by Tessa Marie
“I guess you’re right.”
“Don’t worry. I’ve weathered the storm of Roxy before, hell, I’m still weathering it, and it gets easier. Not to mention, you’ll have me, and as you’ve noticed she does everything in her power to avoid me.”
“This is true.”
“I’m like bug repellant.”
She laughs. Progress.
“If we stick together everything will work out fine.”
“Thanks, Luke. That means a lot.”
“Well, you mean a lot to me. Sweet dreams, Hailey.” I hang up the phone, amazed I just expressed my feelings to her. An effortless flow and after the words left my mouth I had no regrets. I knew I really liked her but I think… I think I just might love her. Or at least be on my way to falling in love with her.
So this is what it feels like. Never in a million years did I ever think I would know the feeling. It was never something I particularly wanted or looked for, but damn am I happy I found it.
Monday. The day I’ve been dreading since Roxy found me and Luke together. I have no idea how she’s going to react. She won’t even answer my texts. God I hope she doesn’t make a scene. The last thing I want is for people to be talking about me again.
But, Roxy never seemed like that type, so I think I’ll be okay. Best case scenario, she ignores me. At least then nothing will be heard by everyone around us.
Luke waits for me outside homeroom. He’s in his typical uniform, loose fitting jeans, a dark gray hoodie zipped up just below his pecks with a black t-shirt underneath and of course his Doc Martens. He leans against the wall, trying to act interested in whatever Russ is saying. As soon as he spots me, he pats Russ on the back and makes his move.
“I’ve wanted to do this for a long time,” he says as he takes me in his arms and kisses me in the middle of the hallway. As soon as his lips are on mine all my inhibitions are gone. I fall into his embrace, my focus on him completely. When I open my eyes I expect it just to be me and him, instead all eyes are on us. Mostly everyone is pretending not to stare, except Amanda, who’s practically burning a hole through my head with her razor sharp glare.
What surprises me is Luke doesn’t even notice. He doesn’t seem to notice anyone but me. “Come on, let’s get to homeroom.” His hand slides into mine and we walk for the first time as a couple.
My morning classes go by with ease, no sighting of Roxy. Luke has been outside all my classes, just like on the first day.
The cafeteria is the last place I want to be. I follow the masses in and immediately spot Roxy and Dana taking their seats at what used to be my table. I should be joining them. This is ridiculous. We’re practically adults and there’s no reason why we can’t work this out.
“Hey guys,” I say, grateful it’s only Roxy and Dana and no one else yet. Roxy runs her hand through her long hair and ignores me.
“Hey Hals.” Dana looks up at me. “Ow, what the?” Reaching down Dana rubs her leg. She looks back at Roxy who, by the looks of it, got a direct hit.
This has to end now. “Roxy, you didn’t let me explain. It wasn’t what it looked like at all. He heard I was stuck in the house and he came over to keep me company, that’s all.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Yes, it does. To me it does.”
“No. I warned you about him and you still pursued him anyway. So obviously you didn’t value our friendship. Why don’t you go sit with Luke and the other waste of perfectly good space?”
Paul walks towards the table. I want to wrap this up before someone other than Roxy and Dana can hear.
“Roxy, what I find funny is you used to be one of them.”
Her eyes widen.
“You used to hang out with Luke and CJ and now you just disregard them like they’re trash. Why is that?”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, so just stop.”
“No, Roxy, I do. You’re the one who doesn’t know what they’re talking about. There are two sides to every story and you never even cared to hear Luke’s side.”
Roxy pushes her chair back and stands up. “Because it didn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. I’m done with this conversation. Goodbye, Hailey.” She flips her hair over her shoulder and heads off into the direction of the bathroom.
“What’s going on?” Paul asks, taking his seat at my old table.
“Argh!” I turn around and march towards Roxy’s disregarded trash. Luke’s eyebrows furrow and his eyes linger on me as I approach him. I shouldn’t have brought up his and Roxy’s past. It’s not my place to get involved. It’s just all so stupid and childish, and I just want them to see this.
