Sive

by Daniela Jackson

  She moves to the side and starts stitching up. It burns like hell, but her fingers work expertly like she has been doing that for many years.

  I take a regular anaesthesia, sipping my vodka, whilst Sive is sitting, cross-legged, and continues with the suture. My mind blurs and sharpens alternately like a chain of flashing images and pauses of blackness, and I notice that now Sive is behind me, working on my other wound.

  “I love you,” I say. “I love you so much that I will kill everybody who even thinks about taking you from me. Can you hear me? And I fucking love you even more.”

  “Shutt upp.”

  The needle pierces my skin, but with all the vodka flowing in my veins, it’s just a slight stinging to me. Ants bite like this.

  “When you finish, I’ll fuck you in the ass. You’ll like it, baby.”

  Sive moves to face me. Even though I’m drunk, her rigid glance sends freeze into my veins. She tilts her head and watches me in silence. And she’s not my Sive. Something about her is different. She’s a woman with cold eyes, completely aloof, a stranger even. An eerie power radiates from within her, but I want her even more. I want to dominate her.

  “You are so beautiful,” I say.

  I’m really drunk. Sive chuckles and inspects the cut on my cheek, then holds another needle and works on the suture.

  “Do you want such an ugly monster like me?” I ask and want to scold myself. I’m too honest. It’s dangerous.

  Sive growls at me and holds my chin between her thumb and forefinger, correcting the position of my face. The cut needs only four stitches.

  My mind is hazier and hazier. The world starts spinning around me, and I feel Sive’s tiny hands squeeze my shoulders. I think I’m crawling towards my bed, but there is too much of the fog in my head to be certain. Then there is only blackness.

  Pain wakes me up. It’s burning like a real fire has seized my back and face. It comes in pulsating waves, growing in strength. I tumble out of the bed and my eyes scan my body. I’m wearing the pyjama pants and my wounds are dressed.

  “Sive,” I say in a hoarse voice, but nobody answers me.

  She is not in the bedroom. Looking through the window, I notice that the sun is at its highest point.

  I walk towards the stairs, every muscle of my body contracting with agony, my throat dry like I haven’t drunk anything for weeks. My breathing accelerates as dizziness fills my head. Every step is a challenge for me.

  As I stop at the bottom of the stairs, my eyes travel to Ma sitting at the table with my favourite mug in her hand.

  “How are you, sweetie?” she asks.

  “Where is Sive?” I rasp.

  An eerie energy wafts through me. It feels like a wind has swept among the molecules of my body. Something is going to change dramatically in my life. I just fucking know that.

  Ma shakes her head and flashes me a warm smile. “Calm down. Boulder took her to ‘Jilly Jet’. She wanted to give Blaze her drawings. And also the fridge needed some supplies. They will be back in an hour or so. Don’t worry, you lover-boy.”

  I collapse into the couch as Ma rinses her mug under the tap and she approaches me, then unfolds every dressing.

  “Sive’s talented little fingers,” she says with amazement. “Perfect. Very neat. She learns new things so fast, ya know.”

  “She is smart.”

  Ma brings me some painkillers and a glass of water. “Take them.”

  I swallow two pills and wash them down.

  “She is very smart indeed,” Ma continues. “I have those Mensa books—“

  “Yeah, you wanted to check Zane and me; I remember.”

  “You both refused it. So I checked Sive. Her IQ is one hundred and forty-two.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means that you are too stupid for her, sweetie. No offence. She reads in three languages. Did you know about it?”

  Uneasiness stirs inside me. “No.”

  “She’s very good at maths. She could help you with the garage. I mean with all the paperwork.”

  “The garage is mine,” I growl. “I don’t need any help.”

  I don’t know which pisses me off more—Sive’s intelligence or Ma’s suggestions. Of course, my mother is right, but I’m not going to tell her that. And of course, my Sive is very smart but I’m not going to tell her that.

