you’re wondering what I’m doing here.”
Lucas should have gotten satisfaction from the pain he heard in her voice. After all, she’d torn his heart out when she’d ordered him to stay away from her. But exacting revenge on Jenny wasn’t what he wanted.
Wanted: Wife Page 15