BreakMeIn

by Sara Brookes

  Her head dropped, her gaze downcast toward her lap as she shrugged. “I just…I don’t know. You were so happy, moving on without me.” Her face lifted, the corners of her eyes glittering with unshed tears. “We were so happy once. We were supposed to grow old together. Be happy forever.”

  The vows he’d made reminded him he’d once thought the same thing. “We were happy together. But then everything became all about you. Your needs. Your wants. I gave up my own wants and needs for you. Because I loved you so much I thought I was supposed to. But when it came time for what I wanted—”

  “I was scared. I didn’t want to lose you.” Her voice shook as she started to explain. “I know it’s an excuse for what I did, but it’s the truth. Alex Conners, the likeable, all-American guy who was friendly to everyone. I thought you’d get tired of me. That I’d have to give you up because I wasn’t…her. You always compared me to her, Alex.”

  “That’s a lie and you know it.” A twinge deep in his gut told him she wouldn’t have lost any sleep if she’d killed one of them.

  Or worse—both.

  Her gaze darted away, confirming his accusation. “I know you’ll find this hard to believe, but I didn’t mean to blow up the building.”

  The way she’d referenced Elena convinced him otherwise. “Just me and Elena.”

  “No.” Her eyes went wide. “I just wanted to scare you. Both of you. I love you, Alex. I could never hurt you. But what you’re doing is wrong.”

  “Living is wrong?”

  “No. Those things you had around your wrists. It’s…wrong.”

  “Just because you don’t agree doesn’t make it wrong. You want everything to be your way and when it isn’t, you turn hostile and now destructive. I was too blind to see it until now, but you nearly destroyed me. Several times. With the divorce. With an addiction I will now have to face for the rest of my life. You play with people’s emotions to get them to do whatever you want. They’re charging you with attempted murder, Vivian. Do you know what those charges mean?”

  She held her head high. “My opinions aren’t going to change. What goes on in your brother’s warehouse is wrong. I’m glad it’s gone for good.”

  His sympathy for her was waning by the second. “But it’s not. Don’t you understand? It’s not about the building. It’s about the bonds people form in those rooms. Bonds formed by people who love and respect one another. They don’t need a building to do that. The bricks and mortar are just things. Just because you burned Sanctuary to the ground doesn’t mean it will stop existing.”

  “Time’s up.”

  Vivian stood, her manacles clanking together. “You’ve made your choice then.”

  “You forced me to.” He stood as well, noting the hatred flowing through her eyes unchecked. The fire directed at him, fueled by a revulsion he didn’t understand. “I was prepared to spend the rest of my life loving you.”

  “I love you, Alex. I always have and I always will. Even with those disgusting things on your wrists.” The brief glimpse of the woman he’d fallen in love with in high school vanished in the blink of an eye. A shell of her former beauty. Standing before him was a cold, heartless maniac he didn’t recognize.

  It convinced him he’d never really known her at all.

  How could he have been so blind?

  Alex watched as the deputy led Vivian away. A knot in his chest formed as he sank back into the chair, staring at the door. He would never understand why Vivian felt the way she did. Just as she would never understand his desires. In confinement she could get the help she needed whether or not she liked it. Just as he’d done. She may never understand, but she would have plenty of time to think about it.

  “Sir, do you need anything else?”

  “Not from here.” He stood, shoving his hands into his pockets as the knowledge he knew what he needed to do sat heavy in his stomach. Five minutes later he exited through the prison gates and pulled up to the intersection to sit idle at the stop sign.

  He stared at the green highway sign on the opposite side of the road, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel. The white lettering listed off the distance to the nearest towns.

  Gatlin Falls was a mere twenty miles south, to his right.

  There were a lot of painful memories there. But a lot of good ones too. His home. His business. Family. Friends.

  The woman he loved.

  The same one who didn’t have the guts to return his feelings. Or at least tell him. The one he’d known would have a tough exterior to crack. But he hadn’t expected the near-impossible. He hadn’t even made the slightest dent.

  There were only so many failures in life a man could take.

  And Alex had certainly had his fair share already.

  Turning the steering wheel to the left, he forced himself to ignore the highway sign growing smaller in his rearview mirror.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Alex swung his club, feeling the vibration of the contact radiate up his arms as the ball sailed through the air. The crowd surrounding the tee box at the sixteenth hole gave a loud roar when he bent to retrieve his tee.

  Adrenaline ran high in his blood, his hands shaking slightly as his fingers closed around the small wooden piece. He backed away from his spot, allowing his partner for the round to have his turn. His caddy Romeo held out his hand for the club.

  Damn, still not used to that.

  “Nice hit, boss.”

  “Thanks.” In his mind he started listing all the things he’d done wrong or could have improved upon by making a slight adjustment or two. Since he’d started on this journey nothing he did satisfied him. He always felt as though he was one step behind trying to keep up with guys who’d been at this game far longer than he had. “Hopefully it’ll be enough.”

  “It’ll be fine.”

  Romeo hefted his bag of clubs over his shoulder and started the long trek down the fairway. The short, balding man was always optimistic. Usually whenever Alex doubted the most. They were a good compliment for each other, but considering the fact he was still a little stunned he’d qualified for this event, those doubts were quite often.