  Ma chuckles as the front door creaks open and Sive walks in. Boulder is right behind her, two bags swinging in his hand. He looks like an old cock trying to impress a young hen. Sive lifts her head and her eyes lock on mine. A bright smile spreads across her face, and she raises her hand with a pile of money.

  “Blaze gave her one hundred and fifty for three drawings,” Boulder says. “What a scrooge.” He puts the bags on the kitchen table.

  I rise to my feet with a groan escaping my mouth and lean over Sive, tearing the money from her hand. “For the rent. For six months in advance.”

  Sive squeals like a baby mouse and widens her eyes at me. Ma wants to kill me with her glance and Boulder smirks.

  “What?” I fall onto the couch. “She is too young to have so much money. I will take care of her and of the money.”

  If she has no money, she won’t move out. It’s as simple as that.

  “Have a shower first,” Ma says.

  “That’s a good idea,” I say and shuffle to the bathroom.

  As I walk out of it fifteen minutes later, Ma is cooking dinner and Boulder is talking to Sive. They are sitting in the couch and sipping orange juice. I go to the bedroom and pull on a pair of jeans, then hide Sive’s money in the drawer with a lock and join the others.

  We eat at the kitchen table and Sive doesn’t look at me. Not even once. Like I’m invisible to her.

  So I continue to be a part of this parody called a family dinner. Everybody knows that I have just returned from a really shitty job, but we are talking about food. Sive nods at Boulder and Ma and keeps her nose low, almost nudging her mashed potatoes.

  “Come to the office in two days,” Boulder says to me and his eyes turn icy cold. “And have some proper rest.”

  “Sive will look after him,” Ma says and tilts her head towards Boulder.

  They rise from their seats and collect the plates, then leave the house. Sive and I are sitting at the table and it’s quiet like we’re in some fucking catacombs.

  Sive clutches the edge of the table and lifts herself.

  “Sit down,” I growl.

  Her face stiffens, but she obeys me.

  “What do you want to know, Sive?”

  “No-thingg.”

  “Really?”

  “Rea-lly.”

  “Okay, you’ve probably figured out everything. But maybe I want to know something.” I raise my palms and hold them vertically. Something cracks and crumbles into pieces inside me. It’s like a spark appears in my head, grows into a flame which in turn forms a violent unstoppable flood of volcanic lava. It’s like my whole being is going to pour out of me. Like I have no control over myself. “You can see these hands, Sive? These are the hands of a killer. The killer who has killed five people. They were human trash but still people. Do you want these hands to touch you?”

  Sive freezes like a sculpture, her face cadaverous. She turns her head and stares at the window, choking back tears. Her body shakes.

  “I killed that man who attacked you on the road, Sive. I didn’t intend to but I did. I killed a drug dealer yesterday and I beat two gangsters. Are you still able to love me?”

  Sive rises to her feet and saunters towards the front door, slowly like she’s a ghost. There is a cold silence like we’re standing on the edge of a glacier.

  I guess that means she will not love me any longer. I don’t even know why I have told her that. Do I want redemption? Do I want somebody to carry that darkness with me?

  I think I want a strong woman by my side. The woman who would accept me, support me. Be with me no matter what.

  My head drops as the front
door slams shut behind Sive. I sit with my elbows on my lap and I feel like there is no me. There is a black nothingness in my head and around me. Time passes but I’m numb, unable to move. Some thoughts flash through my mind, blurry at first, then clearer and clearer.

  Sive might go to Grant Ruiz or might as well be fifty miles from here. Maybe she will even attempt to put me in jail. I don’t really care. My life seems to be pointless without her.

  I will end up killing more people until somebody succeeds in killing me. That’s my future.

  A warm breeze brushes my forehead and somebody’s fingers thread through my hair. I raise my head and glance at an angel. At my Sive. She is standing between my knees and dives her hands under her dress. Her panties slide down to her ankles and she steps out of them, then leans forward and starts unzipping my jeans.

