Sive

by Daniela Jackson

  “You didn’t answer the phone,” I rasp.

  The rest of the boys tumble into the house and they surround her like flies would fly around the bin.

  “So-rry, A-xel.”

  Boulder’s expression softens and he looks like a fucking saint. He shakes hands with Sive and introduces himself to her. Blaze does the same and the rest of the boys crowd around her to squeeze her hand as well. Dash can’t take his eyes off her. He looks like a bear that has noticed a jar of honey.

  “Get out,” I say. “Now. The show is over.”

  “You go,” Blaze says. “And we will look after that sweet little mermaid.”

  The boys’ laughter tears at the air, and Sive covers her ears with her palms. Her tired face turns white and she starts panting. It looks like something is far too much for her. I elbow my way towards the couch, sit beside her and plant her on my lap. My arms entwine her chest and I push her cheek against my heart area. She curls into my embrace like a scared little animal seeking a hideout.

  “Get out,” I say. “She hasn’t recovered enough to deal with such a crude horde of Neanderthals. An old person would have a heart attack at the sight of you all.”

  Boulder gestures for the boys to leave the house and they evacuate themselves in silence one by one. Only Zane remains by the coffee table.

  “What is it baby?” I ask and stroke Sive’s head.

  She gasps and her body shivers against mine so I draw her even closer to me.

  “She has a panic attack,” Zane says.

  “How do you know that, you pundit?” I bark.

  “Did you even ask her what happened in her life?” Zane rasps. “Or you’re just going to dress her in those lacy scraps of fabric?”

  “She’s unwell, Zane. And you should get back to work.”

  “She needs proper care—“

  “Get back to work.”

  “If you hurt her, Axel—“

  “Get back to work, Zane.”

  My brother growls with fury, backs up and leaves the house. Sive weeps into my chest. The blanket slides down onto the floor and heat rushes to my cock. A beautiful chick wearing only a nightdress is sitting on my lap and seeking safety in my arms. A few patches of grease dot her skin but it turns me on even more.

  “That’s okay, Sive,” I say. “The boys are so ugly that I’m sometimes scared of them too.”

  Sive giggles and raises her eyes to mine. She exhales with a loud vibratory sound, and her body stops trembling. My whole skin tingles at the sensation of her softness. Her scent makes my mind hazy.

  My palm grips her waist and I stop thinking rationally. I grind her bottom against my hard on and wind her hair around my fist, pulling it down. Her eyes widen and her lips part as I plant a kiss on her throat, graze her chin then cover her mouth with mine.

  It’s not right, but I can’t stop. My tongue forces its way into her mouth and she moans softly. She tastes of mint and orange juice. Her mouth opens wider and her body becomes taut but it only makes me more insane. I want to devour her all. My mouth moves down to her neck and I bite it lightly. Sive shivers in my arms; her body softens and melts into mine. I feel her palms on my shoulders, fingers digging in my flesh as I kiss her neck harder and mark her skin with my teeth. It’s madness—her convulsive sweet gasps, her whimpers and her moans. Fuck. I’ve never heard anything more arousing. Her palms run up my neck to either side of my face, tasting me like she is an excited blind child.

  My mouth searches for hers again, and she allows me to explore her as her tongue shyly touches mine.

  I grip her hips and lift her so she can straddle my lap. Our kiss doesn’t break though. Her thighs wrap around my waist and her fingers sink into my hair. Her touch is delicate, timid but full of power. Her power over me.

  It’s like that one moment in my life when I stood on the beach and watched the fury of the ocean. The wind whipped my body and threatened me. The rumble of waves deafened me. The primeval energy of nature invaded my soul, connected me to something mystical and beyond my human understanding.

  This connection with Sive now is even more wild and powerful. She separates her mouth from mine, takes a rapid breath and looks at me with blazing eyes. There is hunger in her gaze as primal as mine is. It contradicts the innocence of her face, waking an animal in me.

  My hand slips between her thighs and goes up to the heat of her pussy, but she grips my wrist and takes my hand off her.

  “Did that evil man hurt you?” I rasp and she nods. “Did he rape you?”

