BreakMeIn

by Sara Brookes

Both of him and herself.

  “Stop.”

  His body jerked. “Am I doing something wrong?”

  “Yes.”

  He immediately sat up, pulling away from her. “I’m only—I’m sorry. I thought…hell, I don’t know what I was thinking. Screwing up, obviously. Been doing that a lot apparently.”

  Pulling her legs together, she sat up as she straightened her nightgown around her thighs. She’d known exactly what he was thinking. Under different circumstances she would have thought the same thing. “I’m going to jump in the shower since I have to run to the office for a few hours. Why don’t you get a little more rest?”

  He buried his face in the pillow, sighing heavily as his body relaxed in defeat. She bit her lip to keep from smiling. No doubt he thought she needed something because he’d gotten off. Though that might be true under normal circumstances, he didn’t understand the concept of D/s where the dominant simply took pleasure from watching a sub find pleasure.

  He might not have understood it yet—but he would.

  With time.

  His tongue had felt good between her legs. Good enough her shower was going to have to be an icy one. He hadn’t asked for permission either and she had no doubt once he did—she wouldn’t hesitate to allow him the pleasure. Based on just the few seconds his tongue had been buried against her she knew he would be damn good at getting her off with just a few fastidious sucks.

  Vivian had no idea what she’d let slip through her fingers.

  Alex was breathing quietly when she stepped into the room again fifteen minutes later. A sign he’d fallen asleep again. Good. Those dark smudges under his eyes disturbed her. She moved to the other side of the room, quietly preparing a pot of coffee. When it was finished she edged closer to the bed, sipping from her mug.

  Sometime during her shower Alex had flipped over onto his stomach. The sheet bunched just under his buttocks, exposing him from nape to tailbone. The position allowed her to view the faint red marks standing out on his skin. Marks she had put there the previous evening with her flogger and paddle.

  The sight made her mouth water for the possibilities. Made her want to rush him along to where he actually begged her to do what she’d done last night, but it was a selfish wish and one she refused to condone.

  This was about him not her.

  She’d expected this process to be overwhelming for him, but she hadn’t expected it to consumer her this much. So, like a good Domme, she would adjust and make corrections based on her sub’s needs.

  She already knew what questions she would face when he finally surfaced from sleep. He wouldn’t understand why she’d done some of the things she had. Why she’d stopped after jacking him off. Why she’d curled into bed with him wearing a nightgown and followed him into sleep instead of seeking her own orgasm. Why she’d stopped him after waking.

  Questions she was fully prepared to answer because he deserved those answers.

  It there was anyone who did it was Alex Conners.

  He stirred and she shifted to lean back in her seat to wait for him to wake up in his own time. His head lifted, his hair mussed from sleep. He still wore the wrist cuffs, but she could wait for him to address them. She would force him to acknowledge the items as they weren’t something she would allow him to simply dismiss. Nothing that happened last night could be simply swept under the rug.

  Nothing.

  His eyes were hazed with sleep, but the dark circles were gone. She smiled a little at his disheveled appearance. He had no idea he was so handsome and extraordinary delectable right now. How much she wanted to abandon this slow method and simply be with him. But those were emotions she couldn’t give in to because he hadn’t asked for them.

  “Hey.” His voice was thick with sleep. “How long have I been out?”

  She glanced to the small clock on the stand to her right. “Fourteen hours total.”

  “Christ.”

  “Well, no. I don’t think he had anything to do with it.”

  Alex snorted and flipped over, pulling the sheet around his waist. What a shame. She noticed the cursory glance he gave the leather at his wrists. Despite his notice of the cuffs he remained silent.

  “You look confused.”

  Alex stared up at the ceiling for a minute as he folded his hands behind his head. “I’m trying to figure out how I can be angry with you.” He paused, his gaze falling squarely on her as he sat up. “At the same time I want to be buried inside you.”

  Ah yes, the wicked dichotomy of the power exchange. “Interesting paradox, isn’t it?”