  I can’t move, but my hard dick lives its own life and springs out. Sive straddles my lap and holds me in her hand delicately, stroking me up and down. Warmth spreads from my groin to my toes. She rises on her tiptoes and impales herself on my cock. Her bottom grinds against my hips and her face wrinkles in pain.

  I’m causing her pain; I always will. But she can handle that pain. She can handle me, take the darkness from me if only for a moment.

  Her fingers slide under the straps of her dress and bra and she lowers them, exposing her breasts, then takes my hands and places them on her chest. Her forehead rests against mine and her body shivers.

  I lean back in the chair, palming her breasts as she starts riding me, a saint with her hair like the ocean’s fury and a whore at the same time. Her hips move back and forth, slowly. On her face, pain mingles with pleasure as she gasps, moans softly and hums my name. Her body sways faster, movements more frantic, and she digs her fingers into my shoulders.

  I’m on the brink. The heat of my desire surges through my veins, dense and basic. Ravenous like my whole being is nothing more than just a pure intense sensation. I hook Sive under the arms with my hands as her body becomes taut and her orgasm tears through her. Her eyes flutter and her hot pussy contracts around my cock.

  I move her up and down, then grind her bottom against my groin and shoot my load into her. I’m in a different dimension for a moment. It’s like the Universe has exploded inside me. As my mind returns to reality, my arms close around Sive and I hold that tiny trembling body like I’m sheltering her from the whole world.

  “Bbe care-full.”

  “I will, Sive; I promise. I will always return to you.”

  And you will be with me forever. I don’t want more in my life, just to wake up beside you.

  Sive rises from my lap and helps me go to bed. We lie down on our sides, naked, facing each other.

  My thumb smoothes her lower lip. Our gazes meet and something is different between us. We are equal. And we are really together.

  Chapter 22

  Sive

  I wake up as a different person. The old Sive died. The new Sive was born. I’m filthy like Axel and I want that. I belong in this house, this town and this dangerous life. Because that is my choice. I am his woman. His equal.

  I’m like Amanda. She chose this life because she loved Boulder. And she loved the money.

  I love Axel. With the money, I’m unsure.

  Axel gets up and prepares breakfast for us then we go to my gallery. Except it’s a dark and gloomy tobacco shop. We order beige and white paint for the walls then go to a cafe to have lunch. Axel is still in pain but wolfs down his food like he’s been starving for weeks.

  I try to teach him sign language but it’s a challenge for me because he is more interested in my breasts than in my tuition.

  We go to buy a phone for me, then walk to his house and he starts groping me as we pass the garage. His hand plunges under my dress and moves to the junction between my thighs.

  “Nno.”

  “What?”

  I am on my period, a little earlier than I expected and it’s not as heavy as always. Just some spotting but I don’t want Axel to touch me there.

  His hand doesn’t stop so I guess that I didn’t sound very convincing. He touches my sanitary pad and gazes at me with a mischievous flicker in his eyes.

  “Is it a problem?” he asks and his lips cover mine.

  For God’s sake, it is. That man has no restrain.

  We tumble into the house and end up in the couch. I lie on my back and Axel is on top of me, half-naked. His fingers slide under my panties and touch my ass.

  “Nno.”

  “No? For how long?”

  I show him three fingers.

  “Three days? Sive, I’ll go mad.”

  He lowers his head and his mouth brushes my cleavage. His hands slide under my dress and he pulls it over my head, then unhooks my bra and tosses it onto the floor. And we kiss.

  Axel is very gentle and slow. He gives a lot of attention to my breasts and attempts to shove his hand under my panties, but I don’t allow him to touch me there.

  My lips mould to his and it’s like a dance, slow and sensual. Every brush of his fingertips makes my skin prickle. Every kiss of his lips makes me float in a sweet torture.

  “You are not on the pill, are you?” Axel asks.

  Eureka. What took you so long to discover that?

  I shake my head and he strokes my hair.

  “I like kids,” Axel says. “I don’t mind having kids.”

  It means that we’ll have a lot of them. Soon.