  Coldness runs through my veins as I await her answer.

  “Nno,” Sive says and touches her lips with her fingertips.

  “He kissed you and you didn’t like it?”

  She bobs her head at me.

  “But you like it when I’m kissing you?” I ask gently.

  “A-xel,” she hums and closes her eyes.

  Her beautiful lips curl into a smile so I crush them with mine and palm her breast. Sive squirms on my lap.

  “What is it, baby?” I ask. “You don’t like it?”

  She chuckles. “A-xel.”

  My fingers pinch her nipple and she gasps, bending her neck back, then looks into my eyes and shoves my hand away.

  “Why not?” I ask.

  I’m getting insane, but something cold brushes my mind. She is young and disabled, kisses like a fourteen-year-old, and blushes each time I’m around her.

  “Have you ever been with a man, Sive?”

  Her face turns bright red, and she shakes her head. Her fingers roll into fists. I have my answer.

  It’s like somebody has poured a bucket of cold water over my head. My mind clears in an instant.

  Men like me don’t touch chicks like her; they don’t fuck them and don’t hurt them. I can’t do this to her. She deserves to be treated like a little princess, to be loved and adored. She deserves normalcy and I’m unable to give that to her.

  “Sive,” I say in a firm voice and her faces winces. “We can’t do this. Do you understand? You should stay away from me.”

  She moves away and curls into the couch, sitting on her heels.

  “I’m sorry,” I say. “It’s not about you. I’m a bad man, ya know. I won’t touch you again; I promise.”

  “Hy-ppo-crite.”

  “What?”

  “Hy-ppo-crite.”

  The sound of the front door creaking open startles her and we both turn our heads towards a person striding over to us. It’s Ma.

  “Ma, what are you doing here?”

  “What am I doing here?” Ma sucks in a breath. “I’m your mother. I’m here to be your mother.”

  She approaches the couch, glances at Sive and presses the back of her hand against her forehead. Sive freezes at Ma’s touch.

  “There is no fever,” Ma says and her eyes roam over the greasy smudges on my chest and the black stains on the couch.

  Her glance travels to Sive and she shakes her head.

  “Did you feed her?” Ma asks and strokes Sive’s head.

  “Ma, I’m a grown up man. I know what to do.”

  Ma tries to remove a greasy dot on Sive’s cheek with her thumb. “Really?”

  I rise to my feet and lift my hands in a warding gesture. “Can you look after her until I finish in the garage?”

  “Go,” Ma says. “I will feed her, bath her and dress her in some decent clothes.” She shoots me a furious glance. “She’s eighteen, isn’t she?”

  “Yeah,” I say.

  “And you are saying you are a grown up man?” Ma says and leans towards Sive. “I’m Amanda.”

  “I-I amm Sive.” Sive raises her hand and Ma squeezes it with hers.

  Ma turns her face towards me and wipes away a tear leaking from her eye. “Go.” I can see she is really pissed off with me.

  I walk towards the front door and feel like I’ve perpetrated a mortal sin, like I have the conscience of a saint.

  Chapter 10

  Sive

  He kissed
me. No—

  He devoured me like I was his favourite food and he hadn’t eaten for three days. And I allowed him to kiss me.

  I loved the way he touched me, but panic paralysed me and suddenly it was too much for me to bear.

  Then he left me mortified. I’m not surprised that he didn’t want me. Who wants a cripple without any experience in bed?

  I feel like an old unwanted toy. Like a lower being. Like I’m a disgrace to the female race.

  I watch Amanda. She seems to be a tough woman but she is nice to me. I’m a bit scared of her so I obey her commands without any objection.

  Zane looks almost like her, but her hair has a vibrant auburn colour and grey roots. She is slim and tall. A jeans skirt shows off her long legs and a chequered sleeveless shirt exposes her inked muscular arms.

  She cooks lunch for me, inspects the quality of my shower and picks up a dress for me. Then I sit at the kitchen table, eating my meal, and she untangles my damp hair. It hurts, but I don’t emit a single groan. Amanda puts the hairbrush on the table and makes a braid of my hair, then inspects the bruise on my forehead.

