Jane Goes Batty jb-2

by Michael Thomas Ford

  She wasn’t out of the woods. She would still have to explain the state of her car. But she would worry about that later. The important thing was that the immediate problem was taken care of and she had been able to feed. All things considered, she was actually rather proud of herself for handling it with such aplomb.

  Besides, he was quite rude, she thought. Speaking to a lady that way was most uncalled for.

  She did need to get another car, though. She didn’t want to show up for the tour of the Carlyle House in her damaged vehicle. Not only would it cause Walter to worry, it would probably give Miriam the impression that Jane was unreliable.

  She elected to go to the bookstore. When she arrived she parked in the back, out of sight, and entered through the rear door that led into the storage room. Peering out, she made sure there was no one in the store she wished to avoid.

  “Don’t worry,” she heard Lucy say. “They’re gone.”

  Jane looked into the office off the hallway and saw Lucy sitting at the computer. “Who’s gone?” she asked.

  “Ant and Shelby,” said Lucy. “They were here looking for you about twenty minutes ago.”

  “How did you get rid of them?” Jane inquired.

  Lucy’s fingers tapped on the keyboard. “I told them you were meeting with your parole officer,” she answered. “I thought it would add some color to their profile of you.”

  “How very kind of you,” Jane said. “May I borrow your car?”

  Lucy looked up. “My car? Why? What’s wrong with yours?”

  “I had a small—very minor, nothing to even speak of—encounter with another vehicle,” Jane explained. “Also, they won’t be on the lookout for yours.”

  Lucy opened the desk drawer and removed a set of keys. “I don’t even want to know,” she said. “Go. I haven’t seen you all day. I don’t know where you are or when you’ll be back.”

  “Thank you,” said Jane, taking the keys. “I promise to bring it back in one piece.”

  “Put gas in it,” Lucy called after Jane as she left. “And not the cheap stuff!”

  Lucy’s car—actually a fire-engine-red 1963 Ford F-100 pickup truck—was parked near Jane’s old Volvo. As she got in, Jane wondered if perhaps she should also disguise herself, perhaps with a wig. Then she spied a baseball cap lying on the seat next to her. It bore the logo of the Boston Red Sox, the team to which Lucy was devoted. Jane picked it up and placed it on her head. Looking at herself in the truck’s side mirror, she adjusted the brim, pulling it lower over her eyes.

  Imagine if we’d had these for cricket teams, she thought. I can just see Henry and the others wearing Steventon Sledgers hats. The image was amusing, but thinking of her brothers made her a little sad. She wondered what they would make of the world in which she now lived. She wished they were there to tell her.

  She started the car and left the parking lot, keeping her eyes peeled (a loathsome expression, she thought) for Ant. Perhaps one of these days she could get Shelby alone and have a nice chat with her. Until then, however, Jane wanted to avoid running into the pair.

  She drove without incident to the Carlyle House and parked in front of it. Walter’s car was already there, and before Jane was even halfway up the stairs to the front porch the door opened and Walter stepped outside.

  “Right on time,” he said. “Are you ready for the grand tour?”

  “Absolutely,” said Jane, taking his arm. “I’ve been dying of curiosity.”

  Walter escorted her into a foyer paneled in mahogany. A blown-glass chandelier in the shape of an open poppy hung from the ceiling. Seeing Jane looking at it, Walter said, “It’s meant to be a lamp. I turned it upside down. What do you think?”

  “I think it’s beautiful,” Jane told him.

  “Do you?” Miriam emerged from another room. Lilith followed alongside, using her single front leg much as a human might use a crutch.

  Sensing an opportunity to win points with Miriam, Jane ignored the question and bent down so that she was closer to the dog. “Hi, Lilith,” she said, holding out her hand.

  Lilith bared her teeth and lunged at Jane’s hand. Jane retracted her hand and stared at the dog, shaking, as Lilith continued to bark at her.

  “She doesn’t care for strange people,” Miriam said. “Walter, I’d like to see the rest of the house.”

