Any Way You Want Me

by Yuwanda Black

  "Kylie, my beautiful, beautiful Kylie," he said as she tightly wound her legs around him. Winding her hips in a circle, she held him close, giving him access to the deepest part of her.

  With one last, deep thrust, Gatlin buried his face in her neck, taking them both over the precipice.

  . . .

  Gatlin looked at the sleeping from of the beautiful woman next to him. Her hair was spread out on the pillow, just like he'd imagined it so many nights as he'd lain awake, anticipating the first time he'd make love to her.

  It had been so much more. Dreams couldn't do justice to what had just transpired between them. He was shaken by the intensity of what he felt for her.

  She stirred, reaching for him.

  Gatlin slid down beside her, running his hand across one exposed breast. Her eyes opened drowsily and she covered his hand with hers, imploring him to continue his exploration.

  She started some exploring of her own, caressing his erect manhood as she gazed into his sinfully tawny eyes. Gatlin's hand went to the place where he never wanted to leave. Nestled between the soft forest of hairs at her thighs, he began his magical stroking, his gaze never leaving her face as he lowered his head to kiss her passion-swollen lips.

  . . .

  The early morning light of dawn tiptoed into they sky, kissing the bodies of the lust-filled couple as they slept.

  Chapter 6: It's Official!

  "It's finally official, my book will be on shelves just in time for Christmas. December 1st."

  "Oh Gatlin that's great!" Kylie said, jumping up and down and wrapping her arms around him. "I'm so proud of you!"

  Gatlin immediately thought of his mother and father. It was the first time in his life he'd ever heard those words from anybody. "I'm so proud of you."

  "… Now the newest, best-kept, crime writer will no longer be a secret. I don't know how you managed to stay quiet about it. I would have been shouting it from the rooftops!" Kylie was saying.

  "So, what do you want to do to celebrate? Anything. Anything at all she said … it's my treat and don’t you dare refuse."

  "Whatever you want to do, really Kylie, is fine with me. I just have one request. I would like to invite my friend — the screenwriter who introduced me to the agent. He's going to be in town next week, so if you wouldn't mind holding off on celebrating for a week or so, that would be great."

  "Anything you won't. But all that means is that you get two celebrations mister. … I'm taking you out for dinner tonight. Then, I have a special surprise for you later," she said seductively.

  "Well I'd like my surprise right now, then we can go to dinner," he said, grabbing her and pulling her to him.

  "It's not that!" Kylie said, playfully batting his hand away from the opening of her blouse. "But then you are so deserving," she said, pulling him back to her. "A girl can never celebrate her man's dream coming true too much, now can she?" she said, sliding her hand between his jean-clad thighs.

  This woman, Gatlin thought, had invaded every aspect of his life. Her smell was on his sheets. Her toiletries were in his bathroom. Her books were in his living room.

  Her love was in his heart … and it scared the hell out of him.

  Chapter 7: Too Close for Comfort

  "Gatlin is something wrong?" Kylie asked. "You've seemed a little bit out of it all week," she observed.

  "It's nothing. Just a story I'm working on is all," he said as they mounted the stairs to his apartment.

  They'd had a lovely dinner with his agent friend who was visiting from Los Angeles, and taken in a show afterwards.

  "Can I help with the story? Maybe a fresh perspective will shake out some kinks," she said. "I know it helps me when I'm stuck sometimes."

  "Nah. I got it," he said.

  "I'm gonna put on the TV. Anything in particular you want to see — news, movie?" she asked cheerily, ignoring his monosyllabic answers in her effort to be understanding.

  They'd been dating for more than three months now, but Gatlin had been pulling away from her lately, which she wasn't used to. And, when she'd try to engage him in conversation about it, he just shut down even more.

  "Whatever you want," he said, taking off his dinner jacket and disappearing into the bathroom.

  Kylie grabbed her ringing phone. "I'm already in Brooklyn," she said to Katrina, who was on the other line.

  Her friend said she needed someone to talk to and to be honest, so did Kylie. "You know what, I'll meet you in 20 minutes. Let's meet at that bar in DUMBO; you know the one with the awesome calamari. I had dinner before we went to the theatre, but I could go for a late-night snack and that's about halfway between us," she said, ringing off as Gatlin exited the bathroom.

  "Hey," Kylie said. "Katrina called. She really needs an ear — man trouble — so I'm gonna meet her in DUMBO and then go on home tonight, ok? It's been a long day and I'm wiped."

  If the truth be told, Kylie was more mentally than physically exhausted. She was starting to worry about Gatlin's inability or unwillingness to open up to her.

  She could swear he seemed relieved at the fact that she was leaving, which infuriated her.

  Controlling her rising temper and hurt feelings, she said bluntly, "Gatlin, do you want to continue seeing me? Because if you don’t, all you have to do is say so, you know?"

