by Ali Parker
“It’s raining,” I said in a trance. “My mother always loved when it rained in the warm weather, and you could smell the heat rising off the pavement. It isn’t that hot yet, but she would enjoy the storm. When I was little, she would sit outside on the porch every time it rained and just watch the storm.”
“My mom would do that too,” he smiled, thinking back.
“Okay,” I said, letting out a deep breath. “I’m ready.”
Elon nodded and stuck out his hand, taking mine in it. We walked down to the door, and Elon opened the umbrella, walking me out and putting me in the car. I was glad not to have to drive. The drive there would be hard, but the one on the way back would be very difficult to make on my own. But I wasn’t on my own, and I couldn’t be more grateful to have Elon there by my side. He was so careful with me, taking everything in stride. My mother would be happy knowing I had him to lean on, something I knew I was going to do whether I liked it or not.
As we drove along, I stared out the window, thinking about all the times my mother and I had explored the city. She had lived with my father out in the country but loved the city life. She would talk about her childhood and the times my grandmother would take her into the city to buy a new dress or get a treat. The sounds and lights had excited her, and because they excited her, they were incredibly nostalgic to me. I felt like I was a mess, but I didn’t feel any tears trying to make their way to the surface. Maybe that was for the better. It had been a long time since I had a deep cry, and I was sure it would come eventually. At that moment, though, everything was so pent-up, waiting on that final stroke of my pen on the documents the hospital had.
When we pulled up out front, I sat there for a moment, not believing it was the last time I would be going there to see my mom. I had spent countless hours in that hospital, spent an obscene amount of money on flowers from the gift shop, and had come to know the nurses by their first names. I should have thought about not coming back there as a positive thing, but in that moment, everything hurt. My mind couldn’t seem to wrap around the fact that I was about to let go of her. It was still fighting me tooth and nail.
“You ready?” Elon asked quietly.
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I don’t know if I would ever truly be ready for this. I was thinking about my mother on the way over here, though, and that smile that I haven’t seen in so long. I realized it was the first time I thought about specific memories since she had been injured. Picturing her face in my head, laughing and smiling, giving advice, and comforting me in hard times, and then comparing that to the woman lying in the bed made me understand better that she isn’t in there anymore. I wish that made this easier, but it doesn’t. I’ll never be ready, but I have to do it.”
Elon nodded his head and kissed the back of my hand before getting out and coming around to my side. He gripped me tightly around the waist as we walked into the hospital and took the elevator up to her floor. The nurses greeted me like always, only this time, their mood was somber and sad. I gripped the head nurses hand and shook my head at her.
“We just have a couple of things for you to sign,” she said sweetly. “And then you can take a few minutes with your mother.”
“Thank you,” I said.
We sat down at a table, and the doctor explained every form I had to sign. I wasn’t listening, though, figuring it really didn’t matter what the paper really said. I was giving them permission to take my mother off life support, the rest was just useless details. I hovered my pen over the signature line for several moments, my heart beating wildly in my chest. I knew that was it. Once it was signed, I couldn’t go back. I looked up at the doctor and over at the nurse, both giving me that comforting smile that didn’t comfort me at all. Elon reached over and set his hand on my leg.
“Hey,” he said, turning my face toward his. “I know this is hard, but you’re making the right decision. It’s okay. I’m right here with you.”
I nodded my head and looked back down at the paper. Slowly, I lowered the pen and signed my name in every spot before dropping the pen and looking down the hall. I could feel tears starting to form, but I held them back, knowing it wasn’t over yet. The doctor signed his name and so did the nurse. He reached across the table and took my hand.
“Amanda, I know this is hard for you,” he said. “But having been your mother’s doctor during this time, I promise you’re making the right choice. I know that doesn’t make it easier, but your mother can finally be at peace, and so can you.”
“Thank you,” I said.
“Let me get a few things in order, and I will be in with you,” he said. “Feel free to have some moments with her.”
