Remarkable

by Elizabeth Foley

  Jane wondered how he’d managed to get them for her so quickly, but then she looked up at the library clock and realized that she needed to leave if she wanted to get to school on time. She scooped the ropes into her backpack and went on her way.

  Truancy

  Skipping school for no good reason is known as truancy—and in Remarkable, as in most towns, truancy is against the law. Naturally, this meant the Grimlet twins were only too delighted to give it a try. So when the school bell rang that morning, they were not in Ms. Schnabel’s classroom as they should have been. Instead, they were hiding out in their secret lair, which sounded like an exciting place to be, but was actually just an unused garden shed in the backyard of their creepy black house.

  “I can’t believe we never thought of it before,” Melissa Grimlet said as she wrote TRUANCY in big invisible letters in The Book of Dangerous Deeds and Dastardly Intentions.

  “It was quite remiss of us,” Eddie agreed. “High time we got around to it. I feel quite pleased.”

  “Me too,” Melissa said. “In fact, I think I feel even more pleased than you do.”

  Of course, she was lying—and Eddie was lying, too. Neither one of them felt any pride in what they were doing that day. Down at the bottom of their tiny black hearts, they knew the real reason they were skipping school had nothing to do with adding another dastardly deed to their long list of dreadful accomplishments. The real reason was that they hadn’t finished their pirate homework and were scared of what Captain Schnabel might do to them when she found out.

  The Grimlet twins hadn’t had time for homework. They’d spent every free minute on their science fair project instead—and even that hadn’t been entirely successful. The weather machine still needed a lot of work. Skipping school to make sure it would be ready in time was the only sensible thing to do—even if Melissa and Eddie would have denied being sensible just as vehemently as they would have denied being scared.

  “You don’t think Captain Schnabel will come looking for us, do you?” Melissa asked. She tried to sound brave, but her hands were shaking just a little as she picked up the schematics for the weather machine.

  Eddie gulped as he adjusted the settings on the weather machine’s barometer. “I can’t imagine she’d bother. She’s probably so busy with her pirate captaining that she won’t have even noticed that we’re not there.”

  But of course, Ms. Schnabel had noticed. And she noticed when the Grimlet twins didn’t show up on Wednesday either. By Thursday, she was quite agitated about it.

  “Whar be yer scurvy friends?” she asked Jane. Jane shrugged.

  “I don’t know. I haven’t seen them.”

  “What’s yer best guess as to their whereabouts then? Tell me or I’ll make you walk the plank again.”

  “Um…” Jane said, thinking hard. “Maybe they’re off somewhere working on their science fair project.”

  “You mean that science fair project be real? What kind o’ project is it?”

  “Um…” Jane knew she was not supposed to tell anyone about it, but she was pretty sure it was against the pirates’ code to keep secrets from the captain. “It’s a weather machine.”

  “A machine that controls the weather? Well burn and sink me, that’d be something. Do ye think those two scoundrels can pull it off?”

  “I don’t know,” Jane said. “They seem to think it will work.”

  “Aye, if it does, they’ll win for sure.” Captain Schnabel flashed a grin as she thought of how much her sister would hate losing the science fair trophy to two public school students. Then her face returned to its stern, piratey scowl. “But they should give up that weather project of theirs and come back to learning the ways of the buccaneer. They could make a career out of it, they could.”

  “Um…what about me?” Jane said. “Do you think piracy would be a good career for me?”

  Captain Schnabel gave Jane a thoughtful, sympathetic look.

  “Jane, me deary,” she said, “how can I put this all diplomatic-like? It be clear to me that you always try yer hardest—and I always say a hardworking pirate is the best kind. But not all captains are as savvy as I am. You have a certain lack of aptitude that might get yerself thrown overboard.”

  “Oh,” Jane said. “I was hoping I might be a good pirate. Maybe good enough to be as famous as Mad Captain Penzing the Horrific.”

  “Mad Captain Penzing the Horrific? Where did you learn about the likes of that one?”