  "Why do you ask me that?"

  A question with a question she thought. Her reporter's intuition caught that one right away. People usually do that when they're trying to avoid giving a straight answer.

  Up for the challenge of being brutally honest, she replied, "Because you haven't acted like it lately. You've cancelled dates; you don’t call as much and when we are together, you're moody, for lack of a better word."

  "I know you've been busy with your book and with work. We're in the same business, remember, so I get all that. But when I ask you what's wrong, you won't even talk about it. So, what else am I left to think?"

  "How about not thinking that it has anything at all to do with us?" he replied coldly.

  "How can I not think that when you won't tell me what the problem is," she replied, still trying valiantly to stay calm. "Look, I've tried to give you your space, and I've tried to find out what it is so maybe I can help. But it's like you just shut down," Kylie continued, desperate for him to communicate with her. "Look — whatever it is, you can tell me."

  "You wouldn't understand," he said.

  "How do you know if you won't even tell me what it is?" she blasted back, letting the lid off her anger. She'd had it up to here with him shutting the emotional door in her face.

  "Let's just say I know you won't understand," he said, his patience wearing thin with this conversation.

  "That's mighty presumptuous and sanctimonious of you Gatlin. As a reporter, you should know better than to assume before you have all the facts."

  "Alright, try this on for size," he said.

  "I saw the body of a 24-year-old woman today. She'd been beaten to a pulp by her boyfriend. Pretty girl, you could tell, she used to be a very pretty girl. She left behind a toddler, who's now in foster care unless and/or until her family can be located. The woman had needle tracks up and down her arm, so it makes me wonder what kind of family she came from, and if they'll be able to help her child if they are found. That's what's on my mind," he said finishing.

  "I know those kind of stories never get easier, Gatlin. And I'm sorry to hear that that's what you had to face today. I truly am. But this goes much deeper. Does it have something to do with your father? You've never told me about him. You never talk about your early life at all."

  "And it's not exactly a conversation I want to have right now," he said.

  "But how do you expect to ever heal; to ever fix it, if you're not even willing to confront whatever it is," Kylie said softly.

  "You know what your problem is?" Gatlin bit out, frustrated that she wouldn't just let the conversation go. "You're too damn naïve. Not everything is a bed of roses, Kylie. Life is
not all butterflies and sunshine."

  "And do you know what your problem is?" Kylie responded, her hurt and anger getting the better of her. "You're too damn jaded. You wouldn't know what happiness was if it jumped up and bit you in the ass," she continued.

  "You're content being miserable — and I'm just going to leave you to that because it has no place in my world of butterflies and sunshine," she ended as she snatched up her jacket and purse, and stormed passed Gatlin.

  His arm snaked out and grabbed her. He needed her. Dear God he needed her. Crushing her to him, he found her lips and wouldn't let go.

  "Let go … of … me," Kylie bit out as she fought against her rising tide of passion.

  Gatlin's heat-seeking tongue melted her last bit of resistance. Kylie dropped her jacket and purse and dug her hands into his thick, dark hair.

  Oh God I love him so, she thought as she returned his kiss.

  Her resistance melted, Gatlin slowed his assault on her mouth, moving to the golden column of her neck. He continued his trail of desire, unbuttoning her blouse and taking one enflamed nipple into his warm mouth.

  "No, no, no … stop. Stop Gatlin," her words slowly penetrated his aroused state.

  "This doesn't solve anything," she said, tears rolling down her cheeks. It's never been our problem … and it won't be our salvation."

  Shaking off his desire to focus as best as he could, Gatlin responded, "It's a damn good place to start," and reached for her again.

  "Gatlin stop!" Kylie yelled. "Don’t you see? This is just another way for you to not deal with your real feelings. … I'm looking for real, lasting, soul-connecting love; not some casual fuck!"

  "You know you're not some casual … you mean more to me than just a roll in the hay," Gatlin said, not able to bring himself to use the 'f' word in relation to her. "I really care about you Kylie."

  "I love you Gatlin. Hopelessly, desperately, completely. And I know it's not something a modern woman is supposed to say so early in a relationship. But there it is. And I don't expect you to do anything, or say anything. I just wanted you to know where I'm coming from."

  "You see, in my world, love is not complicated. Difficult at times? Yes. But hard? No. It's not some pot-holed filled road to be navigated for miles and miles and miles on end. You're absolutely right, I do believe in butterflies and sunshine. I believe in love — and I won't let anybody make me feel bad about that, or take that dream away from me."

  "And the thing is, I know you love me Gatlin, or you're on the verge of it. But you just won't let yourself trust that what we could have is real. And I refuse to spend my life trying to prove it to you or make you believe it. Life is just too short for that."

  . . .

  Knowing she was late meeting her friend, Kylie hurriedly rearranged her clothing, grabbed her jacket and purse and rushed out the door.

