“Scared?” I asked Em, nudging her shoulder. “I mean, it doesn’t look all that secure, considering how far from the ground we’re gonna be.”
“Oh shut up,” she grumbled. “Are you purposely trying to scare me?”
I laughed. “I didn’t think it was possible to scare you.”
“Yeah,” she said, her tone falling serious. She glanced out over the water. “It used to be like that. Now, not so much.”
Stepping through the gate and into the balloon, I held Em’s hand. She was looking a little green, and we hadn’t even left the ground yet. I laughed and kissed her head. She was so cute when she was nervous, especially when she tried to hide it.
“Here,” I said, putting my arm around her shoulders as she nestled into me. Being so close to her felt so natural, even with her knowing how I felt about her . . . and wondering if she felt the same way.
We hadn’t really spoken about what was said that day since . . . well, since that day. It had kind of been swept under the rug with all that had happened with Andy dying.
She squealed into my chest, laughing as the balloon began to rise.
“You’re missing the best part,” I said, smiling into her hair as I held her. She clung to me for dear life as we rose higher and higher, refusing to turn around and see the amazing view.
“Come on. I refuse to let you miss this,” I said.
She groaned, but slowly turned around, her grip on me tightening with every step. Her eyes widened. “Wow,” she murmured. “That’s beautiful.”
“Andy would be proud of you,” I said as she gazed out over the dark sky where the red glow of the sun had begun to break through.
“Proud of me how?” she scoffed.
“For facing your fears. For getting out there and doing this for him. Don’t underestimate how strong you are, Em. You might not feel it, but you’re one of the strongest people I know.”
She smiled, resting her head on my shoulder. She sighed as she gazed out over the stunning view. The sky was a beautiful mix of reds and oranges. It was spectacular.
“I can’t figure out why this was on his list,” Em mumbled.
“I imagine that it was probably something he wanted to do with you.” I studied her face as she stared up at the stars. Her creamy porcelain skin glowed in the soft light of the full moon. Her lips parted into a smile as she turned to me.
“Do you think he’s up there, watching?” she asked.
“Definitely,” I smirked. “Andy wouldn’t miss this. I think he’s always watching over you.” She nodded, as if she was happy with that thought.
We floated around for the next half an hour, drinking champagne and snacking on fresh strawberries. I could spend every morning this way. It was amazing what these experiences were doing to push us out of our comfort zones. Every task brought with it the realization that life is short, and we needed to push ourselves to get the most out of it. What was the point in sitting at home wishing things were different?
Even in death, Andy was pushing us to face our fears.
***
“So what now?” Em asked, smiling at me.
After the balloon ride, we had driven out to Vicker’s Point and gone hiking, and had lunch down by the creek. Then we had gone into town and done some shopping. Now, it was just after six in the evening and we were driving back to the beach house. I was beat, but there was more planned. It was time to cross another thing off Andy’s list.
“Now we go back to the beach house. Everything should be ready,” I added, wiggling my eyebrows.
“What have you planned?” she asked, narrowing her eyes.
“You’ll see.”
We left the shopping in the car and I led her down the beach. She laughed as soon as we walked over the hill and she saw the surprise. It wasn’t much of a surprise, because it was kind of hard to hide the inflatable jumping castle that was floating on the water.
“My God.” She giggled, her hand covering her mouth. “I wondered what that big blob was from the sky! How the hell did you pull that off?”
“I have connections.” I grinned. “Come on. Dinner will be getting cold.”
“Dinner?” she repeated. Her face was glowing. It felt so good to see her smile. I’d been surprised at how easy it had been to find a company willing to bring a castle all the way out there and set it up on the water for the night. I was paying extra for the private chef who was preparing us a three-course meal, but it was worth it to see her happy.
We walked to the edge of the water and over the inflatable ramp into the bright yellow and blue castle. Em laughed as it swayed beneath us, each step like walking through a vat full of marshmallow. Losing her balance, she crashed into me, sending us both into a fit of giggles.
“Good thing I don’t get seasick,” she joked. She sat down next to the tabletop that had been placed in the center of the castle.
“Good thing for me, you mean. I can just imagine you throwing up all over the place.”
She reached over and shoved my arm.
“Anyway, I hope you’re hungry.”
Em looked up as a formally dressed waiter stepped onto the castle, juggling two perfectly plated appetizers.
“Salmon ravioli.” The waiter smiled, setting the appetizers down in front of us. The smell of butter, cream, and salmon wafted around me. My stomach rumbled loudly as my mouth watered.
“Wow, this looks amazing,” Em said. She picked up her fork and eased it under one of the delicate pillows of pasta, scooping it into her mouth. She closed her eyes and smiled. “So good.”
She was right: it was delicious. As were the confit duck legs we had for main, and the rich double-chocolate mousse that was served for dessert.
“That was quite possibly the best meal I’ve ever had.” She sighed and lay back on the blanket I’d spread out where the tabletop—which had been removed by the waiter—had been. Throwing a couple more blankets over the top of her, I crawled into our makeshift bed, resting my head on my elbow.