I watched the doctor stand up from the table and walk out of the room. I stood there staring down at the pen, thinking about everything that had happened and was going to happen. I could feel my blood pressure rising and my heart beating faster. Elon reached over and took my hands in his, turning my chair toward him.
“Hey, you’re doing great,” he said. “Do you want me to go in, or do you want a few minutes with her alone?”
“I want a few minutes alone,” I said, squeezing his hands. “But I want you in there when they take her off support.”
“Of course,” he said. “I’ll be standing right outside her door. Just come and get me when you’re ready.”
“Okay,” I said, pulling myself to my feet and walking to her room.
I closed the door behind me and walked over to her bed, looking up at the machines constantly going. I looked back down at her and over to the nightstand. I ran my hand over my copy of Old Man and the Sea, picking it up and sitting down in the chair. We were on the two final paragraphs of the book, so I read them out loud to her.
“I’ll bring the food and the papers,” the boy said. “Rest well, old man. I will bring stuff from the drugstore for your hands.” “Don’t forget to tell Pedrico the head is his.” “No. I will remember.” As the boy went out the door and down the worn coral rock road, he was crying again. That afternoon, there was a party of tourists at the Terrace and looking down in the water among the empty beer cans and dead barracudas, a woman saw a great long white spine with a huge tail at the end that lifted and swung with the tide while the east wind blew a heavy, steady sea outside the entrance to the harbour. “What’s that?” she asked a waiter and pointed to the long backbone of the great fish that was now just garbage waiting to go out with the tide. “Tiburon,” the waiter said. “Shark.” He was meaning to explain what had happened. “I didn’t know sharks had such handsome, beautifully formed tails.” “I didn’t either,” her male companion said. Up the road, in his shack, the old man was sleeping again. He was still sleeping on his face, and the boy was sitting by him watching him. The old man was dreaming about the lions.”
I closed the book and looked up at my mother, wondering if she were dreaming. If she were, it would be of my father, of the rain storms on her porch, and of her times with Mikey. I stood up and looked down at her, trying to find the words. My hands shook, and I clutched the book tightly in my arms.
“I love you, Mom,” I said. “I’m sorry for all the times I wasn’t there, for all the hurtful words during fights, for being such a rotten kid. I’m sorry I couldn’t bring you back from this, and I’m sorry I have to let you go. I know you’re tired, and I want you to know that Mikey and I, we’re okay. We’re okay, and you don’t have to stay for us. You can let go and be at peace. I will love you forever.”
I swallowed hard, saying everything I wanted to say and then slowly walking to the door. I opened it and nodded at the doctor, the nurse, and Elon waiting in the hallway. Elon took my hand and walked to the end of the bed with me as they removed her life support tubes. I held tightly to her feet as her chest fell for the last time, and her heart monitor buzzed in a flat line. I turned and buried my face in Elon’s chest, feeling his warmth. I sobbed, not holding back but knowing I would never again be alone.
Chapter 65
One
Month Later
Elon
I looked in the rearview mirror, straightening my tie and making sure my hair hadn’t gone mad while I was driving. I didn’t want to take the car service. I wanted the whole night to be just about me and Amanda. I hadn’t taken her out for a nice night out since before her mother died. Mikey had struggled a lot with his grandmother’s death, so when we saw each other, it was a night in at her place. I didn’t mind it, but I was happy to have some time alone with her. Between work and the funeral and everything else settling down, I was ready for life to get back to normal. I found myself actually kind of nervous about the whole thing. I felt like I was picking her up for our first date. I grabbed the flowers from my passenger seat and walked up to her floor, fiddling with my tie before knocking.
“Hi, Elon,” Mikey said happily, answering the door. “Mom says you’re taking her on a date.”
“I am,” I said, leaning down. “If that’s okay with you.”
“Sure is,” he said. “And thanks for staying with me the last month since grandma died. It made me feel a lot better.”
“You’re welcome.” I smiled. “I’ll always be here for you and your mom.”
