Rigadoon

by Louis-Ferdinand Celine

  “Dottore! Dottore! we’re late!”

  Felipe’s trying to hurry me up … he’s right … I’d sort of lost track …

  “Right you are! … the train! … the train!”

  It’s all right with the kids … but we’ve got this tarp … full up … to tote … we all grab hold, we drag it … good strong canvas, it holds … there aren’t so many of us, but between us and the kids we’ll get there … come to think of it, I haven’t counted them! … we take the same route … the crevasse is slippery … a little snow has fallen, not much, a bit of powder … so let’s go! back to the train, our flatcars! … assuming they’re still there! … that the train hasn’t moved! … anyway somebody’s calling us from up there, from the top of the embankment! … guttural! … los! los! … a Kraut! … two Krauts! … we should hurry! … not passengers, the passengers weren’t talking … it’s the engineers, they’re in a hurry … but we’ve got the provisions … they’re not dragging this tarp, it’s us and our drooling cretins … and it’s not easy … fits and starts! … take a break! and pick her up! … another few yards! … this enormous pile … it’s not them, it’s us! … hanging on for dear life! … Bébert follows us … on his own … okay, okay, we’re coming! … the whole side of the basin to go … you get the picture … a struggle! … los! los! … mighty impatient up there! … but come down and help us? oh no! … what’s it to them if we die in the traces! … what’s so urgent up there? … a fire? … there’s always a fire, always and everywhere! … the nitwits! … “ja! ja! we’re coming!” … we’re almost there … but the kids are stumbling too much … they’re all in … they let us drag them with the tarp … they hold on … we stop, we put them back on their feet more or less … and here we go again! … now I see them, those two impatient characters up there … los! los! two engineers … we’re coming! … and look what we’ve got! … plenty of loot under that mountain! … that blister … I’ve told you … I’m not going to tell you again … high, two three times as high as Notre Dame … we’re almost there … only the embankment … and the roadbed … but I don’t see any passengers … not a one! all gone off to town? … or back where they came from, wedged between the searchlights? … one thing for sure, our two loudmouths haven’t calmed down … los! los! what’s so urgent? … was? was? … I shout back! … what? … the R.A.F., the “fortresses!” … they’re on alert! … if you ask me, they’re epileptic! … is the alert still on? “quick! quick!” … they’re bellowing! … got to get the train out of there! … they’re going to burn the whole place down! … okay! let’s go! … but what about Odile? that’s easy, she’s not moving! … the whole world can go up in thunder and smoke! … we offer to take her with us … no! she refuses! she coughs, she spits blood, okay! she refuses to travel any more … I should take her brats, I should save them, she gives them to us! they seem to be happy with us, they even laugh, well, in their own way, hiccups and slobber, first time we’d seen them laughing, they limp, they stumble, they flop, they slobber and cry, but cheerfully all in all … Felipe opens cans for them, the whole lot, first with a chunk of iron, then with a real can opener, the tarp’s full of them … man! are they sucking! … “all aboard!” … the kids aren’t worrying about Odile, they see us get on, so they get on, they settle down on the first flatcar with us … Lili, Bébert, and me … but the loot! … our cans, our jam, our bread! … and the chocolate bars! Felipe helps us, so do the two old engineers, the tarp, the whole stock, up on our flatcar! … heave! right next to the loco … I was the only one … I couldn’t make it … I’ve got to admit the little cretins helped, every one of them … we leave Odile four cans, and plenty of jam and bread … don’t worry! we’ve got all we need! … “Felipe! … Felipe! …” he hasn’t lost any time, he answers from the other side of the tracks, another flatcar, he’s leaving too, right away, his train’s all made up! … his “Magdeburg express” … “Dottore! Dottore!” … he’s getting back to da boss … I don’t answer … got to hoist myself aboard … with the tarp, thanks to the tarp I’ll make it … I hold on tight! here I go! … right in the middle of the provisions! … the kids are all hiccupping, their way of laughing! … I’m so comical! … all right with me! … hey! … now our two ancient engineers are making fun of us too, the insolent louts! … so help me! … they’re old, about as old as me now … “alert” or not, what can it mean to them? … at a certain age nothing means anything … unless you’re in advertising, selling “eternal youth pills” … anyway we’ve got everything we need, I’m lying on it … man, the stuff we’ve brought back from that grotto! … that bell … blister … abyss … that buried grocery store … we’ve got everything … we’ll take inventory later, plenty of time … victuals, cans, and memories … “get moving! … get moving! los! los!” … my turn to yell! … they should evacuate these lousy flatcars! … this station’s going to be burned down! … I know the score! so now I’m shouting at them: alert! alert! they should get moving! … cars, loco, jam, and condensed milk! … I’m a damn sight more “alert” than these two septuagenarians, these insolent bald toothless engineers … who have the crust to give orders! … “lazy bastards!” … I give it to them good … “get going! saboteurs! … imbeciles! … traitors!” … that’s a word I know well: verräter … they don’t know who they’re up against! … get up in that engine! … they’ll know soon! it works! sure thing! our flatcar’s trembling, so am I and Lili and Bébert in his bag … they’ve started up … we’re moving! lucky I gave them a piece of my mind, we’d still be there! … anger has its points sometimes, especially when you’re worn to a frazzle … anyway, we’re off! … this loco doesn’t whistle and it doesn’t choo! choo! … I don’t wave good-bye! … to anybody! … neither Felipe nor Odile … they’d made their beds! … okay! oddballs, you say? okay! so am I, take it or leave it! … the proof is that I’m here and haven’t forgotten a thing … and as you can imagine, I didn’t take notes … I’m here, not in very good shape but wide awake … and all around me … I’ve got a lot of snotty, jealous, drooling, fanatical imbeciles, worse than the pilgrims who’ve gone to Lourdes four or five times to pray that somebody will cut my throat … so naturally I’m on my guard! … that blood-spitting floozy … and that wop with his brick …

