Fire In The Water

by Janice Ross

  "What the hell's going on?" This time, the voice didn't come at me from the line.

  I spun around to find Chanel's friend standing behind me in a red robe. My right hand went out. I pressed the phone to my ear with the left hand. "I'll call you back later on," I advised before ending the conversation.

  "Not this one, Rhys. Not her!" the girl in front of me went ballistic. Her cries were sharp. Still, I'd be a fool to miss the pain.

  "Let's keep it down, please," I begged for understanding. At the rate she' was going, Chanel was bound to walk through that door.

  "She's been through enough. She doesn't need some asshole playing with her feelings."

  "I'm sorry, what's your name again?" Redirecting her further down the dark hallway, we moved at full speed.

  "Mallory, and don't you ever forget it. I swear, if you cause Chanel any type of pain, I will beat the shit out of you."

  "Look Mallory, I'm not that guy."

  "And this?" She pointed to the hand holding the phone.

  "Chanel needs closure. I was talking to my ex."

  "How is talking to your ex meant to bring closure?"

  "Mallory, I promise you, I'm not trying to screw around with Chanel’s emotions. There's a hell of a lot going on here. She'll tell you about it soon."

  Mallory remained silent with the exception of an awful fight to shake off my hold.

  "Don't get taken out over games. I promise, I'm not nice enough to walk away. You screw her over and I'll kick your ass. Don't let the size fool you. I'm good for it."

  Mallory turned in the opposite direction. Instead of calling Maggie back just then, I returned to the bedroom. As much as I wanted to kick start the resolution, this drama made me long to drown in Chanel's innocence and warmth.

  XVIII.

  Chanel

  ~

  "I thought about giving you another day to come to me after your man left, but no. I'm here. You're here. Talk!" Rhys had left fifteen minutes ago. I stepped out of the shower to find the lone interrogation squad perched on the edge of my dresser.

  "Of all the places for you to sit, why there?"

  "I sure as hell wasn't going to sit on that bed."

  "Maybe the chair?" I pointed to a Victorian over by the window and then the rectangular version nearby. "Or my chaise?"

  "Umm, no. You guys had all types of freaky sounds coming out of this room."

  "So Mal, what would make you think it wouldn't include the dresser too."

  She hopped down as we both fell out laughing.

  "What's going on, Chanel?"

  We exited my room, exchanging the confines of this space for her darker space. I'd forgotten how sultry Mal's room was with deep shades of red cushions, drapes, and furniture all around.

  "Mal, you're going to sit here and listen to every single word I have to say. When I'm done, I'll be heading over to my mom's house. I don't want any drama or cussing because this is it. Zachary Marlowe is a thing of my past."

  ~

  I left the home I shared with my best friend in exchange for my parents' house. Mallory was still speechless and in tears. She had no desire to speak. I was glad. In my quest to let it all go, I didn't need to hear how wrong my life had been and be inundated with any more anger. The drive allowed me some additional time to be free.

  "Mom..."

  "We weren't expecting you, Chanel. Your father just suggested we get something to eat."

  "Actually Mom, I came to see you." I immediately began unleashing the tears I desperately wanted to ignore. "I'm a horrible person." The words fumbled from my lips.

  "Chanel, what's going on?" She ran her palms up and down my arms. Her eyes remained fixed on mine. Their was a time when I neglected this woman who was now looking to comfort me. The mere thought of her well-known glance on the verge of stripping away what I once believed to be true, now brought on the guilt. I'd mistaken her motherly love for hatred. She wore the worn features of concern, wrapped her arms around my shoulders, and nuzzled her nose to my hair. "Let it out, sweetie. We'll talk when you're ready."

  The confession played out in my mind and somehow found freedom on my lips. "He was a cheater and a liar," I stated.

  "Zachary?" she asked.

  I pulled away by a few inches, but remained near. She wore sad eyes, yet wiped away my tears. "Did you know, Mom?"