  The US Open.

  On the leader board at the US Open, no less.

  Never in a million years would he have ever dreamed he would be right at this very spot. But thanks to the left turn he’d made six months ago he’d taken even more control of his life, called Jackson Truman and a few months later entered a local tournament. He still thought it was a fluke he’d finished second, but the placement had qualified him for a regional event later the same month.

  He’d won thanks to a little bit of work and healthy serving of determination.

  And here he was, on a beautiful Sunday in June, walking the links at Falken with the very same men he idolized. Hell, he was playing this round with Ty Webb, the leader in the championship points. They were the last group of the day because they had the best three-day score coming into today’s round.

  He was pretty certain the day couldn’t get much better.

  After locating his ball he waited while Ty lined up his shot a few feet ahead. The ball sailed into the air, landing neatly on the green about ten feet from the pin. Damn. Considering the fact putting wasn’t his strongest attribute he was going to have to land closer to the flag if he was going to have a shot at this.

  He cleared his mind as he settled in, pulling in a slow breath as he pushed away the nerves that kept threatening to rise to the surface. The ball sailed past the pin about twenty feet.

  He really was going to have to work for it now.

  “Still think it’ll be fine?” Romeo nodded as he handed him his putter. “Glad one of us had the confidence. Maybe you should be playing instead of me.”

  “Your show, boss. I’m just along for the exercise.”

  “Right.” He wiggled his fingers into his fitted glove as they walked to the tee of the seventeenth hole. He and Ty both managed to make par and they walked together to the final hole of the ma
tch tied for first place.

  “No matter how this turns out, you’ve played one hell of a game, Conners.” He offered his hand, shaking with a strong grip. “I look forward to partnering with you again on tour.”

  “Thanks.”

  Ty set up, lofting the ball high and far down the fairway. Alex knew he was going to have a tough time matching such a beautiful shot. But the fact he was going to try was the reason he’d made it as far as he had.

  They both landed on the green in two, rallying for birdies. Ty’s ball was fifteen feet away while Alex’s was only ten. A break for Alex given his troubles putting. If they kept things tied they would have to play the hole again. Such a playoff wasn’t unheard of at this high level, but it would be a first for Alex.

  A fact Ty was probably counting on.

  Newbie nerves.

  Alex hit first. Despite the straight path to the hole, the ball rimmed the lip, rolling a few inches past. His chances of placing first vanished. He tapped in, finally breathing for the first time since he’d started the round this morning.

  The audience cheered their approval of his finishing score. He tossed the ball into the crowd, laughing as a couple of teenagers fought over it as though he’d just hit the game-winning home run into the stands. In some way he had. He’d just proved he could overcome doubts, fears and even failures to achieve his dreams. Maybe not to anyone else, but at least to himself.

  Second place actually felt damn good.

  His heart thundered in his ears as he returned the putter to Romeo. All he could do now was stand here and hold his breath with the rest of the audience. The fans went to their feet as soon as Ty tapped his putter against the ball.

  They yelled as one as the ball sailed neatly into the cup.

  Several hours later, as he stepped out of the media tent, the sun was just meeting the horizon. Most of the crowd had dispersed and the grounds crew had already started to dismantle the bleachers.

  Life went on.

  “If you’d been practicing like I showed you, you could have forced a tie and had another shot at the title.”

  The sinful cadence of the feminine voice slid through his body. Even though every part of his body ached from the four rounds of golf he’d played in as many days, heat flared to life at the base of his spine.

  Looking up, he found those deep-green eyes he’d spent most of his life adoring. And the past months trying to forget. Elena smiled, tilting her head. Her hair was a little longer, so the tips danced around her shoulders when she moved. But it was still a brilliant shade of red, highlighted gold because of the setting sun.

  The scars from the blast at Sanctuary were visible under the collar of her sea-foam-green polo shirt. He even caught the glimpse of a few tracking down her thigh from under the hem of her shorts.

  Even scarred, Elena was stunning.

  And with the way his dick was already coming to attention it had noticed too.

  “So I see that look isn’t relegated to when I’m wearing a corset. Or dolled up in a catsuit.”

  Alex cleared his throat, swallowing emotion. “Never was.”

  “No. It wasn’t, was it? I was just too caught up to notice. Or feeling as though I shouldn’t notice.” She cleared her throat this time, leaning forward to kiss him lightly on the cheek. “Congratulations.”

  “I lost.”

  “I know. But the key point is you—an amateur—lost the US freaking Open. To a pro at the top of his game right now, no less. He didn’t come by that win easily and you know it as well as I do. Damn impressive. Shows you’ve got some talent. Maybe you didn’t win the game today, but you made quite an impression on a lot of people. They couldn’t stop talking about you where I was standing.”

  A sudden thrill shot through him at the thought Elena had been here for the round. He could ask why she hadn’t come to see him before he’d teed off, but considering the way his body was reacting to her presence it was a good thing she hadn’t. He would have never been able to concentrate.

  “Surprised to see you.”