  “Any headaches?” she asks.

  I shake my head.

  “Dizziness?” she continues. “Nausea?”

  “Nno.”

  “You want my son?” She lays her hand on my shoulder.

  My eyebrows arch and I freeze. I don’t want him. He’s just humiliated me and my insides are still burning like there is a real fire inside me. I don’t encourage him to touch me even though I want that badly. The truth is that he does to me whatever he fancies to do.

  I’m a cripple, but I have my pride and dignity. I’ll move out as soon as I find a room or something.

  “You better start growing a thick skin,” Amanda says.

  “I-I donn’t want hhim.”

  “Really?” She takes my empty plate and puts in the sink. “Have you seen your neck, child?”

  My chest fills with a choking sensation and shakiness spreads to my veins. I want the earth to swallow me instantly.

  Amanda tilts her head. “Watch TV and I’ll clean up the house.”

  I nod at her and sit in the couch.

  Amanda starts cleaning the space upstairs as I collect my clothes from the airier and put them neatly on the inside arm of the couch, then take my sketchbook and graphite pencils out of my bag.

  I have to start earning money but without a camera and laptop, it will be impossible so I start drawing for pleasure.

  After about half an hour, my eyes grow heavy. Amanda gives me an encouraging nod, and I decide to have a nap.

  Amanda wakes me, shaking my arm when it’s dark outside. She forces me to eat a sandwich and sends me to bed. I don’t protest. I could sleep for eternity. I guess it’s my stress wearing off.

  I curl into the bed and drop off to sleep.

  A heated conversation downstairs shakes me out of my dream.

  “She’s not one of your sluts, Axel,” Amanda says in a harsh voice.

  “Why are you so interested?” Axel growls. “Jeez, you’re so nosy. You’re always so nosy.”

  “You either treat her with respect or get rid of her.”

  “She is renting a bedroom in my house.”

  “Really? And paying with what? I saw the marks on her neck. Damn it, Axel, I’ve never said a word. But not with her. You understand?”

  A wave of embarrassment washes over my chest and my palm covers my neck as I turn on my side. The last twelve hours or so have made me mortified so many times that I shouldn’t even exist now.

  “I saw the news,” Amanda continues. “You know who she is?”

  “As you noticed it’s difficult to talk to her,” Axel snaps.

  Well, it seems like Axel’s favourite activity now is humiliating me.

  “She is a cop’s stepdaughter,” Amanda says. “He’s looking for her. She’s just buried her mother.”

  “It explains a lot.”

  “Like what?”

  “That dick wanted to hurt her, Ma.”

  “I guess there was a lot of shit between them. She wouldn’t have decided to escape from him otherwise.”

  “I will find a safe place for her and help her to blend in so he will never find her.”

  “She can live with me for a while,” Amanda says in a firm voice.

  My heart skips a beat. I’d love to live with Amanda. She’s bossy but really nice. I could clean her house and cook for her in return for her hospitality.

  “I planned to sell my apartment,” Amanda says, “and move in with Boulder—“

  “Haven’t you had enough?”

  “We want to try again.”

  “Okay, Ma. Maybe it will work out for you both. Take care of your life and I’ll take care of mine. Sive is staying with me then.”

  Every atom in my body jumps. A fucking bad luck. I’m cursed or what?

  “For how long?” Amanda asks.

  “I don’t know. For as long as she wants to stay with me. I don’t know. She... I don’t know. She...”

  There is an eerie silence for a moment. Then Amanda bursts into laughter.

  “What?” Axel growls.

  “I can see that now.”

  “What?” Axel growls louder.

  “You wouldn’t have allowed me to take her anyway,” Amanda says with sarcasm. “You need to think, sweetie, about a lot of things. Fuck me. Axel, this is—“

  “Goodnight, Ma.”

  “I’m not blind, ya know. Your eyes when you—“

  “Goodnight Ma.”

  “I know you, Axel. I’m your mother. You and her—“

  “Ma,” Axel roars.

  “Goodnight. If you needed help or advice call me.”

