In the morning after waking up alone, Cameron got ready for the day and unlocked the front door of the hotel. She saw Jake staggering down the staircase leading to the whores’ rooms. He was holding the back of his head and looked drunk, his clothes were a disheveled mess.
She was so shocked she didn’t know whether to run or hold her ground. Her feet decided for her. She flew right passed him, grateful for his slow reflexes as he reached for her.
*** *** ***
The pain in the back of his head cut through to the front of Jake’s eyes, which he promptly clenched shut. After giving himself a moment, he turned around and slowly climbed the stairs to Cameron’s living quarters.
Her door was locked, just what he needed. He was still unclear as to what had happened and had no idea what he was doing in Charlotte’s room. He cursed when he woke up next to her. He was fully clothed and didn’t remember going to her room at all. In fact he knew he wasn’t that drunk last night.
“Cameron,” he said, quietly. He leaned his head on the door and almost fell in when she yanked it open, her eyes swollen from crying.
“Go away, Jake. You’ve had your fun with me. I guess I’m not woman enough for you, is that it?”
He pulled his eyebrows together, trying to register what she was saying, but before he could answer the charge, she’d slammed the door in his face, nearly taking the end of his nose off. He already hurt so much, and the pain she’d just inflicted was nearly unbearable. All he could think about was going home to numb the pain with whiskey and to sleep for a long, long time.
Chapter Nineteen
After so many weeks of witnessing Cameron’s ongoing melancholy, it was becoming more difficult for Andrew to stand by. He was at a loss as to how to reach her. Whatever had been affecting her was more than her brother’s rejection; there was something else in her eyes, a different kind of hurt. Cameron had accepted her brother’s resolute position on keeping her out of his hardened life. Secretly he was glad for that, for the time being, sure that Thomas would be a hindrance to Cameron and to the openness she’d been showing lately.
Even now, as she sat next to him in the buggy, she was just there. Eyes void of emotion. Church services didn’t seem to be doing anything for her, although she went often—Andrew was sure it was out of friendship to him.
“It was a good service today,” Cameron said, pulling the blanket snug around her. Her ears and nose were red.
“I especially liked the story about Rahab. So, Jesus really is a descendant of a harlot?”
Andrew smiled. “Yes, incredible isn’t it? We think that God would only do things a certain way. For instance, one would never think He would allow His Son to be in a lineage such as that. He makes it clear to us that He can never be figured out.”
He sensed her mind was turning, processing what he had said as she always did. She never just believed, she questioned him a lot, sometimes right out of the blue, when they weren’t even talking about such things.
“Andrew, is it all right if we don’t go back just yet?”
“It’s awfully chilly out and I worry you’ll be too cold.” He looked at her forlorn expression and caved. “What did you want to do?”
“Can we go to Spillman’s Creek?” she asked. “I just want to see it. We won’t have to stay long. I’ve been there once and it was so beautiful. I just need to see something beautiful, Andrew. You don’t mind?”
“I would never mind.”
*** *** ***
The creek had a thin layer of ice on top of it. Cameron exhaled a stream of cold air, then deeply breathed in the cool scent of freshness, water, plant life and winter. She tucked her hands into the slits in front of her coat. “It’s really co-cold down here by the water.” She shivered.
Andrew offered to fetch the blanket she’d left in the buggy.
“No, I won’t be long.” Her eyes rested onto a hollowed out log, decaying in the tall grasses.
Her eyes welled up with tears. “That’s how I feel.”
He stepped up beside her to see what she was looking at. “I don’t understand.”
“Like that log over there. Hollow, rotting because of its lack of life. Useless.”
“I honestly don’t know what to say, other than I wish you didn’t feel like that.”
“You don’t need to say anything, Andrew. It’s my fault, the way my life is. After coming to church the past four weeks, I think maybe I’m beginning to believe there’s more to life than just living it however I want to.” She shrugged. “Maybe I don’t even know what I’m talking about.”
