This Heart for Hire

by Marie Ferrarella

  A tinge of conscience nettled him. He supposed that in her point of view, he had seemed pretty heartless. Maybe he had been.

  “I’ve done some growing since my father died.”

  “I’m sorry about his death.” She’d sent her condolences when she read the obituary in the newspaper, but refrained from attending the funeral. She hadn’t wanted to be put in a position to feel Logan’s pain, no matter what she thought about him. “Your father was a good man.”

  “He was a disappointed man,” Logan corrected. “That bit about putting his trust in the wrong people went in spades when it came to the wrong women. He had his heart dragged around a lot.”

  “Maybe he just never found the right woman,” Jessica suggested.

  No, Logan thought, his father never did. “He was too eager to have someone to really make an effort to be discerning. He settled on the first woman who crossed his path and smiled at him, each and every time.” In a way, Logan supposed, he could relate to the difficulty his father had encountered. Maybe it wouldn’t have made any difference if he had been discerning. “When you’re rich the way my father was, you find that a great many women smile at you.”

  They shared that insecurity, Jessica thought. Never knowing whether they were being approached for themselves or because of who and what they were. Only with their own kind, their own circle, was there a degree of ease. And even then, it wasn’t always safe. For the rich, the desire to become even richer was not unknown.

  Jessica thought of all the times she’d seen Logan’s photograph in the society pages, always with someone new, someone different “You’d know more about that than I would.”

  He was quick to be defensive. “You’ve had your share since...” Realizing what he almost said, he trailed off.

  “I’ve been too busy working to have my ‘share.’ But if the newspapers are any indication, you’ve more than made up for my lack of playing the field.”

  He knew what she thought of him and was tempted to just let it go at that. But something within him wouldn’t allow it.

  “You know what those photographers are like. They’re there to snap your picture from the minute you get up until you finally call it a night.”

  He could thrive on next to no sleep for days. She’d often wondered where he got his energy. “They must put in a long day with you.”

  He reached for his glass again, then decided not to. That had been his father’s choice of an anesthetic, not his. Besides, he’d gone so long without her, he even savored the barbs.

  “Your tongue’s gotten sharper since we were together.”

  She raised her chin without knowing how much she aroused him when she did that. “A lot of things have gotten sharper about me since we were together.”

  Jessica was bluffing and hoped he was buying. However much she’d deluded herself into thinking she was over Logan, it was just that. A delusion. He seemed the same as he ever was, except more so. More charming, more sexy, more irresistible. More.

  And yet, there was a sadness to him that she’d never seen before, which, she supposed, undoubtedly had its roots in his father dying so unexpectedly. Death left an indelible mark. Jessica thought of the death threats. She didn’t want anything happening to him.

  Leaning over her plate, she looked at him, forcing herself to think of Logan only as a case, a person she was being paid to help and nothing more. He deserved her undivided attention, her undivided professionalism. That didn’t mean having her mind wander like this.

  It was hard, though, keeping it bridled. She should have insisted on seeing Logan on neutral territory. Somewhere where they’d never been.

  A smile crept to her lips. That probably meant the public library. In the nine months they’d spent together, they had gone almost everywhere. Made love almost everywhere. From the floor of his private jet to the last row of an empty Dorothy Chandler Pavilion after the L.A. Philharmonic Orchestra had given an exclusive performance. It’d been a fund-raiser, and they had secretly stayed behind after everyone else had left.

  It had been one of the most exhilarating and memorable nights of her life.

  Making love with Logan had always been an adventure. Each and every time. It would have been the same, she realized, looking into his eyes, had it happened in a six-by-nine room. Or a broom closet. Being with Logan was all that she’d needed.

  She shook her head, freeing her mind of the web that was swiftly tightening around it. “So, does that mean that changing your mind about this merger is strictly out of the question for you?”

  It wasn’t so much about changing his mind; he’d done that often enough.

  “Being a coward is out of the question,” he informed her. “Even if I didn’t believe as strongly as I do about what the merger would do to a lot of people working for Buchanan Tech, I wouldn’t back down now. I’m not going to have someone think they can just threaten me and I’ll fold.”

  Anyone who knew Logan knew he wasn’t capable of that. The sender had to be desperate. Or almost a complete stranger.

  But it was his attitude that intrigued her now and raised questions in her mind. “What happened? You never used to care about the company that made it possible for you to live the high life on any continent that suited you.”

  He shrugged. “People change.”

  That didn’t cut it. “Not you.”

  He smiled. “Even me. Everybody’s always rushing to make something newer, better, bigger. Maybe it’s time we stopped once in a while to enjoy what we have instead of getting caught up in what we could get, and exclude everything else around us.”

  She was almost able to believe him. But believing him had been her fatal error. “My God, I’m impressed. You do have a heart. Or a glimmer of one.” He reached across the table and put his hand over hers. Her smile faded as she withdrew her hand. “And I have a memory. A very clear one.”

  “So, where do we go from here?”

  She picked up her fork again. “After dinner you get to tell me about anyone you think might have sent those letters to you.”

