“Why are you doing this?” I blurt out, squirming away from his rough hands which are groping up and down my body.
My question interrupts his errant fumbling but goes unanswered. He’s relentless in his pursuit of me, pulling at my clothes whilst trying to balance his bottle between his fingers. I’m actually thankful he’s so drunk; if he was sober he wouldn’t be so clumsy, he could be very capable and this would have progressed a lot more than it has done so far.
Its funny how one bad move and one wrong decision can change your whole life. I have known Jake for such a short amount of time and yet he’s the only person I can think about right now, even above my own safety.
“Open your eyes.” My assailant demands.
I’m unwilling to do as he asks; I don’t want to see his repulsive face and I don’t want him to see the extreme terror on mine. I whimper in disgust when his tongue glides down the side of my face to my neck. I can feel him smiling against me and I cringe away from him. I feel sick, I want to be sick and my mind is screaming at him to stop. How can a person do this to another human being? How is it even possible? How is this happening to me?
He’s ruthless and shows no mercy as he forcefully shoves his hand down the front of my jeans. I sob loudly when his violently claws at my underwear, roughly pushing them to the side. His fingers come into contact with my naked skin and I freeze. I’ve never felt so violated or used. It’s as though I don’t really matter at all, it’s my body he’s interested in, my thoughts and desperate protests are inconsequential. His other hand surrounds my waist, holding me still and in place. I’ve never felt so much shame and humiliation. I thought what Sarah did to me was horrendous but this is unimaginable.
We read about it everyday in the newspapers, we sigh and say what a shame it is for the nameless, faceless victim. We see it on the news but we never truly believe it, we don’t believe the horrors that exist until they are thrust upon us. Until we become the nameless, faceless victim.
I repeatedly say Jake’s name over and over in my head, hoping that the thought of him will annihilate the reality of what is happening to me. Jake can’t save me from this, he’s not here and I can no longer see any way out of this but the idea of him is enough to instil some semblance of calm inside me. I’m close to despair but I know I must remain strong and focused, ready for any possible opportunity to escape.
I cry out in pain when he grabs my hair, jerking my head backwards. He commands me to look at him but I shake my head, not wanting to give him any control whatsoever. I don’t want to see the hatred in his eyes, I want to keep mine closed and pretend this isn’t real.
My inability to comply angers him even more; he removes his hand from between my legs and takes hold of my chin, trying to force me into looking at him. When I move my head forward, hoping to butt him in the face, he hits me. It’s far more painful than the slap I received from Sarah. I try to kick him, scrambling to get away from him in any way that I can. My efforts are futile and pointless and he relinquishes his hold on the bottle of vodka he’s been cradling so he can use both of his hands to restrain me.
The tears are cascading down my face and my fists are clenched, punching him in the chest again and again. I brace myself for the horrendous violation when his predatory hands return to the front of my jeans. I scream and flail against him, pleading with him to stop and let me go.
He ignores me, shaking me and yelling for me to be quiet. He doesn’t care if I want this or not, he probably finds my struggles a huge turn on. His fingers are in my underwear, probing awkwardly to find my entrance whilst I try and clench my legs together.
“Let me feel how badly you want me.” He growls, harshly biting my neck.
The vulgarity of his words causes me to dry heave. Any minute now I’m going to throw up all over him and it will serve him right. Maybe then I’ll be able to make my escape. I’d rather be covered in my own vomit right now than feel his hands on me for another second longer.
He has one hand fisted in my hair and the other scrambling between my legs. I feel like I’m going to die, it’s going to happen any minute now; it’s not possible for me to feel this way and expect to live. I can’t have any part of this monster inside me. God help me, please, someone help me…
My phone’s ringtone plays out for the fourth time, distracting him from his savage invasion.
“Please, don’t do this. You can leave now; you don’t have to do this! I won’t say anything to anybody, just let me go!” I sob uncontrollably, tears streaming down my face.
