Flawbulous

by Shana Burton

  “You only need one word—yes. Say yes, Kina. We both know that time ain’t promised to nobody. Let’s make the best of it and go for happiness while we can.”

  “What if it doesn’t work out?”

  “What if it does?” asked Elvin. “If we’re honest with each other, I can’t make you any more guarantees about the future than you can make me, but I’m willing to try. I’m willing to find out what’s out there for us. Imagine waking up together, trips, late nights in front of the fireplace, spending holidays with one another. It can be a New Year and a new start for the three of us. All I need is for you to say yes.”

  “You make it sound so easy . . . and wonderful.”

  “Because it is. You only have to reach out and grab it.” He pulled Kina into a loving embrace. “So what’s it gonna be, Kina?”

  Chapter 35

  “I know you would never hurt him intentionally, but unintentionally

  is a different story.”

  –Lawson Kerry Banks

  “Sorry I’m late. Traffic was a beast today,” explained Lawson as she joined Sullivan at their favorite Spanish restaurant a few days into the New Year. “Did you order?”

  “Not yet.” Sullivan gave Lawson a hug. “Happy New Year!”

  “Same to you. It was kind of weird not seeing any of you over the holidays. What did you and Charles do?”

  “We had a quiet Christmas at home. We tried to make things as merry as we could for Charity, but it was hard. We’d planned to be opening gifts with both of our children. Of course, we spent New Year’s Eve at Watch Night and kicked back New Year’s Day. Were there any Christmas miracles at the Banks household?”

  “None worth noting. Reggie and Mark were no-shows at my house on Christmas, and I’m assuming Namon spent the day with them. He didn’t call, but he did include me on a mass ‘Merry Christmas’ text. That’s the closest thing I had to an actual miracle.”

  “What about Simon?” asked Sullivan. “Having him there should’ve made for a lively Christmas.”

  “Simone flew back home for the holidays, so Simon was with her most of the time. Garrett and I ended up going to see his family in Alabama.”

  Sullivan adjusted Charity’s bib. “Is Simon still with his mother?”

  “No, Garrett has him. Simone dropped him off before she flew back to New York last night.”

  “You should’ve brought him with you. I wanted to see him.”

  Lawson’s suspicions were raised. “You sound disappointed.”

  “I am. I thought he and Charity could have a little playdate. Plus, I had something I wanted to give him.” She held up a gift bag.

  “That’s sweet, but you don’t have to keep buying him presents.”

  “I know, but I love doing it. Besides, you know I’ll use any excuse to shop.”

  Lawson picked up a menu. “Well, I’ll be sure to give him a big hug and let him know that it’s a gift from his auntie Sullivan when I take it to him. Thank you.”

  “No. I want to give it to him myself. I’ll come by the house tomorrow. I want to see his face light up when he sees it.”

  “He-he has an, um, doctor’s appointment tomorrow,” spluttered Lawson.

  “Okay. How about this weekend?”

  “We’ll probably be busy. Garrett was talking about driving up to Atlanta to take him to Legoland.” Lawson stared at the menu, unable to look Sullivan in the face while lying.

  “Oh, that sounds like fun! Let me know if you decide to go. Charity and I might tag along too. In the meantime, I could just follow you home and bring him the gift today.”

  Lawson looked down at her feet. “Um . . . this is awkward.”

  “What?”

  “I don’t think you should be buying him gifts, Sully.”

  Sullivan grinned. “If you’re worried about me spoiling him, don’t be. He’s one. He won’t even remember it, and he’ll probably have more fun playing with the box than the actual gift.”

  “It’s not just that.” Lawson exhaled and set the menu down. “I don’t want you to see Simon today.”

  “Why not? Is he sick or something?”

  “No, but I think you may be.”

  Sullivan fluttered her eyelashes. “Excuse me?”

  “Sullivan, I don’t think it’s healthy for you to spend so much time with Simon.”

  “Why not?”