  “I don’t mind having kids with you, Sive. I would mind with any other woman but not with you. I mean... Jeez, the talking is so difficult. I didn’t with others... I was always very careful. It was only with you. Because you belong to me.”

  I hope that he means protected sex with others. Protected like using condoms. Besides, I am clean; no other man touched me before him, and that hypocrite isn’t scared of catching anything from me.

  His lips are on mine again. I sink my hands into his hair and massage his head, then move them down to his back and touch him with my fingertips, avoiding the dressings.

  “Are you happy?” Axel asks.

  I am deliriously happy.

  “I mean,” Axel continues, “maybe you are bored or something. You’ll have your gallery but maybe you want to go to school?” He plants his kisses on my neck. “Not now. In the future. Now I want you to be here all the time.”

  At least he asked me this time. We are making a progress.

  The front door creaks open and Zane sneaks inside.

  “Where is the lunch?” Zane asks as his eyes fix on my breasts and a wide smile spreads across his face.

  “In the town,” Axel says and grabs his t-shirt, pulling it on me.

  Zane drops into the chair at the table. “A sandwich will do.”

  I get up, rush to the kitchen and start preparing sandwiches.

  “I’m taking Sive to the cinema tomorrow,” Zane says. “You are keeping her here like she’s a prisoner.”

  “I’m busy tomorrow,” Axel says. “We can go another time.”

  “I didn’t intend to take you,” Zane says. “Just Sive. Dad will entertain you tomorrow and I will entertain Sive. Right?” He winks at me.

  I place the plate between his elbows and nod at him. I have never been to the cinema. The idea kind of intrigues me.

  “Just the cinema,” Axel says, clearly angry. “You take her there and bring her back once the movies has finished.”

  “Man,” Zane says, “she is a free human. I won’t steal her from you. I just want to entertain her.”

  Axel shoots him a hostile glance. “She’s still a kid and she should not wander in the town.”

  Zane chuckles and bites into his sandwich. “When are we going to see you in the garage?”

  “Finish your sandwich and let’s go to the garage,” Axel says then glances at me. “You okay? Anything you need?”

  “A few hours without you on her, maybe?” Zane smirks as I shake my head.

  I will draw. I have a few ideas o
f how to decorate the walls in my gallery. I would want more kissing though. More of tender touching. But I guess it’s never perfect in life.

  Axel approaches me and plants a soft kiss on my lips, then tilts his head at Zane and they walk off.

  Axel

  “What’s wrong?” I ask as we saunter towards the back door of the garage.

  “Two Cobras beat Gunner,” Zane says, “in return for our warning. He’s fine now but will be absent from work for a few days.”

  “I told Boulder it was a bad idea.”

  “It’s getting pretty shitty. Did you think about Sive? How is she going to fit into this shit?”

  “She will fit, no worries.”

  “I mean, I wish you all the best, but she can do better than this. I don’t know. Maybe you were right. Guys like us don’t touch chicks like her.”

  “It’s too late anyway.”

  “Just don’t let anything bad happen to her.”

  We enter the garage and the number of jobs to do makes my head throb. The boys are sinking under the workload, exhaustion and tension sharpening their faces.

  I work until midnight, just the lighter stuff so my wounds will not open. I call Sive ten times and pop in the house to eat something.

  She is fast asleep when I’m back at last so I take a shower and slip under the comforter next to her, pulling her soft warm body to mine.

  The next morning, I leave her after the sunrise and go to the garage. Sive brings lunch for all of us and I steal a few kisses from her.

  In the afternoon, Boulder takes me to the office in ‘Jilly Jet’.

  We are the only occupants of the room, sitting opposite each other.

  “So,” Boulder starts, “how is life?”

  He never asks about my wounds or whether the job was done without any complications. It’s always ‘how is life’.

  “Everything is fine.”

  “Good.”

  “Why am I here?”

  “Since Sive is going to stay with you for longer—“

  “Don’t tell me what to do,” I snap. “I know what to do.”