BreakMeIn

by Sara Brookes

  “Now this is the Alex Conners I know and love. It is really good to see you again, brother. Why don’t you come home with me? Have dinner with us so we can all catch up? Allison would love to see you.”

  “On one condition.” He set his hand on Patrick’s shoulder as they stood. “No one treats me any differently. I don’t need to be handled with kid gloves. I just…need for everything to be normal.”

  “Done.”

  * * * * *

  Elena locked the door of Sanctuary and turned, finding herself greeted with an eyeful of Conners men. Patrick breezed past her, brushing a kiss against her cheek as he moved to unlock the door to his loft on the top floor of the warehouse.

  Alex just stared at her in surprise. The memory of the last time she’d seen him flashed by in a series of slow-motion clips she’d rather forget. Had spent the past year trying to forget, really. But everything came back in a rush as if he’d just been lying in the hospital bed yesterday.

  “Elena. You look good.”

  The strong, confident pitch of Alex’s voice caught her off guard. She recovered after a few seconds, swallowing slowly. “So do you.”

  Gone were the dark circles under his eyes. The gaunt cheeks. The flat, expressionless eyes. The stature of his form had changed as well. He stood straight and tall. Proud. There were actually hints of muscle under his shirt and light jacket. Very tempting muscle. The kind she wanted to lick.

  It appeared as though Alex Conners had found himself.

  “You really do look good.”

  Had he just blushed? Not a good sign for her libido. Despite the fact she should have been angry with him she already felt the telling sparks of interest. Odd how he was the only one who could make her feel that way.

  “Still have a long way to go, but yeah. I’m a work in progress. Thanks.” His hair shifted over his eye as he nodded. It was longer than the last time she’d seen him. She preferred the neat, clean-cut version. But as long as he was healthy and sober his appearance didn’t matter. Neither did her preference. Just because she’d paid for his rehab didn’t mean she owned him.

  “Entertaining tonight?”

  “No.” She swallowed the lump clogging her throat. “I just needed to pick up a few things I’d left here. Heading home for the night for a movie and a glass of wine.”

  Crap, maybe mentioning alcohol was off-limits. Dealing with a recovering alcoholic was new territory for her. She’d only dealt with those who didn’t want to help themselves. Despite the volatile atmosphere the last time they’d seen each other she didn’t want to make whatever he was still dealing with harder.

  “Would you like to join us for dinner?”

  “Tempting, but I don’t want to bust in on any family reunions.”

  Patrick swept his hand wide in greeting. “Barge all you like. You always have.”

  “Before—”

  “Before I was a raging alcoholic, right?”

  The biting tone of Alex’s voice made her cringe. So many things unsaid between them and he probably felt as though she’d abandoned him. “I think it’s best if I leave now.”

  “Wait, Elena.” Alex’s hand shot out. “Wait. I’m sorry. The comment was uncalled for. I keep feeling as though everyone is walking on eggshells around me. I’ve been back less than a day and it’s already tiring. If this is any indication of how I’m going to be treated I may be better off just leaving again.”

  He had every right to be here and doing so showed he was ready to make great strides in order to deal with his recovery. And she felt horrible for letting her mouth get the best of her. “You surprised me. So I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to snap at you. Just been a long week for me.”

  “The offer is still open.”

  A white flag she couldn’t accept. She wasn’t prepared for his return. “An offer I appreciate. But I still have to decline. Give Allison my best, please, Patrick.”

  Elena forced one foot in front of the other until she turned the corner of the building and was out of eyesight. Alone now, she used the brick wall of Sanctuary as she began to shake. Her heart pounded painfully against her rib cage, her lungs burning from lack of oxygen.

  Alex fucking Conners.

  She’d known he’d eventually come back to town, that she would have to deal with what she’d done face-to-face, but she hadn’t expected their meeting to happen this way. And she hadn’t expected to feel this out of sorts by his reappearance. What in the hell was wrong with her? She never let a man get the best of her so she felt like some flustered schoolgirl. Gathering her composure, she riffled through her bag to find her keys. Just as she pulled them out she was confronted with the unexpected again.

  Alex stood a few feet away. “You looked as though you could use a friend.”

  “But what about dinner?” She glanced around the corner to find the sidewalk empty. Patrick had vanished.

  “Some things are more important than food. Fixing my friendship with you is one of those things.”

  “Alex.”

  He leaned against her car, crossing his ankles and displaying a level of confidence he hadn’t possessed a year ago. “Elena, we didn’t leave things between us on good footing. I need people in my life right now I know I can trust. Since you’re at the top of my list it’s something I really need to do. I can’t promise it will be pretty or easy or even fixed in the course of one conversation, but I have to start somewhere. We have to start somewhere.”

  Her choices were to delay the inevitable or grab the bull by the horns. Good thing she’d always been the red-cape-waving type. “All right. Hop in. I think Waffle House is still open.”

  “Isn’t it always?” he asked with a confident smile.

  Alex was silent for the twenty-minute drive, which was just fine with Elena. It gave her a chance to process the fact he’d returned. That he looked healthy and normal and…good.