  “I haven’t decided yet.” Elena bit back a smile. Clearly he wasn’t convinced it was okay for him to enjoy what happened last night. Given his past it wasn’t surprising. “I don’t…understand.”

  “How you’re aroused at the idea of being hit?”

  Alex heaved out a breath. “Yes.”

  “Abuse victims will lie about the marks on their body. To their loved ones. Even to themselves. Those marks on you now, would you lie about them?”

  “Of course not. I’d damn near say I’d be proud…well, hell.”

  “Not hell. Sanctuary.” She crossed her legs, swinging her foot. To say she was amused by his sudden realization was an understatement. Watching someone new to the lifestyle work through the intricacies for surrender was fascinating.

  “I don’t know what to say or do after—”

  “How about, ‘Is it all right if I take a shower, Elena?’ I know you have questions, Alex. Ones I will gladly answer. So unless you want to do it completely nude on the bed while I sit here fully dressed enjoying a lovely cup of coffee…” Alex shook his head. “Shame. All right, well, I’m sure Patrick wouldn’t mind if you use the facilities in his loft. Both he and Allison are already at work for the day. Go get cleaned up and I’ll take care of few things here.”

  Twenty minutes later Alex returned wearing a pair of Patrick’s pants and an oxford shirt unbuttoned and untucked. The restraints still circled his wrists in a startling contrast to the long white sleeves and rumpled tan slacks.

  Yum.

  What a gorgeous and tempting picture you make, Alex Conners. You still have no idea of the kind of power you possess, do you? You’re going to make some woman, some Domme, a very happy and fulfilled woman once you learn how to wield all your power.

  “Coffee?”

  “Please.” He moved forward, his steps quiet against the Persian rug as he joined her in the sitting area. As he sat she noticed nothing in his posture to indicate any discomfort, but she needed to ask for her own sanity.

  “How is your back?”

  He paused, his mug a few inches from his lips. “Surprisingly well. Other than some redness I noticed when I looked in the mirror.”

  “It will continue to fade.” A shame really, considering how beautiful he looked earlier. She was almost tempted to strip him and order him to lie on the bed just so she could stare at him again. Almost. “In a few hours you won’t know anything occurred.”

  “But I do.” He stopped to tap his temple. “Up here.”

  “And exactly the reason why we’re going to have this conversation now. Are there any questions you need me to answer?”

  “Why did you—last night, afterward. You climbed into bed with me but didn’t—”

  “Get off?” He licked his lips before taking a long swallow of his coffee. A curious action, considering the liquid had to be scalding hot. “This may be a hard concept for you to understand, but I don’t have to have physical release to find enjoyment in a scene. Sometimes simply watching a sub find pleasure from what I’ve done for them is its own reward.”

  His eyebrows rose. “You’re right. I don’t understand.”

  “Let me ask you this. When was the last time you slept with someone?’ He started to answer, but she held up a finger to silence him. “I’m talking about truly slept with another person and given them the intimate piece of yourself, which comes from trusting someone enough to sleep
beside them. To wake up next to them and have their face been the first thing you see. That you want to see. That you can’t wait to see.”

  “I can’t remember,” he answered without hesitation. “I’m not even sure I have.”

  Just as she’d suspected. He might be looking for answers to fill the empty space in his sex life, but he needed more. So much more. “You need companionship. A deep, lasting relationship where you can fully trust someone to fall into such a deep sleep, the rest of your troubles are minute. You need someone who loves and cherishes you in such a manner.”

  “You gave me those things.”

  How I wish I could. “In a manner of speaking. But yes. You need those things.”

  “And these?” He held up his wrists.

  “You asked for the full package. They are part of it.”

  “Can I take them off?”

  “Of course. They’re something that would only be worn while you’re here in this room. When you submit sexually.”

