Hold Me Close

by Rosalind James

  It’s just because you’re tired, she told herself when she turned for home. She was going to have to get used to waking with him, then going back to bed for another couple hours’ sleep, and she would. That was a small thing, an easy thing.

  Eli would be starting school with friends around him, beginning a school year where he could feel safe, where he could come home and know that his mother would be safe, too. That she wouldn’t be moving stiffly, trying to smile, trying to hide another bruise. This year, he could forget sometimes like a normal kid did, drop his backpack by the door, make his bed sloppily, leave a door ajar or the towel crooked on the rack without her hurrying after him to fix it so she wouldn’t pay the price, and so he wouldn’t have to know she had. However many worries she still had, and even if she couldn’t entirely hide them from him, it was so much better.

  She stopped at Luke’s yard to pet Daisy, opening the gate with a surge of bravado that she knew she could only manage because Luke wasn’t home. She went into the yard and crouched down, and the dog snuggled close, her feathery tail wagging furiously, then rolled over.

  Kayla felt the tears prick behind her eyelids as she rubbed Daisy’s soft belly. Things were better, yes. But they still weren’t easy. And she already missed her boy.

  On Saturday, they both slept in, and then she made pancakes, their new ritual.

  “We should do something fun today,” she told Eli. “It’s so nice out, how about going to the park and having a picnic dinner? You could invite Cody. He’s probably just as sad as you are that the pool’s closed.”

  “People don’t have picnics for dinner, though.”

  “Maybe some people don’t. Doesn’t mean we can’t. We get to do anything we want. Make our own rules. We’re free spirits.”

  He smiled a little at that. “That sounds cool. But, Mom . . .”

  “What?

  “I need to buy school supplies today. There’s a list.”

  “Oh. All right.” She tried to say it briskly, even as her heart sank. “Show me.”

  He ran for his backpack, pulled out the sheet of paper, and handed it to her. She cast her eye down it. Ruler. Colored pencils. Pencils. Pens. Notebook paper. Folders. It just went on and on, fifteen or more items in all.

  “But it’s all right,” Eli said. “Because, Mom, look.” He went to the dresser and pulled out the plastic bag with his money. “Luke paid me for this week, and there’s an extra ten dollars for last weekend. I’ve got sixty dollars. I don’t think it would cost more than sixty dollars, do you?”

  “That’s your bike money, though. You’re saving. Our optimistic plan.” She tried to smile. “It’ll be OK. We’ll figure it out.”

  “I can still save, though,” he argued. “I can save ten dollars a week, maybe, for my bike, and we can use the rest for stuff we need. Ten dollars a week is forty dollars a month. And forty dollars a month for six months is . . .”

  “Four times six,” she coached. “And then add the zero.”

  “Two hundred forty dollars! And then it’ll be spring again, right?” He counted on his fingers for that one. “March. So, see, when it’s spring, I bet I’ll have enough for a bike. If Luke still wants me to play with Daisy. And if we don’t need the money.”

  If he helps out, he feels stronger. It still didn’t seem right to her, but maybe Luke was right. And they did need the money.

  “All right,” she said. “We’ll go to Walmart. We’ll take a hike out there this morning. And tonight? We’re going to have that picnic. We’ll celebrate you being a breadwinner.”

  “What’s a breadwinner?”

  “That’s somebody who provides for his family. And that’s you.”

  “Well, it’s you, mostly,” he pointed out.

  “Yep. It’s both of us.” She smoothed a hand over his hair. “Two breadwinners.”

  This time, Luke didn’t have to wonder why he recognized them. He just did. He pulled to the side of the road and hopped on out of the truck.

  “Where are you two off to?” he asked. “Need a ride?”

  “Hi, Luke,” Eli said. “We’re going to Walmart.”

  Quite a ways out there, and nobody’s idea of a pleasant walk. “Well, as it happens,” he said, “I’m headed out that way myself. Got to buy dog food, because somebody’s been wearing this animal out. She’s been eating like a Rottweiler.”

  “You brought Daisy!” Eli said with delight. The little dog was indeed at the partially open window, her front paws up on the edge, her nose sticking out. She let out a woof at the sight of Eli, and Luke could tell her tail was going like a bandit.