  The weight that had once rested on Alex’s shoulders had been lifted. Now what was presented before her was a muscular body. Killer blue eyes. And some kind of aura that sparked every nerve ending she had and turned everything to molten liquid.

  Alex was hot.

  How was it even possible for him to look even better than before? Her interest stood as proof all those feelings she had for him had never gone away in the first place. It was a though she could still feel his lips pressed against hers in a soul-branding kiss.

  Lucky her.

  Even luckier still she’d forced her hand to get him into rehab.

  Out of the corner of her eye, she could see a faint smile turning up the corners of his mouth, which caused a dimple to appear on his left cheek. He sat there quietly, managing to pull off cool, casual and sophisticated even while being boyishly charming. She saw flashes of the teenager she’d once known.

  The one who loved all life had to offer.

  The one she’d fallen in love with.

  She’d been the moody, gothic nerd who’d been happier with her nose buried in a math book than trying to be sociable. When they’d known each other at Westerburg High she’d always wondered why he spent so much time with her. Especially because she’d always done her level best to stay as far away from people as she could. She’d never been much of a socialite in her youth. Later she would come to learn Alex was around so much in an effort to stay out of the house and away from his father.

  Couldn’t get hurt if you weren’t in range of his fists.

  She’d missed this spirited version of Alex.

  Was he truly back or was everything merely a facade? Did he only want to give the illusion he was well? Or did she only want him to be the man who made her giddy because, deep down in her gut, she wanted him to be?

  Once they arrived at the diner the bored-looking server smacked her gum as she waited for them to decide what they wanted to order. Thanks to the fact she’d skipped both breakfast and lunch Elena was hungry enough to consume a small cow. “I’ll have the special, double meat and a cup of decaf.”

  “I’ll h
ave the same, but egg whites only.” The waitress grunted as she turned and yelled out their order to the cook.

  “Turned into a health nut?”

  “Hardly. Genevieve gave me one of her tarts earlier. Couldn’t give those up if I tried. Think they’ve only gotten better. Or I’ve just been away too long. The clinic certainly didn’t have anything as tasty as one of her concoctions. They had us on strict diets while they had us exercising and building muscle. Said it was part of the healthy mind, body and soul mumbo jumbo they forced on us. Most of it tasted like sawdust to be honest.”

  “Well it’s certainly working for you.” There was the hint of a blush again. He really needed to stop. The healthy glow did nothing to detract from those good looks she’d always admired from afar.

  “How’s life been treating you?”

  “Fine.” She tried to remember what had been going on with her life when he’d left. “I finished the Fisher job.”

  “Wonderful. I know the last time we talked they’d just signed all the contracts. I also remember you being very worried about it being a career-changing job for you.”

  “Worked my ass off and beat the contract date by six days. And it did turn out to be career-changing. I quit the firm as soon as the job was delivered.”

  “Well done.” Alex sipped his coffee, adding another packet of sweetener. “Venture out on your own?”

  “Of a sort. Decided to put my second degree to good use and opened up my own business.” Rummaging through her purse, she pulled an elegant silver case from the depths and pushed a business card toward him. “Been open about four months now and already have a backlog.”

  He grunted into his mug as he read the name. “Top to Bottom. Let me guess. Knowing you, high-quality kink pieces for geeks?”

  Grinning, she pulled up the photo gallery on her phone and displayed the screen to him. “Custom-order lightsaber flogger I worked on with Ryan. He used his carpenter’s magic on the handle, helped me with the leather strips. I did all the painting.”

  “Wow. Damn good job you two did.”

  “Thanks. Got in another order just a few days ago from a customer who wants a suspension frame built to resemble the TARDIS from Doctor Who. And I even got Dade involved by hooking him up with a customer who wanted the Starfleet insignia embedded inside a glass dildo. Allison even commissioned me to make something special for her and Patrick, but you really don’t want to hear all the sordid details about your brother and his wife.” She giggled at his bewildered expression. “What? Geeks have to get their freak on too, you know.”

  He laughed softly. “Sounds as though you’re doing well for yourself.”

  “I am. As much as I loved designing buildings I needed something…else. Something a little more fulfilling.”

  “So now you design sex furniture and toys.”

  “They always say do what you love. So, yes, I put my design skills to another, more unconventional use. I saw a need so I went for it.” And what a lucrative venture it had turned out to be too.

  “Congratulations.” They fell silent, pushing around the food on their plate. The raging appetite she’d had just minutes ago seemed to have diminished. “Go on. Ask. It’ll be easier if we get everything out in the open.”

  “Am I so transparent?”

  “Like a pane of glass.”

  “I’m usually better at this.” She was usually better at a lot of things that didn’t involve Alex. She tried not to think about how he seemed to be the only man who could well and truly fluster her. As much as she hated the fact he had that kind of power over her she also loved it.

  “It’s all right. We have a lot of history. So it’s easy to get a read on you. A lot of painful history between us, especially the last time we saw each other. Frankly I’d be worried if you weren’t affected.” He set down his empty mug. “Especially because I suspect you want to know all about the care your money bought. Though you probably already know because you asked them to supply you with status updates.”

