Windmera-Desperation

by Claudy Conn

  Over the years, Sara had found her way to their camp. She enjoyed their robust lifestyle, and this year, when they came with the spring, Sara visited the camp. This time, it wasn’t curiosity, it was with a purpose.

  She needed a little extra to insure her plans would work.

  Thus, it was that night in which Sara carried an herbal concoction that Magda, the gypsy matriarch, had assured her would do little more than make the victim slightly queasy.

  Sara thought about Lisa and felt a slight twinge of guilt as she prepared to make her ill.

  What she was about to do would ruin Lisa’s only ‘coming-out’ ball. It was cruel. Was she cruel? No. She was only doing what she had to do.

  All guilt was quelled in that moment when she saw Lisa descend the stairs in her white-on-white gown! Her friend did look stunning. Her dusky curls fell in an array around her pretty face, and though she was plump, she looked sensual and alluring.

  Sara glanced at Godwin who had, at that moment, no eyes for anyone other than Lisa. Thus, she made up her mind to go through with her plan and administer the potion to her friend…her only real friend. Cruelty be damned.

  When Lisa came over to Sara, bubbling with her excitement, laughing over being breathless over the rounds of dances she had enjoyed for the first time in her eighteen years, Sara smiled sweetly, especially as Oscar had accompanied Lisa.

  “Sara, you will turn eighteen in a few months, and Mama tells me your parents are planning your ball in London. It is all so exciting.”

  Sara had been holding a glass of Negus and handed it to Lisa. “Here, love…you are flushed, this cold drink will do you good.”

  “Oh, but don’t you want it?”

  “Oscar, be a dear-heart and fetch me another glass,” Sara said. As both girls watched him hurry off to do as he was bid, Sara added, “He is so good, it is no wonder you have a fancy for him.”

  “I—fancy? No…no, you mistake,” Lisa covered her mouth with her silk gloved hand and shook her head, “we…Oscar and I, are friends, nothing more. It is you he wants,” Lisa said, and took a long sip before she added, “you know, he is hurt that you won’t dance with him.”

  The rebuke in Lisa’s voice irritated Sara and she said, “Drink up…there, good girl. You need to cool down and as to wanting me—indeed, before he laid eyes on you, I suppose he did. But I see how he dotes on you. The two of you are far more suited to one another than Oscar and I.”

  “Oh no, no,” Lisa objected.

  Sara laughed, well pleased with the look of doubt that came into Lisa’s eyes. She had made her think of Oscar in another light. “Now, what was that you were saying? Me—dance with Oscar? Whatever for? I have no interest there and would not lead him on.”

  Lisa regarded her friend doubtfully. “Well, there is that…one wouldn’t want to…but one must be kind. What is in a dance after all?”

  Sara clucked her tongue as her eyes narrowed. Had the potion already done its job? She seemed to think so as she watched Lisa put down her glass and lay a hand to her head.

  “Lisa, what is it?”

  “Oh, I must have been more flushed than I thought,” Lisa said, and swayed.

  Oscar arrived at that moment, putting the glass of Negus down on a wall table and an arm around Lisa to exclaim, “Lisa…are you faint? It is the heat…all the people squeezed into this room.”

  Godwin marched up to the trio at that moment and said, “What is this? What is wrong?”

  Sara put a hand on his arm. “Lisa seems unwell…she was very flushed from dancing and…oh!”

  Lisa collapsed into Oscar’s arms.

  “I will take her out for air!” Oscar announced.

  Godwin frowned and stepped forward, but Sara quickly put a hand on his arm. “Godwin, Oscar has her…you can’t very well wrest her away without causing a stir.”

  She turned to her cousin and anxiously told him, “Oscar…quickly take her into the garden for some air. She might then be able to recover without all the world’s eyes on her.”

  Oscar actually surprised Sara at this juncture by taking control and hurriedly leading Lisa, whose hand was still on her head, out the nearby garden door.

  Godwin followed, Sara did the same.

  As Oscar got Lisa to a garden bench, she promptly disgorged the drink she had just imbibed onto the grass.