  “Yep. She knows she can sucker the clerk out of cookies, is why. She’s good at getting her way. I told her it’d be too warm in the truck, and she looked at me like, ‘Well, I guess you’d better park in the shade, huh, big boy? Because I’m coming.’” He sighed and shook his head, and Eli laughed. “Women. They get what they want. At least from me, because it’s like I said.”

  “You’re a sucker for a pretty woman,” Eli said, and giggled.

  “Good memory you’ve got there,” he said. Kayla was smiling, to his relief. “What do you say?” he asked her. “Like a ride?” Casual this time. Just a ride, and nothing else.

  It worked, too, because she said, “Sure. Thanks.”

  A couple quick strides, and he was reaching out and opening the passenger door before she had second thoughts. “Then hop on up. Eli, you’re in charge of Daisy. Your mom doesn’t need dog hair all over that pretty dress.”

  It was the green one again, and when Eli had climbed up into the cab and urged Daisy into his lap, Kayla was hoisting herself up there, and Luke was getting a very nice view of some very nice legs. He slammed the door behind the two of them and headed around to hop in.

  Easy, boy. She’d scare off in a heartbeat, and he knew it. Good neighbor, he reminded himself. Nice guy. Friend.

  But, damn, it was hard to do. “Want to come to the pet store with me?” he asked the two of them as he put the truck in gear and pulled out again. “Before Walmart? I need a few groceries myself. We stick together, I can give you a lift home, too. You could buy some of the heavy stuff.”

  “We don’t want to keep you,” Kayla said.

  You can keep me. “Nah. I’m all yours. It’s Saturday. Free time for free people.”

  “That’s what I was just thinking this morning,” she said.

  “Then come with me and help me out. You can help me pick Daisy out a toy,” he told Eli. “Because—”

  “Because she wants one,” Eli finished for him.

  “Yep. She wants a toy, and a bone, too. Just help me drag her out of there before she catches sight of those dog sweaters. I am not putting my dog in some pink sweater, I don’t care how much she begs.”

  Eli was laughing again, and so was Kayla, when Luke pulled into the parking lot. And when they left the store, Daisy had a plush hedgehog and a bone that Eli was carrying in a plastic bag, and Luke had two forty-pound sacks of dog food that he tossed into the bed of his rig.

  “Right,” he said, “Walmart,” and they got back in again and drove there. He found a shady spot in the back for Daisy, left her with the windows open, a dish of water, “and not your new bone,” he told her, “because you can just wait, missy. It’s all gimme, gimme, gimme with you, isn’t it?”

  Eli laughed again, and Luke said, “Toss that bag in the back, or she’ll get it no matter what I tell her,” and they headed on into the store, where Luke grabbed a cart and Kayla did, too. He was shopping with a woman, the kind of stuff he never did, and what was worse, he was going to enjoy it.

  “Want us to meet you up front?” Kayla asked him.

  “Nah. Too hard to find anybody again in this barn. I’ll come with you. My list is probably longer than yours, anyway.”

  “You’ve got a list? I’m impressed. Most me
n don’t make a grocery list.”

  “Well, a mental list,” he said, and she was definitely laughing now.

  “So no room for impulse buys on there?” she asked, and, yes, Kayla was teasing him, looking so cute doing it. “No, oh, any one of the thousand things that were put into stores just for men to buy? No beef jerky? No pretzels and fancy mustard? No three-pack of T-shirts that you don’t really need, but it’s only ten dollars?”

  “Well, a man’s got to eat. And a man needs T-shirts, too.” He pointed to the black one he had on today, along with his Levi’s. “Takes effort to dress this sharp.”

  “Uh-huh. A man doesn’t have to eat beef jerky. Nobody has to eat beef jerky.”

  “Pure protein, huh, Eli?” he said.

  “Yeah,” the boy said. “It’s good, Mom.”

  They were headed into the stationery department, crowded today with parents and kids of all ages. Kayla stopped and pulled out a list, then handed it to Eli. “Since it’s your money, you should choose, don’t you think?”

  She told Luke, “He’s earned the money for his own school supplies, working for you. What do you think of that?”