  His hands lowered to rest against the top of his thighs. “This isn’t—”

  “What you expected?” He nodded. “What did you anticipate? More of the same kind of thing you saw at the club? The intense bondage? Unforgiving hits that steal your sanity? Gags and whips?”

  “Yes.”

  A fair assumption most people new to lifestyle made. “I assure you—things such as you thought are entirely possible, but on my terms. You want to learn and I’m the teacher.” Elena stood, picked up their mugs and crossed to the small kitchenette to rinse them out. “We moved at the pace I decided.”

  As she placed the cups on the drain she felt odd. Energized and exhausted at the same time. One night, one scene and Alex was already unraveling her tightly woven cocoon.

  She already craved more of him.

  A dangerous thought since she knew she needed to keep her distance. Knew this overwhelming desire she had to pin him to the bed and fuck each other’s brains out couldn’t be allowed to evolve past an intense fantasy. Masturbation fodder for when she was alone.

  No two ways about it, she would have to shut down in order to educate him. Just like Ryan had said. She’d done it before with great success. And for Elena failure wasn’t an option.

  She paused by the door as she swung her bag over her shoulder. Glancing back, she found his gaze. Those damn baby-blue eyes of his were going to get her in trouble someday if she wasn’t careful.

  “You may remove your cuffs and leave them on the table by the door. The alarm system will lock up everything when you leave. And Alex.” She paused, waiting for him to look to her again. “Clear your schedule. We’re going to be spending a lot of time here.”

  As Alex refilled the pastry case with the last of the order Genevieve had dropped off he couldn’t help thinking about how bare his wrists felt. Thinking this way couldn’t be normal, right? He shouldn’t want to have the leather circles wrapped around his skin. He shouldn’t feel so damn exhilarated by what he’d done last night.

  But hell if he didn’t.

  The smile that had been plastered on his face since he’d walked out of Sanctuary hadn’t faded any. In fact he was fairly certain it had only gotten wider. His confusion about the situation as a whole was at an all-time high, but he couldn’t ignore the fact, the reality had been a thousand times better than anything he could have imagined.

  For once he’d enjoyed sex.

  Enough to want to do it again.

  Shoving the glass partition closed, he wiped his hands on the towel he habitually kept in his back pocket. A thrill raced through his system when his thumb brushed against skin where leather had lightly abraded his flesh just hours ago. He missed the unforgiving texture already.

  Can’t be normal.

  “Addictive, isn’t it?”

  Surprised, he looked up to find Beth Flynn standing on the other side of the counter. “How—”

  “Much as our Doms can tell, so can we. You’ll figure it out in time.” She shrugged, smoothing one hand over her swollen belly while she tapped the intricate rope collar knotted around her throat. “I know what you’re feeling because I’ve been through it myself. It’s hard to put into terms, to articulate the words. You simply know you feel something and you like—and miss—it.”

  “Yeah. Exactly.” He blew out a defeated breath. At least he wasn’t alone in this insanity. “Can I get you something?”

  “A tea with some milk and a conversation.” Her wispy bangs shifted at she tilted her head. “You look as though you could use a friend.”

  “Yeah, you’re right. Tea and conversation. Coming right up.” After he set a pot of milk to steam he flipped over a mug and poured blistering-hot water into it. Beth hadn’t indicated which tea she preferred, but he selected one of the higher-end brands and set it to steep. He waited on another customer, returning the smile one of the regulars gave him.

  His fear about the residents of the town shunning him because of his past transgressions had been misplaced. Everyone had been nothing but welcoming since he’d returned. Now he just had another worry to take its place. A new secret he couldn’t talk about. Funny how he’d been much more open about his alcoholism than this new aspect of his sexuality.

  Carrying two mugs of piping-hot liquid, he approached the cozy arrangement of several chairs and a loveseat Beth had selected. She accepted the stack of napkins he handed her, placing them on the low coffee table nestled amid the furniture.