  Godwin turned away in disgust, but once again, Oscar surprised Sara by immediately taking out his handkerchief and dipping it into the water fountain and returning to wash Lisa’s face and make sure her gown was not dirtied.

  Sara was impressed with her cousin’s ability to handle the situation, but only momentarily. She had to keep her mind focused on her goal and so she turned to Godwin and said, “Let us leave them be, dear Godwin. I am certain Oscar will know just how to take care of her.”

  “Indeed, they appear to be quite comfortable with one another,” Godwin said, stiffening.

  “Oh, please don’t misunderstand, and I see that you do. They are friends…only friends,” Sara told the truth, but in a tone that meant the two were much more.

  “It appears much more than that. I count myself lucky to have you now at my side. Will you not tell me the truth so that I shan’t continue to make a fool of myself?” he said quietly.

  She had to be careful, she cautioned herself. She did not wish to be caught in a lie at some later date. “I certainly don’t want that either, my lord. All I can tell you is that Lisa has assured me that they are friends. They enjoy and are at ease with one another. More than that, I simply cannot say.”

  “I see. Very well, I shall have to make up my own mind about this,” he said as much to himself as to Sara.

  They turned to find a tall, husky man of mature years barreling down on them. Mr. Cotham, Lisa’s father! He stopped as he reached them and his voice was jolly. He appeared well pleased with the evening his wife had put together for their precious daughter. Once again, Sara felt a wave of envy. It was just too bad that Lisa had turned eighteen before her.

  “Well, well, are you young people all enjoying yourselves?” Mr. Cotham asked, slapping his gloved hands together.

  “Yes, yes, sir, very much,” Sara assured him sweetly.

  “Right then, where has that minx of mine gone off to?” he asked, and looked around.

  “She wasn’t feeling quite the thing, sir, and went into the garden for some air,” Sara said, and lowered her eyes to the silky toes of her shoes.

  “Good God! I thought she looked a bit too flushed,” he exclaimed. “Well then, go on, keep having fun. I shall see to her.”

  Sara said, “Oh, but I shall accompany you…in case she needs me.”

  “Humph, well, all right then,” Lisa’s father said, and made his way towards the garden with both Sara and Godwin in tow.

  The scene that met their eyes shocked all three. Even Sara had not hoped to find them in such a compromising state.

  “I am so glad you are better,” Oscar said, and lifted Lisa’s chin.

  “Yes, apparently emptying my insides so completely has done the trick,” Lisa said, and giggled.

  “Oh, Lisa dearest, you are so good, so easy to be with,” Oscar said, and unaware that he and Lisa had an audience, he dropped a kiss on her lips.

  It was only a short, quick, little kiss, but Lisa immediately responded by taking his hand to her cheek.

  Lisa’s father found his voice at this juncture. “What is the meaning of this?”

  Sara had to forcibly look away. She couldn’t smile, she told herself. She must not smile, but when she saw the hurt and confusion on Godwin’s face, she couldn’t help herself, and hurriedly clapped a hand over her lips.

  She couldn’t have hoped for a better result. Lisa’s father took her away. Godwin bowed to her and left the ball. Her cousin stopped her from walking away and said, “This is your handiwork. I am certain of it. What was in that drink you gave her? You have engineered this from the start.”

  “Nonsense,” she said, and went
to her parents to complain of a headache and ask that they take her home.

  Later that same evening, with her mind and heart blissful with the results of her successful plotting, she quietly left her bedroom and went out the backdoor of the house with her parents, as always, none the wiser.

  She could see him coming towards her in the darkness. Oh, but a fine figure of a man whose black cloak flapped in the wind behind him. She started to run towards him over the pebbled path, with her arms opened wide.

  She had everything she could possibly want. She had ruined Lisa in Godwin’s eyes, just as she had hoped she would. And it wasn’t even her fault, she told herself. She hadn’t made Oscar kiss her. She hadn’t made Lisa rub her face against Oscar’s hand. Ha! It was all working in her favor.