  She turned and walked away, Lilith once again at her heels. Jane looked at Walter. “I seem to be a hit with both of them,” she said.

  “You’re doing fine,” said Walter. He took Jane’s hand. “Come on. I think you’ll like this.”

  For the next hour Jane admired the William Morris wallpapers and painstakingly restored wood floors. She appreciated the kitchen that was at once functional and of a period, and the bathroom with its claw-foot tub and black-and-white-tiled floor. When Walter brought them into one of the house’s five bedrooms and showed them a series of framed prints that Miriam attributed to Albert Joseph Moore, she refrained from pointing out that they were actually by John William Godward. Nor did she point out that the woman in the painting bore a remarkable resemblance to herself, or that they were wearing the same necklace. (She did, however, wonder if Walter saw the similarities, and if he had chosen the print with her in mind.)

  Miriam, Jane was pleased to see, appeared to be impressed by her son’s handiwork. Despite the occasional comment about a color she did not care for or a piece of furniture she found not quite right, she was very complimentary. She particularly seemed to appreciate the sheer amount of work that had gone into the restoration, especially after Walter showed them a photo album containing before and after shots of each room.

  “You’ve done a remarkable job,” Jane told him. “The house is extraordinary.”

  “Do you really think so?” he asked.

  “I do,” said Jane. “I think anyone would be happy living in such a beautiful place.”

  “I’m pleased to hear you say that,” Walter said. “Because I’m going to be moving in.”

  “Are you?” Jane exclaimed. “That’s wonderful!”

  Walter smiled. “I’m hoping you’ll live here as well,” he said. “You know, after we’re mar—” He stopped and blushed.

  Jane and Miriam both looked at Walter with surprised expressions.

  Walter, clearing his throat, said, “Oh, dear. That just slipped out.” He took Jane’s hand. “I didn’t plan on asking you this way,” he said. “But now that it’s out, I—”

  “Walter,” Miriam said sharply.

  Jane’s heart raced as she processed what was happening. Had Walter just asked her to marry him? That was impossible. Not impossible, she told herself. Unexpected.

  “Walter,” Jane heard Miriam say again. “Don’t you think you’re being a bit hasty?”

  “I know you haven’t known Jane very long,” Walter said. “But I have, and I know that I love her.” He squeezed Jane’s hand. “And I believe she loves me.”

  Miriam turned her gaze to Jane. “Is that true?” she asked, her voice cold.

  Jane looked into Miriam’s dark eyes and was surprised by the hatred she saw there. Then she recalled Miriam’s words of the other night. I know what you are. She still didn’t know what Miriam had meant by that, but thinking about it angered her. No, she thought while staring back at Miriam. You don’t know what I am. You don’t know anything about me.

  “Yes,” Jane said. “It’s true. I do love him.”

  She dreaded what she had to say next. Steeling herself, she looked at Walter’s smiling face. “I do love you,” she said. “But I can’t marry you.”

  Chapter 10

  “But I thought you wanted to marry him.”

  Jane wiped her eyes and looked at Ben Cohen, into whose office she had been surprised to find herself walking ten minutes earlier. After the awkward moment with Walter she had quickly excused herself and fled the Carlyle House, leaving a smirking Miriam Ellenberg and a shocked Walter to watch her retreat. She had first driven to her own home, only
to find it overrun by yet another of Beverly Shrop’s tour groups. Next she had gone to the bookstore, but the presence of Ant’s van had forced her to turn around.

  That’s when she’d found herself driving in the direction of Sukkat Shalom. She hadn’t even realized she was going there until she pulled into the parking lot. She’d almost turned right around again. After all, she had met Rabbi Ben Cohen only once. She really knew nothing about him, or he about her. And yet she’d gotten out of Lucy’s truck and entered the synagogue as if some other force were controlling her actions.

  Now she was seated once more in the chair across from the couch, staring at the Pollock hanging on the wall behind the rabbi. Ben Cohen, dressed in jeans and a shirt the color of cornflowers, waited patiently for her to speak.

  “I do,” she said, sniffling. “That’s why I came here in the first place, right?”