“You went to the front lines?” Luke asks as I sit in the seat beside him.
“Yeah, and I was killed on arrival.”
“Sorry, but I told you she’s impossible. When she decides she’s mad at someone there’s nothing you can do. But at least you can say you tried.” Luke’s hand caresses my upper thigh under the table and I take comfort in his touch.
“Who we talking about?” CJ drops his textbooks on the table.
“Roxy,” I say almost in a whisper.
“Oh yeah, she’s a bitch.”
“Way to sugarcoat things, CJ,” Luke says with a laugh.
“What’s the point of sugarcoating anything? It is what it is, and quite frankly there’s no nice way of saying she’s a bitch. Am I right?” He turns to Luke, his hands out waiting for Luke’s response.
“He’s right. It is what it is.”
“I guess you’re right.”
“We are always right,” CJ says. “I’m going to try to sneak a smoke outside. Watch my books.”
“Sure. Don’t get your dumb self caught. Your mom will kick your ass.”
“Four more months and I’ll be eighteen, and then there’s nothing she can say.”
“So in four months you’re going to tell your mom you smoke?”
“Hell no! She’ll kill me, but if I get caught there’s nothing she can say.”
I can’t help but laugh at CJ as he walks away. He’s a big ogre, and he’s still scared of his mom. Kinda makes me hope it goes that way with Brady. Not necessarily that he’ll be scared of me, but would never want to do anything that would upset me.
“Your bag is vibrating.” Luke points to my canvas tote. I completely forgot about my phone. Around this time I usually text Mom to check in and see how Brady is. My little confrontation with Roxy threw me off my usual schedule.
Don’t forget to bring home diapers and wipes.
I’ll pick them up at work. How’s my baby?
He misses his mommy.
Give him a kiss for me. See you guys after work. Xoxoxo
I hide my phone behind my canvas bag so Luke can’t see what I’m writing. I’m starting to believe I’m a bad person. It would be so much easier if he just knew, but that would ruin everything. Who would want to be with a seventeen-year-old girl who has a baby?
“Who you texting?”
“Just my mom. She wants me to bring home diapers and wipes after work.”
“Why can’t she run out and get them?”
“I’ll be at Gimbel’s anyway, so it’s easy for me to just grab them before heading home.”
“Makes sense.”
It does, but I still can’t shake the way he asked about it. There was something in his tone. Suspicion maybe, or am I just being paranoid?
CJ comes back to the table, reeking of cigarette smoke, which makes me wonder how his mom doesn’t know he smokes to begin with.
I never picked up smoking. Never picked up anything. Becky was the wild one, I just tagged along. Of course I’m the one who wound up pregnant. So I know what it’s like to hide something from your mom. I hid my pregnancy for as long as I could.
A girl will always remember the day she lost her virginity. For me, I’ll forever regret it. What makes it that much worse is when Nolan was finished he just got up and left, leaving me alone, feeling exposed and vulnerable.<
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I felt dirty. Ashamed. I couldn’t even look Mom in the eye when I got home.
I went straight to the shower and scrubbed my skin until the feel of the washcloth burned. My clothes from that night, even my favorite pair of jeans, I tossed in the trash. If I didn’t have the reminder it never happened.
Unfortunately, nine months later I had a living, breathing reminder of the worst night of my life and somehow I had to find a way to love him. It was hard at first, really hard, and to think how I resented Brady breaks my heart.
I still regret hiding it from Mom. Like CJ, I hid it because I was scared, but you can’t hide things from the ones you love. Granted our cases are very different, but the truth always prevails.
The bell rings, and as if the bulls have been released from their pen, everyone scatters. CJ grabs his books, gives Luke and I a nod before blending into the crowd as much as he can since his head sticks out about five inches above the rest.
“Hey, you okay?” Luke says as we join the masses.