  “In a book. I was going to do my report on Captain Rojo Herring, but the library didn’t have anything on him. So I checked out a book about Mad Captain Penzing the Horrific instead.”

  “Bah!” Captain Schnabel said as if libraries were below contempt. “Ye don’t want to wind up like Mad Captain Penzing the Horrific. Yer grandmother would never speak to ye again if ye became a pirate, for one thing. And for another, that mad captain came to a sad, sad end.”

  “She still got to be famous for a while,” Jane said. “They have a whole section in the library about her. Grandma would be impressed with me if I had my own section in the library. And Ysquibel even wrote an opera about her.”

  “Bah!” Captain Schnabel said, as if opera was even more contemptible than libraries. “That’s not a good enough reason. Yer not really the pirating type, young Jane, and being true to yer real self is the most important thing you can do with yer life.”

  “My real self? But my real self isn’t good at anything.”

  “Yer real self is exceptional at being an ordinary girl with good intentions who loves dogs. And that be a fine thing to be. You should work hard at being that.”

  The dismissal bell rang. Jane started to gather up her belongings so that she could head home.

  “I’ll see ye in the morning, spog,” Captain Schnabel said.

  “See you tomorrow, Captain,” Jane replied as she headed out the classroom door.

  But they were both very much mistaken. The next day was going to be full of surprises—the kind of surprises that meant they would not be seeing each other again for a long, long time.

  The Terrible Truth

  When Jeb, Ebb, and Flotsam fired Detective Burton Sly, they not only hurt his feelings, but also his sense of self-worth. He spent three days in his darkened office, soothing his wounded pride by playing solitaire and swigging aloe vera juice from a hip flask.

  On the fourth day, he reminded himself of what he’d always taught his junior detectives: Good investigators never give up, and great investigators never fail. And since he was the greatest investigator of all, he knew he had no choice but to find the missing captain, even if his clients had lost faith in him.

  He spent the rest of the week observing his number one suspect until he had obtained all of the surveillance photos, wiretaps, and hard evidence he needed to take the next step—which was to confront said suspect with his allegations.

  He strode briskly from his office to the suspect’s house, walked up the front steps past the potted plants, and knocked firmly on the door. A moment later, the door was opened by a woman who was entirely unfamiliar to him.

  “Who are you?” he demanded.

  “I am the esteemed Dr. Presnelda, head of Remarkable’s School for the Remarkably Gifted,” she answered with irritation. “What are you doing on my porch?”

  “I’m Detective Burton Sly,” he replied. “I’ve come on an urgent matter. I am looking for a lost pirate captain.”

  Dr. Presnelda went quite pale—a fact that might have been missed by a person less observant that Detective Sly. “I…” she said. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. You must have the wrong house.”

  She tried to shut the door in his face, but the detective put his foot across the doorjamb to keep it from closing.

  “Ma’am,” he said, “I do not have the wrong house. And furthermore, I sense you know something you aren’t telling me.”

  “I don’t have to talk to you!”

  “That won’t stop me from discovering
the truth.”

  “You don’t understand.” Dr. Presnelda was trembling now. “My place in this town, my reputation as an educator—it will all be destroyed if anyone ever found out…”

  “I can be very discreet. You have to trust me. But it is of the utmost importance that you tell me what you know of Captain Rojo Herring.”

  Dr. Presnelda’s confusion was as genuine as her relief. “I don’t know a Captain Rojo Herring. Captain Rojo Herring has nothing whatsoever to do with me.”

  She once again tried to close the door, and Detective Burton Sly once again stopped her with his foot.

  “Perhaps it’s an alias,” he suggested.

  “Perhaps it isn’t,” Dr. Presnelda snapped.

  “Perhaps the best thing would be for you to let me inside so we can clear this matter up.”

  Dr. Presnelda led Detective Burton Sly to the living room. He slid his case file to her across the top of the coffee table. She flipped the file open and found herself looking at the image of a pirate captain taken from a great distance through a telephoto lens. The image was fuzzy, but she recognized a familiar face wearing an expression she hadn’t seen in a long time.