  "I knew enough to know that his parents would never let you have him. And that boy, that boy would never disappoint them." She paused to kiss my cupped fingers. "Don't beat yourself up over this. I believe Zach loved you at some point, but then he didn't. The final years before his accident, you worshipped a ghost. He was dead to you before his life ended. Now, I'm not saying you should hate him. There's no telling the stupidity he used as justification."

  "That day at the beach, we talked about the future. Mom..." I shifted from her hold to find myself staring into a hanging, circular mirror. It happened to have just the right length. I saw me, right down to my waist. My head lowered to my feet. As I refocused on my beaten features in the mirror, those haunting memories returned. "The mother who died was having an affair with Rhys' father."

  "Rhys?" she inquired.

  "Mom, that's for another day. You'll meet him soon, when I'm ready."

  She bit on the left side of her mouth. Though we were having such an awful discussion, a faint smile appeared at the mention of Rhys' name. This time, after a mighty long time, we embraced as mother and daughter. No problems or issues existed to pull us apart.

  "That's good enough for now. Zachary caused you enough hurt. Look ahead."

  XLIX.

  Chanel

  ~

  Anable Basin Bar & Grill's open atmosphere along the waterfront was beyond breathtaking. On the drive over, I'd given Mal the rundown on the time at my parents' house. Neither of us spoke again until we prepared to place an order.

  "Are you ready to order drinks?" the bartender asked. I tilted up from the menu to see a stunning, dark chocolate brown statue with eyes similar to Tyson Beckford's.

  "We need a pitcher of beer and two Pikanya's." Mal caught me off guard because she never once ordered for me.

  "No problem."

  "Thanks Tyson," she replied, in spite of his name tag which read "Marcus". But he didn't correct her, even though he paused.

  "I kind of wanted a burger," I whined.

  "Burgers won't do, chica. We're having these darn Brazilian steaks and a few pitchers of beer." She tapped at the menu. "Chanel, I'm willing to sit here for as long as it takes to understand what the hell went wrong. And we're gonna drink like there's no tomorrow."

  "One of us has to drive."

  "You can have Rhys pick us up when our words start running together."

  I tapped on the table with the tips of my fingers. Sitting on a wooden bench that overlooked the water, I wished away the negative aura.

  "Let's see."

  "Chanel, this is all wrong. This whole Zach thing is bugging the crap out of me. We all grew up together. Shit, he was our Zach."

  "You're telling me? Mal, he was my world."

  "Yeah, but what made him screw you over like that? How the hell could he be a part of us and at the same time live this double life? And what the fuck else did he do?"

  "I don't know," I confessed. "I spent my years worshipping a fantasy I was too dumb to realize was all in my mind. Hell, I spent the last two years uplifting a dream and life disturbed, when I was a joke to his life and a mockery in his death."

  "But why? What happened?"

  "God, I wish I knew, but we might never know."I shrugged off the crushing emotions settling on my shoulders. The plain black, casual cotton dress I'd slipped into clung like it had been weighted with an eternity of lies. I understood Mal's frustrations, but I no longer wanted this. While she kept venting, I closed my eyes.

  The sun provided an intrusive glare. It burned bright enough that my pupils still stun from beyond closed eyelids. Conversations from the other end of the wooden bench thr
eatened to interrupt ours. Laughter and greetings filtered into my heavily emotional turmoil.

  Yes, please make me forget. I want to be over this, soon.

  "Mal," I mouthed, lips trembling in despair. "Can we not talk about Zach anymore. I know you're hurt, but I gotta find a way to let go of the disappointment."

  I'd never seen tears in Mal's eyes, much less rolling down her face. She let them fall without trying to hide. I was seated on the opposite side of the table. I reached across to hold her fingers. Sunlight had given her a toasty complexion, about two shades darker than mine. With the onset of sunset, she gained a picture-perfect glow.

  "I'm conflicted. Don't want to be, but I am." I had to find a way to sort out this complex way of dealing with Zach's issues. I continued, "I can't truly hate him, Mal. He lived and died too soon. No matter what he did, death was too harsh of a punishment."

  "If I knew he was playing us all, I would've kicked his ass. I promise you, Chanel."

  I couldn't help but chuckle. "I know."

  "Hell yes!"