Surely his conscience will stop him? There must be something inside of him that will prevent him from doing this. There has to be.
“Turn that fucking thing off!” He yells, yanking his hand from the inside of my underwear to reach for my phone.
I struggle to free myself from him when he tries searching the back pocket of my jeans. I’m certain he’ll destroy it if he manages to find it and I’m not about to let that happen. My phone is the one remaining connection I have to Jake, even if I can’t answer his calls, the thought of him on the other end of that phone is my only saviour.
“Stop!” I wail, pummelling my fists against him, attempting to wound him in any way that I can.
“Tell me that you want me.” He moans loudly, rubbing his stubble covered cheek against my own. It scratches and feels like tiny shards of glass are trying to cut into my skin.
My mind can’t even process what he wants me to say. In my head all I can see is Jake, the boy that I love, the one who has saved me so many times. Even though he’s not here I can still feel his presence, I can feel him near me, he surrounds me as though he’s here, even though I know it’s impossible.
I’m shaken roughly when I fail to respond to my attacker.
“I won’t it.” I refuse, clenching my teeth together.
“Admit the truth; I know what a little whore like you really wants, you can’t fool me.”
His breath crawls all over me, making me nauseas. I will never say those words to him, I won’t demean myself that way and I will never betray my own heart.
“Never!” I cry, vehemently shaking my head.
“I can make you say it.” He threatens me, twirling a strand of my hair between his fingers.
I glare at him, wanting him to know the true extent of my hatred for him. I have no feelings for this animal. If he were to drop dead at my feet right now I’d walk away from him without a backwards glance. I see no soul when I look into his eyes. There is not a single trace of human kindness behind them. I’ll never let him convince me that I ‘asked’ for this. I won’t allow him to make me falsely admit that I want him just so he can make himself feel better about what he’s doing.
I clamp my lips together when he tries to force my mouth open with his tongue, trying to invade it. I writhe and squirm and flail against him, frantically keeping his face away from mine. The smell of alcohol on his breath makes me balk and retch; any second now I really will puke all over him.
My phone starts to ring once more and I desperately angle my body, trying to free my hands so I can reach it. He violently grabs either side of my face, holding me in place as he crushes his putrid, repellent mouth over mine. The only thing I can think of to fight back is to clamp my teeth down on his lower lip. He releases a torturous howl of pain as I sink my teeth into him and he shoves me away from him so that I fall backwards onto the ground. He’s on top of me before I can even scream for help. He slaps me again and the pain is excruciating, it’s so bad I feel as though I could pass out at any moment.
I’m beyond petrified; the heavy weight of this evil, revolting human being on top of me finally pushes me over the metaphorical cliff I was clinging to for the sake of my sanity. My subconscious somehow manages to fool me into believing that I can actually hear Jake’s voice. I don’t know whether I’m hallucinating or unconscious but I can hear him calling my name and it’s a mesmerising, magnificent comfort. I close my eyes, wanting to submerge myself in the tranquilli
ty his presence brings me, even if it isn’t real.
The beast on top of me runs his hands all over my body, tearing at my clothes and whispering vulgar obscenities into my ear, threatening to wrench me out of my hallucinogenic state. The next thing I hear is the sound of heavy footsteps racing towards us, they quicken in speed as they draw closer and then I hear a lot of shouting and a murderous voice coming from a difference direction. I’m so confused, I can’t determine who’s calling my name but I can distinctly hear it being spoken. Jake’s voice has become so clear in my head; I’m mistaking it for what’s actually happening here and now.
My attacker jumps up and I gasp for air when the unbearable weight is removed from me. He scrambles to his feet and is already running away when my blurred vision allows me to witness him being powerfully tackled to the ground. I’m dazed and unsure of what’s real and what isn’t. Am I dreaming? Am I unconscious? I close my eyes, praying for my head to stop spinning.