“I can’t figure out why this was on his list.” Em laughed.
I studied her face as she stared up at the stars. Her creamy smooth skin glowed in the soft light of the full moon. Her lips parted into a smile as she turned to me. “Do you really think he’s up there, watching?” It was the second time she’d asked me that today.
“I think he’s always with you, Em.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
Emily
We spent the whole week at the beach house before we went back home. Trying to get back into a normal routine without Andy was hard. Because life without Andy wasn’t normal—it was different, and scary, and lonely.
It had been eleven weeks since Andy had died, and every day I thanked God for Seth. Without him, I don’t know how I would have coped with the past few weeks. He was always there, always making sure I was okay.
***
My phone beeped. I picked it up, knowing it would be Seth. He always texted after work, just to check in on me. I smiled as his name flashed up.
I just saw a guy walking down the street in a Batman costume. That was the highlight of my day. How was yours?
I giggled and replied.
My day was good. Work, and more work. About to watch Game of Thrones if you want to come over? Bring some dinner and I might let you in.
A goofy grin spread across my lips as I pressed send. It shocked me how much I looked forward to seeing him. Even his messages made my heart race a little faster. How much of that was me trying to fill the gap that Andy had left, and how much of that was my feelings for Seth intensifying? I struggled to tell the difference, and that scared me.
The last thing I wanted was to move forward with Seth if I wasn’t a thousand percent sure. Any risk of losing him altogether, and it wasn’t worth it. My phone buzzed again.
I guess I can swing past and grab some Chinese. But only doing this for Kahleesi.
I snorted and replied: As if you’d have any chance with her.
I set
the phone down on the sofa. I needed to get changed.
Twenty minutes later, he knocked on the door. I ran my brush through my hair and then sprinted to the door, swinging it open. He stood there holding Chinese, a lopsided grin on his face. My heart began to pound as I took in his appearance. He looked sexy, in an ‘I just got home from work, threw on some clothes and haven’t shaved in a week’ kind of way. I resisted the urge to reach up and run my fingers over his stubble.
“Come in,” I said, blushing. Was I turned on? Oh God, I’d forgotten what that felt like. It had been a long time since those kinds of feelings had been stirred inside of me.
“You get some drinks and I’ll unpack this,” he suggested.
I nodded, relieved that meant I could at least try and gather my composure in the kitchen.
“I got you honey chicken and chow mein because I wasn’t sure what you were in the mood for.”
I know exactly what I’m in the mood for.
Emily, stop it. I was mortified at myself. I shoved a soda into his hands and sat down in one of the armchairs, mainly so I didn’t have to sit next to him. He raised an eyebrow at me.
“What?” I said, my defenses kicking in. I reached for the chicken and proceeded to shovel it into my mouth.
“Nothing,” he chuckled. “Just in all the time you’ve lived here, I’ve never seen you sit anywhere but on the sofa.”
I shrugged, like it didn’t matter, but I couldn’t help wondering what he meant by that. What was he thinking? Did he know I was sitting there because I didn’t trust myself to sit close to him? My face burned.
“You’re acting really weird, Em,” he observed. “Care to share with the class?”
“No,” I shot back. “And I’m not acting weird. I’m just tired. Long hours trying to catch up on the work I missed.” I was getting desperate now, trying to steer the conversation into an area that felt safe.
“What’s happening?” he asked, opening his beef. I sighed. It had worked. I babbled on about my column, and how they had changed ownership. My job was safe, but the freedom I’d had where I could basically work from wherever had gone. I now had a nine-to-five office job.
“Is that such a bad thing?” he asked, shrugging. “I mean, it gets you out of the house and mixing with people. After everything you’ve been through, maybe this is just what you need?”
“I guess you’re right,” I agreed. I hadn’t thought about it like that.
Maybe he was right.
After dinner, I cleared away the trash and sat down on the sofa.
“Oh, so you’re sitting next to me now?” he smirked. “I was beginning to think maybe I smelled or something.”
“Well, I wasn’t going to say anything…” I laughed as he swatted me.
My heart began to pound as I tried to psych myself up for what I was about to do. This was a big step. Telling him I had feelings for him was huge—something there was no going back from.
“I have something I need to say,” I began. My voice trembled as it came out. Fuck, I was a mess.
“Are you okay?” His brow creased in concern.
Just say it. Tell him how you feel.
“I think I’m falling in love with you,” I blurted out.
His eyes widened as he stared at me in shock.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Emily
“What?” The look on his face was priceless.
“I thought you wanted this. Maybe I was wrong. Forget I said anything…” I turned away, trying to hide my smile.
His fingers closed over my wrist as he swung me back so I was facing him. “No, Em. You don’t get to tell me you’re falling for me and then tell me to forget it.” His voice was thick with emotion.
I gazed into his blue eyes and smiled. Why did this feel so awkward? I hadn’t done the confessions of feelings since I was seventeen. You’d think it would get easier as you aged. It didn’t. If anything, I felt more scared, more anxious than ever.