  “That’s not Captain Rojo Herring,” she said in a faint voice.

  “Might I inquire as to how you are certain of this fact?”

  “Because it’s someone else.”

  “Who?”

  “It’s a long story,” Dr. Presnelda told him. “And one that must absolutely be kept a secret. The shame on my family would be too great if the truth were known.”

  “Ma’am, you have my word.”

  And so Dr. Presnelda told him of her family’s terrible, horrible secret. It was a scandal so scandalous that her face burned red with shame as she spoke. Detective Burton Sly thought he’d seen and heard it all, but her story was enough to make even his mouth hang open with wonder.

  Last-Minute Preparations

  When Jane got home from school that day, she learned that she and her brother and sister had been summoned to City Hall by their grandmother.

  “I wonder what she wants,” Penelope Hope said as the three of them walked over together.

  “Who knows,” Anderson Brigby Bright said. The summons had interrupted his plans to pick up the tuxedo he was going to wear to the Science Fair Dance from Fairwick’s Formals. It was the finest tuxedo store in Remarkable—and therefore, the finest tuxedo store in the world.

  But when they got to the mayor’s office, they discovered that Grandmama was not there. Instead, they were greeted by Stilton.

  “Your grandmother has signed an official proclamation excusing you from school tomorrow,” Stilton told them with a strained smile. The smile was strained because Stilton didn’t like smiling any more than he liked talking to children. “You are to attend the bell-tower ribbon-cutting ceremony as her special guests.”

  “Do we have to?” Penelope Hope asked. She hated to miss school. She’d just started studying topographical algebra, which was much more interesting than a bell-tower ceremony.

  “She told me to tell you that your presence is required.”

  “But that’s not fair,” Jane said. “If I don’t go to school tomorrow, Captain Schnabel won’t have anyone to teach.”

  “And I was planning on practicing my singing all day. The Science Fair Dance is tomorrow night!”

  The smile on Stilton’s face became even more strained as he looked at Anderson Brigby Bright.

  “Your grandmother specifically requested that you not sing at all tomorrow. In fact, she indicated to me that this was the most important aspect of this proclamation.”

  “Why?” Anderson Brigby Bright was indignant.

  “She mentioned something about not subjecting the crowds to…”

  “Not subjecting them to what? My voice is getting quite good now.”

  “Ahhh, I think she mentioned something about being concerned about your singing destroying the goodwill of…”

  “The people who’ve come to hear the bell tower would probably love to hear me. I’ll prove it now by singing a bit of ‘You Enchant Me, Yes You Do.’ It’s the song I’m going to serenade Lucinda with.”

  He cleared his throat. “YEWWW ENCHAHHHNT MEEEE, OW YESSSS YEWWWWW DOOOOO-ERGH.” It was a horrible noise—the worst that had ever come out of his throat, which was saying something.

  “Anderson Brigby Bright, stop it!” Penelope Hope shouted. “Stop it right now!”

  “Or at least don’t do it while we’re in the same room as you,” Jane begged. “It’s too much.”

  “What’s the matter with everyone!” Anderson Brigby Bright was getting angry now. “I’m good at this! Really good. I’m really good at everything.” He stomped both feet this time.

  “Of course you are,” Stilton lied soothingly. “But I think…um…yes, I think your grandmother did mention something about the importance of resting your voice. You don’t want to strain your vocal cords before your big performance.”

  Anderson Brigby Bright nodded slowly. “I hadn’t thought of that. It’s a good point. A very good point. I would hate not to sound my best for Lucinda.”

  “Wonderful,” Stilton said. “I’ll tell the mayor to expect the three of you tomorrow.”

  Then he ushered them out of the office quickly before any of them could change their minds.

  Grandmama Julietta Augustina was not unsympathetic to Anderson Brigby Bright’s attempts to win Lucinda’s heart. She knew what it was like to fall head over heels in love with someone. Her grandson was so smitten that he reminded her of herself when she first laid eyes on Grandpa John.