  First they had a good sleep, the kids, I mean, some right there, some a few feet away, and another bunch at the end of the platform, wedged in between a dynamo and something that looked like a transformer … some kind of contraption in a cage with a lot of springs … good shaking up we were getting … plus the bumps from in front and behind … the line had been repaired, you could see that, but not very well … we were moving, though … the main thing … and pretty fast … we’d been on worse trains … Lili asks me …

  “Now where are we going?”

  I had no idea … those two old fogies on the diesel must have known … in an hour … maybe two … I’d ask them . . I didn’t want to question them right away … in the first place I didn’t have the strength … besides, I couldn’t ask them in this bacchanal of rails, flatcars, shocks, and chains … I’d have had to bellow … I hadn’t the strength …

  “After a while, Lili, when we stop! I’ll ask them when we stop …”

  This hardware train has got to stop some time, I think … I wasn’t sure … these two old geezers … so rude … look perfectly capable of not stopping at all …1 was pretty vague about the future … nobody left but Lili and me … no more Harras … no more Restif … no more Le Vig … even Felipe was gone, him and his brick … he hadn’t been with us very long … Odile didn’t count … just time enough to palm her kids off on us … come to think of it, how many were there? … of these loonybin dropouts … I wasn’t going to look under the tarps … later … at least twelve … fifteen … it seemed to me … but what about this Felipe? … I couldn’t get him out of my mind … him and his brick … maybe I’d accused him unjustly … but if you accuse indiscriminately there’s always a chance of guessing
right … hit or miss, grope and find … a rather curious principle … all miscarriages of justice, all unwarranted decapitations were irrefutable at the time … flawless hand-stitched verdicts … there I go, off the beam again … I’ll never have any of those ideas, good for three four gilt-edged idiocies a line, that make a man feel like a fucking prodigy, a prophet without equal, convinced that nobody existed before him and that after him it’ll be a lot worse, back to zero, the robots on the blink and all the cafes jerking off dry … for my part, asepticized by ten thousand hatreds, I’m confident that I’ll never infect anybody, not even long after my demise, my humble contribution to the worms, my only sincere admirers … hey there! … I’m running wild! … each thing in its time! … I’m supposed to be telling you about that flatcar … you’ll say: that’ll do! … you’ll be right … at least ten … twenty times I’ve told you … about our rather peculiar kind of tourism in tunnels and in the open air … here for instance it’s flat country, practically no grass … the sea can’t be far off … gulls overhead … kind of like Zornhof. Say, what about the von Leidens? … the Russians must be there now … curses, back to business if you please! … my compass here … I always wore it on a chain … so nobody could fool me … north! … north! … north! … here I keep it on my desk, all rusty, a souvenir … I’d had somebody smuggle it in from Switzerland, to cross the Swiss border with … just then we were tempted by tourism, though we’re not the traveling kind … but somebody’s always trying to make us move out … impossible vermin that contaminate the air … me, who never says a word, never shows myself, never receives any visitors … oh, of course it doesn’t matter, when you get to a certain turn in the road nothing matters except fun and the cemetery … in any case we’re definitely going north … due north and pretty fast … we’ve been moving at least an hour … it’s coming on nightfall … seems to me the kids need something to drink, all they’ve had is milk, they’re sleeping but they’ll wake up … and we haven’t got any water … maybe on the other flatcars? … I’m wondering … or in the locomotive? … not far, we’re right next to it … but I don’t see our two doddering engineers … maybe they’ve bedded down somewhere after starting their engine … possible! one thing’s for sure, they’re not paying any attention to us … the sky isn’t paying any attention to us either … lucky for us! two three purrs in the distance, way high up, and that’s all … not Germans, no more Krauts in the sky … at this rate, I’ve studied the maps enough, we can’t be far from the famous “Kiel-North Sea” canal … I tell Lili … “it’ll be fun up there!” … she doesn’t get it… but I knew, I’d been through that canal a lot of times, ship’s doctor looking after the emigrants … the Havre-Danzig-Leningrad line … small freighters and a couple of pretty big ones, the Kansas, the Columbia, those ships must be on the bottom by now … anyway I knew that canal, no joke, especially the wind! freezing cold from one sea to the other, even in summer, between its giant walls, rocks and stunted pines … you were glad to get out … bridges and footbridges higher than about the first story of the Eiffel Tower … which gives you an idea of the grandiose achievement, the prestige it gave Wilhelm’s Empire … of course that Empire had other marvels to show … right now at the moment I’d have liked a drink of water … the kids too, I think … we had a whole tarp full of stuff to eat, but the only liquid I could see was those little bottles … with labels … containing what? you won’t catch me sampling them … from the pharmacy or grocery store … I’ll ask the old men on the diesel … maybe they’d like a try … it was booze, I was pretty sure, but I’d have to see them … they must have stashed themselves away somewhere, maybe they’re sleeping too … we were going slower now, a lot slower … maybe we’re arriving someplace … right! … an upgrade … this must be it … the whole shebang stops … the locomotive and our flatcar and the rest of them, the whole string … it’s pretty near dark … nobody gets off the other cars … they’re stayed in Hamburg … those men and women … where’d they come from? … I never found out … all I know is that we’re all alone, Lili and me and the kids … and all this military bric-a-brac … heading north … north, but where? I don’t know, I’ll ask … it’s not completely dark … kind of gray … on account of the searchlights in the distance, I think … light enough to see that our two old palookas have gotten down off their diesel and are groping along our platform, along the edge …