Chapter Twenty
Jake entered his Gun Shop to find Lacey sitting there dressed in her finest, as if she were at an afternoon tea party.
He hung his jacket on the peg behind the door, ignoring her.
“Would you like some tea, or coffee?” She said coyly, trying to irritate him, and succeeding.
“What are you doing here? You’re a sight! Did you think of my customers when you brought in your china cups and trumpets? What kind of gun business would they think I run?”
“Crumpets,” she said, smiling.
“What?”
“Crumpets, not trumpets. And you haven’t had any customers since I’ve been here, so don’t worry.”
He paced a moment. “Well, get this cleaned up before I do have one!”
“My, aren’t we testy this morning, Jake Collins!” Lacey rose and slowly packed up her basket.
“You still haven’t answered me. What are you doing here, making a spectacle of my business, disrupting my employees and God knows what else?”
In a huff, she walked over to him. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve had a heartbroken girl over at my place. You sleep with her and then you don’t come around for over a month? What’s the matter with you?” She raised herself taller than her five feet and jabbed her slender finger into his chest.
He grabbed her fingers and lightly squeezed them. “If you’ll kindly shut up and listen to me, I’ll tell you why.”
She backed down.
“Have you bothered to ask her about it? She’s the one who slammed the door in my face. Oh! I see you didn’t know that. Surprised are you?” He folded his arms across his chest waiting for her to speak again.
“I’ve asked her repeatedly, but she won’t tell me. Why doesn’t she want to see you anymore?”
“I can’t blame her after what she saw, but she won’t give me a chance to explain. I’m at the point where I don’t even care anymore—let her think what she wants. It should have never gotten to that place anyway,” he said, regret hanging from his words, his voice wary on the matter. He sighed. “She saw me come out of Charlotte’s room.”
He heard Lacey’s sharp intake of breath. “Oh. You didn’t.”
“Of course I didn’t!” He walked away from her. “The problem is, I still can’t figure out how I got in that woman’s room in the first place. I keep replaying that night over and over again in my mind and I just don’t get what happened.”
Lacey sat down again. “Well, it’s obvious that Charlotte had something to do with it, she’s had it in for Cameron since she got here.” She looked at him as if he were to blame.
“Whatever that tramp did, it worked. I don’t remember anything,” he said, disgusted.
“It’s not like it would be the first time you’ve been with that woman,” Lacey stated dully, obviously angry at him for putting Cameron through this. Her innocent, pure friend was no longer innocent or pure, on account of him.
He looked at her. “I didn’t need that.”
“She’s not herself. It’s probably because Andrew’s got her going to church with him.” At Jake’s puzzled look, she added, “Yes, church.”
“What the...” Jake put his face in his hands. “I’m not out of the picture for a moment before he starts filling her head with...with whatever church people put into their heads!” He didn’t make sense and knew it. A moment ago he was done with Cameron. He wasn’t s
ure why this bothered him as much as it did. He ought to be happy for her, and instead, green jealousy seemed to come alive, boiling to the surface.
“What are you going to do about it?” Lacey sat up, intrigued.
“Nothing, that’s what. She can do whatever she likes, as well as our so-called preacher. I have work to do. See yourself out.”
*** *** ***
Later Jake got up the nerve to visit the restaurant. He would attempt to talk to Cameron, see where they stood with each other. He heard laughter and debated a moment, hedging his bets as to what he’d find.
What he saw confirmed his suspicion, betrayal at its best.
Andrew saw him first. “Jake, it’s been a while.” He stood, offering his hand.
Jake stood back, staring at the top of Cameron’s head. She’d refused to look at him. Andrew lowered his arm, his smile faded.
“Well, this is a nice, cozy setting, wouldn’t you say so, Preacher.”
Andrew raised his eyebrows. “Is there a problem?”
“There’s no problem.” Jake let out a short, clipped laugh. “It’s just a good thing that you figured out what kind of a man I am, Cameron. Looks like you’ve found yourself a better option. Good luck to ya both.”