I stood up and walked into the apartment, smelling the scent of Amanda’s perfume. She was in the other room finishing up getting ready, and Dalton was in the kitchen cooking dinner for Mikey. The house actually seemed to have that glow back that I was used to when I’d first started coming over.
“Are those for my mom?” Mikey asked, looking at the roses.
“They are.”
“She’ll love them,” he said. “I’ll go get her so you two can go out.”
“Hey there,” Dalton said, smiling over from the stove.
“Hey,” I said. “Nice apron.”
“Just doing my housewife duties,” he said with a smile. “You look hot, hot, sizzling hot.”
In the past, I would have felt uncomfortable being ogled by Dalton, but he had become part of my inner circle, and him giving me comments like that no longer bothered me at all. I laughed and did a turn, showing him the whole suit. He fanned himself and shook his head, turning back to the stove.
“Thank you.” I laughed. “Gotta look good if I’m taking this hottie out for the night.”
“This is true,” Dalton said. “You’re learning well.”
I looked up as Mikey walked out smiling big with Amanda following behind him. She looked so amazing that I couldn’t even find the words. She was wearing a short, black sequined dress, black stockings, and six-inch black heels. Her hair was freely cascading in big curls down her back. Her makeup was dark and sexy, and her lips were painted a crimson red.
“Wow,” I said. “You look …”
“Like a queen,” Dalton said, whistling. “My work here is complete. You are officially my hot, straight best friend.”
“Thank you.” She giggled.
“You do look amazing, Mom,” Mikey said.
“Thank you, sir.” She smiled, leaning over and kissing his forehead.
“Mom,” he said, wiping the red lipstick from his cheek. “Not in front of the guys.”
“Sorry,” she pouted. “I forgot you were too old for Mom’s love.”
“He will never be too old for that.” I smiled. “He’ll learn that one day.”
“You two kids need to get out of here so Mikey and I can have fun,” Dalton said, shooing us to the door. “We’ll see you tomorrow and have fun. Don’t do what I wouldn’t, which means the sky is the limit.”
“Thanks,” she said. “I love you, Mikey.”
“Love you too,” he yelled from the couch.
I took Amanda’s hand and walked her out to my car, watching her face turn to surprise. I opened the door and took her hand, helping her into the car. I closed the door and went around to the driver side and got in.
“Wow, you’re driving,” she said. “I wasn’t even sure you knew how.”
“Funny,” I said. “Actually, I have about six cars in a garage at the office. I just never drive because I hate traffic.”
“So why tonight?”
“I wanted to be alone with you.” I smiled. “Just me and you and no one else.”
She smiled and blushed, looking down at her purse in her lap. I smiled widely and put the car in drive, pulling out and heading to the restaurant. I pulled up to valet parking and helped her out, giving the valet the keys and taking her arm in mine. When we got to the door, I opened it and smiled, remembering my manners. She laughed and walked inside, gasping at how pretty the restaurant was.
“I thought you would like it,” I said. “It’s quiet, quaint, and the candlelight makes it really romantic.”
“I love it,” she said. “But I would love the diner, too, as long as we were out together.”
The hostess showed us to the table, and I ordered a nice bottle of wine and some appetizers to get us started. The sommelier brought the wine to the table, allowed me to try it, and then filled our glasses. I lifted mine in the air and looked over at Amanda, her cheeks sparkling in the light.
“To the future,” I said. “Pure and simple.”
“Pure and simple,” she replied, clinking her glass against mine.
“So, the last month has been crazy,” I sighed.
“Crazy, yes, but good in many ways.” She smiled. “The company has been on fire.”
“It has,” I said with a nod. “After bringing you back and adding Marcus to the team, things just took off.”
“You’re a genius with bringing in clients,” she pointed out.
“And you and Marcus and the team are amazing at whipping these amazing ads out like they’re nothing.”
“We found our groove, I suppose.” She smiled. “And Marcus is amazing with the technical. He gets it done as soon as the team hands it over. There’s no waiting days for things.”