  “I’m scared you may be becoming a little . . .” Lawson held her breath before finishing. “Obsessed.”

  “With what? Simon?”

  “Look, I’m not saying that it’s inconceivable that you would be somewhat clingy where he’s concerned. It wasn’t that long ago that you lost your son. Anybody can see why you’d develop a fixation with Simon. I just think it’s best that you don’t come around right now, for his sake and yours.”

  “My God, Lawson, I bought the kid a gift. I didn’t claim him as a dependent on my income taxes!”

  “I’m not just talking about the gifts. What about all the visits and the pictures you’ve been taking of him without my knowledge or permission?”

  Sullivan was dumbfounded. “What pictures?”

  “The ones you have on your phone.”

  “Those were innocent selfies!” argued Sullivan. “You wanna see them?”

  Lawson shook her head. “It’s not innocent when you factor it in with the gifts and the visits and everything else.”

  “Lawson, I’m never alone with him for more than five minutes. What could I possibly do to him behind your back in that length of time?”

  “Children have been taken from their homes in less time than that,” said Lawson.

  Sullivan was horrified. “So you think I’m going to kidnap him or something?”

  Lawson nervously bobbed her knee up and down. “I don’t know.”

  Sullivan studied Lawson’s face. “You’re serious, aren’t you?” she asked incredulously.

  “I know you would never hurt him intentionally, but unintentionally is a different story.” Lawson tried to smolder the fire erupting in Sullivan’s eyes. “I’m not saying that it’ll always be this way. Only for time being. You understand, don’t you?”

  Sullivan crossed her arms. “Not at all!”

  “It’s no different than you not wanting Kina around Charity and Charles after Charles’s stroke.”

  “So this is your way of getting me back for that?”

  “Of course not.”

  “Need I remind you that your cousin actually did prove herself to be a threat? She did everything in her power to destroy my family, and she did it on purpose. My situation is nothing like that.”

  “Yes, it is. Kina had just lost her husband, and you’ve lost your son. You both responded by acting out in a lot of destructive ways. Sully, these days, I never know which version of you I’ll get. You’re sad. You’re elated. You’re angry. You’re sweet. You’re drunk. You’re sober. You’re just as unpredictable now as Kina was then.”

  “I won’t deny that I’ve been all over the place since the accident, but I’ve been feeling better lately, Lawson. It’s mostly because I’ve been spending time with Simon.”

  “I’ve noticed, but that concerns me even more. Getting closer to Simon shouldn’t be the reason you feel better.” Lawson folded her hands together. “I think you need to use this time to focus on your own baby, not someone else’s.”

  “Lawson, spending time with Simon hasn’t made me delusional. It’s given me hope. It reminds me that my son is happy and is playing like Simon is, only he’s doing it in heaven. Otherwise, I’d be focusing on the fact that his body is decaying in a cold, dark grave six feet underground, where I can never get to him or hold him or see him. I know I’ve been lost without Christian, but I’d never do anything to Simon or any other child, nor am I sitting around trying to replace Christian with anyone else. That’s crazy! And the mere fact that you think I would . . .” Sullivan shook her head. “I have to be honest. It hurts, Lawson.”

  “Sullivan, you are
my oldest and closest friend. You know I wouldn’t do this unless I was genuinely concerned.”

  “Concerned about me or Simon’s safety?”

  “Both,” admitted Lawson.

  “I see.” Sullivan snatched up her purse. “So my best friend thinks I’m a baby-snatching nut job! It’s eye-opening to know what your friends really think of you.”

  “I am your friend, which is why I want you to get help and don’t want to see you get attached to a child who doesn’t belong to you. Plus, I’m his stepmother. It’s my responsibility to look after Simon as much as it is Garrett’s and Simone’s.”

  “Look at me, Lawson!” commanded Sullivan, raising her voice and looking her squarely in the eyes. A few nearby patrons took notice. “This is me—Sullivan! When have you ever known me to endanger anybody’s child? You know me, or at least I thought you did.”