  "That's not how things played out. He died a hero. Mal, Zach literally fought that woman to live. She fought him back like hell. I tried to run into the water, but they held me back. The kids' little hands had caused big splashes. Their voices had screeched over the waves. When I heard him call out..." I had to end the story. This was never easy. "I knew he was gone."

  "Don't make me feel bad for him. He wasn't our Zach at that point."

  "Yeah, he was. He can be anything we want him to be. Maybe he outgrew our friendship and love. Rhys is going to help fill in the blanks on what I don't know. Afterwards, I'll find a way to honor the Zach we knew and... loved."

  After another several minutes of drinking, Rhys arrived at the bar. He brought one of his roommates along. The four of us didn't talk much. We gazed out at the water. The last sprinkles of sunset resting along the waves, formed areas of faded orange and purple. Shadows of buildings decorated the East River. We glanced over to the other side, to Manhattan. Rhys' arms held me in a secure embrace. I ran my fingertips along the hot-as-hell lines of his tattoo without being able to see it. I'd memorized every muscle, every line and every inch of skin. I wanted him...now. But with evening looming, I calmed my emotions. We needed to be silent and enjoy the task of letting go, if but for this day.

  A week later ...

  L.

  Chanel

  ~

  Taking long breaths, I fought the sting of fresh tears. A steady pounding penetrated my chest, though I was made to appear like this whole exposition was a formality. With no one seated at either side of me, there was little choice than to rely on my own strength.

  We’d chosen to meet up in a neutral diner–myself, Rhys, and the woman my two loves had once shared. Dim lights sprayed faux wooden tables and chairs. The floors were a dusty, spotted tile which might've been installed back in the seventies. I preferred this less than glamorous setting. There would be no need to remember the chick who'd been an integral part of Zach's life at a time I’d believed I was the only one who mattered.

  Six weeks had gone by since I’d learned the truth about Zachary Marlowe. I still couldn’t believe I'd built up this phenomenal image of the perfect man when he’d been quite simply just an ordinary one. Finding out how the pieces had fit together was the last stage of finalizing and eventually sealing this chapter in my life.

  A set of bells chimed as the glass door pulled. Perhaps it was me, but I felt a shift in the overall atmosphere, like every person knew my world was coming full circle. I briefly sought out something, anything from the near dozen strangers scattered around the twenty-by-twenty foot dining space. Nothing and no one tried to console me.

  Of those who grieved, many wished for the opportunity to declare a final "I love you" or "I'm sorry." My love hadn't ever been treasured and my sorry did not belong to Zachary Marlowe. Unlike before, my feelings were no longer tied to a silly fixation on fairy tales. On the contrary, I'd found a newness of life through a man who’d battled deception much like my own.

  Rhys Colburn stopped at the entrance as if making an informal introduction. His icy pupils found mine. His tongue slid along his upper lips in a sexy as hell way meant for my reflection. We experienced a sly exchange. I liked to believe anyone looking on might have been able to notice something hidden beneath the surface, that thing which linked the true essence of who we were. Simply put, I was his and he was mine.

  My heart leapt, pounded with fear. Waves of emotions overtook my once calm spirit. Rhys nodded once only to step aside. He was closely followed by a stunning blonde-haired woman. From across the open space, I saw glossed over blue pupils enhanced by the rays of sunshine. For a second, I was almost jealous of the chick Zach had preferred over me.

  Dear God, I was the exact opposite of Maggie.

  I tried to breathe like normal: in–one, two, three; out–one, two, three. I forced my eyes from someone who should not matter one bit except for her place in releasing the doubts of my future. I allowed a stream of air to flow from between my lips, in a slow and steady exhale, before I shifted focus back to this stranger.

  "Maggie, meet Chanel," Rhys stated as they reached within two feet. He closed the remaining distance to stand next to me, at my side.

  "I don't know if I should say 'nice to meet you, Chanel.'" Maggie giggled along with the words.

  "I'll be blunt, Maggie. I have no intention of saying it's nice to meet you. This..." I allowed the words to fade into the atmosphere. Keeping a detached glare which didn’t provide a smidgen of a smile, I forced my eyes to look deep into hers. "None of this is okay. Under normal circumstances, you and I would never know the other existed."