  “You tell me,” Ben said.

  “It is,” said Jane. She hesitated. “Well, because of Miriam, anyway.”

  The rabbi nodded. “You wouldn’t have come otherwise?”

  “Why would I?” Jane replied.

  Ben shrugged his wide shoulders. “I don’t know,” he told her. “Why would you?”

  “Stop doing that!” said Jane.

  “Doing what?”

  “That!” Jane said. “Answering everything I say with another question.”

  “Is that what I’m doing?” said Ben, one side of his mouth lifting slightly, as if he were trying very hard to remain composed.

  Jane snorted. “Very funny.”

  Ben laughed. “You obviously haven’t met many Jews,” he said. “Or therapists. But we’re getting off track. Walter asked you to marry him. You said no.”

  “I said I can’t,” Jane clarified.

  “Can’t,” said the rabbi. “However, you’ve known all along that it would come to this. Which, by the way, brings us back to why you came here in the first place.”

  “Oh, I know,” Jane said, her frustration audible in her voice. “But that was before.”

  “Before?” Ben said. “Before what?”

  “Miriam,” Jane replied. “Before Miriam. When she was just his mother I could handle her. The idea of her. The reality, however, is not at all agreeable.”

  “A lot of women clash with their potential mothers-in-law at first,” said Ben. “It seems to come with the territory.”

  Jane shot him a look. “Are you married?” she asked.

  Ben surprised her by looking away. “I was,” he said. “My wife died giving birth to our daughter.”

  Jane felt terrible for having asked the question. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to pry.”

  Ben held up a hand. “It’s all right,” he said. “You’re not prying. You thought I had no experience with mothers-in-law.”

  “No,” Jane objected. “I just … well, yes, that’s what I thought.”

  The rabbi laughed. “As it happens, my mother-in-law is a wonderful person,” he said. “And my mother loved Naomi very much. But I’ve heard stories.”

  It was Jane’s turn to laugh. “I imagine you have,” she said. She paused before asking her next question, afraid she might cause Ben pain by voicing it. “Your daughter,” she said. “Is she …” She fumbled for her next words.

  “She’s six,” said Ben. “Her name is Sarah.”

  Jane was suddenly overcome by sadness. She felt a tear slip from her eye. She wiped it away, but another soon followed. She couldn’t help but think about her own family, particularly Cassie. How she missed her sister. How she longed to have her there to confide in and to laugh with, to say “Do you remember when?” to, and to just be quiet with.

  “Would you like a tissue?”

  The rabbi’s voice jarred Jane from her thoughts. She realized to her horror that she had been crying freely. Her cheeks were damp, and her nose was running. “Yes, please,” she said, sniffing.

  Ben located a box of tissues and handed it to her. “There’s a Jewish proverb,” he said. “ ‘What soap is for the body, tears are for the soul.’ ”

  Jane blew her nose. “In that case, I seem to be having quite a good scrubbing,” she remarked.

  “My people specialize in grief,” Ben said. “If they awarded degrees in it, every Jew would hold a doctorate.”

  Jane laughed as she dried her face. “My people are just the opposite,” she told Ben. “Our upper lips are so stiff they prevent us from smiling.”

  “How did we get here?” asked Ben. “Oh, yes. Your potential mother-in-law and how the reality of her is far worse than what you’d imagined.”

  Jane sighed deeply. “I expected her to be protective of Walter,” she said. “But honestly, she’s like something out of an old Norse legend—or Grendel’s mother. Oh, and you should see her little dog, Lilith. She’s adorable, what with having only three legs and all, but what a little monster.”

  “Lilith?” Ben said. “That’s interesting.”

  “Why?” asked Jane.

  “In Jewish folklore Lilith is the name of Adam’s first wife,” Ben explained. “Supposedly she left him because she found him weak and stupid. Some stories say she was a demon with the feet of an owl, and that she came at night to suck the blood of children. Essentially, she was the world’s first vampire. If you believe in that kind of thing.”