  Lawson lowered her voice, hoping that Sullivan would do the same. “People change, and I think Christian’s death changed you, Sully. I’m sorry, but I can’t say definitively that you can be trusted around children right now.”

  Sullivan rolled her eyes and announced, “This coming from a woman who tried to abort her own grandchild” loud enough to gain the attention of the restaurant’s manager. She fumed and began gathering up Charity’s belongings. “But I forgot that when it comes to you, it’s always different.”

  “I’m not perfect, either, Sully, but I have to do what I think is best for Simon.”

  Sullivan stood up. “You do that, okay?”

  A manager approached their table. “Is everything all right over here?”

  “It will be.” Sullivan slung her purse over her shoulder. “I’m out of here!”

  The manager seemed satisfied and left their table.

  Lawson tried to stop Sullivan. “Wait. Don’t you think we need to talk about this?”

  “So is it you I should be talking to or a shrink? I’m confused, but that’s probably because I’m so darn crazy, right?” Sullivan unbuckled the high-chair strap and lifted Charity out of the seat.

  “I never said that.”

  “Right. You don’t have to worry about me coming around with all my grief and psychosis ever again. Consider Simon safe. Now, if you’ll excuse me, Charity and I are going to the park. It’s such a lovely day today. I’m sure I can find at least one child left unattended whom I can take home and pretend is my dead son. Good-bye.”

  “Please don’t leave like this!” pleaded Lawson. “We’re best friends. Don’t go away angry.”

  “You don’t want me to go away angry, but you do want me to go away, don’t you?”

  “I never said that,” Lawson called after her. “Sullivan . . .”

  Sullivan ignored her and marched Charity out of the restaurant without looking back.

  Lawson sat down. She grappled with the fact that she had alienated not only her son and sister, but now her best friend too, and was left to wonder if being right was worth being lonely.

  Chapter 36

  “When you know better, you do better.”

  –Lawson Kerry Banks

  Kina stared out the window from the passenger seat of Lawson’s car as they rode to choir rehearsal together later that week. “How did you know you were ready to move in with Garrett?” she asked.

  “Ha, that’s easy—when I got fired from Macy’s and could no longer afford to pay the house note by myself! But that was a long time ago. We hadn’t even accepted Christ into our lives back then and knew nothing about fornication and God’s plan for marriage.” Lawson briefly took her eyes off the road to look over at Kina. “Why do you ask?”

  “Elvin wants to move in.”

  Lawson’s mouth gaped open from shock. “Did he propose?”

  “Not marriage, only shacking up.”

  “How do you feel about that?”

  “I’m not sure,” admitted Kina. “This whole situation is so new and unexpected. I haven’t had time to process it, but he thinks we share something special.”

  “You do—your son and his grandson! Other than Kenny, what do you all have?”

  Kina turned to Lawson. “Feelings.”

  Lawson blinked back. “Kina, are you falling for this man?”

  “Maybe . . . I don’t know. I like being with him, and he’s a good influence on my son.”

  “But is that enough to build a future on or take such a drastic step? Cohabitation is a very big deal, Kina, and it has both emotional and spiritual consequences.”

  “That’s what’s bothering me. I know what the Word says about shacking, and I’m really trying to live my life the right way, especially after living it so wrong over the past few years.”

  “You can’t ever go wrong letting the Bible be the final authority on all decisions. You don’t even seem to be at peace with the idea of Elvin coming to live with you. Your peace and God’s Word should align. If they don’t, you know you’re out of His will.”

  “Yeah, but what if Elvin’s the one? What if this is my last chance at happiness?”

  “Kina, as long as you’re still breathing, there’s no such thing as your last chance at happiness. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be, and you won’t have to give up your principles to make it happen,” pointed out Lawson.

  “That all sounds good, but the truth is I have been lonely. And as much as I try to deny it, I want to be in a relationship. I want to be in love again.”

  “You can have all that without living in sin, Kina.”

  “Living together before marriage worked out for you and Garrett.”