  She winced even though he continued to smile at her. “I was wondering if you knew.”

  “I didn’t until you just confirmed it. Patrick wouldn’t tell me shit.”

  She pulled in a breath, sipping her coffee. “You needed help and you obviously weren’t going to get it on your own. I had to do something to get your attention.”

  “Think I got my own attention when I woke up in the hospital.”

  “You had us all very concerned for your health and safety.”

  “Us, huh?” He continued to stare at her while he sipped again. “Funny since Patrick said he didn’t even realize I had a problem. In fact it seems as though you were the only one who knew.”

  Fuck. He was throwing her off-kilter, making her feel as though her tongue was covered in cotton. “I meant at the hospital.”

  “It’s all right to admit, Elena. It doesn’t make me any less grateful to you. It fact it just makes me more grateful. You had every right to be as concerned as you were and I was wrong to blatantly ignore how you felt about what was I was doing to myself. Thank you for caring enough to force your hand. Not many people would have done that. Not for me. I’ll repay you once I get back on my feet again. It may take some time though. I have a lot of rebuilding to do.”

  Telling him she didn’t expect him to reimburse her would just make him uncomfortable. He obviously had a strong sense of how he wanted to live his life now and she wasn’t about to derail those plans.

  “How was the center?”

  “Hard. Exhilarating. Painful. Angering. Joyous.” He shoveled a forkful of eggs into his mouth. “And utter madness.”

  “Quite a few adjectives there.”

  “I went through a lot there. I spent so much time hating it, when I finally left, I actually ended up missing it. The structure of the routine mostly. Someone was always around to tell me take this medication, go to this therapy class.”

  “But you’re here. Has to mean something. You made it.”

  “I wouldn’t say I made it. I’m still working on things. Every day is a challenge now. But it is something. And I am here. It took me a while to see how stupid I was being. How I was blaming everyone else for my failures. I didn’t want to accept the fact it requires two people to ruin a relationship. Maybe I wasn’t as much to do with the problem as Vivian was, but I contributed. I certainly didn’t do anything to stop her.”

  He paused, obviously thinking about something. “The first few nights after I checked in I blamed everyone else but myself. I wish I could say it was the alcohol deprivation talking, but I knew it wasn’t.”

  “But you accepted it. Or else you wouldn’t be here.”

  A strip of hair fell over his brow as he nodded. “A year ago I wouldn’t have agreed with you. It took a lot of pain and heartache to see I had a problem, but yes. I screamed at everyone a lot there. Threw things. Trashed my room a few times and earned myself a few stints in a very nicely padded room. I thought I’d already hit bottom. Boy was I wrong. Turns out the descent into hell is bottomless.”

  “But you obviously turned the corner.” As hard as it was to hear this all she also found it fascinating. To learn what he’d gone through in order to be sitting in front of her right now.

  “The last stint I had in the padded room had a lot to do with my recovery. Which was about eight months ago. I knew my life was just going to be one long stay in that room if I didn’t do something to change. I wasn’t living. I was simply existing. The words someone close to me had the courage to say also helped.” His gaze stayed focused on her, letting her know just how much of an influence she’d had on his recovery. And it went far beyond her stroking a check every month.

  Stunned, she didn’t know what to say. She’d been furious with him for months and months after she’d walked out of his hospital room and he’d been using something she’d said in a fit of rage to refocus his life.

  Talk about power.

  “When they came to get me I took my medicine without orderl
ies having to shove it down my throat. I listened to my counselor. I participated in activities with the other patients. I still have a long way to go, but there wasn’t anything more they could help me with. I needed to get back to my life. To my family and friends. I was going to stay a little longer, but then I realized I was just using the clinic as a hideout.”

  She cleared her throat, knowing the ball was now in her court even though he hadn’t said anything. He didn’t have to. She knew he wasn’t someone who could let something go so easily. “You still have questions.”

  “I do. Fewer questions than I once had. Lots of down time to educate myself. But books and such can only provide so much instruction. I still…”

  “Don’t know?” She’d been there once and knew exactly how he’d felt. No one strutted into the lifestyle fully educated. Sure, they could think so, but they’d soon find out how wrong they truly were. There were always, always questions. “Some people spend their whole lives trying to discover the answer and never do.”

  “I know. I’m just glad I didn’t take anyone down with me. I’m lucky nothing worse happened than pissing off everyone I know. Pissed friends and family I can fix. Anything worse and…I’d rather not think about it. I decided to take my time coming back to town. I bought a cheap car out West, drove back to Virginia to give myself a change to readjust to life outside again. Just needed some time to be…me.”

  “And?”

  He appeared to want to answer her right away, but instead he lifted the mug the waitress had just refilled and drank. His Adam’s apple moved with each long swallow, focusing her attention on the hollow of his throat. How did he smell there, in the spot where she wanted to bury her nose and sniff hard as those muscular arms surrounded her with a solid wall of flesh?

  Whoa, girl. Guy has just gotten out of a rehabilitation facility you put him in. Sex should be the last thing on his mind.

  “Turns out I have more questions than I have answers.”