Cameron did glance up at him then, tears in her eyes. He’d hurt her and he was as tormented as she looked. But he was no match against Andrew, simply because Andrew was the decent one. He turned around before he could say anything else damaging and left them alone.
Chapter Twenty-One
A few days after Jake’s angry appearance, Thomas had gone and got himself shot by an enemy outlaw, giving Cameron the perfect opportunity to sort out her life. As soon as she heard, she took advantage of his paralyzed state and cared for him. While he remained as insolent and unbearable as before, she all but officially moved in with him and the gang. To add to his torment, his buddies began to treat her like a sister, and without remorse, she happily received their attentions.
She now risked a glance at Thomas, who was sitting with his miserable self in the wheelchair Doc Colvin had loaned him. “Would you like some more coffee?”
He was positioned to look out the window where snow drifted continuously about. “No.”
She tried and she sighed. At least Doc Colvin believed Thomas would only suffer short-term paralysis, since he had feeling in both legs. “They’re just weak, adjusting to the nerves where I removed the bullet,” he’d said.
Despite Thomas’s lack of interest, Cameron knew she’d found her place, feeling needed and wanted, even if not by all. Whenever she succumbed to thoughts of getting used to how Thomas behaved, she would catch him laughing with his men, getting into their stories or telling some of his own, only to clam up when he noticed her watching. And every time that occured, an unsettling sense of fear and rejection knotted up inside, overruling her contentment and happiness.
Several weeks into her stay, she noticed physical progress. “You’re walking!” She found Thomas standing in the kitchen, his chair a few feet away.
“I’m standing on shaky legs all right,” he said. It was clear he couldn’t contain his excitement, let alone make himself appear nasty. His eyes lit up, even if his mouth didn’t turn up.
She rushed to pull out a chair for him to sit in. “Breakfast is almost ready.”
She poured him a cup of coffee with two lumps of sugar and the standard amount of cream. One by one the sleepy inhabitants of the house materialized at the table. The gang was getting spoiled with her cooking. The sausages were still sizzling when she placed the heaping plate in the middle of the table. She mounded up the scrambled eggs and stuck in a large serving spoon. Surprising them further, she took a plum bread pudding out of the new stove Jesse insisted buying for her use. They all had a good laugh when they saw him hauling the thing off the horse-drawn sled and dragging it through knee deep snow.
“You’re puttin’ that fine stove to good use,” Lance said as she dished him up a nice portion. “Thomas, you got a good thing here with your sister. Wish I had me one just like her.” He spooned the hot dessert into his mouth.
Cameron stilled a moment, barely managing to serve Thomas, wondering what she could do to wipe his scowl away. She was getting wise and adapting. Strong determination moved her to see the best of him. If this was her lot in life to care for this gang, she wouldn’t complain. Cameron Engel from Ludenville, Wyoming, finally had a purpose.
The pangs of longing she felt whenever she reflected upon Jake were getting fewer and fewer. She was grateful for the respite from her feelings, whatever they once were. Being at the ranch and away from him saved her some mental torment.
One thing she missed was Andrew’s everyday company, though they still made Sundays their time to visit, after service. Now that she was at the ranch most of the time, trying hard to edge her way into Thomas’ life, her priorities had shifted. She thought on the last couple of meetings she’d gone to, when she had become intrigued, curious about the stories Andrew shared. An unexplainable emotion stirred inside of her the last time she’d attended, and whatever it was, it made her want more of it. In the few times she’d listened to Andrew’s passionate sermons about the way Jesus was and is, small revelations came to her revealing God and His forgiveness. She always knew it was morally wrong to give yourself to a man prior to being married, but when it’s just you, there is nothing to stop you from following your heart. She readied herself to ask Andrew if it was possible for his God to forgive someone like her.