The next time I open my eyes I can barely believe the sight before me. It really is Jake; I had been right all along, it was him calling my name. I watch in horror as Jake’s fists fall upon my aggressor’s face over and over and over again. The stranger is on the ground and defenceless, feebly trying to protect himself by covering his bloodied face with his hands.
Enraged that his victim is attempting to protect himself, Jake prises his hands away from his face and continues to pelt his relentless fists against him. I can hear the man’s wailing and his cries for help. The sound is so terrible; it forces to cover my ears to block out the dreadful noise. This is the same man that hurt me, he was going to rape me and he enjoyed watching my fear, a few minutes ago I truly believe I would be happy to see this piece of scum die.
Now I know different.
I’m not like him; I don’t take delight in watching other people’s pain and I can’t bring myself to take any satisfaction in this brutal beating, even if it is on my behalf.
“Get the fuck up!” Jake orders, landing one cold-blooded kick to his face.
The fury in Jake’s voice is alarming and it reminds me what Jake is really capable of. I don’t like to think about it but when the evidence is right here before me, I can’t deny that the man I love is dangerous.
The one who posed as such a threat to me just a few moments ago is now almost lifeless; he’s nothing but a conquered, defeated, bloody mess lying on the ground. Jake pauses for a second to regain his breath and I make the foolish mistake of assuming that he is finally done with his violent onslaught. When Jake’s fist ferociously collides with the beaten body on the ground once more, I realise he’s not even close to finishing his torrent of abuse. He firmly grabs a hold of the mess before him and forces him to his feet. I gasp in astonishment when Jake head-butts him, knocking him straight back down. Three more ferocious kicks are inflicted to the stranger’s stomach and I watch in terror as he coughs up blood.
I don’t even recognise Jake anymore; his warm, loving eyes are ablaze with hatred and a fury that’s so formidable, I’ve never seen anything like it.
“Jake…” I whisper croakily, somehow managing to pull myself up onto my feet.
I don’t know if he will listen to me but I’ve got to do something, I’ve got to stop this before its too late.
“Stand up!” Jake demands, grabbing him by the scruff of his neck. “Stand the fuck up and fight me, you worthless piece of shit. You think I’m going to let you get away with this?! You don’t ever touch her! I’m going to fucking kill you!” Jake shouts, kicking the nearly unconscious man in the face.
“Jake, stop it!” I scream, racing over towards them and tugging on his arm, desperate to put a stop to this insane, illogical frenzy.
“How dare you think that you could touch her?!” Jake roars, smashing his fist into the unrecognisable face before me.
It’s as though I’m in the presence of a madman. He’s lost his mind I no longer have any influence over Jake or his actions, I’m not even sure if he can hear me over the deafening chaos and disorder going on inside his head.
I look around us helplessly, searching for an answer or an idea that could help me figure out what to do. We’re in the middle of the road with a few houses scattered further down the street, surely someone must be able to hear what’s going on. Why has nobody come out here to help us? Maybe someone has phoned the police already, they could be here any minute with their sirens and flashing lights, ready to arrest Jake instead of the one who deserves to be in prison for what he was about to do to me.
“Jake, that’s enough! Please!”
It’s pointless; he won’t even look at me. He’s so intent on exacting his revenge; I’m not even visible to him anymore. Jake’s knuckles are grazed and bleeding, the skin torn and split. He has his victim’s blood splattered all over his clothes, making him appear unreachable and monstrous.
Jake can’t kill this guy, I won’t let him. I know it’s foolish to throw myself into the middle of this but I can’t just stand here and watch Jake seal his own fate. I cover my eyes when Jake delivers another four strikes to the defenceless heap at his feet. Jake will be responsible for ending this guy’s life if I don’t intervene and I will not allow him to become a murderer to protect me.
“Bethany, I saw what he was doing to you! He was going to rape you! I’m not going to let him get away with this. I’m not going to stop until this piece of shit is dead.”
The conviction in his eyes is enough to convince me that he means what he says. I can’t let him do this, I refuse to lose him and if I don’t do something to stop him Jake will be spending the rest of his life in prison.