  Yeah...normal. Who the hell was I kidding? Normal might've been beating the shit out of her ass for all she'd done. But blame wasn't exclusive to her. Her co-conspirator could not defend himself from the grave.

  My tone increased by the second. Dammit, Maggie with the silly, whiny tone and condescending words and overly friendly, phony-ass behavior reminded me of the type of girls I'd grown up around. She was the epitome of privileged princess with a pompous delicate swirl as we walked from the table and chair in the center of the diner to squeeze into a tiny booth. Rhys slid onto the thick leather seat beside me. Maggie slipped down to the end in order to look into my eyes.

  "Zach always said you were too good," she assured me. Her head bobbed up and down. Slender, pale, bone-colored fingers quickly reached up to wipe away teardrops. "I'm sorry, Chanel."

  "Sorry for?" I replied.

  Maggie fed me an exaggerated exhale. She giggled only to clear her throat. "As much as I've hurt Rhys and caused you pain, Chanel, I'm dead inside." This time, as the tears crept out, they flowed like the steady rapids of a wild river. She let them fall without wiping away.

  I wanted to hate Zach's other girlfriend for being simply that, but seeing her broken cut away at my disdain for their relationship. Truthfully, how was I to find closure over the lies of my past if I wasn’t able to accept the fact that this web of deceit led me to a better love?

  "When did you first meet Zach?" I did not breath for the entire sentence. Somewhere, lodged in the center of my world, stood a lopsided pendulum. It swayed left and right, circular and diagonally, unsure of where to settle.

  "Five years ago," Maggie said in a timid voice.

  My eyes found Rhys until we both became fixed on the chick I’d labeled an enemy.

  "How long did you know about me?"

  "From the very beginning," she assured, following up with a firm nod. Turning to Rhys she added, "He knew about you too."

  "So you guys didn't give a damn about anyone else?" Rhys bit out.

  "It wasn't like that. We met when he was preparing to drive up to Vasser." Maggie paused to run the back of her fingers along somewhat sunken eye sockets. "We never meant to fall for each other, but it was one of those things you couldn't deny."

  I hadn’t meant to care or feel sorry over her pain, th
ough I did. Before I could convince myself that she was this evil bitch, I was reaching across the table to squeeze her hand. She initially yanked back, like I was setting fire to her porcelain skin.

  "I want to hate you so badly." Lifting my shoulders, I allowed a few sprinkles of tears to saturate the table. Rhys' arm snaked around my waist, leading me to settle into his alluring aroma. When my head tilted sideways to rest on his shoulder, I immediately noticed the emptiness sparkling behind her stunning blue pupils.

  "I'm waiting to move on. I want my heart to beat again, but it won't." Maggie no longer hid the tears. They cascaded down her cheeks to collect at her chin. They clung, almost like she's holding onto every shred of emotion.

  "I can't tell you enough how much it hurt to lose Zach. We tried to be sensible over our feelings. But when you went away Rhys, we gave in."

  "So, the whole bullshit over our relationship. What was that?"

  "Confusion. I felt bad. He felt bad."

  "What changed?" I might've easily gotten lost in her thoughts. "You're having a casual conversation with yourself. Maggie, I need this."

  "This is difficult for me to deal with. You see, there's more to my relationship with Zach than just us."

  Rhys' fingers eased up from gripping my arm. A pocket of air settled in the center of the table. Just then, the waitress cut into our space. My head remained low. I heard their muffled voices. When I was asked if I'd like to place an order, I didn't look up. I shook my head several times.

  Once alone, I exhaled again in hopes of getting over this pathway to my release. "Please, Maggie, I'm not about the drama. Closure." Pausing long enough to swallow, I added, "I need this chapter closed."

  "I understand." Maggie's voice quivered. The emotions caused her shoulders to cave forward. She was wearing a blue jacket to match her eyes. Tears rushed from her eyes. "I had his child. The baby has been staying with the Marlowes for the past two months."