  Logan shook his head. “I’m not talking about the case.”

  “But I am. The only way this is going to work is if we leave the past where it is, Logan. In the past.” Her eyes pinned his. “Understood?”

  “Understood.”

  But something in his voice told her it wasn’t.

  Chapter 5

  If she wanted proof that they hadn’t reached an understanding, it wasn’t long in coming.

  It came almost immediately, following Logan’s comment that Dane had become obsessed with his work, especially since their father’s death.

  To some extent, she knew that Dane had always been dedicated to work. The brothers were poles apart that way. “Nobody could ever accuse you of being a workaholic.”

  Logan took no offense. He couldn’t. It was true. “Good old Jessica, always cutting to the heart of the matter.”

  He looked at her for a long moment, old feelings sending out long, wispy trailers to ensnare him. He’d fought them off once, and his immediate instincts were to retreat again. Instead, he let them come. And savored the sight of her.

  It had been a long time. There were times when he’d actually thought he was over her. And then something would come up to remind him. A fragment of a song, a whiff of perfume or someone saying something to nudge his thoughts toward her.

  “I’ve missed you, Jessi.”

  If she let herself, she knew she could become completely unraveled just by the single note of longing in his voice. He’d always been very skillful at making her feel things.

  But it wasn’t going to happen. Because she wouldn’t allow it.

  “More like you missed the boat,” she corrected crisply. She pushed the remaining piece of salmon about on her plate with her fork for a moment, then raised her eyes to his. “But it’s sailed, and it’s not coming back to the harbor. Ever,” she emphasized. “You and I had something, or so I thought—”

  Something
twisted inside him to hear her talk like this. “Jessi—”

  But she was determined to get this out once and for all and get it over with. He owed her the right to say the words and feel some sort of closure.

  “Let me finish, Logan, and then we’re not going to talk about this again. You and I had something, but it’s gone now.”

  And not for the world would she allow herself to be put in a position where it returned. Where she vaguely entertained the thought, the hope that it might work between them. Because she already had her answer to that speculation. It wouldn’t. Logan Buchanan wasn’t the marrying kind. Whether knowingly or unknowingly, what he was was the hurting kind.

  Logan didn’t believe her. Moreover, he didn’t think she believed herself. There was still something electric in the air between them, whether or not either one of them wanted it.

  “Is it?” The look in his eyes challenged her. “Is it really gone?”

  She met his look and didn’t back down. “Yes. I’m a completely different person from the one you knew.”

  It hadn’t been easy, reinventing herself. Taking the best parts and forming the rest until she felt confident that what she’d produced was a stronger version of herself. A version who couldn’t be hurt again. She supposed that being here with him, working so close, would be the ultimate test.

  Reaching out to her, Logan indulged himself and toyed with the gold hoop at her ear. The slightest touch sent it swaying rhythmically. He watched the candlelight gleam off its rim.

  “Not so completely.” His voice was a seductive whisper. “You still knock me for a loop every time I look at you.”

  Nope, not buying. Not even renting, she told herself firmly. “Then my suggestion to you is don’t look.” Jessica drew her head back, away from his reach. There was such a thing as taking on too much of a challenge. She wasn’t about to let herself get singed. “Maybe you’d better get someone else for the job—”

  He remembered long, sultry nights where they seemed to make love for hours. He remembered the taste of her mouth and how good the sound of her laughter made him feel. He remembered the good things, because there hadn’t been any bad. Except that he’d felt he was in danger of losing himself in her.

  “But I want you.”

  The words waltzed along her skin, a haunting refrain from the past visiting the present. She had to deliberately focus on not clenching her hands in her lap as she steeled herself. Why was he doing this? To see how close he could get to breaking her down again?

  Resolve galvanized her. “All right, then we do it by my rules.” She was issuing a warning. “And you’ll cooperate.”

  Amusement played along his mouth. Logan raised a hand, but gave up the idea of looking solemn. He knew he couldn’t pull it off.

  “Completely.”

  The hell he would, Jessica thought. He still thought he could get to her. Well, maybe he could, but it was something Logan wasn’t about to ever find out. Not from her.

  “And you’ll eighty-six any ideas about seducing me,” she said pointedly.

  He could tease, but he was not in the habit of telling lies. Except the night he’d broken it off with her.

  “Now that’s going to be a little harder to promise.”

  “You either promise—and mean it,” she warned when he opened his mouth to reply, “or I walk.”

  She wouldn’t. He’d bet his life on it. Jessica was nothing if not loyal to the people she cared about. And she’d cared about him once. She wouldn’t just leave him to take this on by himself.

  “And leave me to the mercy of poison pens—or printers as it were?”

  Whether it was a defense mechanism that made him so flippant, or that the truth of the matter just wouldn’t penetrate his thick head, Jessica didn’t know. But she didn’t care for his attitude.

  She sighed, letting her fork drop. This wasn’t going to work between them, not if he didn’t act seriously. And not if he tried to get under her skin. As well as under a few other things, too.