  He got the message. “Pretty good,” he told the boy. “Pretty stand-up.”

  He could see Eli’s shoulders straightening, and he was holding his head a little higher as he made his way to the group of kids going through the display of folders. He stood there for a while, sorting through them, mulling over his options. Taking it seriously.

  “You know, though,” Luke told Kayla quietly, “you could probably get help for that, if you need it. If he’s on the free-lunch list, you can ask the school about supplies, too.”

  “He’s not on the list.”

  “You show them income verification, and he’s in. No shame in it. None of the kids knows who’s getting their lunch free. A good quarter or more of his class, I’ll bet.”

  “He’s not on the list,” she said again, so he dropped it, even when he saw Eli picking up the big box of colored pencils, then putting it back and finding the dollar-forty-nine package instead. He briefly considered grabbing the big box himself, calling it a bonus, and insisting, then abandoned the idea. If she was too proud to sign Eli up for the free lunches he was sure the boy was entitled to, she wasn’t going to accept a present. Not from him. She’d assume there were strings attached.

  “Well, hey, Luke,” he heard. “What are you doing hanging around the school supplies? Can’t get enough?”

  “Hey, yourself.” He turned to see Rochelle Marks, together with his brother’s fiancée, Zoe, pushing a cart full of a bunch more exciting purchases. Paper towels, toilet paper, bleach, hanging folders.

  “Redneck rendezvous,” Rochelle said. “Meeting up at Walmart.” She was glancing curiously at Kayla, and Luke could all but see the thought-bubble.

  “Kayla,” he said with a sigh, “this is Rochelle Marks, who’ll be more than happy to tell you all my dirty secrets. And this is Zoe Santangelo.” He nodded toward the petite brunette with Rochelle. “Who has the misfortune to be engaged to my brother, Cal, even though he’s not nearly good enough for her. My neighbor Kayla,” he told the two women. “And her son Eli,” he added, because here he came, and Luke grabbed a pair of scissors from him just as it was slipping out of his grasp.

  “Your neighbor,” Rochelle said, the speculation clear in her blue eyes, once Eli had headed out again for more foraging. “Which house? I didn’t know anything had sold on D Street, and nothing’s ever for rent there.”

  “I don’t live on D Street. I live on E Street.” Kayla kept her chin high as Rochelle registered that. There was a whole lot of difference between D and E, and everybody knew it.

  “Hey, Mr. Jackson.” It was a couple of freshman girls, one of them Aaron Mills’s little sister, though he didn’t have their names quite yet.

  “Hi. How you doing,” he said, and they smiled, nudging each other, and then they were walking away, heads together, giggling.

  “So hot.” It came back clearly, and Rochelle rolled her eyes, and Luke said, “Hey. Not everyone has your high standards.”

  “Are you famous?” Kayla asked.

  “Nope,” Luke said, just as Eli dumped his final purchases in the cart and said, “Done. I got the cheapest stuff.”

  Luke had just had a brilliant idea. “Too bad Cal’s still harvesting,” he said to Zoe, keeping it casual. “You haven’t had much fun with that boy lately, have you?”

  “Oh, I don’t know,” Zoe said. “He’s had his moments.”

  “Pretending I didn’t hear that. Anyway, I just remembered. I’m going to be your brother-in-law. That means I’ve got duties, don’t I? And here I am, and here all of you are, too.”

  “Yes,” Rochelle said. “Here we all are. You going somewhere with this?”

  “Yeah. That I’m hungry, and all this shopping’s making me hungrier every minute. Plus, I’ve got those duties. How about if we finish up here and head on over to The Breakfast Spot? My treat.”

  “We had breakfast, though,” Eli said.

  “Yeah, well, they have lunch, too. What do you say? Keep me company?”

  “Uh, Luke,” Rochelle pointed out. “You’ve already got company. You sure?”

  “Yep, because I want more. Come on. I’m buying.”

  “I guess I shouldn’t say no.” The look Rochelle shot Kayla’s way told Luke that she was getting the picture. “Best-looking single guy in Paradise buying me lunch? I’d better go for that.”

  “Hey,” Zoe objected.