  “Nun? … well? … Wasser … water …”

  I ask them.

  “Da! … da!”

  They answer … the water’s further down! down where? … I get down to look, not alone, with Lili and Bébert … and naturally the kids too … they all drag themselves out of the tarps and climb down … they’re on the roadbed before we are … I’d seen them crawling along like sleepy cockroaches, now they were almost nimble … adventure’s the thing for kids, goofy or not, they come to life, ready to tear the house apart! … you, old man panting on the ragged edge, you’ve got situations, itineraries to worry about, your hard luck! these kids are on the roadbed, I’ve told you that … the water isn’t far away, about a hundred yards down the tracks … an enormous tub … the kids get there first … they stick their heads right into it and drink … hell, we’ll do the same! … Bébert doesn’t want any, he’s not thirsty … I ask our two old geezers if we’re pulling right out … not for a while! got to wait for the alert to be over! … we hadn’t heard a thing, Lili hadn’t and neither had I … but what’s this here? … the Kanal bridge! … oh, I’d suspected we were getting there … and here we are! … I want to make sure, it must be over there, just a few steps … right! … empty space and a lot of iron girders and arches, this is it all right, it’s the canal… they weren’t lying … way at the bottom of the darkness, the empty space, the ditch, let’s say … two three blinking lights … maybe ten … battleships? … I don’t think so … ah, now I know … I don’t need anybody to tell me … Unterseebooten! submarines! … I know all about ships and navies … no! not all, but something … anyway, I know this canal, I’ve been through it eight times … ten times … from end to end …

  I ask our old men! … they agree … those lights come from submarines … waiting for permission to enter the North Sea … but what about our train? … are we waiting for signals too? … exactly! … all clear! … got to wait! … the sirens … I don’t hear any planes at all … this canal is certainly a good place to bomb … but why would they come running at this particular moment, after four years of war … they’ll need it themselves soon for their own shipping … if they win … I wasn’t going to tell these old-timers what I was thinking … in the first place they were busy … especially one of them, who wasn’t quite as old as the other … he’d decided to shave … right then and there! … take advantage of the alert and the big tub of water … he’d brought all he needed, a torch, a little mirror, two cakes of soap … I saw where the water came from, a big droopy canvas pipe, same as here in our garden … no skin off our ass! we’d all finished drinking … he’d hung his mirror on a nail … on our flatcar … the kids and us, we’re all watching him, he’s lathering his face … just then flares, green ones! … from all directions, every cloud … you know, signal flares … then the usual … white ones … and then bombs … you’re lucky if you’ve never been through it … I don’t remember how many times it happened to us … our comic drama … Montmartre … Sartrouville … Saint-Jean d’Angély … Frankfurt … etc. … Berlin … even here in Meudon twenty-five years later I’ve got a crater, an extremely treacherous hole, right outside the garden gate, and all the neighbors say it’s me and it’s high time I was thrown out of the neighborhood and petition the Prefecture to do something about it! … oh, I’m not joking, it’s no news to me that Attila was small beer, him and his grass that would never grow again … with me it’s craters, wherever I go! … wherever I turn up, everything rots, soil, flora, fauna … one look at me and the human race loses all desire to eat, drink, and sleep … the sad truth!
… and to think that this extremely treacherous crater just outside my garden gate comes from the bombing of the Renault factory … I know, I saw it with my own eyes, we were up in Montmartre, corner of rue Girardon to be precise, not the end of the world! … a thousand years from now all the whites of this earth will be a deep yellow … “Super-Brazilias” … but that won’t stop them from blaming every crater on Mars, the moon, or the Little Dipper on me! … I’m ready! … forewarned! …