  Godwin would turn to her now, and she would have a husband and a position in society that all other women would envy.

  But now? Now she had the man of her dreams! “Raoul!” she called breathlessly as his strong arms enveloped her.

  “My love,” he murmured as he bent to kiss her lips.

  “I have missed you,” she said when he let her up for air. She reached feverishly into his breeches and found what she wanted, what she needed. “Raoul…we have to find a way to see each other more often.”

  He said nothing to this. She was aware that he rarely spoke and often wondered at it. His mouth took hers crushingly once more. His body was so hard, so desirable that all she could do was surrender to his touch.

  He was her first true love and she was certain, so very certain that it was true love. He was a gypsy and social dictates forbade their union, but they could have stolen moments, she told herself. The future? She would have him always, waiting in the wings. She would never give him up. It was why she did not wish to go to London.

  Yes, soon, she was certain, she would be Lady Ravensbury, a child bride of sorts at seventeen, but she would have her handsome wild gypsy to warm her heart and her body!

  He took off his cloak and laid it on the ground even as he brought her to her knees and said, “Show me, woman, show me how much you want me.”

  She licked his hard cock, took its length into her mouth and sucked harder, pleased with herself because he groaned with pleasure.

  All at once, he made a primal sound and pushed her roughly onto her back. Oh, but she liked it. She liked the way he handled her, as though he couldn’t get enough of her.

  He rammed into her over and over, harder, faster, and she pushed her palms down against the earth as she arched and screamed out his name.

  He climaxed with her and rolled off to lie on his back.

  She stroked his shadowed face and he pushed her hand away. “No,” he said. “If you love me, you will marry me.”

  “I can’t. My parents would never agree,” she said, and realized though this was true, she was thankful of it as an excuse because she didn’t want to marry him. She wanted this…only this.

  She mounted him then and found his cock still hard as she rubbed herself against it. “Did you say no, Raoul?”

  He grabbed her hips. “Did I?”

  She teased him with her wetness until he growled, “I want inside, woman. Take me inside.”

  “Oh, I mean to when I’m ready…when I make you regret telling me no.”

  ~ Two ~

  SO IT WAS IN THE fall of 1782 when Godwin brought to Ravensbury a new and bright-eyed wife.

  Sara, now eighteen, seemed nothing more than a child to most of the servants at Ravensbury, but she held herself erect and demanded respect with a stature she had learned from her mother. She had the confidence of knowing that she came from good and respectable English gentry, and she had married into better.

  Her wedding night saw her restless, agitated, and unable to meet her new husband’s eyes.

  He took her hands. “My darling…so shy? You needn’t be nervous, we can take this slowly.”

  She was in a flimsy nightdress and took his hand and put it on her breast. He looked surprised, but the desire took over and he fondled her, teased her nipples, bent his head as he exposed her lovely young breast and licked the rosebuds into pertness.

  “Come, Sara,” he said as he led her to the bed and took the straps of her white nightdress and dropped the gown to her waist.

  She said nothing. She couldn’t tell him that what had her nervous wasn’t shyness, no, but the fact that she wasn’t a virgin. Would he know? She had to pretend she was a virgin. Would he wonder if he didn’t see blood? Could she cut herself somehow where he wouldn’t notice and leave a stain of blood for him to witness? How would she manage?

  He laid her gently on her back as he rubbed her leg slowly and murmured praise. He found the tuft of dark gold hair between her thighs and expertly cupped her there. Her body responded to him. She discovered she liked his touch.

  “There, love, does that feel right?” he said softly as his finger played with her sex. “You are my wife, my treasure…one day you will be the mother of my children.” He bent and kissed her long and passionately.

  She threw her arms around him. He was gentle with her, and she wanted it rougher, but she had to control herself. She couldn’t be too forceful. He believed her a virgin.

  He had to believe that. It was all important that he believe that.

  Oh, but she liked his hands on her…could he make her forget Raoul?

  Perhaps? Sara had found the more time she spent with Godwin, the more bored she became. He was good and he was steady, but she wanted wild and exciting.