“Will you say something?” I said, unable to handle the silence any longer. The fact that I was pretty sure he felt the same did nothing to ease the mass of nerves in my stomach.
My fingers laced through his as I curved them around my back. The feel of his touch against my skin was incredible. It had been so long since I’d been intimate with anyone. Andy was the only guy I’d ever . . .
Thinking about him made me sad.
Nearly three months had passed since Andy’s death. Seth had been wonderful. He had given me space when I needed it, and support when I was falling apart—which was still often.
I’d thought losing Andy would end my world. But life went on, whether I wanted it to or not. The world didn’t stop just because I couldn’t get out of bed.
“Just because a person has gone, it doesn’t mean they won’t live on in your heart forever.”
Andy had told me that. After my parents had died, when I thought things would never get better, he’d made me realize that I had to go on. It was funny that it was his own words that were helping me now, nine years later.
“Are you sure you want this?” Seth whispered, tilting my chin until our lips met.
I nodded. Right then, I wanted it—him—more than anything. I needed him close to me.
He kissed me, his lips melting into mine as his fingers moved slowly through my hair. It was just a kiss, but it was so much more: it was a step forward. A sign, from me to Seth, that I could do this. That I would do it. For him.
“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” Seth muttered, pressing his forehead against mine. He kissed me again as though he thought at any minute I might realize my mistake and his chance would be gone.
“I . . . I can’t promise that I can do this, but I want to try.”
“If you’re not ready, I’ll wait, Em. I’ll wait forever if I need to.”
“No,” I said, lifting my hand to his face, my fingers tracing along the length of his jaw. “I want this, Seth. And Andy would want it too.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips against his. “And I mean that in the least creepy way possible,” I added, making a face.
Seth laughed. “Sure you do, creepy girl.”
I swatted his arm playfully. He sat down on the sofa, patting the seat next to him. I sat down and snuggled into his embrace.
That night, we did nothing more than kiss—though we did a lot of that. I wasn’t going to rush it. Things would progress when we were both ready.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Seth
The door opened and Em stood there, smiling at me. She stepped forward and kissed me. “Don’t you have a key or something?” she teased, raising an eyebrow.
I weaved my arm around her back and pushed her up against me. “No, I just know where you keep your spare. There’s a difference.”
“And the fact that you know that tells me what a true gentleman you are.” She laughed. “Come on in. How do you feel about sushi?”
“I don’t,” I replied, screwing up my nose.
She laughed again. “Okay, pizza it is, then.”
I shoved my hands in my pockets and watched her as she picked up the phone and ordered dinner. She looked fucking gorgeous in her gray silk blouse and charcoal skirt. She hung up the phone and I walked over to her.
“I would’ve eaten sushi for you,” I commented with a grin.
Her lips lifted into a smile as her long, dark lashes closed and then opened, revealing those beautiful green eyes. “I know. But it’s no fun if you’re just going to sit there and screw up your nose.” She dropped my hand and stepped toward the kitchen. “Do you want a drink?” she asked.
I nodded. “A beer would be nice.”
She opened the bottle and handed it to me.
While we waited for dinner, we watched TV—or rather, she watched TV and I watched her, because even after a week of being together it still felt so unreal, as if any moment I was going to wake up and realize that this had all been in my head.
I ran
my fingers over my pocket, trying to feel for the tiny charm I was hiding there. Still there. It was safe. I had no idea when the right time to give it to her was . . . or if there ever would be a right time. The last thing I wanted to do was make her sad. This had all seemed like such a great idea a couple of days ago.
The intercom buzzed. Em jumped up to answer it while I grabbed some plates from the kitchen. She came back into the living room carrying the pizza.
“We could’ve just used our hands.” She laughed, her cheeks glowing with color as she rolled her eyes at the plates in my hands.
“And end up with crumbs everywhere? No way. You know how I feel about mess.”
“Your mom hired you guys a maid in college because you were such slobs,” she exclaimed, her mouth dropping open.
“Hey, that was all Andy, not me,” I replied. “I was an innocent victim, forced to live in a health-hazard situation. Mom took pity on me.”
Em laughed and shook her head. Taking two slices out of the box, she set them on her plate and handed the box to me. Our eyes met as my fingers brushed past hers. Even a simple touch from her sent my body into a spin. It was crazy, but from the way she’d jumped, and the color spreading across her face, I knew she’d felt it too.
We ate in silence. How was I going to do this? What if she reacted badly? I spied the bracelet as it hung over her left wrist, the delicate little charms rolling loosely around the fine silver chain. Now. Just give it to her and get it over with.
Just as I opened my mouth, she stood up and gathered our empty plates.
“Hey, come back here for a second.” I grabbed her hand and pulled her down onto the armchair with me. She laughed as she fell into my lap. “Sorry,” I muttered. Was this even a good idea?
“What are you doing?” She giggled, linking her hands around my neck. Her eyes met mine as she leaned in and kissed me. God, her lips are so soft and sweet. I could go on kissing her forever. Pressing my mouth against hers, I found myself wondering how in the hell I’d gotten so lucky.
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