  "Taxi!" she screamed, wiping tears as a passing yellow cab drove by and she gathered the long folds of her evening skirt to step into the cab.

  Chapter 8: A Special Gift

  Kylie woke up the next morning, a Saturday, with nothing on her calendar — which was rare. She planned to stay in and watch movies all day.

  The evening before, she'd poured her heart out to her Katrina, trying to gain some insight into why Gatlin was pushing her away. Her friend's words rang in her ears. "Honey, unless and until a man is ready to open up to you, there's nothing you can do about it. And from my experience — especially once they're used to operating like that — unless something significant happens, they usually don't change."

  Kylie decided to call her parents. She really needed their insight.

  . . .

  "Every man is different honey," her father said. "But how can you get around problems if he won't even talk to you about them?"

  "You're father's right, Kylie," her mom said on the other line from the extension in their living room.

  Her father was probably on the phone in the kitchen. Her parents still had a land line, in spite of the fact that everyone carried cell phones these days. They had them too, but when she and her brother called home, they had a habit of calling the land line first.

  "If there's one thing I've learned about men in my 38 years of being married to your father is that, even as close as we are, unless and until he's ready to talk to me about something, I can't get anything out of him. … I know him so well though, that usually I know what it is before he says anything," her mother said.

  "And that's why I usually don’t say anything," her father replied. "Because I know you already know."

  Kylie listened to their banter with tears in her eyes. She wished she knew Gatlin well enough to guess what he was thinking. She'd hope to get to that point with him. But if he wasn't willing to let her in …

  "Look baby girl," her father said. "I don't want to see you get hurt. It's only been three months, so maybe give it some time. But this young man is what … 37 you say? It's highly unlikely that he's going to all of a sudden open up to a woman. Now if there's anyone that can make him, it's you. But I don't want you making a man do anything. He needs to come to you because he wants to, not because he's been pushed too. You deserve that."

  "And you're nobody's therapist Kylie," her mother chimed in. "It's not your job to fix him. Your heart is so open honey, so full of love that so easily pours out. But don't let anybody trample on it. Don’t let anybody squash your enthusiasm for love. The right man is out there for you — someone who's as open and ready for love as you are .. and who's willing to do the work to keep it once he finds it. From what you've told us, I don't think this one is."

  "What your father and I have isn't perfect, but one thing he's always made me feel is welcome … not just in his life, but in his heart," her mother finished.

  After hanging up with her parents, Kylie felt better for having gotten some insight, but sad too and the realizations their words were making her face.

  Popping a bag of popcorn, she settled in to watch one of her favorite movies to get her mind off things for a while.

  . . .

  Riggs: You wanna get married, don'tcha?

  Lorna: Yes I do.

  Riggs: Why didn't you tell me?

  Lorna: Because I didn't want to put any pressure on you, Riggs. I mean, if you want to someday, that'd be great; if you don't, I love you. I'll take you any way I can get you, Riggs.

  Kiley slipped the last few kernels of popcorn into her mouth and sighed. She'd watched that scene from Lethal Weapon 4 at least a hundred times. It was one of her all-time favorites between a man and a woman in a movie. It was so pure, so sincere. Her heart melted.

  Why aren't women free to love a man like that? she thought. Enough to say I'll take you any way you want me.

  "Because it's dumb," she could hear her best friend Katrina say.

  "Because you'll live to regret it," she could hear her mother say.

  "Because you give your power away," she could hear all the love gurus in books, magazines, on TV and the internet howl.

  "You are hopeless Kylie Andrews. Your friends are right … you're an absolutely, positively hopeless romantic," she laughed to herself. "And proud of it!" she said out loud, never failing to switch off that movie with her hope in love at an all-time high.

  It didn't last long though.

  Kylie ran her fingers across the wrapped gift. It was a gorgeous day outside and there was still time to make the post office.

  She went to her bedroom to get dressed.

  Chapter 9: Past Demons

  Two days later, Gatlin opened the box and took out the wrapped gift. He recognized Kylie's handwriting, even though she hadn't put a return address on the package.

  He stared at the framed portrait of the 19th century English author, Edward Bulwer-Lytton. At the top of the black and white pencil drawing were the words, "The pen is mightier than the sword."

  At the bottom were three words, "You were right." He knew exactly what she meant — he'd been right to pursue his jour
nalism career.

  The enclosed card read, "The courage to pursue your dream says everything about the type of man you are. I'm so proud of you.~KA"

  The gift touched him in more ways than one. Kylie was a bottomless pit of giving.

  What had he ever done to deserve her?

  And how was he ever going to keep her?

  Chapter 10: Moving Forward

  Kylie had wrapped the present before that fateful night a few days ago. Even though she hadn't seen him, she still wanted to get the gift to him. He deserved it … and she'd meant what she said. She was proud of him, and wished him all the success she knew was coming his way.