  “That’s because he moved out once we understood God’s take on it. When you know better, you do better.”

  “I’m weighing it out. Desdemona thinks I should go for it.”

  “Oh . . . does she?” Lawson’s face fell.

  “Yeah.” Kina noticed the change in Lawson’s demeanor. “What was that look about?”

  “Nothing, really. I’m just wondering how much we should be listening to her.”

  “Did she give you some bad advice?”

  Lawson spoke with reservation. “Kinda. I had a big fallout with Sullivan the other day.”

  “Why? What happened?”

  “We all know how hard Sully’s taken Christian’s death. Des noticed that Sully seemed to be developing a weird attachment to Simon, and suggested that Sully might be too emotionally unstable to be around children, specifically my stepson. Des really had me kind of freaked out and worried that Sully might try to take him, so I panicked. I told Sully I didn’t want her around Simon anymore.”

  Kina raised an eyebrow. “That sounds a little extreme, Lawson.”

  “It didn’t at the time. Needless to say, the conversation did not end well.”

  “Knowing Sullivan, I’m sure it didn’t!”

  “Anyway, she stormed out, and I haven’t heard from her since. I’ve called and left messages, but she’s obviously not trying to hear anything I have to say.”

  “I can’t say I’m shocked, Lawson. Most people don’t take to kindly to being called crazy.”

  “I didn’t say she was crazy.”

  “Didn’t you, though? You barred her from your stepson. Isn’t that a clear sign that you think a person is crazy?”

  Lawson quietly mulled over Kina’s questions.

  “Speaking of babies, how’s Namon? Is Shari’s pregnancy coming along okay?”

  Lawson shrugged. “I have no idea. He’s not speaking to me, either.”

  “Wow, you’re on a roll, aren’t you? Is there anyone else who is estranged that you want to tell me about?”

  “Hmm . . . did I mention that Reggie and I are still at odds?”

  “Still?” Kina shook her head. “This is bad, cuz! When it comes down to it, family is all we’ve got.”

  “At least my marriage is intact. Garrett is one person left in Savannah who still loves me.”

  “Aw, I still love you too.” Kina reached over and pinched her cousin’s cheek. “That’ll never change.”r />
  Lawson smiled. “Thanks, sweetie. That’s a lovely sentiment. But based on everything that’s gone down in the past few months, I’ve learned to never say, ‘Never.’”

  Chapter 37

  “Do you have any idea how many times I’ve been asked,

  ‘Why do you hang out with that whore? Don’t you know

  what kind of person she is?’”

  –Angel King

  Angel shook her head as she watched Sullivan spike her orange juice with champagne after they returned to Sullivan’s house following their morning run. Just when she thought Sullivan had been making emotional strides, she seemed to be spiraling out of control again.

  “Do you think you should be drinking this early?”

  Sullivan rolled her eyes. “I don’t know. Do you think having one irksome mother is enough without you throwing your placenta into the mix?”

  “Dang, Sully, it was merely an observation! If you want your liver to be looking and functioning like a shriveled-up shrimp in a few years, that’s fine with me.”

  Sullivan took a few sips. “We’ve all got to die of something, right?”

  “We don’t have to speed up the process with bad decisions.” Angel lifted the glass out of Sullivan’s hand. “Anyway, I need to talk to you about something, and I need you to be sober.”

  Sullivan snatched it back. “Angel, I’m not getting into an argument with you about my drinking. I get enough of that from Charles.”

  “I’m sure he’s concerned, like the rest of us. Are you two any better these days?”

  “We’ve gotten better at avoiding each other, if that’s what you mean. Of course, we keep up the facade at church, the way a nice first family should, but once we get home . . .” She swallowed a mouthful. “I have my life, and he has his.”

  Angel was disappointed. “I wish you could get through this impasse. Christian’s death should’ve brought you closer together, not torn you apart.”

  “Instead, it only highlighted and magnified problems that were already there. Charity may be the only thing holding us together these days.”