  Jane considered this information for a moment. “And do you believe in that kind of thing?” she asked the rabbi.

  Ben shrugged. “Who’s to say what’s real and what isn’t?” he replied. “The world is a strange and wonderful place.”

  Jane nodded in agreement. “So Judaism allows for the existence of vampires?”

  “Among other things,” said Ben. “Some people say that Lilith was actually trying to suck the souls out of her victims, not just their blood.”

  Jane felt herself growing uncomfortable. More than once during the past two hundred years she had wondered about the state of her soul and what had happened to it when she died and was reborn. She’d never had anyone with whom she could talk about such things. Now she wondered if she dared.

  “Assuming she really was a vampire—or whatever—do you think Lilith had a soul?” Jane asked.

  Ben got up and went to a bookcase. He returned with a small book, its covers stained with age. As he flipped through the pages he said, “There is a Jewish poet—a philosopher, really, although those two often go hand in hand—named Solomon ibn Gabirol. Lived in the eleventh century. He wrote a number of poems about humankind’s relationship with God. My favorite is called ‘Kether Malkuth.’ A large part of it is devoted to the nature of the soul.”

  He stopped at a page and ran his finger down it. “Here we are,” he said. “Listen to this.

  O Lord, who can reach Thy wisdom?

  For Thou gavest the soul the faculty of knowledge

  that is fixed therein,

  And knowledge is the fount of her glory.

  Therefore hath destruction no power over her;

  But she maintaineth herself by the stability of her

  foundation,

  For such is her nature and secret;

  The soul with her wisdom shall not see death.

  Nevertheless shall her punishment be visited

  upon her,

  A punishment bitterer than death,

  Though be she pure she shall obtain favor

  And shall laugh on the last day.

  But if she hath been defiled,

  She shall wander to and fro for a space in wrath

  and anger,

  And all the days of her uncleanness

  Shall she dwell vagabond and outcast;

  ‘She shall touch no hallowed thing,

  And to the sanctuary she shall not come

  Till the days of her purification be fulfilled.’ ”

  Ben shut the book. “I love that idea of the soul being indestructible,” he said. “It endures despite everything.”

  “But it also has that bit about an unclean so
ul wandering in wrath and anger,” Jane pointed out.

  “Which brings us back to Lilith,” said Ben. “Some scholars would argue that her soul, being unclean, is what caused her to turn into a demon. A vampire, if you will. Her bloodsucking is simply her attempt to steal a clean soul from someone else. But that in itself makes her own soul even more unclean, and so she can only be purified by being destroyed and allowing her soul to come back in the body of another, to have another chance at redemption, if you will.

  “That’s kind of a lot to put on a three-legged dog,” Ben said as he stood and returned the book to its shelf.

  Jane suddenly felt very cold. She had long ago decided that she no longer had a soul, that whatever had existed in her had departed at the moment of her transformation. Now Ben Cohen was suggesting that perhaps she was wrong about that. Not that anybody really knows, she reminded herself. It’s all a lot of guessing.

  Still, she was shaken.

  “So now that we’ve determined that you’re facing Grendel’s mother and her vampire dog, what are you going to do about it?” Ben asked.

  Jane shook her head. “I was hoping you would tell me,” she said.

  “I think you need to figure out what exactly it is that upsets you about her,” Ben suggested. “I don’t think it’s just the fact that she’s Walter’s mother. There’s something else going on.”

  “If there is, I don’t know what it is,” Jane told him.

  “Keep looking,” said Ben. “You’ll figure it out.”

  “I suppose so,” Jane said, standing up. “I should go speak to Walter first. He probably thinks I’ve gone mad.”

  “We’re all mad here,” Ben said. When Jane looked at him he added, “Sorry. It’s from Alice in Wonderland. Sarah’s favorite book. I’ve read it so many times I’ve memorized most of it.”

  “She sounds like someone I should like to know,” Jane said. Then a thought came to her. “If you don’t think it’s inappropriate, would the two of you like to come to dinner at my house?” she asked. “You could meet Grendel’s mother for yourself.”