“I’m fine.” The truth is I’m not fine because I realize now what I have been avoiding since I met Luke. The truth always prevails and in my case the truth can destroy everything.
Gimbel’s was always a cool place to work but now with Hailey just mere feet away from me it seriously could not get any better. What guy can say they get to stare at their girlfriend’s ass all day? It’s more than her ass though. It’s her smile, her laugh, the way she lets her hair fall in her face when she’s embarrassed and the way her front teeth fall over her lip when she’s deep in thought.
I head back into the store after running bags and glance over to Stan’s office. The door’s shut so he’ll probably be in there a while. Hailey’s line is non-existent so I sneak up behind her and wrap my arms around her waist, resting my head into the crook of her neck. The smell of apples stirs a hunger within me that only Hailey can satisfy. I want to pin her down on top of the conveyer belt and feel every curve of her body pressed up against me.
“Hey you,” she says, bringing her hand up behind her back to massage my stomach with her fingertips. The conveyer belt is looking even better right now.
“You two need to get a room,” Cecilia calls out from her register, but when she follows it up with a laugh it only makes me bury my face into Hailey’s neck.
“Sorry, Cecilia,” Hailey says as I finally pull my head away from her. I keep my hands rested on her sides, not wanting to let her go just yet.
“Guys, you’re making Cecilia sick and I don’t want to have to clean up that mess.” CJ jumps up on the edge of Cecilia’s counter.
“What are you trying to say? Because I’m a big woman I’ll make a big mess?”
CJ’s hands fly up in defense. “What? No. That’s not what I said.” His words are sincere laced with a bit of fear. You’d think by now CJ would realize Cecilia just loves picking on him.
She plants her hands on her wide hips and swivels her head. “Then what did you mean? Come on boy, I don’t have all day.”
“I… I…”
“That’s what I thought,” Cecilia says with a laugh, and CJ hangs his head. “Oh sugar, you know I’m messing with you.”
CJ straightens and smirks at Cecilia. “Of course, I do,” he says like he knew all along, when it’s obvious he hadn’t a clue.
Usually the banter between Cecilia and CJ keeps me entertained, but with Hailey’s hand running down my arm, skin on skin, she’s all I can concentrate on.
“Do you ever wonder what Stan is doing in his office for all of those hours?” Hailey asks.
“I don’t think I want to know.” I raise an insinuating eyebrow.
“Eww gross.” She takes the skin from my side between her fingers and squeezes, making me jump back.
“Whoa,” I laugh out.
“You’re the one with their mind in the gutter, not me.”
“Uh huh.”
She closes the gap I made between us and wraps her hands around my neck, pulling me down into her. I trail kisses up the side of her neck.
A giggle slips from Hailey’s lips as she pushes me away. “We need to go back to work.”
I pout my bottom lip and she leans up on tiptoes, pressing her mouth to mine. “Now go.” I reluctantly pull away and give her one last kiss on the forehead before dragging myself back to my station.
I’m trying to find the perfect moment to tell Hailey I have a surprise for her, a huge surprise. One and a half paychecks, and CJ’s knowledge of the best websites for the purchase, and I finally got what I was searching for.
I was about to pull the surprise out of my back pocket when she wrapped her arms around my neck, and then I decided against it. I’d rather do it when no one else is around anyway.
A lady with a full cart of groceries and a child on each leg starts placing things onto the conveyer belt. One of the kids, the boy, pops out from behind her leg and grabs at the candy in the aisle. The girl, intrigued by the boy, joins him. Now both of their hands are filled with candy and the mom still has yet to notice, too concerned with getting her items out of the cart and getting out of here.
I’m about to pack up a third bag when the mom notices the candy that was in the boy’s hand is now passing her by on the conveyer belt.
“Johnny, did you do this?” she asks.
The little boy puts his hands behind his back and crosses his fingers. “It wasn’t me.”
“Then who was it? Huh? Ashley, was it you?”