  Settling onto the loveseat, he took a moment to note the subtle pink flush high on her cheeks. She’d pulled her long brown hair up into a messy bun at the base of her neck. He’d always thought of her as attractive even though he’d been drunk most of the time since she’d moved to town. But now she was positively glowing. Her belly wasn’t so large she couldn’t stretch one of her signature pop culture t-shirts over the bundle. Given his deep, lifelong affair with movies, the ultrasound image of an Alien baby on the shirt caused him to smile.

  Nothing was sexier than a woman with a sense of humor.

  “How are you doing?”

  “Great now. Morning sickness has finally eased some. Maybe I can actually enjoy this pregnancy. Still have a lot to do to since Ryan insisted on building a whole new house instead of adding on to the one we have now. But I doubt you want to hear all about this.”

  “I don’t mind.”

  “Oh please. As excited as Ryan is at the prospect of being a father again he tunes out when I talk about certain things. I know the glazed-over ‘I’m just humoring you’ expression when I see it.” Beth lifted her mug to her lips, blew across the steam rising from the surface and carefully sipped. “Fantastic as always. You’ll have to let me know which brand this is so I can pick some up before I leave. So why don’t we talk about what you really want to discuss? You obviously have something new going on in your life.”

  A bright spot of heat flared at the base of his spine at the reminder. “You could say that.”

  “I take it this is a recent development based on the way you’re a bit hesitant. If I had to guess I’d say it’s not so much you’re ashamed about whatever it was you agreed to, but you’re afraid people will see you differently. Treat you differently in some way if they find out.”

  He glanced over his shoulder, taking stock of how close the rest of the customers were. Satisfied they were engrossed in their own conversations or surfing the coffee shop’s WiFi, he faced Beth again. “I’ve already burned enough bridges in this town. Not as though I want to run screaming down Main Street with this new development, however much I enjoy it.”

  “Well, the smartest thing to remember is how much information you choose to share with the world is entirely up to you. What you do behind closed doors is only your business. Only you and the person—or persons in some cases—has any right to know.”

  “You’re very open about your choices.” He gestured to the intricate collar circling her throat. A single silver metal ring anchored the piece while a network of knots trailed over her sk
in. He didn’t know much about ropes and such, but it didn’t take a genius to figure out Ryan had spent a few hours handcrafting the piece for her.

  A loving gesture from a Dom to a submissive.

  It reminded him of the care Elena had taken with him at Sanctuary. How she’d helped him stand after he’d scrubbed the floor. How she’d worn soft silk that had felt so decadent against his sensitized skin as she’d laid in bed beside him. He didn’t fully understand the complicated relationship between a Domme and her sub, but he was beginning to.

  “I am open, but I always have been. My outlook is if someone doesn’t like the choices I’ve made in my life the problem is theirs, not mine. I’m happy, my partner is happy and in the long run, that’s what counts. But I think I understand your issue now. Maybe it’s not so much you’re afraid people will find out about what you choose to do behind closed doors. You’re afraid they’ll learn you’re—”

  “Submissive,” he finished with a whisper, unsurprised to discover Beth knew. Saying it out loud felt natural. Far more natural than he expected, given the fact he was new to the lifestyle. He’d had enough time to become accustomed to the idea in the years he’d spent researching, but he’d expected the word to sound foreign to him.

  Beth licked her lips, smoothing her shirt over her stomach again. “Well, Alex. Let me ask you this. Are those people in the room with you? Are they in your bed? Better yet are they sucking your dick?”

  He choked on the mouthful of coffee he’d taken. Such blunt language coming from a woman wasn’t something he was used to except when it came to Elena. Here he’d spent a large chunk of his life with a woman who could barely say heck without cringing and now he was surrounded by an assortment of women who weren’t afraid to speak exactly what was on their minds—regardless of the language.

  Allison was the same way and it amused him to no end to hear his sister-in-law stand her ground with Patrick about something she believed in. In a way being surrounded by such openness was freeing. He felt as though he could relax and simply be himself without worrying about the consequence of what he said to the women in his life now.