  “And miss all this? A local boy hitting it big? Not in a million years. Everyone else would have been here—”

  “You don’t have to make excuses for them.”

  “I wasn’t. I was just going to say your sister-in-law went into labor about an hour before you started your round.”

  Panic streaked through his stomach. “Why didn’t someone call me?”

  “They tried.”

  He shoved his hands into his pockets. Empty. “Shit. My phone is back at the hotel. I didn’t even wear my watch today, but that was what—five hours ago? Everyone okay?”

  “Yes. You’re officially an uncle.” She held out her phone. “Patrick sent this about thirty minutes ago. He said he sent them to you as well and wished you the best with your round. He’s been glued to the game footage since you made the cut yesterday. Kept watching the highlights on SportsCenter over and over. Said he wasn’t going to miss today for any reason but Ms. Riley here had something else in mind.”

  Riley Conners.

  A tight fist of emotion clenched his heart.

  A tiny pink bundle lay cradled in his brother’s arms, her petite fingers wrapped around his thumb. Her eyes were open, her brown gaze directly at the camera as if daring the world to tell her she shouldn’t be so alert and awake.

  “I know you’re probably exhausted, but I was going to head back to the Waffle House I saw a few miles away. Hungry?”

  “Famished.” His stomach growled as he returned her phone. “Just snagged a few snacks my caddy handed me during the round. Skipped breakfast because of nerves.” As they climbed into her car he asked something that had gnawed on him for years. “What is it with you and that place anyway?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Fair enough. You don’t owe me anything.” Nothing had changed.

  “Sorry. Old habit. One I’m working very hard on modifying.” Elena’s hand paused at the ignition. “When I was a little girl my parents used to take me to breakfast on Sunday mornings. They made this big deal out of the experience because we didn’t have enough money to go to the fancier places. They always made each trip there special. For a while I would spend the entire week thinking about what I was going to order.”

  “They stopped didn’t they? Taking you, I mean.”

  She fired the ignition, pulling out onto the highway. “They stopped caring for me altogether when I was nine. I came to live with my grandparents in Gatlin Falls then. Not to say I think my parents didn’t love me, they just got too caught up with their own problems to try to deal with a kid.”

  “Have you seen them since they left?”

  “No. I tried when I was in college, but it was pretty clear they didn’t want anything to do with me. Not sure why we’re talking about me. You just had a pretty successful day.”

  “I just spent two hours talking about myself to the media. Have to say I’m a little over myself right now. Besides, I like talking about you. You look well.”

  “Thanks.” She guided the car to a shoulder turn lane, slipping onto an access road. He could see the yellow-and-black sign for the restaurant glowing in the distance. “It’s been a long road, but the doctors are happy with my progress. Just a few more skin grafts and I’ll be as good as new. It wasn’t your fault, by the way. I needed you to know that before we say anything more. Before things take some awkward turn we don’t know how to deal with or something. I don’t blame you for what happened. Not in the least. I didn’t then and I doubt I ever will.”

  “I more than make up for your lack of blame then.” He dealt with the chaos of that night almost daily. The confusion of the whole year really. Of how he thought he should have gone about things differently in regards to what he truly wanted.

  “I didn’t say I was blameless. I think I shoulder some of the responsibility as well.”

  “For what?”

  “Making you think I didn’t care about you.”

  “What else were y
ou supposed to do?”

  “Tell you that what we had was more than just sex. More than just what happened in that room. Tell you that I loved you.” The car idled quietly in the empty parking lot.

  “I never asked you for love, Elena. I only asked for clarity. Which is exactly what you gave me. You managed to change my perspective in one night. Here this woman was hitting me and I was getting off on it. It was confusing because it felt…good. Damn good.”

  I miss it.

  I miss you.

  He hadn’t realized how much he missed her and everything she’d given him until he’d found her waiting at the golf course. But given her cool exterior he knew missing her was futile. “We were both responsible adults indulging in some good old-fashioned sex. No harm. No foul.”

  She palmed her keys and slid out of the driver’s seat without responding, walking to the restaurant.

  Sure, that was the no-frills version of what had occurred between them, but hadn’t she given him the no-frills version of the BDSM lifestyle? He’d surrendered everything he was to her, felt their connection was deep enough to call her Mistress and been given nothing in return.

  A waiter arrived at the table almost as soon as they were seated, plunking down two mugs of fresh coffee. Alex ordered whatever was at the top of the menu without much thought.

  “So what are you doing with all of your newfound knowledge?”

  “Nothing. I buried myself in golf. Expending my energy that way seemed like a much more productive task than beating my head against the wall for something I couldn’t have. Something I wanted more than anything.” Someone. “I haven’t given much thought to trusting anyone enough to hand over such a power exchange since our last night at Sanctuary. I haven’t wanted to be with anyone else in such a way because I only wanted to be with you.”

  The confession felt good. Better than he would have ever expected. Almost as good as having her sitting across from him again. Regardless of how they’d parted he couldn’t turn off his feelings or the way his body reacted. Screw it if she couldn’t deal. He felt the way he did and damn her for being so negligent with his emotions.