“I knew he would be an asset,” I said. “And at home, Mikey seems to be doing better.”
“He is,” she said. “We both are, and we owe a lot of that to your support. Mikey would have been lost without you. I would have been lost without you.”
“No.” I smiled. “You forget how strong you are and how you can make it through anything.”
“It’s nice not to have to do it alone, though,” she said. “I don’t think I could have made it through the last month without you. Not in one piece at least. There were moments when I thought my chest was just going to explode, but then you brought me into your arms and everything was okay again. That comfort is more than I could ever have imagined. Thank you for keeping your word and staying here through the thick and the thin. It has really meant a lot to me.”
I took her hand. “I’ll always do that. And you’ve done so much for me. You saved my company, you pushed me to be a better man, and you opened my eyes to things I never saw in myself. Without you for the last couple of month, I don’t know what I would have done. I probably would have given up, let the company go.”
“No, I think you forget how strong you can be too,” she said with a smile.
We had an amazing dinner, talking about the future of the company, Mikey’s upcoming summer vacation, and thoughts on a possible vacation out of Chicago. I loved sitting there across the table from her. She reminded me how lucky I was to have the life that I had. Everyone had something in life that kept them going, that kept them straight and focused, and Amanda was that woman. She showed me a part of life I would have completely missed out on if I had given up on her. On top of that, her son was this amazing piece of my life I never expected. I wanted to spoil him rotten, but I held back, knowing Amanda wouldn’t want it that way. I was determined to give him all the chances in life that Amanda had been working so hard to give him. He was smart, funny, and he loved me like I was part of the family.
When dessert was done, I paid the tab and walked Amanda out to the valet. As we waited for the car, I took her in my arms and hugged her tightly, watching her eyes sparkle under the city lights. I could have stoo
d there all night, but we still had the rest of the evening to ourselves. We drove slowly back to the apartment in quiet, holding hands tightly. When we got to the complex, I gave the valet my keys and directed him to my private garage. We went upstairs, and I opened up a bottle of champagne, watching this beautiful woman walk around the apartment. She sat down on the couch and leaned her head back, closing her eyes.
I poured two glasses of champagne and walked over, sitting next to her. She took a glass from me and took a sip, letting out a deep breath. I smiled at her, staring at her beauty, wondering how I got so lucky.
“What are you staring at?” she said with a smile.
“You,” I said. “You are so beautiful.”
“It’s the lighting.” She chuckled. “It’s very flattering.”
“You’re always beautiful, always so amazing,” I said, rubbing her cheek with my hand. “Amanda, I know it’s only been a couple of months, but I have to tell you how I feel. You have taken my breath away at every step, and I don’t know how I got so lucky. You’ve brought me into your family, and I couldn’t be more grateful.”
“You fit perfectly with us,” she said.
“I love you,” I blurted out, not wanting to wait any longer. “I can’t hold back anymore. I love you.”
Amanda’s eyes grew big, and she smiled sweetly, staring me in the eyes. She put her glass of champagne down on the table and put her hands on my cheeks, leaning forward to kiss my eyes, my nose, and down to my lips. She leaned forward and kissed me deeply, curling her fingers through my hair. She didn’t say a word, but there was no need to. Her kiss said everything there was to say. I reached forward and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her into my lap. She ran her fingers down my face, her eyes still wide with wonder. I smiled, leaning in and kissing her ruby red lips, feeling her breathing growing stronger.
For the first time in my life, I had fallen in love, and I knew it would be the only time. She parted her lips as I slid my tongue gently inside, grasping the back of her neck and tasting the champagne on her lips. She pulled her hands down from my neck and rolled them over my shoulders and down my chest, lingering at the buttons on the front. For a moment, time stood still, our bodies pressed together, our tongues intertwined. I could feel my heart beating wildly in my chest, and I instantly wanted to make love to this woman. She was my one and only, for the rest of my life. There was no doubt in my mind.