  “It’s not a joke, Logan, and I think you realize that. Now I can recommend several very good men—”

  “I was never interested in a good man.”

  “As I recall, you were never interested in a good woman, either,” Jessica countered. “You wanted a wanton one.”

  “You weren’t,” he pointed out.

  No, she hadn’t been. Not when she met him. But Jessica knew he’d made her want to be. He’d made her want to be anything he wanted, anything he needed. She’d been that in love with him.

  Talk about love being blind. “At the time, I thought I was the exception.”

  “You were.”

  The room felt as if it was getting smaller. And he was getting closer. She shifted in her seat. “You’re doing it again.”

  What would she do if he kissed her now? Logan wondered. If he rounded the table and just swept her into his arms the way his body was begging him to?

  “Doing what?”

  She held her ground, though it felt as if it was breaking up beneath her feet. “Going over old times again.”

  He reached for her hand, curling his fingers around hers. This time she didn’t pull back. “I wouldn’t have to if I knew there were new times ahead.”

  The warmth of his skin touching hers seeped in through her. “You’re going to make this impossible for me, aren’t you?”

  He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it lightly. “No, but hopefully memorable.”

  Jessica could feel the tiny rockets of pleasure shooting off through her system. She struggled not to let them penetrate.

  Just then she heard someone coming into the room. Light spilled in from the door as Maxine entered, commandeering the room and saving Jessica from a fatal slip.

  Smiling broadly, the cook placed the tray she was carrying on the table beside Jessica. It held two masterpieces of chocolate, whipped cream, almonds and cherries.

  “Miss Jessica, you are here, just as Mr. Logan said you would be.” Pleasure resounded in the heavily accented voice. “Is good to see you. How have you been?” Without waiting for an answer, Maxine seldom waited for answers, she looked at Logan. A touch of accusation creased her brow. “She is skinny, not eating my food, yes?”

  Jessica could see where the conversation was heading and threw up a barricade quickly. “I was never a big eater, Maxine, but there’s nothing I love more than your cooking.”

  Compliments were her due. Maxine required them, but accepted them as if they were a given.

  “This I know, yes. I have dessert,” she declared needlessly. “You will eat, yes?”

  Amusement filled Jessica. Never having been privy to it, she admittedly adored sporadic mothering. “I will eat, yes.”

  The look on Maxine’s face was solemn, triumphant. “Good.” She cleared away the two dinner plates. “Is about time you come back.”

  Her stamp of approval hung in the air as she retreated through the doorway, taking the light with her. The door closed behind her.

  The stifled laugh echoed in Jessica’s throat. “She’s as charming as ever,” she commented, sinking a spoon into Maxine’s creation.

  As near she could make out, it was some sort of cake, dressed in three kinds of chocolate. Her downfall, she thought. She’d always had no resistance where chocolate was concerned.

  Logan laughed. “You’re the only one who’s ever said that about Maxine. She usually intimidates people, Dad and Dane included.”

  In Jessica’s opinion the woman had a heart of gold, but she was nothing if not overbearing and was definitely set in her ways. Jessica looked at Logan thoughtfully. It was to his credit that he overlooked Maxine’s flaws and saw only the good.

  He’d always had his admirable points. She couldn’t have loved him if he hadn’t. “Someone else would have fired her long ago.”

  The shrug was careless, as if the intended compliment didn’t matter. But it did.

  “Someone else doesn’t appreciate how hard it is to get a c
ook who can do the things Maxine does in the kitchen.”

  For a moment he paused, watching the look of enjoyment on Jessica’s face as she ate. It triggered memories. And desires. Everything about her did.

  He searched for the thread of his thought. “I figure it’s worth the minor inconvenience. Besides, everyone’s a little eccentric. Look at you.”

  She raised her eyes to his. It was the last thing she’d expected him to say. “Me?”

  Logan nodded. He’d think it would be obvious. “Your parents have all that money and there you are, playing detective—”

  She took offense at the word. Being female from a wealthy background, it had taken her a long time to convince people her vocation wasn’t a game. “I’m not playing.”

  He saw the momentary flare of annoyance in her eyes. She’d always been magnificent when angry, though the times had been few and far between. And never at him.

  “Sorry, bad choice of words.” The apology was genuine. “I meant no disrespect. But it’s still eccentric. There you are, risking that pretty neck of yours when you could just be sitting back on some white sand beach while cabana boys fall all over themselves trying to bring you the next fruity, umbrellaed drink, and a squadron of suitors duel for the privilege of having you smile at them.”

  He certainly painted an elaborate picture, one Jessica knew her mother would have wished she was part of. One she had never remotely indulged in. She had no desire to be pandered to. It was one of the reasons she liked Maxine so well. Maxine never pandered.

  Jessica waited until the last forkful had slid all the way down her throat before saying, “You certainly do let yourself get carried away.”

  “Sometimes,” he allowed, then his eyes washed over her significantly. “But not often enough and not when it matters.”

  The enigmatic remark begged for exploration, but she refused to touch it. There’d be no more talk about them, or the past.