*** *** ***
Today she was anxious to make her way to the restaurant and hurried along from serving breakfast to getting ready. It was time to celebrate New Year’s Day! After several days away from her dearest friend, she walked into Lacey’s, dusting snow from all parts of her. She peered around the corner and found Lacey in the midst of placing a crystal bowl of cinnamon sticks and dried apples onto an elaborately decorated tabletop. Fragrance of spiced fruit filled the restaurant with a warm and inviting aroma. Sugar coated pinecones were strewn about, adding splashes of color here and there and Lacey was dressed as elegantly as ever, adding to the regal air she always had about herself.
“Everything is beautiful!”
Lacey turned. “Cameron! I’ve missed you so. Though I still haven’t forgiven you for abandoning me!”
Cameron took her words and shook them off as she did the snow and immediately went to work.
As the dinner hour neared, she raced to get herself presentable. Her mind was split in two, one side toiled with being grateful that Jake would not be there, and the other wished he was. It was this second thought that scared her, as it was the one that brought on the feeling of hollowness, of something unknown that had been stolen away from her soul and spirit. Cameron desperately wanted these feelings to stop and go far from her mind, from her gut. She had many unanswered questions, what would make it go away?
Soon enough her friends had made their way through the coldness and the snow. Lacey sat at the head of the table after the guests took to their seats. “It is good to have us all together,” she said, greeting everyone with a strong sense of affirmation. She raised her glass. “We can be thankful for this—look around you. This is a time to celebrate the lives of our friends and family. Once Jake Collins decides to return to us, and Thomas stops being a stubborn old fool, we will be complete.”
“Here, here,” came cheers around the table. It was true. Cameron looked to her right at Lance. Across from him sat Jesse and Mack. Andrew sat next to her and she could hardly believe they had all come together. Ed Randall had his place next to Lacey and later Doc Colvin played his fiddle for the after dinner entertainment.
The saloon was closed as Liam was with his wife’s family, so the men cleared away tables, creating a dance floor. Andrew surprised all and taught dances from back East, filling the room with absolute delight and laughter.
There was obviously a shortage of women, so Ed sat out a few dances allowing Lacey to accommodate Cameron and Patsy
in making the rounds. Cameron was breathless by the time she flew into Lance’s large arms. He proved to be extremely clumsy with his big frame and recent leg wound, causing a roar of hearty laughter his way. He managed to laugh himself back to his seat.
Cameron was available for a brief moment before Jesse grabbed her waist and swung her to the rhythm of the fiddle. Although the embarrassment of her actions on the Fourth of July still lingered over her head at times, she danced buoyantly. She would not allow anything to ruin this day.
When the night came to an end, Cook heated some bricks to be placed in the buggy. Cameron insisted on returning home with the gang to bring Thomas some leftover joy and Cook’s good roast.
Chapter Twenty-Two
He’d been long overdue for a bath and a shave, but still, Jake walked into Lacey’s.
She ran into his arms, then wrinkled her nose and stepped back. “Ewww, I can’t believe you took to bounty hunting—such an indelicate sport.”
“I know, but there’s not a chance in ‘you know what’ that I would bathe in one of those frozen creeks. I just wanted you to know that I came back, before I head home.” His weary eyes scanned the room.
“She’s not here.”
A feeling of anger briefly passed through him. Most likely he’d lost her completely to Andrew.
“She’s been taking care of Thomas. I don’t know why, but she won’t give up on that pigheaded brother of hers.” She threw her hands up in frustration.
He sighed with relief. What he really wanted was to ask was what had become of Cameron and Andrew, but couldn’t bring himself to do so. He’d had a lot of thinking time alone out on the trail, and by the time he found the outlaw he’d been hunting, he was still as messed up as before.
Desperately, he wanted to deny affections for Cameron, thinking time apart would do the trick, but as hard as he tried, they wouldn’t go away. He couldn’t blame her if she hated him, he wanted her, and he’d had her. But she needed love and security, and it pained him to know they couldn’t come from him. There was something about Cameron and her sweet nature that made him forget himself and what was good for her. Or was that just an excuse? He was finding out the hard way that lust and desire were pure evil, and for the first time he was beginning to despise their control over his life.
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