“No, Mommy, it wasn’t me.” The girl has the look of innocence. I can’t help but smirk to myself. Those two work together as a team pretty well.
“I told you both, no candy.”
“I can take that for you Ma’am. We’ll put it back on the shelf later.” Hailey takes the candy from the woman and places it on the side of the register.
“Sorry about that. Kids. They’re not easy. Wait as long as you can.”
If ever at all. Hailey doesn’t say anything just gives the lady a polite smile and goes back to ringing up the last of the groceries.
After I run the bags, it’s break time. Hailey has already put the “be back soon” sign on her register. This means she’s in the break room alone. Perfect.
I head to the back of the store and ease the door open. Hailey sits on one of the few chairs in the small room, looking at her phone. Probably texting her mom like usual.
Her hair hangs in her face, blocking her eyes from my view. If I can’t see them that means she can’t see me. I slip into the room and close the door behind me. It clicks shut, but Hailey doesn’t even notice, her eyes still focused on her phone. I walk up behind her and place my hands over her eyes.
“Guess who.”
“Hmm, let me guess.” She taps her finger to her lips. “My gorgeous coworker?”
My hands fall from her eyes and trail down her neck, resting on her shoulders. I lean forward until my head is next to hers. “You got it.”
“Oh, it’s you.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I ask, bringing my hands down, tickling her sides. Which I have learned is her biggest weakness.
“I was kidding. I was kidding. Stop!” Laughter pours out as she squirms around in her chair, desperately trying to get away from my hands. I’m ticklish myself, and I know it’s a horrible torture, so I let my hands rest on her waist after I get out a few more giggles.
“Texting your mom?” I ask as I take the seat beside her.
“Yup. Just seeing if she needs anything.”
“You’re too good.”
“No, I’m not.”
“You are. You do a lot for your mom and you treat your brother like he’s your own kid.” Her teeth slide over her lip, and she darts her eyes down at her phone. “Hey, you okay?” I reach my hand out, tucking her hair behind her ear.
“I need to tell…” She pauses and snaps her eyes away from me.
I rest my hand under her chin, urging her to look at me. “Tell what?”
Her gaze is intense ye
t vulnerable.
“What is it?”
“I…” She takes a deep breath then blurts, “I need to tell my mom I got an A on my English paper. I forgot.”
“That’s awesome.”
“It is.”
“But that’s it?” The look in her eyes made it seem much more important than a good grade.
“It is. So have you put any thought into what Coach said?” Hailey asks.
She’s the only one I told about my bump-in with Coach. She never judges me. She just listens to what I have to say, and sometimes it just feels good to get it off my chest.
“Not really.”
“I think you should. I know sports aren’t your thing, but Coach obviously thinks you have something. Why else would he constantly pursue you?” She takes hold of my smock and leans over to me. “Besides, I think you would look hot in a baseball uniform.”
“Is that so? I could just buy the outfit if that’s the case.” I pull her chair closer until our knees touch.
She inches toward me and right as she’s about to kiss me she whispers, “Maybe.” Then her lips press against mine. All self-control is lost as I lift her onto me. My hands search her back until they find their way under the thin material of her shirt. The softness of her skin beneath my hand tempts me to explore further, and when the strap of her bra makes contact with my fingers it takes all I have not to try and undo it. We’re in the break room after all. This would be a little harder to laugh off if Cecilia happened to walk in on us.
Just when I don’t think I can handle another second of restraint Hailey pulls away, leaving both of us breathless and flushed. “One of these days we’re going to get caught,” she says between breaths.
I push the hair back from her face and look into her eyes. It is the perfect time. I’ve waited and it’s here.
“I got something for you.”
“A baseball uniform?” she asks.
“Better.”
“I don’t know what can be better than you in a uniform.”
“How about…” I reach into my back pocket and pull out the big surprise, holding them in the small gap between us. “Fourth row tickets to see Paramore?”