  The front door slams shut and the thumping of Axel’s feet comes closer to me. I hitch up the comforter and roll on my other side as he knocks on the door and walks in.

  “Sive?”

  I suck in a breath and pretend to be fast asleep. Axel perches on the bed and pulls at the comforter. My hand jerks down and I clutch it, pulling it up again.

  “Can we talk?” Axel asks.

  “Nno.”

  “Amanda has left breakfast for you in the fridge.”

  I sit up and wrap myself up in the comforter. “Llu-nch.”

  “I will cook lunch for you.”

  “I-I wa-ntt.”

  “You want to cook? Will you be well enough?”

  I nod at him.

  He must have had a shower because he smells of shower gel. A streak of light is pouring into the bedroom through the gap in the door and it’s enough to notice that he is wearing only his jeans. I want him to go. It’s so awkward for me to be around him. My lips still remember his kiss. My body is still yearning for his touch.

  “How are you feeling, Sive?”

  “Ffine.”

  “Do you want something to drink? A glass of juice? Water?”

  I shake my head. Amanda took care of me. She did not allow me to be hungry or thirsty.

  “Hungry?” Axel asks.

  Why can’t he just go to bed? It’s ridiculous. It must be very late. Not to mention that we are strangers to each other. He shouldn’t even be here now. I’m renting this bedroom, right? So I want some privacy.

  I growl and my hands clutch the comforter.

  “It’s okay, Sive. We don’t have to talk. I know it’s tiring for you.”

  Being around you is tiring for me. Why won’t you just go?

  “I can talk monologues to you,” Axel says and winks at me.

  This is becoming funny.

  You don’t want to fuck me, but you’re going to talk to me. No fucking way. I need some proper sleep. I have plans for tomorrow. Who said that I wanted to be your friend?

  “Your stepfather is looking for you,” Axel says, “but you chose a good hideout. He will never find you here. You are safe with me.”

  “Ggo, A-xel.”

  He sighs and rises to his feet in one smooth motion. “Goodnight, Sive.”<
br />
  I wave my hand at him and fall onto the pillow. Sleep doesn’t want to release me from that trap I put myself into so I roll in bed. Then I have to use the toilet, but fortunately, Axel is in the other bedroom. My nightmare continues as I return to bed and stare at the window. Stifle my urge to go to him and fall into his arms. Choke back tears.

  It’s grey outside as I depart into oblivion.

  I get up when the sun is high in the sky. The noises from the garage waft through the silence lingering in the house. I pick up a dress and underwear and go to have a shower, then take my breakfast out of the fridge. Axel is at work so a wave of happiness washes over my heart. I’m on my own and the house belongs to me if only for a moment.

  With a sandwich in one hand, I open my sketchbook with my other hand and start drawing just for exercise. And for pleasure. I love it. It’s like a sweet addiction to me. The only thing I had in common with my mother.

  I’m going to cook today. Exploring the cupboards and the freezer, I find some chicken and flour, two onions and some lettuce.

  Cooking was my favourite subject at school, apart from art. I tried recipes from different cuisines, Colombian, Russian, even Korean.

  I prepare dough for the kind of buns and cook six of them in a pan. In another pan, I fry chopped onion and chicken, adding the herbs I found in the cupboard. When everything is ready, I stuff the buns with the chicken and top them with the lettuce. Two layers of aluminium foil will keep them warm for a while and I pack each bun separately, then put them into a plastic bag and slip into my trainers. The blue summer dress covering my body looks horrible with my trainers but at least they are clean.

  I know the way to the garage and the noise guides me. The boys shout and swear as I enter a space smelling of petrol, oil, rubber and male sweat. Everything is dirty, greasy and scary here.

  I notice Dash and Gunner, then Zane who waves his hand at me, striding towards me. He wears only his jeans and boots and the streaks of grease stretch on his naked chest and cheeks.

  “Hi,” he says as he stands in front of me. “What such a pretty girl like you is doing in such an ugly place like this?”

  I chuckle. He is very nice. And very handsome. And looks only a bit older than me.