  “He’s better looking than Cal, and everybody knows it,” Rochelle said. “Come on. Let’s hang out. What else do we have going on? You got some glue you want to comparison shop for? Because I’m bored.”

  “What do you think?” Luke asked Kayla. “They’ve got great burgers. I’ll bet Eli likes a good hamburger, don’t you? And the best fries in town.”

  “Yeah,” Eli said, but he, too, was looking sideways at his mother.

  “All right,” Kayla said, and she was laughing a little. “All right. But my milk will spoil, and Daisy’s in your truck.”

  “Which is why,” he said, “we’re dropping the groceries and the dog off first, and then meeting the others.” Nobody had ever accused him of not being able to think on his feet. Looked like he’d just gotten himself a date.

  UP AGAINST THE TORNADO

  She hadn’t had so much fun in . . . she didn’t remember how long. She was laughing, forgetting to be careful, forgetting to watch herself as Luke and Rochelle kept up a steady stream of banter, and Zoe rolled her eyes and smiled at her across the table, and Eli sat between her and Luke and ate his cheeseburger and looked . . . happy. Which was how she felt, too. Happy.

  “So you know I have to ask,” she said, wiping her eyes with her napkin as Luke leaned against the back of the booth, groaning at another zinger from Rochelle. “Did you guys go out? Because you know each other way too well.”

  She’d felt a little pang at first. Was still feeling it, if it came to that. Jealousy, or something too much like it. She didn’t have anything like that kind of wit to offer, and Luke was enjoying himself so thoroughly. But the last thing she was looking for was a relationship, and she was having fun, and she’d just focus on that.

  “Nope,” Rochelle said. “Never had the pleasure of knocking boots with either dark and dangerous Jackson brother. I was married until just recently, and anyway, Luke’s always been unavailable.”

  “Oh, really?” Kayla kept the smile on her face with an effort. Unavailable how?

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up there, Trigger,” Luke told Rochelle, while her mouth opened and she slapped a hand to her chest in outrage. “Rein it in. I’m not unavailable. I’m the most available guy you’ll ever meet.”

  “Uh-huh,” Rochelle said.

  “All right,” Kayla said, emboldened by the t
wo of them. She couldn’t be sparkling and witty, maybe, but she could play, too, at least a little bit. She looked across Eli at Luke, found him looking right back at her. More handsome than ever when he was laughing, all white teeth and devilish, dark eyes that invited her to share in the fun. “How can you be available and unavailable? You got a mad wife in the attic?”

  “Very good,” Zoe said. “Nice reference. Think you’d better explain, Mr. Rochester.”

  “Uh . . . He looked a little blank.

  “Jane Eyre,” Zoe said. “Come on. Keep up. I thought you were an educated man.”

  “Chick book,” he said with a grin, and all three of the women had to hoot at that. Eli was laughing, too, even though he couldn’t have had any idea what they were talking about. “And, what? There’s no way for me to explain that to Kayla, whatever it is you mean, without sounding like a d—like a jerk. And I’m not going to do that. I think I might be wearing down her defenses, and I intend to keep it that way. I’m single and unencumbered,” he told Kayla. “Thirty-one years old. Steady job, good references, a homeowner with a pension plan. There you go. Completely available, and maybe even a little bit eligible.”

  She got a flutter of the heart at that. At that, and at the look in his eyes while he said it. Like he meant it.

  “He’s even getting his doctorate,” Zoe informed her. “Another year or so? He’ll be Dr. Jackson.”

  “Yep,” Luke said. “But somehow, I don’t think that’s on Kayla’s top-ten list.”

  It wasn’t on her top-twenty list. She’d only graduated from high school, and she was done with guys who made her feel inferior. What would he say when he found out what she did for a living? “What is it you do?” she finally felt able to ask. “Are you a student, then? Oh, wait. Steady job. So—what?”

  Rochelle was looking at her in surprise. “You don’t know?”

  “No. Should I?”

  “He’s the principal of the high school.”

  “Oh,” Kayla said blankly. Mr. Jackson, the girl in Walmart had said. “Wow. Not what I would’ve expected. Aren’t you too young?”