  “I’ll try not to hurt you, precious,” he said as his clothes vanished and he climbed onto the bed to straddle her. He positioned his manhood at her gateway. “Sweetheart, you are so open, so ready,” he said, sounding slightly surprised.

  “Because I love you and have been waiting for you to make me yours,” she said as she tensed.

  He entered her slowly at first, rubbing his erection against the walls of her opening before he worked his way inside of her. She could feel him hold back and knew he was being careful because he thought her untried. Oh, but this was so different than being with Raoul. Raoul had taken her roughly, boldly, and made her his in an instant that very first time.

  Oh, but she preferred Raoul’s lovemaking.

  She moved towards Godwin, pressed into him until he had no choice but to drive deeper into her, taking her completely, and she could see he was caught up in his passion and the ardor he exhibited. Would that be enough to distract him? She was so worried. She had to make him unaware that he was not the man who had broken her maidenhead.

  “My bride, my beautiful bride,” he whispered, absolutely taken with her beauty. He seemed not to notice anything but that she received him, pumped against his movements, enjoyed him as she worked him into a frenzy. He found her so willing and that willingness excited him. All at once he was slamming into her as he climaxed.

  Later, when she lay in his arms, she feigned soreness and managed to cut herself with the little scissors on her nightstand. She made only a slight incision while he slept, just enough that she could drop the blood-lets onto the sheet.

  He stirred, suddenly awakened by her movements and warmly snuggled her. “Are you…uncomfortable?” he asked.

  “Oh, a little sore…nothing of consequence, but I am afraid…” she lowered her lashes. “I have ruined the sheets with…my…blood.”

  “Indeed, my dear, you have ruined naught,” he said, sounding satisfied. He got to his feet and returned with a wet rag. “Here, this is cold, but it might serve to soothe your soreness.”

  “You are too good,” she said, and realized that she would never love him. She liked him well enough, how could anyone not like Godwin? He was a decent man, but she had not been satisfied during their lovemaking, and she knew he was not the sort who ever would satisfy her.

  * * * * *

  Sara was the Lady of Ravensbury Castle in every imaginable way.

  She was still young, eighteen, but she had the stature and the will to co
mmand her household, and she did. While her servants did not hold her in affection, they did respect her ability to run the inner workings of their beloved lordship’s estate.

  Sara had all she desired—position, clothing, jewels, the tender attention and love of a good man whom she held in mild affection. What more could she want, she asked herself. It should be enough. It wasn’t, and she knew it wasn’t.

  Godwin had been tricked that first night, their wedding night. He had thought her a virgin and now she had one more situation to handle, one more trick she had to manage.

  She was with child.

  Everyone beamed and fussed, chatted and laughed, pleased that their lordship was ecstatic and happy there would be a little one brought into the home.

  She was not due yet, for by her husband’s reckoning, if he had impregnated her their first night together, their child would come in the spring, three months hence.

  Her concerns had greatly affected her appetite and she was thin, Godwin said too thin, so she didn’t show for the actual reality of her pregnancy. If only the baby would be late a few weeks…she could manage to fool them all when it was born looking like a full term infant.

  She stared out the window of her bedroom and whispered, “Please let my reckoning be wrong. Let me have a few weeks, and then the baby would be seven months…yes, that would work.”

  Time was not on her side and by her reckoning the baby was only a week late. Would that serve or had her luck run out?

  As she saw the storm raging outside and felt those first awful pangs, she knew her baby was on its way.

  The midwife fussed over her as Sara grabbed her wrist and said, “It is too soon…it isn’t right, the baby won’t be right…not due yet. Perhaps it will die.” She put on an act as best she could as she grabbed hold of the sheets and screamed in agony of mind and body.

  “Whist now, m’lady, babies have no care for nature, they don’t hear the winds harshly blowing over Cornwall…baby says ‘tis time,” the midwife said gently. “Now don’t fret, you’ll do and so will the baby. I have birthed many a babe before it was due.”