“Stop. Please.” An inaudible, unfamiliar voice croaks.
We both pause and look down; I barely heard what he said. He’s so weak and shattered; it must have taken all of his strength to utter those two words. He’s begging Jake to stop with his unrelenting beating and I glare at Jake, willing him to see sense and listen to his conscience.
“What’s that? Did you just ask me to stop? I bet that’s what she said, didn’t she? Did you listen to her? Did you fucking stop? NO! I’m going to make you suffer, you’ll wish you were dead by the time I’m finished and you know what? I might just grant you your wish.” Jake says bitterly, lunging for him again.
“Jake, this is madness! You’re going to kill him!” I cry despairingly.
“Good! I want to kill him! He was hurting you, Bethany! I saw him and I know what he was going to do. If I hadn’t got here when I did…”
Jake stands over the man lying half dead on the ground, his foot hovers over his face, ready to wound him beyond repair.
“Jake, this isn’t you. You’re better than this and you’re better than him. He’s an animal and you’re only lowering yourself to his level.” I say, desperately trying to reason with him.
Jake’s harrowing glare finally settles down on me. He’s breathless and exhausted but the piercing ice behind his eyes still remains.
“Why should I stop? You don’t want to be with me and I’m nothing without you. I don’t care about anything anymore if you’re no longer mine. You think I care if I go to prison for this? I’ll go willingly if it means I get to live with the satisfaction of knowing that I’m the one who killed this sick bastard. He was going to rape you!” He explodes.
I’ve never seen Jake like this; agony is etched all over his face, showing the insuperable depth of his suffering. Why would he think I no longer want to be with him? My whole being and entire soul yearns for him. The reason I won’t allow him to commit this unforgivable crime is because I love him so dearly, I won’t let him do this to me or to himself. Of course it’s my own fault. The amount of times I’ve ran out on him, how can I blame him for his doubts?
“Jake, I love you and I’m not going anywhere.” I speak calmly, needing him to trust and believe in my certainty.
Jake glances at me, hesitancy and distrust painted all over his face.
“But you… ran away. You left me, Bethany and I
didn’t know what to do. I can’t keep chasing after you, it hurts too much and it’s slowly killing me.”
He lowers his head, revealing the depth of his despair and aguish. It pains me to see what my love for this boy has done to him and I’m beginning to wonder if our love for one another will be what finally destroys us.
“I know it is, Jake. I hate myself for doing this to you and I’m so sorry. I want to make this right and I will if you walk away with me now. If you kill him tonight it will ruin us. I’ll never see you again and I can’t be without you, I just can’t.”
Every fibre of my being is imploring Jake to listen to me, to understand what I’m saying and to adhere to my advice. I just hope my voice will somehow find a way of resonating with him and not get shouted down by the anger in his head. This night can’t determine our fate. I won’t let it.
He stares at me for a long time and I think I’m finally getting through when a helpless moan interrupts our silence. I take a look at the man who came so close to hurting me before Jake found me. I gasp when I see the state he’s in; his face is black and blue, swollen and disfigured. How can the gentle, loving boy I adore be capable of this? What does that make him? And what does it make me for loving him despite his inexcusable violence?
“Did he touch you?” Jake asks, fixing his powerful stare on me.
His eyes burn fiercely, consumed by a formidable fury, one that I’m no longer capable of restraining. I don’t even consider telling him the truth about what really happened. If I do Jake will be unreachable, he won’t stop and I’ll be forced to say goodbye to him forever.
“No, he didn’t. I’m ok; you got here before he… before he did anything.” I lie, praying that my omission will be enough to convince Jake.
“Are you sure? Tell me the truth, Bethany. If he touched you, I swear to God…”
He doesn’t finish his sentence. He instead places his two hands on my shoulders and turns me to face him. His eyes bore into mine, desperately trying to spot the lie in mine.
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