  But despite her appreciation for Anderson Brigby Bright’s delicate emotional state, in this instance, her duty as mayor came first. Remarkable must continue to be the remarkable place it had always been. This meant making sure that the bell-tower ceremony was the kind of event that people would look back on fondly for the rest of their lives—something that would not happen if anyone heard Anderson Brigby Bright’s singing. Keeping him quiet was the last thing she had left on her to-do list.

  Which is why she was so puzzled to discover that she couldn’t fall asleep that night.

  “Hmph!” she told herself. Grandmama did not approve of not sleeping. It was a sure sign that she’d forgotten to take care of one of her important responsibilities that day—and like her daughter-in-law, she disapproved of forgetting responsibilities even more than she disapproved of sleeplessness.

  She sat up to think through everything that needed to happen tomorrow. The bell tower had already been festooned with banners, bows, and balloons. The oversized, sapphire-encrusted scissors she would use for the ribbon cutting had been pulled out of storage and polished until they sparkled. Every available folding chair had been set up in the park next to the post office for the large crowds that were expected to gather, and the Remarkable Symphony Orchestra was ready to play a rousing composition written by Ludwig von Savage in honor of the event. She was certain that Ludwig was secretly hoping that everyone would think his composition was much lovelier than the music Ysquibel had written for the bell tower, but she was also certain that Ludwig was going to end up deeply disappointed.

  She still needed to convince Dr. Pike not to leave town, but that could be dealt with once the bell-tower ceremony was over. But there was something else, something she wasn’t thinking of.

  Dr. Pike…Dr. Pike…

  What had she been doing again when Mayor Chu called about Dr. Pike? She’d been talking to Grandpa John about…about…

  Grandpa John had wanted to tell her something important. Something about the bell tower. She looked over at where her husband was lying next to her on the bed. He looked as ordinary sleeping as he did when he was awake, which made him all the more wonderful to Grandmama Julietta Augustina. She was wise enough to know that, despite what most people think, the best things in life are often quite ordinary.

  “John!” she whispered. “John! Are you awake?”

  He didn’
t stir, but Salzburg, who was perched on the bedpost on Grandmama’s side of the bed, muttered “hmph” in her sleep.

  “John?” Grandmama said one more time before giving up. She’d noticed that he’d been looking tired and worried lately. He probably needed his rest. In the morning, she would ask him what it was he had wanted to tell her.

  The Opening Ceremony

  The weather could not have been nicer for the bell-tower ceremony. The sun was bright without making the day hot, and there was a light breeze that was just cool enough to be refreshing without making anyone reach for a sweater. Crowds and crowds of people, even more than had been anticipated, showed up for the event. They waved small celebratory flags and listened to the Remarkable Symphony Orchestra. Small children ran around with helium balloons on their wrists. Everyone was giddy with the thrill of being part of such an unrivaled historic event.

  Jane’s father, who was accustomed to Remarkable’s festivities, was overwhelmed by how much bigger and more celebratory this one seemed. He was extraordinarily proud of his talented wife, and he wanted to be able to tell her how excited the crowd was about the bell tower she’d designed. He also knew that if he ever needed to write a scene of a truly joyful and triumphant celebration in one of his novels, all he’d need to do was describe the scene unfolding before him.

  Captain Rojo Herring had been among the first to arrive at the post office that morning. He wanted to make sure he got a seat in the front row so he could have an unobstructed view of the tower when it first began to chime. But the young girl who took the seat next to him was sobbing like her world was about to end.

  “There, there, me child, it can’t be as bad as all that, now can it?” Captain Rojo Herring said. He didn’t really care about comforting her; he just wanted her to quiet down.

  “What would you know about it?” the girl said, sniffling vigorously into a soaked handkerchief. “I’ve failed in the most important task of my life. The premiere is today, and Ysquibel remains lost.”

  “Ysquibel? Who be that?”